Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Juice has this shuttered look to him as they walk up the pathway to Luisa's house in the morning. Chibs knows that look, it means he's trying to tamp it all down, all his thoughts, all of the words he can't make work.

Chibs had woken this morning to find Juice pacing up and down the walkway outside the motel room. He'd been without his sweater or cut and he was almost blue with cold.

'Chibbie, I can't-' Juice had looked like hell, like he'd been awake for hours. Chibs had thrown his sweater at him, dragged him to the diner on the corner and poured hot coffee into him until he started to thaw out.

They'd sat in a booth, surrounded by empty tables, talked in low voices.

'I don't know what to do. I gotta fix this thing with Hernan an' I don't know how to... Luisa's a mess, she's always been a mess but now it's... I mean, what the hell do I say to her?'

'I know, sweetheart.' If Juice was surprised by the endearment, he didn't let it show, just traced patterns on the Formica with a dribble of coffee from his cup. 'But I got no answers for yer. Maybe, leave him be for a bit, see how the dust settles. An' with yer sister, just follow her lead, eh?'

Now, on Luisa's doorstep, Chibs gives Juice's shoulder a quick squeeze as the lad wrestles with key and lock, and Juice throws him a grateful look. Then, the door's open and their names are being squealed by an army of ankle biters.

Juice picks both of his nieces up, hugs them close and who can blame him, really?

Chibs scoops Antonio up before the kid can make a break for the stairs, stashes him under one arm as he follows Juicy in search of Jo Jo. When he finds them both, they're doing this strangely polite exchange of how are you's, and it'd be hilarious if it wasn't so fucking sad. Juice and his closest sister usually just smack each other and growl insults.

Then Chibs sees the reason why they're on their best behaviour. Hunched up on the sofa, sits what he presumes is Luisa. Jo Jo's standing in front of her like a guardian angel or something, between Luisa and danger.

Luisa's tiny, transparent almost. Dressed in pajamas and a bathrobe, she has bandages circling her wrists. Fine boned as a bird and pale as a ghost, she has the same eyes as Jo Jo, and while on Juanita they're cool and closed, on Luisa, they're what you see in those kids charity adverts.

'They discharged you?' Juice doesn't bother with any preamble but Luisa doesn't seem inclined to answer, she just tucks her feet up under herself and looks up at him like something she scraped off her shoe.

'They agreed, providing I stayed here,' Marnie says, coming out of the kitchen. She presses a kiss to Juice's cheek and pries the girls off of him, shoos them upstairs. She gives Chibs a long look and he follows her into the kitchen. Whatever Juicy and his baby sister have to say to each other is lost as Antonio decides that now is the time to start wailing.

'She's better off at home with me,' Marnie says, taking Antonio off of Chibs and lifting him up to sniff his nappy. She holds him close and he's instantly mesmerised by the little silver locket she wears around her neck.

'How are you gonna work?'

'Jo Jo's gonna stay. Between us we can...'

And that's it, isn't it, they can't have their little brother hanging around, getting in the way, causing trouble with the local bad guys. Not when they've their sister to care for and they've already divvied up the tasks and chores to make sure they cover all their bases. Chibs thinks back to the night before, Juicy, a wreck in his arms, blaming himself and feeling useless. Jesus fucking Christ.

'Take him home, okay?'

'Look, Marnie, it's not right to try an' keep him out like this-' Chibs can hear Jo Jo's footsteps but this needs saying, so he just lowers his voice to a hiss. 'He's a part a your family, too, an’ he-'

'You think I don't know that?' Antonio starts up, grizzling, and Marnie takes him over to the doorway, shoves him into Jo Jo's arms as she walks in. 'Go change him, Chica.' She closes the kitchen door quietly and stands against it.

She looks utterly exhausted, the tiny lines around her eyes, deeper than usual. It occurs to Chibs that Marnie has been carrying this family since she was a child, raising her siblings, managing her step-father and making decisions no child should have to make. It's not surprising she's made a few mistakes.

'Look.' Marnie takes a breath, reaches up to tuck her hair behind her ears, crosses her arms across her chest like she's trying to protect herself. He's seen that exact same pose on Juicy a million times before.

'I need to keep my sister and her kids together. Luisa's not good around people right now. She barely tolerates Juanita, and her and Carlos always fight...' Marnie sighs, lets her head fall back against the door like she's searching the ceiling for answers 'You know what happened when Carlos was born? He ever tell you?'

'No. What happened?' Chibs settles himself against the counter.

'Mama, she uh... she was kind of a mess. Papa'd left an' she had me already, and my step-father, he was already on the scene. I think she might have given Carlos up for adoption, just because it was easier...' Marnie's eyes start welling up with tears. She crosses the kitchen, pulls up a stool at the breakfast bar and sits down. 'Her labour started real early and she couldn't get to the hospital in time. We were on our own in the apartment and I delivered him. I was six.' She presses her hands down onto the counter top. 'And the uh.... the cord, it was wrapped around his neck, and he was all floppy and blue and we thought he'd died...' Marnie raises her hands to gesture the cord, relives tugging it free. 'I remember, I held him and I was rubbing his back, like I used to do to my dolls, you know? And mama, she kept saying, no chica, no, put him down, he's dead, he's dead... But he wasn't-'

Marnie's voice breaks, turns into a little whispered squeak, but Chibs is used to listening to Juice when he's a mess, and he long since learned to translate. He moves to put an arm around her, like he would with Juicy, but Marnie holds up one hand in warning. She takes a few deep breaths, pulling the air into her lungs and out through her pursed lips. Then, when she's recovered a little, she carries on.

'Mama kept him because of me, because I begged her to.' She raises her head to meet Chibs' eye and her face is proud. 'Carlos, more than any of them, is like my own child.' Despite her tears, she breaks into a smile, open and happy, for the first time since Chibs met her. 'And he was always so sensitive and so sweet.' Her smile softens and then fades as she gets lost in her own memories. 'I couldn't keep Hernan away from my sisters but I managed to protect him, my little Mijo. If Carlito found out what had happened, it would crush him. And if anything ever happened to him, it would crush me.' Her face hardens again and she gets to her feet. 'So, for my sake, you take him home, and you keep him safe.' She yanks the door open, turns back to face him and the set of her jaw is so like Juice, steeling himself for some horrible task. 'And I will look after my sisters.'

Before Chibs can think what to say in reply, the sound of Luisa and Juicy yelling at each other wafts into the kitchen.

'I came all this way to help you, you bitch!'

'Why'd you gotta be such a fucking retard, huh?'

Chibs has no option but to follow Marnie as she stomps towards the raised voices, her lips already formed around her first curses.

'Goddamn it, what is wrong with you two? You can't be nice for five minutes? Carlito, time out, I mean it!' And then Juice is forcing his way past Chibs, heading for the back door, his face red and tight.

Marnie shuts Luisa and herself in the living room, leaves Chibs stood in the hallway like an idiot.

He finds Jo Jo already parked up on the stairs, Antonio trying to crawl out of her arms. At the top of the staircase, Mika waits with his two sisters, his face impassive.

'This normal, then?' Chibs asks as he sits himself next to Jo Jo.

She grins. 'This? No one's bleeding.'

Chibs thinks of his own kid sister. They've not fought since they were kids. He remembers giving her the odd Chinese burn, and once, he'd dared her to drink washing up liquid, but annoying as she could be, he was always protective of her, and she was just as protective of him.

Growing up with a mam and da warring all the time, they'd learned to stick together.

When Frankie'd been about to take a gulp of the Fairy Liquid, he'd smacked the bottle out of her hand, told her only idiots do things on a dare.

'This in't normal,' he tells Jo Jo.

Jo just shrugs, calls up the stairs for the kids to put their coats on, they're going to the park. 'Come on,' she beckons him. 'I wanna smoke.'

&&&

Juice just wants to be home, back in Charming. He thinks about the tiny house he shares with Chibs, and their stupid, ugly cat, and he feels it like an ache in his chest. He wants to be sat at the bar in the clubhouse, his laptop open before him, bitching at whoever borrowed it last for spilling beer on the keys. He wants to be curled up in his own bed, listening to Chibs, rattling around downstairs. He wants to be on his bike, surrounded by sky, with just the road beneath him.

He wants to go back to dreading his baby sister calling him on his cell, knowing it'll just be for money, and to know that she's a fucking psycho who's always hated everything and everyone, for no good reason, other than that she's a spoilt brat.

He never wants to look at Luisita and see a damaged little girl, afraid and alone. But of course, now that's all he sees.

He steps outside to call the airline, make sure they can get seats for tomorrow.

He's listening to the worst 'on hold' music in the history of the world when Jo steps out of the house, zipping up her jacket and wrestling with the stroller. In the doorway, Marta and Rosie are working their way up to a fight, Marta pinching Rosie and Rosie telling tales.

'What's happening?' Juice shoves the mouthpiece of his cellphone under his chin and watches as Jo pulls the little girls apart, sending one to one side of the step and one to the other like she's banishing two boxers to their corners in the ring. 'You're going out?'

Jo just looks at him as if to say, what, you wanna stay here? 'Luisa's crying,' she says.

'Oh shit. Damnit, I didn't mean to--'

'Relax, ain't you. Marn's dealing with it.' Jo ducks back indoors, returns with the baby and gets him stowed away in the stroller. She pauses, looks back up at Juice, still on hold with the airline. 'What?'

Juice has no idea what to say. He wants to be away, far away and for none of this to be happening. His eyes are burning. He really doesn't need for Jo Jo to see him crying. He shrugs.

Jo looks at him and sighs. 'Jesus, man, stop beatin' yourself up over everything. Ain't your fault. Just... shit happens, you know?'

'Yeah, I know, I just--' Juice looks past Jo to the closed door the the den, where Luisa's probably sobbing her heart out in Marnie's arms.

Jo follows his gaze with her own, shakes her head. 'Look man, you gotta get outta here. Whole place is fucking poison an' you gotta life back there, huh?'

Juice doesn't know what to say to that so he just looks down at his nieces. Marta's drawing on her sister's face with marker pen.

Jo gives him a long look but she says nothing. She goes to the door, calls out into the house for the rest of the kids. Reaches into her pocket for something to wipe off the pen. It doesn't budge.

Juice has memories of being dragged around the supermarket with felt pen lip stick and blusher, thanks to Jo Jo. He remembers Marnie pinning him down to clean it off with a bottle of nail polish remover. It had fucking stung.

'Hey, leave it. It'll come off in a couple of days.' The dude at the airline finally comes back to him with his seat booking confirmed.

&&&

Juice is sleeping soundly when Chibs pulls his jeans back on, zips up his jacket. He takes one last look at the lad, brushes a kiss over the top of one cute little ear and closes the door quietly behind him.

He meets up with one of Happy's old Nomad buddies at the top of a freeway slip road and the guy hands over the packet he has stashed in his cut.

'You know what you're doing with this?' the guy asks and Chibs just nods. He doesn't wanna hang around and chat.

The guy gives him a long look. 'Listen man, it's good stuff. Just get it in a fat vein, takes less than a minute. Won't know what hit 'em.'

&&&

Hernan Ortiz has a little place in an assisted living block. He has someone come by in the mornings to get him out of bed and into his arm chair, and they bring his meals by each day for him to heat up in the microwave. He has a little alarm on a lanyard he wears round his neck so he can call the warden if he gets into any difficulty.

He has four kids: three girls and a boy. All a them a pain in the ass. They don't visit, they don't call, they never write.

He had a stroke a while back and had to live with his eldest, Manuella, and she'd been a cold bitch the whole time. Not what he expected from her, since she's not even his blood and he raised her like she was. Got him into this place though, and it's not bad. No stairs, which, after his last apartment, is a blessing.

He has a lot of photos. His kids, his grand kids. Eldest's coming up ten now and he's hard work, boys always are. Hernan still remembers having to take a belt to his step son, Juan Carlos. Carlito, little man, the boy's mama used to call him. Mijo. My child. Brought him up soft. Hernan had done his best, but that kid was always gonna be a waste of space.

Juanita, the first of Hernan's own kids, is a tough little thing, shoulda been the boy. Most of the time Hernan can't figure out what the hell happened with her, she's like some sort of warrior.

Luisa though, his little Lulu, pretty as a picture and so well behaved. Hernan had taken one look at her and felt it, that clunking feeling people always talk about, true love. He'd known then that all the mistakes he'd made on the others didn't matter because that there was real and worth it.

Course, she'd turned against him in the end. Her sisters did that, poisoned her against him. But, those babies of hers, Rosa and Marta, both as perfect as their mother had been at that age.

Hernan hears a soft thud and tries to recall whether he'd got them to shut the window in the other room. He always tells them to, but they don't listen to an old man like him.

He thinks he might still be dreaming when a shadowed figure appears in the open doorway to his bedroom. By the time he realises it's not a dream, the figure is looming closer and has placed a gloved hand over his mouth. He leans down to whisper, and Hernan knows that voice, that accent.

'This is so yer kids don't have to,' the guy whispers and then there's a sharp pricking sensation in Hernan's arm, fuzzy tightness crawling its way up, and it's got his heart in its hand, and it's squeezing, squeezing, squeezing.

Part Seven

Juice is still sleeping when Chibs creeps back into the motel room, crawls onto the bed beside him. He doesn't even bother getting out of his clothes, just wraps his arms around the duvet-covered Juice and holds him close.

'That you, babe?' Juice's face is all mashed into the pillow and his words are all merged together, muffled with fabric.

'Nah. I'm here to rob the place.' Chibs presses a kiss to Juice's shoulder.

'Mm. 'kay.' Juice goes quiet for a moment and Chibs thinks the guy's asleep again. Then, he fidgets and turns in Chibs' arms, hands pushing Chibs' jacket off his shoulders. 'Come on, lose this.' Juice's lips are sleepy on Chibs' own, his mouth a little stale, but his hands are needy, sliding under Chibs' shirt, into his jeans. He pulls the duvet aside to tug Chibs down on top of him and he's hot as a furnace.

'You sure?' Chibs whispers against Juice's mouth. He can hardly see the lad in the dark, but his breath is soft on Chibs' face, and his body is so inviting beneath him. 'Yer tired. Maybe pick this up in the morning?'

Juice shakes his head, reaches up to tug Chibs back down to him. 'Nah. Take my mind off everything.'

This is the last thing Chibs feels like, right now. An hour ago he was standing over a sad old man, listening to his breath stuttering, looking into wide, panicked eyes.

There's still a tight knot of something in his belly and he knows that what he's done is gonna haunt him for a long time to come. It's still better than Juice having to do it, though. Better than Juicy churning himself up with guilt. Chibs has been living with regret all his life, it's a part of him. There's not much he can give the lad in this life, but he can give him one less thing to feel bad about.

He presses Juice back against the pillows, slides down to where the lad's cock is tenting the front of his shorts. Juice's knees shift to cradle Chibs' shoulders and his fingers thread through Chibs' hair, but apart from that, he lies quietly, only the occasional gasp or sigh signaling that he's still awake, how close he is to coming.

Chibs isn't going for any awards, not tonight. And, truth be told, Juice isn't really up for a marathon session. Chibs just wants to get Juice off, and fast. He hums low in his throat and fists most of Juice's length as he concentrates on the head. Juice's knees are shaking around him, and a tension is building in the lad's whole frame, little panting breaths, sighs that catch. One of Juice's hands finds the back of Chibs' head and Chibs opens his throat, lets Juice guide him to the rhythm he wants.

There aren't many people in the world Chibs will allow that sort of control. The thing of it is, Juice is the gentlest person Chibs knows. Most people have some sort of tipping point, where they could do you harm if they lost complete control. Juice, though, he's not like that. When it's someone who matters, Juice always pulls his punches.

Juice tenses, balls pulling up tight and then he's sighing and falling back against the pillows and there's come dribbling down Chibs' chin. He wipes the worst of it off on the sheets- they're in a motel, after all.

'Hey, you want me to-' Juice uses one hand to gesture vaguely and Chibs snorts as he hauls himself back up the bed.

'Nah, rain-check.' He gets Juice turned around again, so the lad's curled up on his side, Chibs wrapped around his back. 'You get toothy when you're tired.' One of Juice's hands finds Chibs', starts fiddling with his fingers. He presses a kiss to the back of Juice's head, tells him to get some sleep.

'Yeah...'

He won't. Chibs knows that now the lad's awake and basking in the afterglow, he'll chat away for hours.

'Where'd you go to, anyway?'

'Nowhere. Just drove around.' If they're gonna be up all night, chewing the fat, Chibs is gonna have a smoke. He pats around the bed until he finds his jacket, gets his fags out of the inside pocket and fights to get one lit since his lighter's almost out of fuel.

He sits up on one elbow to smoke. The alternative would be to sit up properly, but that would take him away from the cozy little mess that is post-coital Juicy, and he's not ready to do that yet.

'In the dweeb-mobile?' Chibs can hear the smile in Juice's voice, even if he can't see it. 'Better than nothing, I guess.'

'Not much.' It's not like being on his dyna. Can't think in a car.

Driving back from Hernan's, the thing Chibs had needed, even more than the feel of Juice beside him, had been the feel of his bike beneath him, eating the miles up and spitting them out. Fat chance. His bike's sitting under a tarp at TM along with Juice's.

'Hey, Juicy, tell me something.' Chibs feels Juice shift, cuddles him close. 'How come yer the only one in your family who don't speak any Spanish?'

Juice snorts. 'None of us do, not really, 'cept Marnie. Just pet names an' stuff.'

Juice hesitates and Chibs can feel the lad werreting whatever it is around in his head. He strokes one hand over Juice's arm and the lad sighs.

'I... I didn't really talk much when I was little. Marnie always says I didn't start talking till I was nine, and then it was only 'cause Jo was trying to suffocate me and I was yelling for help...' Juice pauses, probably playing his last words back in his head and realising how ridiculous they are. 'I mean, that's not actually how it happened. I wasn't really nine, probably four or five or something...' He goes quiet again.

Chibs can see it. An awkward and tongue-tied little boy. That's pretty much what turned up at TM five years ago. Chibs remembers that the lad used to watch them all, like he was learning how to talk, how to behave, how to be, by watching his brothers. It occurs to him that Juice had never, up until then, had a male role model worth shit. No wonder he idolises Clay, feels all intimidated by Jax and the others. It's probably bullshit, but when Chibs pictures the Ortiz kids, the three girls are right in their mother's face, cheeping for grubs. Juice is the runt in the bottom of the nest, never getting his turn.

'Hey, don't let me sleep in tomorrow.' Juice's hand gives Chibs' a reflective squeeze.

'Why, you gotta hot date?'

'Nah. It's nothing, I just got stuff to do before we fly out.'

'Like what?' Chibs hunts around for the ashtray, taps the worm into it before it can fall on Juice. Juice shrugs, fishes a cigarette of his own out of the packet and starts to battle with the lighter. 'Here, use this.' Chibs takes the cigarette, touches it to his own and hands it over when it's lit.

'Told you. It don't matter.' Juice's voice is all soft, embarrassed.

Chibs gives him a little nudge with his hip. 'Come on, promise I won't laugh.'

'Yeah, you will. It's fine, I'm just being dumb.' Juice barely smokes his cigarette, just flicks ash into the tray, a little tension bleeding in around his shoulders.

Chibs rolls his eyes, sits up and switches on the bedside lamp. They both have to squint.

'What?' Juice sits up as well, one hand shielding his eyes from the light. His nose still looks like raw steak. Chibs just gives him the hairy eyeball and Juice sags, sighs, his head falling back against the headboard. 'Okay, fine. I wanna go to church. See, told you it was dumb.'

Juice puts his coffin nail out and starts fiddling with the lamp. It's one of those anglepoise ones, attached to the headboard, and he plays around until he can get it pressed down low over the bedside cabinet, so most of the light is muffled against the crappy Formica . 'I'm gonna go light a candle for my mom.'

'Nothing dumb about that.' Chibs has never gone in for the whole candle thing, not like his mam- she lights candles for every family member's birthday, death anniversary, saint’s day, you name it. Most of her phone calls start with the phrase 'Oh, I lit a candle for you, Filip. And for your Auntie Maud, and for that nice man from the post office- the one with the funny wife and the bad hip.'

Chibs likes his god around when he has need of the guy, otherwise he can fuck off about his business. He's found himself worrying his rosary with increasing regularity over the years, but he's never really thought of Juice as being particularly religious. Even though Juice was raised a Catholic, just like Chibs was, he's never known him to actually reach out and touch faith.

Juice lays back down on his side, tugs Chibs arm back around him again, like it's a blanket he can keep warm under. 'Just... The church here's the one we used to go to and... If she'd been here still, all this stuff that's been happening... That would have been her answer.' He fidgets his feet around to get them between Chibs' calves and they're fucking freezing, like always. 'After she died, people kept talking about how kind she was... I mean, they were probably just being nice, but they said she never turned anyone away an' she always saw the good in them... ' He gives another of his funny little shrugs.

Chibs stubs his cigarette out, pulls the blankets up around them both and stares at the little sliver of light the lamp's allowed to give out. Juice always runs out of words before he gets close to saying anything important.

'So...' Chibs cuddles Juice closer and gives the lads shoulder a little kiss before he rests his chin there. 'If she happened to see the ugliest cat in the history of the world, lying half dead on the curb, she'd a carried it to the vets, an' adopted it, then...'

Juice pauses.. 'Yeah, yeah, I guess...I'd never really thought about it like that...'

'Go to sleep. We'll go light a candle for her in the morning.'

&&&

Luisa's waiting when they get to her house. She's in a pair of sweatpants and a thick, woollen sweater that she must have appropriated from an old boyfriend. The sleeves are long enough to hide her bandaged wrists.

'We going?' she asks as Juice walks in the door.

Marnie appears in the doorway to the kitchen, she's holding the cordless phone in one hand. 'I told Luisa you were going to St. Luke’s. Thought it might be nice if you went together.' She throws what might be termed a 'meaningful look' at her youngest sister and Luisa breaks into a slow, wooden little smile.

'Uh... Yeah, sure...' Juice knows better than to argue when two of his sisters agree on something. Last thing he really needs today is a heart to heart with his little sister, though. He's pretty sure the first thing she ever did on leaving their mother's womb was to punch him in the face. And, what if she blames him, what if she thinks it's his fault Hernan used him for blackmail? It's a crazy idea but she's a fucking psycho.

His fingers feel numb as he takes the keys to the rental from Chibs' hand, pulls the front door open again. 'Um... you wanna come too, Marn? Jo could watch the kids-'

'No, it's okay, Mijo. Juanita an' me are gonna stay here. Trying to get hold of papa, he's not answering his phone again.'

'Oh, okay...' Juice's heart sinks a little. Chibs just shrugs, taking off his jacket and making it clear he's not going either. 'Guess it's just us, then...'

&&&

Chibs gets himself a coffee, takes it and sits at the table, listens as Marnie tries Hernan's number again, still gets no answer. Good luck with that, he thinks, and he feels a stab of something.

Jo brings her own coffee to the table. Sits down and has a good old stare at Chibs. Feels like she can see what's written on the inside of his eyeballs.

He's not gonna kid himself that the Ortiz kids will be happy to learn that the old bastard's dead, not yet, there's too much shit to work through first. No matter what the guy's done, he's still the man who raised them all when their mother died.

Marnie'll get saddled with dealing with all the death shit while trying to hold Luisa together, Jo'll snap and put someone in the hospital, have no idea that it was grief and anger that made her do it and Juice'll feel cheated that the guy died peacefully in his sleep.

He flicks through one of Jo Jo's boxing magazines, waits for the shit to start hitting the fan.

&&&

'This place is just like I remember it. It's smaller, though. Tiny.'

Juice takes his hands out of his pockets when they get in the church, just like he was always taught. In the car on the way over, Luisa had pulled a headscarf out of nowhere, draped it over her hair and tucked it in, just like Marnie always used to when they were younger. Now, dressed in sweatpants, woollen sweater and the headscarf, she looks like some sort of refugee. Juice kneels and crosses himself as they approach the altar, Luisa doesn't bother.

The place is deserted, but for an old woman sitting a few pews ahead, her head bowed. Luisa picks a row, slides into a seat and Juice sits next to her, stares around at the stations of the cross, the blessed virgin.

He remembers crying at the sight of the crucifix, once. He'd looked at all the wounds and all he could think was how much it must have hurt. He remembers that Jo had taken one look at him and laughed, hadn't shut up about it for a week after.

He remembers his mom's funeral here, Luisa being carried by Hernan, Jo wooden faced at his side. He remembers that sat on the front row, Marnie had slid one arm around his shoulders, hugged him close, that she'd got a load of toilet tissue rolled up in her pocket and she'd torn off a few squares for each of them, doled it out.

'You think he gives a shit?' Luisa asks. Nods her head towards the crucifix, just so Juice knows who she's on about. 'Suicide's a sin, remember?'

'I don't--' Juice has been avoiding thoughts like that for a long time, ever since he clawed his way up that tree with the tow chain in his hands. Ever since he took that AK to the Putlova crew at Opie's wedding. If Juice were to sit and count all of the sins he's committed over the years, he'd be here all day. If he believes in hell, he's going there. It's better not to believe. 'The confessional might be open...' he says.

'Yeah. We both know that's bullshit though, right?' Luisa looks at him sideways and it should be scorn in her eyes- it usually is. It's not though, she looks almost hopeful.

'I dunno. I mean, mom always said it helped...'

'Yeah, well, I don't really remember that.' Luisa looks down at her lap, fiddles with the edge of one of her bandages.

Juice looks at her. He'd been twelve when their mom passed, Luisa was four years younger. And, mom had been sick for years before that. The last time Juice really remembers his mom being a real mom was when he was really tiny. Mostly, it was just Marnie. He feels like a total jerk. He was lucky, he got to spend time with mom before she got bad. His little sister never did.

'What do you remember about her?' Luisa asks and her voice is all small.

'I d-- I don't really remember much...' he admits and he wishes it wasn't true, wishes he'd paid closer attention instead of concentrating so hard on just growing up. Luisa looks up at him like she's waiting for something special and he's got nothing. He looks up at the stations of the cross, Mary cradling her son's dead body in her lap. Something comes to mind.

Middle of the night, moonlight swimming through the window and his mom coming into the room, her nightdress glowing white. Feel of her hand, smoothing the hair back from his sweaty forehead, and a sad, tired smile on her face. He remembers her lifting him, holding him on her hip and she'd been warm, smelt of soap and cleaning stuff. He remembers her hair had been a long, dark curtain, soft as angel wings.

'I remember her singing me to sleep when I was sick,' he says. ‘Don't remember what it was, just... She used to sing.' He shrugs

'It was about a bird,' Luisa whispers. 'Little bird that lived on the wind. And it never touched the ground--'

'Till it died...' Juice remembers it now, he can hear the words sang in his mom's fragile voice. 'Made me fucking cry every time I heard it!'

'Yeah... she used to... You remember all that Disney stuff?'

'Oh god! Minnie Mouse! I mean, what the fuck?'

'Yeah, yeah, that's right! She had that night dress with Minnie Mouse on, an' she'd come down the corridor in the dark, and it'd be Minnie Mouse coming towards you!' Luisa sniffs, laughing and checking her pockets for a tissue. 'I'd forgot all about that.'

'Here.' Juice reaches into the hoodie Chibs had thrown at him earlier. Guy always keeps a handkerchief, an honest to goodness, real hankie. Never gets used, it's just always there, folded up small. He hands it over. There are initials on the corner: JT. James Telford, Chibs' dad. 'Lou... Did you wanna die?'

She sighs and shrugs one shoulder. 'Don't know. Don't think I thought about it like that.'

'I didn't either. Was trying to... Stuff happening an' I just didn't wanna deal...' Juice feels Luisa's sharp intake of breath, she turns her head to look at him. He gives a little shrug of his own. 'It's not like what was going on with you.'

In the seat next to him, Juice feels a little tremor of tension working it's way up through his sister's body and he thinks 'oh shit'. She says nothing though, just stares at her lap, her jaw spasming like Jo's sometimes does. He should have kept his mouth shut. 'It's okay. I mean, I know you don't wanna talk about it an' that's cool, it's just--'

'Carlos,' Luisa says softly. 'Stop talking, okay?'

'Okay. I just... I'm just trying to say that sometimes stuff gets too much an' you end up doing something you shouldn't...'

Luisa nods, traces her finger over the initials on the handkerchief. 'Yeah... I get that. Easier to check out, let someone else take over being the fucking grown up.' She shrugs. 'Is it still like that for you?'

Juice pauses, considers. Life's not perfect, he knows he's on borrowed time. Sooner or later his sins are gonna trip him up, but that's its own weirdly perfect sort of justice. He thinks now that he might even be at a sort of peace with it.

'No,' he says. 'No, I'm okay.'

Luisa takes a breath, rests her head on his shoulder and slides one hand into the crook of his arm. 'Yeah. Me too.'

'Lou?' It's probably a mistake, bringing this up, just when it's so peaceful between them, but Juice is always gonna have that question mark feeling sitting on his shoulder if he doesn't ask. He feels her head shift as she looks up at him. 'Don't get mad, okay? I uh... I wasn't snooping but... your voice-mail, um...'

Luisa groans. 'You listened? You are such a fucking asshole, man...' She lets her head fall back, stares up at the ceiling.

'I'm sorry, I just... I was trying to help and--' Juice shrugs, waits for the eruption. Luisa just shakes her head. 'Did he... I mean... he said he'd tell that cop where I was...'

Luisa sighs, tucks the handkerchief up her sleeve. Juice'll probably never see it again. 'Look, it was dumb of you to come out here. Marnie shouldn't a called you.'

'Lou, look, you don't gotta protect me. If that guy came after me, I can take care of it and--'

'Sure you can. Sure.' Luisa chuckles softly and Juice has a full on Clark Kent moment, or maybe Peter Parker, since Spider-man was way cooler... He could tell his sister that he has brothers who'd do anything for him, die, kill, whatever. She'll never believe him though. And, if he's gonna find a way to take care of Hernan, he really needs to keep everything quiet.

'Can I have it back, please?' He holds out his hand and Luisa looks at him. He instantly feels like an idiot. 'The handkerchief. I want it back.'

'It's covered in--'

'Yeah, I know, but.'

Luisa reaches up her sleeve, pulls it free and hands it over. 'Weirdo,' she mutters under her breath. She doesn't ask whose initials they are, though.

&&&

They get back and Marnie's talking about driving over to Hernan's to check on him once Juice and Chibs have caught their flight. Jo Jo's pulling faces and saying to let the old guy rot for a bit, do him some good.

Chibs just sits and watches their argument, his eyes shifting from one to the other like he's watching a tennis match or something. He looks uncomfortable, which is weird because this entire week, with all the craziness, the guy has just sucked it up.

Juice whispers his fingers into the nape of the guy's neck while no one's looking and finds he's as tense as he looks.

'You ready to head out?' he asks and receives a quiet 'aye' in reply.

'Everything settled between you two?' Chibs asks, eyes glancing over to where Luisa is sat on the couch, Rosa huddled under one arm, Mika under the other and Marta stood before her, holding up her latest piece of artwork.

Juice follows his gaze. 'Yeah. Yeah, we're good. Should probably get outta here before we start fighting again, though.'

Even though Marnie and the rest of them will see and might say something about it, he slides his arm around the guys shoulders, presses a kiss to the top of his head.

&&&

Marnie gets the whole brood lined up at the door to say their goodbyes. She holds onto Juice for a long time, and when she lets go, she wipes her eyes with the back of her hand, then she runs one thumb gently under each of Juice's eyes, wipes it off on her jeans with a sniff and a sad smile. She presses a kiss and a thank you to Chibs' cheek and he gives her arm a little squeeze.

Luisa allows Juice an awkward little one-sided hug, gives Chibs a nod and says it was nice to meet him. The kids are all shy hugs and attention seeking.

Jo turns to Chibs, says, 'Later, Brokeback.' She goes to give Juice a dead arm and without seeming to think, the lad bounces right back, lands a punch to her belly that doubles her over, has her wheezing for a second.

'Carlos!' Marnie is outraged but Jo just straightens up with a grin.

'Fucking finally!' she says, smashing him into a hug. 'Jeez, you gotta stand up for yourself, man...' Juice looks stunned, his eyes wide over Jo's shoulder and what looks like the makings of an amazed grin ghosting his lips. You'd think she'd just called the best big brother in the world. Maybe, in her own way, she had.

Jo Jo follows their car down the street for a few paces, hands stashed in her pockets.

She's joined by Mika and the girls, places a protective hand on the boy's shoulder and yells at Marta to quit it, no handstands in the road.

Chibs watches her in the rear view mirror, thinks to himself, yeah, funny bird, that. He's no idea if she's onto him or not. Might just be paranoia, might not be. He's a feeling that whatever it is, if it is anything, it's never gonna be spoken outloud.

In a few hours, there'll be a phone call and Juice will come off it looking all pensive. And he'll say that it turns out his step-dad died in the night. He won't be sure what to feel and will sit there all huddled up, trying not to be upset because he hates the guy and had been talking about finding ways to kill him, and he'll say as much. And then the tears'll come, and Juice'll be horrified that he's crying for the guy. All Chibs will be able to do is hold him, and wait him out, and tell him it's gonna be okay.

Chibs looks at Juice, mellow and laid back in the passenger seat, and he feels this huge clunk of something. It's not regret. It might be sorrow. Sorrow for Juicy and his lost childhood, and the way his family is never gonna be quite right. You meet the Ortiz's and it's easy to see how Juice turned out like he did. You meet them and you curse their rotten luck and their lousy lives. Can't do shit about it, though.

He reaches over, gives Juice's knee a squeeze and the lad leans in, rubs his cheek on Chibs' shoulder before going back to staring out the window.

'It's gonna be okay,' Juice says softly. And Chibs hopes that one day, it might be.