Chapter Text
As the sun dipped below New York’s skyline, night draped over the city like a heavy cloak. The streets were still bustling with people moving to and from the subway as they either finished a day shift or were just starting their night shift. Noah watched them all, with their blank expressions and dark circles under their eyes; brief cases and suits; high heels and badges. They all lived such mundane lives, forever trapped in the cycle of the rat race.
And he was monumentally jealous of them.
Through the haze of his panic attack, Noah sought solace in a dimly lit bar tucked away in a forgotten corner, the scent of aged whisky and the murmurs of distant conversation hung heavy in the air. He wasn’t much of a drinker; only gave in to Reek’s encouragement if they were hanging out with his boys and they brought beer that tasted like dirty dishwater.
But right now, he needed something strong to calm his trembling nerves.
He was sat alone at a worn-out counter, his fingers tracing along the rim of a half empty glass as the world moved around him, oblivious to the emotional turmoil brewing within.
Noah grimaced as he re-collected his thoughts: Mirage had taken Kris out joyriding; he had tried disciplining Kris like a responsible big brother was supposed to do, then he just... panicked and ran, like a fucking coward.
Through bleary eyes, his gaze lingered up to his reflection in the cracked mirror behind the bar.
Kris had called him worthless.
Noah groaned and took another swig. The liquor was smooth against his throat and coursed through his veins; burning and bittersweet that dulled the sharp edges of his messed-up reality. Thoughts and worries blurred and the world, with its demands and expectations, faded into insignificance.
Eventually, the whiskey bottle had emptied, and along with it, his pockets.
Kicked back out onto the streets, Noah decided to turn his depressive escape into a little adventure. Because there was no way in hell he was going back home in this state; his mom would whoop his ass if she came back from work only to find him passed out drunk on the couch and Kris... he couldn’t let his little brother see him like this.
Crashing with the Autobots came to mind but he could only imagine the disappointment on Optimus Prime’s face and... well, the robot had barely begun to tolerate him. Noah may have been intoxicated, but he wasn’t stupid enough to try the old guy’s patience any more than he already had.
Plus... he was still kinda angry at Mirage.
Noah hadn’t slept for weeks while repairing the Porsche, an overwhelming feeling of guilt overtaking every fiber of his being and fueling every waking moment he had to fix up the only friend that had ever looked out for him, cared for him, sacrificed his damn life for him. It had taken a lot of parts from Reek and specialist advice from the other Autobots, but eventually he’d managed to get Mirage back up and in some form of running order.
So, for him to recklessly put his little brother’s life in danger like that without a care in the world? Noah couldn’t help but feel a little bit betrayed.
To Reeks’ place it was, then.
He would crash there for the night (because Reek still owed him) and... figure out the rest in the morning with a killer hangover. For now, he would just enjoy the buzz.
The neon signs above Noah seemed to dance, each letter swaying to the melody of a jazzy tune that echoed from a nearby nightclub. Noah’s footsteps echoed loudly through the empty alleyway that he decided to cut through as a shortcut, his breath heavy and thoughts floating aimlessly like paper bags in the wind.
He found himself drawn to the graffiti that adorned the brick-and-mortar walls, the vibrant colours and chaotic patterns spoke to him, telling stories of a rebellion; of some violent battle. As he touched the wall lightly with the tips of his fingers, the images seemed to come alive, like some living, breathing canvas.
Noah blinked as the painting took the form of a cobra, and bared its fangs at him in a silent hiss.
“Hey!” A voice called out from deeper within the alley, forcing Noah to stumble back a little and squint his eyes into the darkness, barely managing to make out three figures slinking out towards him.
“You lost, friend?” One of them asked, his kind smile betrayed by the shiv in his hand. It hung loose in his fingers as he wiped the flat of the blade against the material of his jeans. The other two flanked him, their faces obscured by hoods and scarves.
‘Fuck...’ Noah thought as they surrounded him quicker than his drunk brain could think of an escape route.
“Hey now, brother, no need to panic,” the leader said gently, holding up his hands in a placating manner, the knife between his fingers gleaming under the streetlight. “I asked you a question.”
“I’m not... I’m not lost,” Noah mumbled, his words slurred. “Just tryna’ get home, is all.”
“Seems like you’ve had one too many, friend,” he smiled. “Maybe we can give you a helping hand, eh?”
A slight nod to his companions was all it took for them to grab Noah by the shoulders, easily overpowering him when he made a small attempt to struggle out of their grip.
“Let...let go...!”
“Come on now, brother...”
“I’m not your fucking brother!” Noah spat.
The leader smiled and waved a nonchalant hand. “We’re just trying to help you out, huh? No need to be so nasty. Better that we found you instead of the pigs, am I right? They would have dragged you into a cell to rot without so much as a how do you do. We,” he gestured to himself and his companions. “Are trying to help you out.”
Noah’s shoulders sagged as their grips loosened up a little.
“So just let me go, and I’ll get outta your hair,” Noah offered.
“Nah, nah, nah,” the leader shook his head. “Didn’t you just hear me? The cops will find ya in this sorry state you’re in. So, how’s about you tell us where you live and we’ll get you there in one piece.”
Noah, even in his drunken haze, knew exactly where this was going.
“No...”
The leader tilted his head. “No?”
“Please...just let me- argh!” Noah cried out as he was punched in the gut, the force of the attack forcing him onto his knees as his stomach lurched.
“And just as we was bein’ so nice to you,” the other man tutted, hooking his arm under Noah’s armpit to haul him back up.
“I will ask you one more time,” the leader said, all warmness and friendliness of his tone completely dissipating. “Where do you live?”
“Like I’m gonna tell some low-life escoria como tu where I-”
This time he was silenced by the prick of a blade going up against his throat. He could feel a warm trickle as it effortlessly pierced his skin.
“Now you’re just tryna’ hurt my feelings,” the leader said, his other hand going to grasp the back of Noah’s head. “Now you tell me where you live or I’ll stick this knife right into your jugular.”
His nostrils flared slightly when Noah didn’t react.
“And then I’ll go after your family.”
He smiled when Noah’s eyes widened.
“Ah, so that’s your Achilles heel, huh? You scared we’ll kill ‘em, gut ‘em, string ‘em up?”
“Say another goddamn word and I’ll-”
“You’ll what? Fuck us up?” The leader laughed in Noah’s face, sending flecks of spit over his cheeks. “Boy, you can’t even stand straight.”
“You have no idea what I’m capable of.”
“Oh-ho!” He clapped. “What, you got a secret set of skills or somethin’? Come on then, let’s see it.”
He waved his hand, and Noah was suddenly let go, his knees buckled from underneath him, forcing him to taste the cold, cobbled pavement.
“Aw man, this is priceless!” One of the goons joked as he kicked Noah before he could even begin the struggle of getting up. “Let’s see them skills of yours, boy!”
“This is fucking pathetic,” the other sneered, crossing her arms as she rolled Noah over onto his back with her foot. “I bet he doesn’t even have anythin’ worth stealing.”
“Maybe not,” the leader said, smirking as he squatted next to Noah’s still form. “But it’ll be fun to see this punk choke on his own blood.”
They were right. Kris was right. He was pathetic. He was worthless. But that didn’t stop him from holding out his hands in a desperate attempt to appeal to their better nature. Because they had to have one, right? Nobody could be this fucking cruel, right? Nobody could be like Scourge and the Terracons, snuffing out a life just for the fun of it?
God, he really was a coward.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn ya, brother,” the leader said as he raised the knife above Noah’s quivering form, his eyes cold and uncaring. Noah closed his own, his last thoughts were of his mom, of Kris, of Elena and the Autobots. He thought about if they would care about his death, if they saw it coming, if they would be disappointed but not surprised. He thought about his funeral. If anyone would show up.
Would Mirage care?
He hoped he would. That Porsche was the closest thing he ever had to a best friend. If nothing else, he knew Mirage would take care of his younger brother, just as he had protected him during their adventures.
He hoped Kris would have many adventures, he deserved that much.
Noah scrunched his face slightly when the inevitable pain didn’t come; he wasn’t sure if this guy was just taking his sweet time to torture him as much as possible before dealing the killing blow but this was ridiculous.
“What the fu... ahh! Let me go!!”
At the shrill scream, Noah’s eyes shot wide open to see the leader getting lifted into the air and thrown out of the alley and into the street like a ragdoll. The other two tried to run but didn’t get very far as they too went flying into traffic, forcing cars and trucks to screech to a halt while blaring their horns.
“Yeah, you little bitches better run! Else I’ll turn y’all into roadkill!”
That voice, it was the only thing that spurred Noah on enough to try and get to his feet.
“Mirage...”
“Noah,” the Autobot’s voice immediately softened, and a large shadow cast over him. “Hey, it’s alright, your boy’s here.”
He could feel a large hand hovering just above him as he struggled to his feet, as if Mirage wanted to help but didn’t want to injure him any further, so Noah grabbed the edge of his fingers, deciding to use the hand as a support as he straightened himself out.
“Thanks,” Noah mumbled, and he let it go after a few minutes when he felt able to stand unaided, though Mirage still kept his hand close, just in case.
“You don’t look so good, pal,” Mirage said, his metal brow creasing in worry.
“Yeah, I’ve definitely felt better,” Noah replied, hissing through his teeth as he laid a hand on his abdomen. He imagined a nasty bruise would be forming there soon.
His glanced towards the edge of the alley, where those goons had been thrown, and noticed a small crowd starting to form, a few even looking curiously in their direction. Though thankfully the darkness of the alley shrouded them from sight, it wouldn’t be long before someone noticed the giant robot.
“We gotta get the hell outta here,” Noah said, prompting Mirage to transform and open the door for the human to climb in.
“Good idea, let’s roll out and get you to a hospi-”
“No,” Noah interrupted as he slowly and painfully lowered himself into the driver’s seat. “No hospitals.”
“But you’re-”
“Fine,” Noah spat. “I’m... I’m fine.”
“You’re a goddamn idiot, is what you are,” Mirage bit back as he revved up the engine and skidded away from the crime scene and into the roads, seamlessly blending in with traffic.
“Look, I didn’t mean to get jumped!”
“Did you mean to run away? Huh?” Mirage asked. “Did you mean to worry me and your brother and get drunk off your ass? Huh?!”
Noah leaned his head against the backrest and closed his eyes to try and ease the incoming wave of nausea. “Oh, please Mirage, don’t-”
“Don’t what? Lecture you? You could’ve been killed!”
“Look man, you gotta pull over, let me out.”
“C’mon Noah, you were acting real weird in that garage today, and then you just ran off and nearly wound-up dead in some alleyway.”
“Yeah, I know, and you saved my ass but I really have to-”
“No, no, let me finish,” the Porsche said as he pulled into an abandoned car park. “Now, you know me, I’m not gonna go off into one of those heroic speeches that Optimus Prime loves so much and teach you about responsibility or whatever. I ain’t that kind of bot, however...”
“Mirage-”
“Your boy cares about you, Noah. So, I think we gotta, y’know, have a little chat, a little one-on-one, you know what I'm sayin’?”
“Mirage, I am literally about to throw up, you gotta let me out now.”
“Oh, shit! Well, why didn’t you just say so?” Mirage said as he finally unlocked the door, letting Noah out to run to the nearest trash can.
He didn’t make it, and instead emptied his stomach contents on some poor soul’s Lamborghini.
“Oh shit...” Noah and Mirage said in unison, the latter transforming and holding up a hand to poorly disguise the grimace on his face while Noah dry-heaved.
“Oh, you organics are just nasty .”
“Thanks,” Noah replied dryly as he wiped his mouth.
“No, seriously, why even drink that stuff if it makes you do that ?”
“Because,” Noah breathed. “It makes us feel better for a little while, makes us...forget.”
“Forget what?”
“Bad stuff.”
“Like what? The Decepticons?”
Noah had to double-take at that. “Decipti-what?”
Mirage clamped a hand over his mouth. “Oh. Right. You don’t know about those guys yet.”
“With a name like that, I’m guessing they ain’t good.”
“You would guess right.”
Noah shook his head and sighed as he lowered himself to a seating position on the ground, landing on his ass in an ungraceful heap. Mirage mirrored him, albeit a lot more smoothly, crossing his legs and resting his hands upon them.
Noah swayed slightly, the alcohol still not quite out of his system, and rubbed his temples. He just needed somewhere to rest his pounding head...
“Ahem,” Mirage cleared his throat, prompting Noah to look over. The robot gestured to his shin, as if it was an open invitation. Noah silently took it and shuffled over until he was leaning against Mirage’s lower leg, the cool metal somewhat easing the pressure building up in his skull.
“Better?” Mirage asked.
“Much better. Thanks.”
The two sat quietly for a moment. The night air was crisp and cool, carrying the faint scent of petrol and smoke from the city, and the sky draped itself in an endless tapestry of twinkling stars. Kris had once told him about how the Big Bend National Park in Texas was the best place in the world for stargazing. Noah had pledged to take his little brother there one day.
“So, why’d you run?” Mirage asked softly.
Noah tore his eyes away from the sky to look down at his feet, unsure of how to answer when he didn’t really know himself. Instead, he asked his own question.
“You’re from Cybertron, right?” Noah deflected, pointing up towards the sky. “All the way up there?”
Mirage followed the human’s gaze before looking back down at him with a frown. “Well, yeah, but stop avoiding my-”
“And you were at war there, right? With these Decepti-whatever dudes?”
“Noah-”
“Just humour me.”
Mirage sighed. “Fine. Yeah. We were. Are ,” he corrected himself. “With the Decepticons and their warlord, Megatron. They’ve pretty much ravaged the whole planet now, there’s probably not much to even go back to.”
“And do you want to go back?”
Mirage’s optic twitched. “I mean, we have to, Noah. We don’t have much of a choice.”
“Don’t you?”
The robot looked down at him, and Noah couldn’t help but squirm a little under the intensity of those shining blue optics.
“I mean, Arcee was right when she scanned me all the way back when we first met. I was a soldier. A long time ago.”
“Yeah, and you had to leave because you had to help your mom take care of Kris.”
“How do you...?”
Mirage answered by holding up his arm with the walkie talkie still attached. Even when he’d blown to smithereens that damned thing had somehow survived.
“Of course Kris told you,” Noah said, rolling his eyes as he hugged his knees. “Some good it did though, I left the army years ago and still don’t got a job. No wonder he thinks I’m worthless.”
Mirage nudged his back. “Come on, you’re still hung up on that? You know your little bro didn’t actually mean it, right?”
“Pretty sure he did,” Noah weakly argued. “My commanding officer did. My... father did.”
Mirage paused for a moment before crossing his arms defiantly. “Yeah, well they’re jackasses, no offence, and Kris ain’t like that. You shoulda’ seen the way he was after you left.”
This caught Noah’s attention as he angled his head up slightly.
“Oh yeah, kid nearly punched my lights out when I dragged him back home. He threatened to call every police station in Brooklyn and nearly had Optimus Prime on the line.”
Noah couldn’t help but chuckle. “You’re shitting me.”
“I’m not! Could you imagine if the big boss had found those thugs? He woulda’ thrown ‘em from here to Timbuctoo!” The Autobot exclaimed, raising his arms. “Or, y’know, squished ‘em.”
“Ha! I would’ve paid to see that,” the human held a hand to his neck, wincing slightly as the tips of his fingers came away with droplets of fresh blood. “Ha... they really nearly got me, huh?”
The sheer weight of what could have happened suddenly came crashing down on him like a ton of bricks, and tears prickled the corners of his eyes as he held up a trembling hand to his mouth. “Shit, man...what if they...? What if Kris...my mom...?”
A metal hand gently wrapped around Noah’s side in an attempted side-hug. “Don’t think like that, Noah. It’s like you said, your boy here was around to save your ass, huh?” Mirage smiled when Noah laughed a little through his tears. “And I always will be."
“What about Cybertron, huh?” Noah asked, furiously wiping at his eyes.
“Cybertron can wait,” Mirage said, waving his other hand nonchalantly. “Besides, to answer your question, I don’t think I wanna go back. Not for a long time yet.”
“How... how come?”
“Like I said, Cybertron’s destroyed. Won’t feel much like home anymore. Besides, I still got my promise to keep,” Mirage grinned, jostling Noah lightly. “And boy are you making me work for it.”
“Oh, real smooth,” Noah joked back, his smile fading a little as he glanced away. “Suppose I should answer your question too, huh?”
There was a hushed anticipation in the air as his was mind racing to come up with an answer. The weight of expectation was heavy upon his shoulders, and it made him feel...vulnerable. How could he explain that these panic attacks came and went whenever they pleased? That he had no control over them? That he couldn’t stand people (especially his family) seeing him that way? That he had built up this wall over himself to protect the ones he loved, and that running away was the only way to do that?
“I panicked,” was all Noah managed to say, his voice trembling. “Fuck, I don’t know how else to say it without sounding... crazy.”
Mirage said nothing, merely opting to nod, and suddenly Noah wanted to run away again.
“I think I get it.”
“You do?”
The robot nodded again. “Yeah, but next time you want to run away, just... talk to us, okay? If not Kris, or your mom, then... me. The Autobots. Hell, even Prime. We understand more than most, trust me.”
Noah nodded. “I can’t make any promises but... I’ll try.”
“That’s all I can ask,” Mirage said with a smile. “And no more of this ‘worthless’ crap, alright? You're friends with Mirage, and anybody who calls my friends worthless are in for an ass whoopin’.”
“Noted,” Noah replied with a small grin of his own, moving Mirage’s hand aside so he could stand and stretch his aching limbs. “Guess I better try and talk to Kris, huh? I didn’t mean to make him worry.”
The bot’s smile slowly morphed into a smirk as he held up his other arm. “Pretty sure he’s been listening in this whole time.”
“Sonic, when you get back here, I’m gonna kick your ass so hard that whoever pulls my shoe out of it will be crowned King goddamn Arthur.”
Noah rubbed his temples, feeling another throbbing headache coming on. “Oh, por el amor de Dios...”