Chapter Text
It had been weeks since the Thraco incident and Hogwarts was now weirder than ever. Rony Weasley now completely lorded over the Gryffindor Tower and was welding his name on top of it for good measure. Harry Potters now spent all his time beating up sandbags and never went near the Tower anymore. Nobody knew when Thraco would appear again and the search for Draco Malfoy was becoming international, Lucius Malfoy being anxious to find his son again.
Hermione Granner was now hiding in the infirmary and wore a sari as disguise over her school robes. Nevile Longparker was working hard for the Hogwarts Bugle and was fighting the sudden crime that had appeared in the dungeons and basements of the castle. The Hufflepuffs, now known as the H-Men, were also busy recruiting students to their cause.
Charlie Weasley was still disappeared, but PHIELD now had a new file of a guy named Charlie Weasmurdog. Other strange things were happening as well. It was rumored that Umbridge was losing her hair, that Snape was preparing for some secret project and that Gilderoy Lockhart had escaped from St. Mungos.
Some of these things were on the mind of Director Dumbfury as he marched into PHIELD's research center and began demanding answers from Dr. Chelvig.
"What the f#$% is happening with the mother%^$#ing cup, Chelvig?", he demanded.
"It's throwing a tantrum, sir", explained Cho, being the only one left working as everybody else was running for their lives.
"Is that supposed to be f%$ ing funny?", demanded Dumbfury.
"N-no, sir", Cho cowered behind some magical instrument.
"Where the hell is Thobarton?", he demanded.
"Up there", pointed Cho, "Though why he calls himself Lioneye is just beyond me."
"He's a Gryffindor, what were you expecting? Thobarton! Come down here you jacka #!"
Thobarton was quickly down and at his side, "Agent Dean Thobarton reporting, sir, there's somebody coming through."
"Then why the f&^% isn't anybody doing anything to prevent it?!", demanded Dumbfury.
"But sir-", began Cho.
"Do something!"
At that moment a portal opened and Zoki stepped through.
"What the mother&*#$ing f$%#?!", shouted Dumbfury as Zoki waltzed out of the portal and Imperious'd Cho and Lioneye before anybody could do anything.
"How can he Imperious anybody if all he has is the f$%&ing glowing stick of f# %ing destiny?!", demanded Dumbfury as he ran out of the place as fast as his ancient knobby legs could carry him.
Dumbfury was barely out of range before his research center collapsed into itself and exploded.
"Director?", asked agent McGonson through the two-way mirror.
"He will pay hell for this!", said Dumbfury in rage.
"Yes sir", said agent McGonson dutifully.
"Assemble the team, McGonson", ordered Dumbfury.
Meanwhile, in some dingy unused classroom in Hogwarts castle, Gintasha Weasmanov was undergoing a rough interrogation by some Russian Slytherins.
[insert Russian profanity here(you little spy!)]
[Russian comeback(I have a name.)]
[further Russian profanity(you will suffer untold pain for bringing down our trade!)]
[Russian(Oh please, as if you could call the illegal dealings of gillyweed a trade.)]
Suddenly the two-way mirror of somebody called for Gintasha.
"It's for her", said one of the Slytherins and handed her the mirror.
"What are you doing?! I'm in the middle of an interrogation!", she complained.
"We need you here", said McGonson.
"I'm working", huffed Gintasha.
"The Director is shouting profanities and Lioneye has just been compromised."
Gintashe sighed, "Fine."
One quick battle full of kicks and awesome pirouettes later Gintasha was walking out of the place and asking what to do next to McGonson.
"You're getting the girl", said McGonson, "Call it female bonding if you like."
Gintasha grumbled at the two-way mirror, "I hope Weasley's mother adopts you as well", she said.
"Good grief Gintasha, we already have enough with her adopting Weasrhodes and you. Anymore and the Director would go spare."
At the infirmary of Hogwarts Molly Weasley was trying to find out where her son, Charlie, could have disappeared to.
"I honestly have no idea", said Madame Pomfrey, "Though he did seem to think his father was dead."
Molly sighed, "Rony's the same and neither Percy nor Ginny recognize me, but I'm working on it."
Madame Pomfrey patted her shoulder in understanding, "I understand you. Just the other day I could have sworn I had Draco Malfoy here as my patient, but he was not only about a foot taller, had many new muscles, long hair and a new beard, he also claimed the he was the AllFather's son, whoever that is.
"Did you contact Lucius?"
"Yes, but he was as perplexed as I was."
"Merlin", said Molly, looked around and leaned closer towards Madame Pomfrey and whispered, "Why is Hermione Granger sitting in that corner wearing a shawl?"
"It's a sari and she's Hermione Granner now. Though don't act like you know her or she might run away in fright", said the mediwitch in a whisper.
"Why on this good earth is she wearing a sari?"
"Who knows, really, I'm just a mediwitch and I've seen so many weird things this year that I don't even know where to begin."
Molly shook her head sadly and walked out as a little first year girl in rags came running in to speak with Hermione. They spoke softly for a while and then Hermione followed the little girl out.
Madame Pomfrey just sighed in relief, at last the infirmary was for her alone and with no worries of a possible Herlk sighting.
As Molly walked towards the Gryffindor Tower, nowadays being called the Weasley Tower, she saw Rony, suited with his golden medieval armor, fly out of the lake through one of the windows.
When she arrived at the common room agent McGonson was walking out with Salt.
"Hello Mrs. Weasley", greeted Salt happily, "Could you leave Rony alone for a while? He really has loads of homework to do."
"Oh, sure dear", she paused, "Um, why is JARMUS lying on the floor all tied up?"
They all turned to look where JARMUS was lying politely on the floor all tied up.
"Sorry, I had to do that when he tried to stop me from getting in", said McGonson and quickly waved her wand to untie JARMUS.
"Thank you agent McGonson", said JARMUS politely.
"You're welcome JARMUS", said McGonson and with that she, Molly and Salt went downstairs.
In one of the unused classrooms of the castle Harry was hitting a sandbag and lamenting the fact that he'd ever met Feggy.
"Mr. Potters?"
Harry turned around and greeted Dumbfury, "Oh, hi."
"How are those sorrows going?"
Harry shuddered as an image of Feggy floated by, "Not that good, sir."
"Then you will be happy to know we have a mission for you", said Dumbfury as he handed him a folder.
"Thank you, sir", said Harry, happy to have anything to distract him from his horrible memories.
"How are you adjusting to this time?"
"Fine I guess. Though many people look exactly like they used to in my day, sir, are you sure I was frozen for seventy years?"
"With no shadow of a doubt", said Dumbfury.
"Really? Because Rony Weasley looks exactly, sans the goatee, like my old friend Ron", said Harry.
"Well, that is no surprise since Rony Weasley is the son of old Ronward Weasley."
Harry frowned, "Wasn't Ron short for Ronald?"
"No, and if you would excuse me I need to get to my base. Agent McGonson will be taking you to our base once you're ready", and with that he left a bewildered Harry behind.
"But I was sure Ron was short for Ronald!"
At the PHIELD headquarters everybody was busy running around and following Director Dumbfury's orders.
The control room was a combination of what had previously been the dining room and the living room, but was now almost unrecognizable since it had been painted over with silver and had new furniture installed. The walls were packed with portraits of all famous wizards, all of them helping to keep surveillance on any place they might be hanging. The rest of the room consisted of tables full of two-way mirrors and cauldrons with specific potions and the many agents manning them.
"Has the team arrived yet?", asked Dumbfury to a passing interchangeable agent.
"Captain Scotland and Granner just arrived, sir", reported the agent.
"Good, keep me posted", he said and began to glare around with his one good eye.
Just then Molly bustled into the control room with a tray of cookies, "Kreacher and I just baked some chocolate chip cookies, would anybody want some?", she asked politely.
Several agents left their posts and ran to grab a cookie.
"Mrs. Weasley, what in f#$%'s name are you doing here giving out f%#$*& cookies?", asked Dumbfury angrily.
"Well, Kreacher and I have been working ourselves silly to feed all these people so we decided that we might just as well give them a treat."
"This is a m^#$%^*&$#$%# mission to save the blasted planet from annihilation of a-"
"Fine, fine. I won't interrupt your agents again until the planet is safe", conceded Molly and spotted Gintasha arrive with Hermione and Harry.
"What do you mean cards?", Harry was asking Gintasha, "As in the old chocolate cards?"
"Those are still around Captain, and yes, pretty much like those. I hear agent McGonson has the whole collection."
"Cor", said Harry.
"Hello Ginny, Harry dear, would you two like a cookie? Or are you too busy saving the planet?"
"I'm afraid we are", said Gintasha.
"But I'm sure we can still eat a cookie", said Harry politely and took one for himself.
"And you Hermione?"
"Um – maybe – okay", said Hermione nervously and slided sideways towards Molly and grabbed a cookie. She began to nibble at it as if she was afraid it would do something to her.
"Oh dear", said Molly to herself and went to offer some cookies to Sirius who was sulking in a corner.
"How are you today Sirius? Want a cookie?", she asked kindly.
"Thanks Molly", said Sirius miserably and took a cookie, "Harry told me again today how much I reminded him of his godfather."
"Well, at least he does still remember you and isn't disappeared anymore", she said, thinking about how some of her children didn't recognize her and how nobody could find the twins.
"Sorry Molly, has anybody found anything of the twins?"
"I'm afraid not", she said sadly.
"We are ready for liftoff!", shouted one of the agents.
"Merlin, not again", moaned Sirius, "I liked to have a flying motorcycle alright, but to have a flying house is just not my thing."
The house began to tremble and Molly had to quickly sit down with her tray before she lost her balance. The newcomers Harry and Hermione were staring out of the window as they saw the building elevate itself above the others into the sky.
"We're stable!", shouted one of the agents and Molly was able to stand up with her tray.
"At least they're getting better at it", she told Sirius.
Sirius just made a face, "You're just proud of it because Ron was the one who came up with the idea."
"You have to admit that it's a very ingenious idea", she said, "And he insists on being called Rony now."
The house was now just above the clouds and the portraits had just managed to settle themselves back after they had gotten themselves skewed with the takeoff turbulence.
"Let's disappear", ordered Dumbfury and several agents began casting spells with their wands.
"I'll be up in my room with Buckbeak", grumbled Sirius and walked away at the same time as Gintasha went to show Hermione her lab.
Molly wondered around, offering cookies to any agent that looked like he or she could spare the time for a chat.
"I think I spotted him!", cried the portrait of Bulric the Oddball, "At the Ackerton Manor!"
"I saw him too!", cried the portrait of some witch.
"Definitely him", said another one.
"Alright team, time to earn your paycheck!", commanded Dumbfury.
"But we aren't paid", argued Harry while he was dragged out by McGonson.
"Sir!", the portrait of Phineas Nigellus suddenly exclaimed, "Snape's experiment with those four students has backfired! The house-elfs are extinguishing the fire in the dungeons, but they say the students and Snape are still alive."
"I don't have time for m#$%*&*#$*%^& failing experiments, I have a damn planet to save!"
"But sir-"
Phineas got interrupted when the portrait of the witch that had spoken before now began to speak again, "Sir! Zabin-Zoki I mean – has just gored out the eye of Ackerton Sr.!"
"See", said Dumbfury to Phineas, "He's goring out the eyes of people out there and you want me to care about some failed experiment that didn't even f#*^% # kill anybody?!"
Phineas rolled his eyes at Dumbfury, "Aha."
"Now how's the team doing?", he asked critically.
While an agent began to report to him, Molly moved over to Phineas' portrait.
"Who were the four students that got injured?", she asked.
"The Patil twins and two Ravenclaw boys. The school mediwitch is already treating them."
Molly sighed in relief that it wasn't one of her children, "Thank you Phineas."
"Yes, yes", grumbled Phineas and left his portrait.
Soon after Molly returned to the kitchen to prepare lunch while in the control room portraits were running to all kinds of placed to try keep up the surveillance of what was happening.
"We've captured Zoki", came Gintasha's report through one of the two-way mirrors.
"Excellent, now bring him in", said Director Dumbfury.
"Isn't that going to be a bit difficult, sir? They only have a really long broom with them", said one of the interchangeable agents.
"They can chain him to it", said Dumbfury with a glare, daring the interchangeable agent to argue.
"O-of course sir", said the agent and went back to his duty.
Half an hour later Gintasha showed up with Zoki, Captain Scotland and very battered looking Thraco and Rony.
"What the s#&$ happened with you and why is f#%^&*$ Thraco here?", demanded Dumbfury.
"Well, L'oreal here suddenly appeared and stole Goatman over there and then-"
Dumbfury held up his hand, "I don't want to know", and with that he went after their new prisoner while everybody else gathered around a table near the meeting room.
"What is this?!", exclaimed Zoki once he saw his cell.
"It was specifically made for those who annoy me", said Director Dumfury.
Zoki stared in horrified trance at the wall of his cell, "Who is she?"
Dumbfury shrugged, "Who knows, but she treats her prisoners real nice, RIGHT MISS?", he shouted the last part.
Inside the cell Walburga Black's portrait opened her eyes.
"WHO DARES TO DEFILE THE HOUSE OF MY FOREFATHERS?! MUDBLOODS AND BLOODTRAITORS IN THE HOUSE OF BLACK! YOU SHALL ALL ROT IN HELL!"
The last sight of Zoki that Dumbfury had before he walked away was one of total horror.
When he arrived back at the control room most of the team had gone away to either the lab or some other part of the flying house.
"Where's Dumbfury?!", shouted Phineas' portrait.
"What is it?", asked the Director.
"The four students just awoke, one of the twins set fire to her bed and the other one is presumably invisible. The mediwitch is going spare and just called St. Mungos for extra help."
"And what the flying s&^% has this to do with me?", demanded Dumbfury.
Phineas sighed and without answering walked out of his portrait.
"Sir, there is a floo call for you from the Minister!", called some agent.
Dumbfury walked into an adjacent room with a fireplace and glared at the face of Cornelius Fudge in the fire.
"Now what?", he demanded.
"Albus! I've just gotten reports that one of your students, Blaise Zabini, walked into the Ackerton Manor in goat attire and gored out the eye of Lord Ackerton!"
"He's not one of my f#$%*#^ students", argued Dumbfury.
Cornelius just stared at him, "Sure, um, I'll just be sending over, um, some of my friends of St. Mungos, right, don't leave the house please!"
The floo connection cut out after that.
Agent McGonson came to stand at his side, "What do you wish me to do with the St. Mungos officials?"
"Do the same as he did last time Fudge sent them", said Dumbfury.
"Convert them to our cause?"
"Exactly."
Meanwhile, at Hogwarts infirmary.
"WHY CAN'T I SEE MYSELF?!", Padma cried, it was the only indication that she was still in the room – that and her floating underwear.
"COOL! I can create fire!", said Parvati and snapped her fingers to produce some fire.
There was a loud crash as Anthony Goldstone broke through the wall and jumped out.
"MR. GOLDSTONE, COME BACK!", cried Madame Pomfrey, her nurse hat all skewed on her head and most of her hair out of her bun.
"LOOK!", shouted Terry Boot as he extended his arm and grabbed a pencil three meters away.
"THIS IS SO COOL!", shouted Parvati, accidentally setting fire to another bed.
"MISS PATIL! Please stop setting furniture on fire!", exclaimed a disheveled Madame Pomfrey.
Parvati stopped mid-snapping again her fingers and looked at Madame Pomfrey, "No, it's – that thing in the sky – um – Tempest. I'm Parvati Tempest!", she said gleefully and snapped her fingers.
Madame Pomfrey just sighed in resignation
Back at the flying house that was PHIELD headquarters Hermione Granner and Rony Weasley were chatting in the lab.
The lab consisted mainly of shimmering cauldrons with all kinds of detecting potions going on, all of them especially prepared to locate the cup within the cube that had been stolen before.
"-and I especially loved the way you wrecked the Hufflepuff common room", Rony was saying enthusiastically, "They say it was an awesome sight."
Hermione shifted on her chair uncomfortably, "Uh, sure."
Rony went and threw his arm over Hermione's shoulder, "I'm totally inviting you to my Tower, I remodeled several rooms into labs. It's all awesome there now."
"Really?", said Hermione, sounding interested despite herself.
"Why do I get the impression you're trying to talk Dr. Granner into world domination?", asked Harry, suddenly coming into the lab.
"I'm not a doctor", said Hermione, looking confused.
Harry frowned, "But your file says you are."
"Really? Oh well, I suppose I am one then", said Hermione, a small voice in her head was telling her that she most definitely didn't have a doctorate.
"Wait, does my file also give me a title?", asked Rony in a hopeful tone.
"I'm afraid not", said Harry.
Rony pouted, "Okay, I suppose I can live with that – but now", he ran over to Harry , looked around suspiciously and whispered to Harry, "Did you know PHIELD has a secret agenda?"
"What?", said a horrified Harry.
"I know! Awesome isn't it?", said an ecstatic Rony.
"But this is awful!", said Harry.
"Aw, come on Capt'n Patriotism, don't get your panties in a twist."
Harry spluttered at that and quickly ran away.
He ran for a little while until he stopped to think what Rony had said and then went to get some answers for himself.
Down at cell Gintasha was interrogating Zoki in a loud voice since Walburga hadn't stopped screaming.
"FILTH IN THE HOUSE OF MY FOREFATHERS-"
"Please let me out!", shouted Zoki over the din.
"-MUDBLOODS AND BLOODTRAITROS-"
"Not until you tell me your plan!", shouted Gintasha.
"-ETERNAL DAMNATION TO ALL THOSE WHO DEFILE THE-"
"What?!"
"-FILTH! SCUM! BY-PRODUCTS OF DIRT AND VILENESS! HALF-BREEDS-"
"I said you'll have to tell me your plans first!", shouted Gintasha.
"WHAT?!"
"-FREAKS, BEGONE FROM THIS PLACE! HOW DARE YOU BEFOUL THE HOUSE OF MY FATHERS-"
"TELL ME YOUR PLANS!", Gintasha shouted as hard as she could.
"-THE ANCIENT AND NOBLE HOUSE OF BLACK-"
"WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! SHUT THE VILE MONSTER UP!"
"So Monster, huh!", said Gintasha triumphantly and stood up from her chair, "Thank you for your cooperation!", she shouted and ran away.
"-BEGONE FROM THE HOUSE OF MY FOREFATHERS YOU SCUM-"
"WHAT?!"
Soon Gintasha, Dumbfury and Thraco were in the lab along with Rony and Hermione.
"He's after her", said Gintasha in an impassive tone of voice.
Thraco frowned, "I was not under the impression that my brother wished to betroth the doctor of Granner."
Rony gasped in mock surprise, "You don't say."
Hermione was in the corner making sad faces, "But I-"
"You need to stay f&^#ing quiet", ordered Dumbfury.
"Oi! Don't talk to my lab bro like that!", protested Rony.
Thraco frowned further, "I doth not know that the doctor of Granner is thy brother – he looks most female I must say."
"But we're not-", began Hermione.
"F$%#ing shut up!", shouted Dumbfury at Hermione.
"Whoa, whoa, brother you said?", asked Rony to Thraco.
"Well, thou hast just called him brother so-"
"How confused can you even get?", asked Rony sarcastically.
"We are getting off topic", said Gintasha.
"Why don't we talk about your plans to weaponize the world with the power of the cube?", asked Harry, suddenly walking in.
"The f$%#?!"
"Aw man, I wanted to be the one to breach that topic!", complained Rony.
"What doth thou mean with confused?", asked Thraco.
"This is not of priority", said Gintasha.
"I-"
"F*$%ity shut up!"
"Hey! Stop that!", said Rony.
"Yeah, that doth not a nice way of speaking to the brother of the man of gold", said Thraco.
"This really isn't priority."
"I AM A WOMAN!", shouted Hermione.
If possible Thraco's frown deepened, "But he called you-"
"Granner let go of the spear!", said Gintasha, only person present that was keeping her head.
Granner looked down to her hands to see herself holding the glowing spear, "Huh."
And then a section of the house exploded and everything went to hell.
In the control room people were screaming and running around like an overturned anthill.
"We got hit! WE GOT HIT!", one of the many interchangeable agents screamed.
"Regroup the team of spell casters to repair the damage!", shouted another one.
"Where is Dumbfury?"
"Where is McGonson?!"
At the kitchens Molly was staring at her overturned pot of stew.
"It took me hours to make that!", she shouted, her fists clenched so hard her knuckles were white.
Kreacher, sensing danger when he saw it, began to crawl back to his nest.
"Those little rascals will be getting an earful for this!", she proclaimed and got up. She was a woman with a mission now.
Back at what was left of the lab Gintasha was trying to sooth a changing Hermione, "And think of all the girl-bonding we can do later on. We can braid each other's hair later, wouldn't you like that Hermione?"
"NAW!", roared Herlk.
At the top floor of the flying house Sirius had opened the windows and was now mounting Buckbeak.
"I knew this would happen. I told them a flying house is unnatural and they never listened to me – I told them this would happen!", he said as he tugged at the Hippogriff's mane, urging it to move forward so they could get off the house before it plummeted to the ground.
At another place in the house Herlk and Thraco were having a power showoff.
"Please Lady Doctor of Granner, I shall hit thy person again if thou dost not calm thyself down!", shouted Thraco.
"ROAR!", answered Herlk.
"As thou wish then", said Thraco resignedly.
In the control room Dumbfury was battling off an incoming surge of interchangeable enemy agents.
"Someone get m%$^*#%&* ing Thombarton before he does any more damage!", he ordered.
On one of the two-way mirror that hadn't been broken yet by the fights Gintasha answered, "On it, sir."
Gintasha was running in the lower levels of the flying house, knowing that Thombarton was in the area.
She rounded a corner and saw him hit a few people with his arrows.
"Stand back Lioneye!", she shouted.
Lioneye moved his bow in her direction at the same time as Molly came round a corner, frying pan in hand.
"Dean! What in Merlin's name are you doing pointing that thing at Ginny?", asked Molly angrily.
Thombarton immediately turned it on Molly, but she had fast reflexes and was able to quickly deck him around the head with her pan.
"Good gracious Dean, don't point that thing in people's faces!", admonished Molly.
Gintasha came to look closer at Dean, who was now blinking up at her.
"Gin?"
Gintashe hit him one last time to knock him out and looked up at Molly, "Thank you for that Mrs. Weasley."
"No worries dear. Now, if you will excuse me – I've never liked to waste a good stew", said Molly and walked off, leaving a confused Gintasha behind.
Then, through everybody's two-way mirrors Dumbfury announced that agent Min McGonson had died.
Harry and Rony were about the only two of the team remaining on the flying house. After they finished helping in the repairs of the house they both went to sit at the meeting table near the control room.
"This sucks", said Rony gloomily.
"I always trusted in this team", Dumbfury was saying solemnly.
Harry looked at him with a sad expression.
"And now I've lost my –"
"Can someone get me Dumbfury?", called Phineas' portrait.
"WHAT DO YOU F $#ING WANT?!", bellowed Dumbfury.
"Well, the castle portraits say that they've seen Snape laugh evilly and that he has somehow acquired a metal mask to wear now", said Phineas.
"I DON'T CARE!", shouted Dumbfury.
"He tried to kill the mediwitch you moron!", shouted Phineas, "And the other four just saved a couple of firefighting house-elfs!"
Dumbfury, however, was ignoring him, "Poor McGonson never got to see the team work."
Harry was looking with concern at Phineas' portrait, "What that portrait said sounds serious, sir."
"Poor McGonson", Dumbfury repeated.
Rony stood up and went elsewhere.
Harry looked around, shrugged, and went after Rony.
Molly wondered into the room where Gintasha was taking care of Dean.
"Hello there, brought some cookies that weren't destroyed when we almost fell", she said and held out her tray.
"Mrs. Weasley", began Gintasha in an aggravated tone, "I don't think-"
"Thanks Mrs. Weasley", said Dean and ate a cookie, "I'm sorry for how I might have acted earlier."
"As long as you learned your lesson, dear."
"Mrs. Weasley-"
"What happened anyways? I wanted to offer some cookies to that blond boy with the long hair, but he's gone now. I also can't seem to find Hermione."
"Thraco fell off the house when Zoki broke out by punching a hole in the wall of his cell. What nobody knew was that he'd left a hole in the ground of his cell and covered it with a carpet. Thraco stepped on it and fell. As for Dr. Granner – well she also fell off, but that was because apparently she'd seen a guy on a flying horse outside and wanted to chase him."
Molly blinked, "We had a prisoner?"
Gintasha sighed, "Yes."
"Good gracious, I never send any meals down to the cell! The poor thing must've gotten starved down there!"
"He was only here for a few hours", said Gintasha wearily.
"Still, I should have been told. Now I'll be forced to go check down there every so often in case they throw in another one. Good grief, nobody tells me anything here", she said and walked away just as Harry ran in.
"Rony just figured out that Zoki is headed for the Weasley Tower, which one of you can pilot one of those really long brooms?"
Dean raised his hand.
"Good, come along then."
Dean whooped as he ran after and Gintasha pinched the bridge of her nose before moving after them.
Dumbfury watched smugly as the team flew away towards a certain battle.
Down on land Thraco was arguing with some peasant whose house he'd fallen into.
"Ya cantsha'st come fallin' through me 'oof an' 'spect me ter be all fine wi' it", said the man, "An' 'ow come ya ca' fly n' all tha'?"
"That is a long story to be told in front of a mighty bonfire and much ale", said Thraco, "But if thy person wishes for me to compensate thee for thy dwelling then I shalt come back and mend it for thee."
The guy stared at Thraco for a while, "Kay, bu' only'f ya gimme ya word."
Thraco raised his hammer free hand, "I, Thraco AllFather'sson, give thee mine word that I shalt come back and honor mine promise."
"Sure, sure", said the guy and waved him away, "Now go ba' an' do whateve' ya wanna do."
At yet another site Hermione was stealing some clothes from a handy clothesline.
"Why don't they ever have my size", she grumbled as she put on an overly big t-shirt.
She then conned the Knight Bus driver into giving her a free ride to Hogwarts and was just in time to fight a battle with aliens that were coming out of a wormhole on top of WE_SL_ Tower.
Back at the flying house Director Dumbfury was grinning. The Retaliators had been assembled.
Soon after he got another floo call from Fudge.
"What is it now?", he grumbled, "Is it about those f&*%ing St. Mungos officials?"
"No, as much as their constant disappearing bothers me this isn't about them", said Cornelius Fudge's head in the fireplace.
"Then what?", demanded Dumbfury.
"It's the fact that nobody knows anymore what's going on in your school! I've just received a call from Hogsmeade saying that there are monsters attacking the school, appearing out of the air above of the Gryffindor Tower!"
"It's the Weasley Tower now", supplied Dumbfury.
"Good grief", said the Minister, "And what about my poor ministry official, Miss Umbridge? She hasn't answered my last three owls and before that she was talking pure nonsense!"
"Umbridge? No, name doesn't ring a bell", said Dumbfury honestly.
Fudge looked almost sad for a moment, "Then I'm afraid I'll have to do away with Hogwarts."
"What?"
"Yes, with a giant exploding cauldron, like the ones your people invented. Lu- I mean I think it would rather ironic that way."
"You can't drop an exploding cauldron on a school full of children!"
"They're all raving mad! We have to stop it from spreading to the rest of the world!", said Fudge, "I'm sorry, but this is my final word on the subject", after that the floo connection cut off.
Dumbfury immediately sprung up and ran for the control room.
"Somebody get me a way to contact Weasley!", he shouted and people began to scuttle about.
Back at the attic Molly was treating Sirius' scratches and bruises.
"I can't believe you just tried to fly off with Buckbeak like that", admonished Molly.
"But I was convinced the house was going to fall!", argued Sirius, "Besides, how I was I supposed to know that the green thing was going to jump on me when I flew by?"
Molly had to acknowledge that, "You have a point there, but it still wasn't right. Flying off like that, honestly Sirius you're not a coward."
"But I don't have a death wish either!", said Sirius and shook his head, "You should have heard how that thing shouted when it lunged at me and Buckbeak."
"In a death curling tone?", asked Molly, she had heard from the agents how it was supposed to sound.
"No, it sounded more like 'POOOOOOOONNNNNNYYYYYYYYYY!', all while smiling and showing off all its teeth – gave me the fright of my life."
Molly didn't know what to say, "Good gracious."
A short while later at Hogwarts Rony Weasley was lying unconscious on the school grounds with all his fellow Retaliators surrounding him.
Thraco lowered his head in respect, "Fellow warrior Weasley, who fell bravely in battle, thy story of valor shall be sung about in-"
"ROAR!", roared the Herlk.
"Ah!", shouted Rony in sudden fright, "What? Did someone snog me? Please tell me it wasn't Thraco."
"By the Bifrost, he's alive!"
Rony rolled his eyes, "Yes, thank you Captain Obvious, can we go check out some obscure dish nobody has ever heard of before now? I'm sure I know a place that can do that."
"But first we must go get Zoki", said Captain Scotland.
"Um, don't think so", said Gintasha, lowering her two-way mirror, "They're peeling him out of the floor now in your Tower, they suspect he broke his spine. He's not going anywhere."
"Can we go check out the obscure dish then?", asked Rony.
Harry hesitated, but only for a minute, "Fine, anyone who's up for some obscure dish say yes!"
"Yes!", said Gintasha and Dean at the same time.
"HERLK YES!"
"Yeah!", said Rony.
"What do ye mean with broken spine? Is this serious?", asked Thraco concernedly.
"Then it's all settled", said Harry, "Rony, lead the way."
"Woo hoo!"
The next day Director Dumbfury stormed into the control room of the flying house, newspaper in hands.
"Why didn't anybody f%$&ing tell me?!", he demanded as he threw down the newspaper on a table.
"Um – tell you what exactly, sir?", asked one of the more brave interchangeable agents.
"This!", Dumbfury unfolded the newspaper, skipped the part about Acromantula-Man being a menace, skipped the part dedicated to the Retaliators stint and arrived at the last part of the newspaper.
The title read 'FABULOUS FOUR DEFEAT DR. DESTINY'.
"Listen to this you jack$#%es", said Dumbfury and began to read out loud, "Yesterday we also had the Fabulous Four fighting Dr. Severus Von Destiny at the Ravenclaw Tower which is now being renamed the Ravenclaw Building."
Dumbfury glared at everybody with his one good eye, "Why didn't any of you a*$%^& # think of telling me we had four new super powered individuals in our hands?!"
In the background the portrait of Phineas Nigellus could be heard groaning.
EXTRA
At the Hog's Head Aberforth Dumbledore was watching the Retaliators eat Spotted Dick.
Rony Weasley seemed to be enjoying himself while the other ones just sat there and ate peacefully.
Suddenly Thraco spoke, "In truth, how dire is a broken spine?"
Rony took another bite of his pudding.
Gintasha wiped her mouth with her napkin.
Harry was staring into the distance as he chewed.
Dean gave a light cough.
Aberforth just wished they would all go away already.