Chapter Text
Contrary to his expectations, Tim did, in fact, tackle the UDP in a day. That wasn't to say, though, that it was a big task of endurance for our tired, confused, and dizzy protagonist.
The first sign of "oh wait, what in the world have I gotten into now?" was the weight of the book. The surrounding floor next to the book was cracked. And the dust! Laying on the cover, the spine, and maybe the back, was a thick covering of grime that would kill a young Victorian child. For all he knew, the book hadn't been touched ever since it was put in there.
With a sigh, he opened the book. A storm of soot jumped out and into his face. He could feel his lungs die a little bit more with every turn of the page. But he had to finish the book, didn't he? A whole army was relying on him, and it wasn't like he was going to argue with the literal god of all the Cats. Or maybe he would. But that would have to wait for later. For now, he studied the book harder than any test he'd ever done. There was him, short and below the school's average and invisible to the world. And now he had the golden chance to do something he'd never had an opportunity for: a demonstration of what he could do. He was not screwing this up. With every page, every detail about odd cats, things that barely counted as Cats, complicated manuals and information about how the Cat Base worked (turns out, that really was its name all along), and enemies that looked like they'd tear him from limb to limb within the blink of an eye poured into him. Every flip of the book showcased beasts with horrifying powers. From freezing Cats with a single glare, to the ability to recover from blows that would normally kill, to just having the raw power to demolish Cats of all shapes and sizes, he started getting worried. Running away, though, was not an option. He was basically trapped inside the closet until he finished. And there was the whole situation of not knowing what he was getting himself to. The best option here would probably be staying with the Cat Army until he changed his mind. And so he sat there, continuing to absorb all the information contained. A few times, the General opened the door to question him about his progress, and he'd respond with a nod or a point toward the book to show just how many pages he had left. Interestingly, Tim was actually paying attention to learning for once in his life. On any other occasion, studying for this long would start to get to him: fidgeting, taking a water break, or he'd close the book, procrastinating. Even if his back was hurting, he didn't even think for a second about taking a break. The main priority he had right now was finishing the book. His posture could suffer for a while.
When he came to, he was done the book. He didn't feel like he'd read the whole thing, but he knew that yes, he was done the whole thing. Each and every one of its one thousand, nine hundred and twenty two pages. How much time had just passed? He instinctively looked towards the window before he noticed that yes, he had been sitting in a closet for a while. He wasn't sure about the time, but his fatigue was almost certainly a sign that he had stayed within that small place for a few hours. Well, at least he was done with the UDP. Tim paused for a second and then opened the closet door.
Light poured in from the outside, blinding him for a second. Outside, he could see a huge amount of Cats chatting and playing some kind of card game. The sound of the creaking door jolted their attention toward him. He looked at the massive gathering of Cats, all with their eyes and focus towards him.
"Um...hi?"
"So!" Cat God cracked his back. "Welcome to Cat Army 101."
Tim stared. "Of all the things you could've called it, you called it. Cat Army 101. Wow."
It was a great day outside to learn how to command an army. Bright sunlight and mild temperatures made it perfect for a nice outdoor activity. Though he was a bit concerned about why they had to travel a few kilometres to learn how to fight. Why couldn't they have done it outside of the graveyard?
Cat God glared. "Look, I'm not a creative type of person. You want creative skill? Ask Ototo. Or one of the Cats in the kitchen. Now, where was I? Oh yes, learning." He snapped his fingers, and a small, grey machine popped up. A touchscreen was on one side, showing a large button and a small graph showing what looked like money. The other showcased a picture of one of the round Cats he had spotted roaming throughout the base.
"This little device you see here? Officially, it's called the Battle Cats Cloning & Deploying Machine, but I like to call it a deploy slot. I'd say it's pretty easy to use. Look at the touchscreen over there. Right now, it's 'off cooldown,' so you can spawn a cloned version of the Cat that's picture is on the reverse side. See?"
He tapped the screen, and a Cat popped out of the opposite side. It looked confused and then started walking towards the other side of the field. The touchscreen's interface switched from a button to a large circle, which began to fill up.
"You see," Cat God explained, "these machines aren't flawless, yet. Our technicians have been working day and night, but the fact remains that you can't spawn them without having to wait a while, else it'll use up the machine's built-in resources way too quickly, then it'll explode. And trust me, kid, these machines are pricy."
Noticing Tim's confusion over the money meter, Cat God started talking again. "Oh, that money meter? The built-in resources aren't the only thing you need to run one of these deployment slots. You see that Doge over the distance?"
He turned, and sure enough, he could spot a white dog furiously biting the Cat clone spawned earlier. The Cat gave one last bite, and the dog's...spirit ascended to the heavens? What. Seemingly unconcerned with the fact it had just sent a dog to the great beyond, the Cat continued to move further along. The only thing remaining of the dog, or Doge was a few coins, which started to flow as if pushed by the wind into a small slot on the front. "Every enemy that the Doge Army will create will leave behind a few coins as the remains of their faulty cloning system. Use that to fuel the slots. Got that? Great!" With a grin, he teleported away, leaving Tim to operate the controls. Normally, that would be a great idea. He would be roaring to go control the Cat Army. But he was tired. Really tired. Maybe he should have tooken a break while reading the UDP, after all. With a yawn, he stretched his arms and flopped onto the grass. He was asleep within seconds.
Tim rubbed his eyes. He felt refreshed from his nap. Alright! Now what was he-
Oh. There was a noise similar to the sound of bites hitting cardboard. Oh well. It was annoying, but at least he could WAIT WHAT-
He turned around as fast as he could and saw more of the Doges from earlier hitting the reproduction of the Cat Base. His mouth agape, he could do nothing but stare.
Cat God's expression was unreadable. To Tim, though, it looked like a mix of "what the hell" and "my fiancee just died in a car crash." With tears in his eyes, he put his head into his crossed arms and began to sigh. "W-w-what. How..."
He was still confused and a bit groggy from waking up earlier. This was just a quick demonstration, was it not? How did this matter...
"Oh, you absolute idiot. This was a real battle. I even had one of the assistant Cats type out a nice and fancy declaration of war against the Doge Army, here in Korea. The fact that you've even managed to lose on the very first battle of your entire career...."
He, Tim Brown, had just lost to Korea.
Cat God shook his head. "Alright. It's your first battle, and I'm feeling pretty nice today." With a flick of his wrist, the Doges flung back to the other side of the field, as if propelled by a burst of wind. Now that he noticed it, there was an oddly large building which Doges were coming from. The deployment machine emitted blue sparks, and suddenly started going at full power. The money meter disappeared from the screen, and every time he tapped the button, there was no delay to spawn. He looked at his mentor for an answer, but all he got in response was a smile. "God powers, remember?"
By the time the sun set, the remaining Doges in the base had surrendered. The Cat Army had just won its first battle.
Blue light shimmered from the base and entered the deployment slot, causing it to emit a faint glow for a few seconds. He wasn't sure what that was, but it was probably something beneficial.
Just as Tim was about to leave, though he heard a cry for help inside the base. The Doges should've fled the base though... So what in the world could be inside? Rushing upstairs, he discovered...something that was probably not a Cat. With a long, cylindrical body and what appeared to be absolutely no upper body strength, this was most likely the Tank Cat he'd heard so much praise about in the book. It was locked up to a table leg, but luckily the wires hadn't been tied yet. Incredible defence. He picked up the surprisingly light Cat and started walking for the Cat Base.
<break>
It was total chaos inside the Cat Base. Just sitting at the table for a few seconds was like torturing his ears with a cacophony of pure noise. He was desperate to go somewhere. Anywhere that he could use to escape that mob of Cats desperate to meet the one who Cat God had (reportedly) proclaimed the Army's "one true ruler."
He found a small room upstairs, with a small lamp and a table. Great.
He sat down with his tray and unrolled the map he'd gotten earlier from one of the assistant Cats showing the Cat Army's predicted trail of chaos, mayhem, and destruction. The next destination was Mongolia. Much bigger than Korea, but judging by the pitiful defence of Korea, it couldn't be too bad.
"Got room for one more?" said a voice, breaking Tim's concentration. He looked up. The General was there, holding a tray of tuna.
He nodded his head, and the commander took a seat on the other side of the table, right across from him.
"Gonna eat that?"
Tim shook his head. The General picked up the clump of tuna with his paws and dumped it all into his mouth. Holy amogus.
"So, the next place we've got on the list is Japan, huh. Nice place. Once visited for a scouting trip, ended up staying a week past when we were supposed to arrive. Got a week's pay docked, but it was worth it." Tim wouldn't admit it, but secretly, it was nice having someone to talk to most days. Even if it was a short cat hell-bent on conquering the world. Beggers can't be choosers, right?
He took a piece of the tuna and swallowed. It tasted almost as bad as it looked, and as bad as it smelled, too. A talk with Cat God concerning the menu served in the cafeteria would have to be done later.
"You know, I sent a few lower cats to survey the area. They said there's some new enemy you haven't seen before. Tanky as a door, hitting like a truck, and slow. Not sure what it might look like, but sources say a large animal."
"Like an elephant?"
"Who knows. Or maybe a hippo. Whatever it is, it's causing a commotion within the Cat Base. Do me a favour, pal, and find out what it is before things get too rowdy here. I'd appreciate it."
He took one last bite before swallowing and getting up to leave.
"Good luck, kid."
As it turned out, his gut feeling was right. Mongolia really was pretty simple. Now that he knew how to run the controls, and what not to do in the heat of battle, like the base fell quickly. Not even Snache, a white snake that moved a bit faster than the Doge, could handle the combined forces of the Basic Cats and his newest addition to the army. The next few places posed little threat, as with each defeat, the Cats grew stronger, and could defeat their foes even faster than before. He found a new enemy, too: a trio of small, faceless stickmen that could take a punch, but really couldn't deal one back. They also dropped a huge amount of money compared to the Doge or Snache. The UDP didn't have a name for them, so for now, they were, well, "those guys." Truth be told, the whole XP system made no sense whatsoever, but then again, so did everything else about this world. At this point, he might as well play along with it. Every two countries or so he beat, he'd discover a new Cat being locked away by the Doge Army. A cat holding a rubber axe and an eyepatch, a Cat with concerningly long legs that could strike from a distance, and a cat dressed in a ninja costume. For some reason, he needed to pay a few dozen tins of Cat Food to free it, but that was the least of his concerns. With five different Cat variants, the base was starting to get a bit louder, noisier, and livelier. But that wasn't important. As long as the Cats considered him great for leading them to conquer the world, he was okay with whatever loud noises and things the Cat Army did.
The General wasn't lying. Japan really was a nice place. Too bad he was here to take over it. With the press of a button, he initiated battle.
Setting up the "deploy slots" on the grass, he started summoning Cats. The strategy? Still the same. Spawn the cheaper cost units, the "meatshields," as one of the Cats in the base referred to them, and clear out the masses of those guys with Axe and Ninja, all while building up a safe money collection to not run out. He abstained from spawning his most expensive unit though, the cat with long legs. The UDP called it a "Gross Cat," fitting its creepy apperance, so that's what he did, too. Putting it out too early would cause him to have barely anything to defend off the supposed boss here, the strong enemy whose rumours were currently spreading like wildfire within the base. After a while, though, he seemed pretty confident. He had a nice wallet size and not much to lose. What's the worst that could go wrong? He approached his fifth deployment machine and pressed the button. The machine sputtered, and popped out a reproduction of the long-legged Cat, which noticed the base. Presumably seeing it as a threat, it ran as fast as it could with its four legs, charged up a leg kick to damage the base, which was already starting to show signs of destruction. As soon as its legs connected with the base, a shockwave blasted through the battlefield, shoving cats back to their side of the battlefield and stunning them out of pure sound. Out of the damaged headquarters arose the boss of Japan. The cream of the crop placed by the Doge Army to defend the country from attacks. A.....
Hippo.
Amazing.
Unit Description Publication - Page 18
What is XP?
If you've played any kind of RPG game within your lifetime, you'll probably know that XP is an acronym for "experience points." The way it works in these kinds of games also applies roughly to this universe that you've just found yourself in.
Upon the completion of a level by damaging the base until surrender is achieved, a blue light will shimmer out and into your cloning machines for your Cats. This light is the "experience" that was trapped within the bricks of the base. Through the destruction of the base, your army will release it. The XP will then naturally travel to the objects containing the most stored energy within, which will be your cloning machines. If enough XP is collected, your machines will "level up". This can be seen on the touchscreen when you are not in battle. (Simply toggle the machines out of combat mode, and the level number will be visible.) As for the benefits of XP, so far they seem pretty simple: deployed units will just be stronger and faster. A few units, however, will be able to evolve at a certain level. For more information on this topic, please refer to page 24.