Chapter Text
The most important thing. What was it again? Playing videogames till late at night? Chasing ghosts out in the woods? Finding out your worth?
The moment Stiles started questioning these things again was the moment he knew he'd lost it all. He just couldn't keep on trying to survive this hologram of a life for much longer, this absurd reality where the monsters inside you are let loose and there's just nothing you can do about it.
Not a damn thing.
“Do you remember the way it was before all that? You and me? We were nothing.”
The memory of Scott saying those words still hurt him. Because it was never 'nothing' to Stiles. It was always 'everything'.
But now… now it felt like they were getting closer and closer to 'nothing', one mistrust at a time.
The rain was pouring that night like it hadn't in a while. All Stiles wanted was to get to Scott. He drove carelessly, barely seeing what lay ahead. So many secrets. He just needed to get to him. Then everything would be manageable again. Like in the old times. They could work things out. It could maybe, just maybe, not be the end of the world. Even if the pain in his chest told him there was no fixing this. It was too late for them.
“Please, just be glad to see me, Scott.”
That's all he wanted. A moment's rest. Then Scott showed him the wrench.
And it felt like an ancient demon had clutched his heart and held it tight till there was no air left. Like the very essence of who he was was being sucked out of him. He knew the feeling. Of course he did. He'd been there. What was really frightening, though, was the awareness that there was no demon now. It was just him, alone with the weight of being human.
“Thank you, Mr. McCall. Well done.” Mrs. Jones had told Scott that afternoon after his presentation. She turned her glare to Stiles. “Mr. Stilinski could learn a couple of things from you, since you spend so much time together.”
Scott had ducked his head, feeling unbelievably embarrassed. Stiles just smiled, genuinely happy. He was so lucky. Scott was his friend. His best friend. The best of friends. And in his eleven-year-old mind, Scott was the best at everything. Maybe not Call of Duty. But definitely all the rest.
“Where did you get that?” Stiles had asked him, the rain already soaking him wet. The questioning look on Scott's face making him feel so small he had the sudden urge to disappear, to vanish forever in the darkness of that night, just so he wouldn't have to witness what came next.
“You're the teacher's pet now.” Stiles had whispered in his ear, bumping their shoulders cheerfully when they heard the bell.
“Shut up.” Scott was smiling shyly. “You presentation was way cooler.”
“I thought so, too.” Stiles grinned, as they gathered their materials. “But you're much more of a crowd pleaser. Maybe you can become president someday.”
“Yeah, right. As if I could ever lead anyone to anything. Who would believe anything I had to say?”
“Why didn't you tell me, Stiles?” Scott was just as soaked, his voice sounding coarse and strange, almost inaudible. But there was also suffering there, pain buried in disappointment. A crushing combo. How can you not listen when a wolf howls? How can you pretend not to listen?
It resonated with Stiles' body in a super human volume. That grief-stricken question, but almost a whisper. And all he'd gone through so far hadn't nearly been as harsh.
It broke his heart.
“Please, believe me. Say you believe me, Scott.”
“I'd believe you!” Stiles shouted as they walked down the school hall. “I'd totally vote for you, dude! I don't think you could ever tell a lie. Well, not a big one, anyway.”
Scott scoffed. “Like you could!”
“I would, if I had to.”
“Maybe you could be my bodyguard when I'm president.”
Stiles' eyes glowed at the idea.
“Hell yeah! I'd wear one of those cool suits, and take bullets for you.”
“You'd take a bullet for me?” Scott asked, in a surprised tone.
“Sure. And I'd lie for you, too. So you didn't have to.”
And now there they were. Nothing left but resentment under heavy storm.
When Scott was bitten, all Stiles thought about was how freaking incredible it was to see him evolve into something even better right before his eyes. Stiles relished in the thought that maybe now Scott would believe he could do anything, and become everything he always thought he wasn't good enough for.
Instead, now Scott doubted himself, and doubted him. And in this never-ending well of doubt, cracking under the rain, Stiles doubted he could ever again look at his best friend and feel the affection he once did.
“Hey, Scott, earlier today, when you told me about Allison, and I said that, was it weird?”
“Said what?”
“You know, when I asked you if you wanted to make out to see what was like.”
Scott laughed.
“Oh… that. It was not even close to being one of the top a hundred weirdest things you have asked me. So, yeah… not weird.”
“But you still didn't answer me.”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you want to?”
“Are you serious?” Scott's face had reddened.
“Yeah, I'm serious! Why do you always believe me when I'm goofing around but never believe me when I'm being serious?”
“Ahn... because I usually can't tell the difference?”
“Well, I'm being serious now. Sort of. I mean, this isn't a life and death situation we're talking about here. I just wanted to know… you know...” Stiles shrugged, looking down, moving awkwardly from one feet to the other, holding his backpack strap on his shoulder. “If you don't want to, I mean, it's totally fine, it's not like someone will die or anything.”
Scott thought about it for a few seconds, as they walked towards the parking lot.
“You just want to do it to see what's like or...”
“Just to see what it's like!” Stiles practically shouted at his face, feeling a gush of panic go through his body.
What he was actually thinking was “I want to kiss you always. To see what it's like every single time.”, but his pounding heart suffocated his words.
Scott reddened even deeper at the frantic response.
“Yeah, I… ok.” Stiles thought he saw a glimpse of a smile, but it could be just his wishful thinking. “I wanna see what's like.”
It's like this, Stiles thought as the raindrops washed away the tears on his face. He took the wrench from Scott's hand, trembling. It's me never mesuring up to you. It's me making mistakes you would never make, it's me naively telling myself none of this matters. Because you're my best friend and I love you.
Stiles let out a painful breath, which he didn't even know he was holding.
“What do I do about this? What do you want me to do, Scott? Just tell me how to fix this.”
There was no answer. And the worst part was to see the pain in Scott's eyes, and to know he was the one responsible for putting it there.
Would he ever make Scott laugh again? Would Scott ever believe the only thing Stiles ever wanted was to be by his side till the end? Even if their feelings toward one another had changed through the years. Even if there wasn't much left from the times of videogames and french fries.
Stiles wanted it bad. To be there for Scott. Always.
Even if now there was just rain between them.