Chapter Text
A couple days went by and Bob was starting to worry for his friend. He knows how bad being in your thoughts for a long period of time can be and can see something is turning in his head every time he flinches out of dissociating or when Yelena mentions being a team. Everyone, besides Walker, have grown used to having the spider around he's friendly when he's not zoned out staring at the blank screen of his phone and even attends missions on occasion though there aren't many at the moment since most of the time its petty crime Yelena can deal with in seconds or Walker can bust them up with his shield.
Bob didn't really know what his powers were just that his friends keep telling him to try to avoid using them. So he did, Bob doesn't mind though every time he's tried in the past something dark swells inside him making him clutch at his chest as he finds it hard to breathe. His nightmares are off an on and he finds his way to either Yelena or Peter's room most nights. Their his family weather they like it or not. Back to Peter though the young adult had been on the balcony for the past two hours looking over the rail. Nobody disturbed him but Bob decided he needed a friend.
"Hey Peter" Bob says quietly trying not to startle the zoned out man, "Hey Bob" Peter says defeat evident in his voice. Bob looks out at the sunsetting city "its pretty isn't it?" Peter just nods. The two stand there staring out at the busy city, cars driving home for dinner, people staring down at their screens or walking their dogs. Lights flicking on in apartments with the sound of police sirens in the distance. "Why are we here?" Peter asks, not to Bob, not to anyone, just to the world. "I mean their has't to be a reason right?" the spider continues. "Everyone that died in order for us to be here, every life that was lived in order for this moment to exist. What makes us so important?" Peter looks at Bob who shrugs.
"I've been asking myself the same question for years" Bob admitted. The two stand in silence after that until the moon starts to appear in the sky. Alexei walks into the apartment with pizza and burgers placing them on the counter. "ok, ok the famous question, does Pineapple belong on pizza?" Bucky says taking a bite into his burger. "No its an abomination" Walker states "It adds flavor, but i would expected taste from you" Ava says with a mouth full of food. "Pineapple, no pineapple, drown your pizza in the drink of your choice" Alexei laughs taking a shot. Yelena rubs the bridge of her nose while an awkward silence takes over the group.
After dinner is over the team sits around the living room in their various food comas while Alexei is telling old stories that may or may not be true. "...it wasn't any rabbit no, it was a monster with horns and teeth, but i the red guardian had no problem taking down" Alexei says with a confident laugh. Bob smiled his head resting on Yelena's shoulder Peter beside him back in his own head. Bob tapped the spiders knee with his foot gaining his attention. Peter gives him a half smile before going back to staring at the floor. That concerned Bob but he isn't going to push for an answer.
One by one everyone headed off to bed, Ava first saying her joints were starting to cramp up. Walker next with nothing but a dismissive 'night' before stumbling up the stairs. Alexei left but not before kissing the top of Yelena's head, which she hated. Bucky followed after Alexei leaving Bob, Yelena, and Peter in the living room. "I'm going to head to bed, goodnight" Peter says standing up taking a stretch before heading up the stairs "goodnight Peter" Bob states, Once out of sight Bob sits up looking at Yelena "he's upset or heavily depressed, or both" he rambles, Yelena turns off her phone giving Bob her full attention. "why do you say that?" she asks.
"I know that look, the one thats hopeless, that I'm not worth it look, he has it all over him" Bob pulls his knees to his chest, I see it every time i look in the mirror, he wanted to say but just bit the inside of his cheek. "Do you want me to check on him?" Yelena asks genuinely "If you could? bring Cucumber with you, that little guy makes me happy" Yelena smiles "you have a good heart Bob" he nods with a smile even though the thoughts will combat that compliment later tonight as he sleeps.
Bob laid his head on his pillow not knowing when he'll sleep only knowing that once he does 'It' will be back. Bob stood face to face with the shadow version of himself, it just stares at him, its white dots following his every move. Bob's mouth was sewn shut he could ask his name or why he was here. The white walls were unsettling as he was dropped into a classroom. "Bob whats the answer to number five?" the teacher asked her faced washed out with no identifying features, Bob tried to speak but his mouth held closed "Bob if you can't Participate I'm going to have to call your parents" Bob vigorously shook his head but no words would leave his mouth as he sat with kids laughing and pointing.
The brunette is thrown against a wall his father's hand on his neck "Your worthless, pathetic Say it!" Bob was choking his mouth was free but he couldn't breath enough to get words to form. He was slammed into the dry wall till his back hit the road pavement. Two guys stand over him shoving powered and cigarettes in his mouth, "just one more then you can stop" the chanted under their breath. Bob clawed at their ankles but his hands were zip tied down. He closed his eyes then opened them he's in a dorm room a blonde in the corner with a worried expression "if you're going to panic every time i touch you I don't think this relationship is going to work" her voice trailed off. he looked at the wall as it mortified into a medical room Valentina standing in the middle as she spins "its just a needle, just a test" her smile extended till it swallowed her whole.
Bob shot up in his bed pitching himself to make sure this was real not another part of the nightmare. Bob flinched as he saw the nail indents in his skin. Real, he sighed with relief laying back on his pillow. He'd like to say this is the first time this exact nightmare had occurred and in this format definitely but he's been around the block once or twice. Keeping his breathing even was difficult but he shook his head. Bob crept downstairs for water and a midnight snack when he sees Peter on the balcony once more. This time, however, he sits on the railing his feet dangling over.
Bob abandoned his crackers and glass of water as he rushed outside "Peter?" Bob stood in the doorway, Peter turns his head looking at Bob face tear stained "hey man" he says horse. "what are you doing?" Bob steps closer, he had a guess of what the spider was doing but didn't want to assume. "thinking" Peter trails off staring at the ground that had less cars than earlier zooming below them. "Can- can you get down? please?" Bob asks carefully trying to mask his worry.
Peter shrugs climbing back over the railing before sitting on the ground his back against the glass. "were you-" Bob started but Peter shook his head "though about it, but do to my fast healing abilities i would survive, probably break a few things, not worth it" Bob didn't look at him horrified just concerned. "I'm not suicidal if that's what your asking, I miss aunt may and mr. stark and the countless others who have risked their life for mine, but doesn't mean i want to join them, not yet anyways" Peter sighs his head hitting the cold glass.
Bob listens doesn't speak as Peter takes another intake of the night air. "I hate myself" Peter admits into the dark. "I don't hate anyone but myself and because of that, i can't be here" Bob decided to speak "I hate myself too" Peter looks at him and nods for him to continue. "but i think thats why i need to be here" Bob mumbles his confession. "I was apart of the avengers" Spiderman says "they weren't a family, more a group of heros forced to work together, some people viewed us as a family, but it wasn't like playing house it was strictly work" Bob nodded. "Tony Stark was the closest thing to a father i ever knew, the others were nice but none of them compared to Mr. Stark" Peter looks at Bob.
"The Thunderbolts, New Avengers, are nothing like S.H.E.I.L.D or The Avengers. You guys are a family, a broken family but a family none the less and it hurts to watch" The sun started to rises as color appeared in the night sky. "You're welcome to be apart of it?" Bob offers but Peter just shakes his head "I don't fit on another team, i don't fit here and i don't fit in the young avengers, My team is dead, and i died with them" Bob wanted to argue say he's wrong but Peter was already standing up. "This was a nice talk, thank you Bob" Peter walked back inside heading up stairs.
Bob stayed on the balcony wondering what to do when Yelena appeared beside him "what are you doing out here Bob?" She asks sitting beside him on the ground, "just thinking" he lied. The rest of the morning past, the afternoon as well. At six on the dot Peter came down the stairs bags in hand "leaving?" Bucky asks, "Going to go stay with a relative " Peter states, Bob knew that was a lie, he has a pretty good idea when people are lying to him. "Well you're always welcome here" Bucky says patting his shoulder before heading over to the couch.
Bob shot up "I'm going to walk him downstairs" Peter and Bob stand side by side in the elevator as it descends. "why did you lie?" Bob asks, Peter looks at him "because I don't want people to worry, and you shouldn't either, I'll be fine, I can't be here though" the elevator doors opened and the two boys walked out on to the streets. "where will you go?" Bob asks "I don't know yet, but I know I'm leaving this damn city, fresh start" Peter dropped his duffle before pulling Bob into a hug "Good luck Bob, may your fate be better than mine" Peter let go picked up his duffle and walked down the busy sidewalk leaving Bob in front of the base with a frown as his friend leaves without a trace...