Chapter Text
Steam filled the bathroom, the bathtub filled with hot water as Seven marinated in it. The bullying from today had left him exhausted, both physically and mentally. He felt like shit. Empty and tired, and it felt like something was brewing up inside of his chest. 7n7 felt like he might drown any second in the hot and comforting water, yet he stayed, as it kept him grounded for just a while longer.
Drip... Drip... Drip...
The Faucet was dripping... The cold water droplets fell in an slow and steady rythm, creating little waves in the hot water. Sometimes the brunette would feel them even under the scalding water.
It was quiet... The dripping of the faucet being the only source of sound, practically trying to hypnotize the faulty boy in the bathtub.
His head was spinning... Maybe he put the temperature too high... 007 already dreaded the feeling of nausea that would come over him once he left the scalding water that currently was his only comfort.
Oh how he'd love to drown in it... Just lowering his head a bit more... Hot water filling his lungs and nostrils, cutting off any attempt at breathing. He wouldn't have to endure all of this any longer... The bullying, the daily torture the brunette had to endure, the feeling of emptiness, hatered, fear and sadness.
It could be so easy...
Yet the highschooler hesitated. He always did.
Perhaps it was the fear of the unknown? Or maybe it was something else that was holding him back, something he couldn't quite point his finger at.
He was beginning to feel lightheaded... The mountain of bubbles practically taunting him, daring the boy to do what he was thinking about just mere seconds ago.
he had put too much of the bubblebath... The white clouds floating in his water were giving the brunette a feeling of existential fear, dreading the choke him any second.
Drip... Drip... Drip...
Slowly everything began to slip away, 7n7's sense of being real slowly dispersing into the steaming water and mountain of bubbles. His sense of reality began to merge with something he couldn't quite place, and suddenly everything felt farther away, and the dripping of the water sounded more muted.
007's breathing was steady, yet his body felt light, and he felt like he was spectating himself from afar, the connection to his body no longer in his weak grasp.
He felt so light, yet so heavy at the same time. It felt strange, yet it hadn't been the first time he had experienced something like this.
Drip... Drip... Drip...
The hot water was starting to get uncomfortable, making it hard to breathe between all the steam.
It felt like hours had passed... Just how long would it stay this hot...?
7n7 felt like he'd run out of oxygen, the scalding water pressing onto his chest uncomfortably.
He was starting to get a headache...
Drip... Drip... Drip...
His breathing became harder, more urgent, the teenagers chest rising and falling rather quickly now.
He felt like he was gonna die in that scalding water that was seemingly eating away at his skin.
He couldn't move.
He didn't dare to move.
But he had to get out.
Drip... Drip... Drip...
The dripping of the faucet was practically mocking him, making the brunette panic more.
After some moments he finally sat up, gasping for air, hands covering his face as he was desperately trying to breathe.
With trembling hands he began to drain the water, remaining seated for a few moments longer.
His head was pounding...
Slowly n7 began to leave the bathtub, the expected wave of nausea hitting him almost immediately.
He gad a hard time keeping himself on his feet, and the feeling of nausea was making his skin crawl. It was unbearable.
Everything felt like a blur, the details melting together, but soon the brunette found himself hunched over the bathtub, the strong smell of the soap he had used stinging in his nose as he was dry heaving.
Seven already knew that his body wouldn't vomit by its own, so he did the only logical thing to get rid of the mind splitting nausea, his finger soon placed at in his mouth, shoving it in deeper and deeper, desperately trying to get rid of this sickening feeling in his stomach.
Occasional gagging filled the bathroom, the highschooler trying to empty his stomach for probably five minutes before finally-
splat
Sevens throat burned as he stared into the still draining water exhausted, spitting the rest of the saliva in his mouth into the mix of bathwater and chunks if his dinner. It surely was a sight that he didn't see every day... He'd have to clean this up tomorrow...
Slowly the brunette got up again. Everything was still spinning and blurring together.
He steadied himself on the sink, washing out his mouth with running water, taking a few sips of cold water after to soothe his dry and burning throat.
007n7 always hated taking baths or showers. Not because he lacked hygiene, but because it forced him to get reminded that he was stuck in this body that wasn't his. This horrible body... The curves he couldn't hide, the petite jaw, the way to high pitched voice, the breasts on his chest that he had to bind away for unhealthy hours every day, causing him back pain in every possible position. His upcoming period a cruel reminder that he would never be biologically male. It made him physically sick. Every deadnaming and misgendering pushed another dagger through his heart, which he had to pretend didn't bother him.
Seven hated having to look at cis-men, having a deep feeling of envy and wondering " why couldn't this have been me...?"
The brunette stood in front of the mirror, just staring at himself, hand placed on the sink to keep his balance. His hair was wet, sticking to his face in chunky strands. It felt uncomfortable. He hadn't dried himself up yet. It was cold, making Seven shiver slightly. He felt the little hairs on his arms stand up as he froze. Yet he was too much in his own thoughts to pay it any mind.
Whatever he tried people always misgendered him. Just what was he doing wrong...? He had tried EVERYTHING. Masculinizing make-up, a shorter haircut, clothes that made his stature look more like that of a boy his age. He hated it. He hated it so much. Every time he had to look at his own body he wanted to claw at it, shape it to whatever he wanted it to be.
The longer the brunette stared at the mirror the more he cracked, tears streaming down his delicate face, falling into the sink, while some of them dripped onto his chest, making him want to rip them away writh his hands. Claw his nails into them and rip at them until they were gone, only bleeding flesh remaining. His chest tightened, heart burning with hatred and disgust.
His eyes darted to the razor on the sink.
Oh how he'd love to just- Take it and drag it across his chest and arms. Leaving deep cuts that would gush crimson red. Carving his chest into the size he wanted it to be. Maybe he'd bleed out, leaving behind a pool of glistening blood, and his body, mutilated by his own hands. A gruesome scene for whoever might decide to check up on the highschooler after not hearing from him for months.
His chest carved open, pieces of flesh rotting in the sink, vomit sticking in the bathtub, and his body laying on the floor, maggots eating their way through this body that he despised.
7n7 wondered if he would die with a smile on his face if he'd did this...
The breath caught in his burning throat, a hand placed on the left side of his head as the highschooler had a revelation. What if...
007n7 quickly summoned the c00lgui with a trembling hand, staring at it for what felt like forever, before glancing back at his reflection. It was worth a shot...
His fingers trembled as he put in a script.
//edit/user:"007n7"/change/gender:"male"//
Seven hesitated, his finger trembling as he pressed 'enter', closing his eyes. Maybe he was afraid of what would happen, or if it would even work. He wouldn't know until he'd look... Why was he so... afraid...? This is all he'd ever wished for... God- Why was he always such a... a coward?
Seven took a deep breath, grounding himself before hesitantly opening his eyes.
The air caught in his throat, staring into the mirror for what felt like forever. Was he seeing this right...? D-Did it work? Or was he just hallucinating, his brain showing him what he wanted to see.
A shaky breath escaped the brunette, his hand travelling to his chest, fingers trembling with anticipation.
007n7 flinched back as he made contact with himself, eyes widening a bit. His hand quickly returned in disbelief, grabbing his chest once more. It was flat... Seven couldn't believe it, moving over his chest over and over again.
He then started laughing softly before it started turning maniacally, disbelief trapping the air in his throat. Small tears gathered in the corner of his eyes, yet this time they were happy tears.
Quickly he summoned the Gui once more, his fingers rushing over the keyboard to make more adjustments. Deeper voice, sharper jaw, broader shoulders, better hair texture, red horns and a tail, sharp teeth-
7n7 started changing everything that bothered him about his body, giggling like a man gone insane.
Some of the changes hurt, like the horns and tail sprouting from his body, or his spine contorting to get rid of the scoliosis that had formed from the years of binding too long, but it was only a small price to pay.
...
The brunette was breathing heavily once he was done with all the adjustments he had made to his body, hard coughs slipping from his mouth. His muscles ached from the strain put on them and his head was throbbing heavily from using the c00lgui too much.
Seven stared at himself in the mirror, head hanging low, flat chest heaving heavily, small black scars with an red outline showing under them, the only evidence that he had been biologically female once.
The highschooler grinned at himself triumphantly, his disheveled look filling him with glee and newfound confidance.
He couldn't help but to admire his 'new' body. He had never felt so good in his own skin... No more misgendering, no more deadnaming... He finally had found a new kind of freedom, and GOD did it feel good.