Chapter Text
Chapter 22: The Last One
Chandler resurfaces after the New Year’s festivities have passed. He finds Phoebe tuning her guitar at Central Perk. “Pheebs.”
“Chandler.” She’s giving him that tight-lipped, “sorry for your loss” smile he’s become very familiar with lately. “I guess you heard about Joey.”
He nods solemnly.
“So what’re you gonna do?”
Is there anything else to do other than the right thing? “I’m gonna support him. Let him go.”
Phoebe stares at him with wide, sad eyes. “You’re not going with him?”
Chandler struggles for an answer; part of him wants to go, but moving across the country is a huge step for someone who took nine months to admit he was in a relationship.
“Have you even thought about it?”
“Until just now? No.”
Phoebe makes an exasperated noise. “Chandler, this is your chance! You have to go with him!”
“Do you—do you think I could?”
“Yes! Yes! And—oh, oh my God”—she grips his arm in sudden realization—“his birthday’s coming up! We’re throwing him a party ‘cause he’s leaving for L.A. next week, so it’s like a going-away party and a birthday party! And you could be his present!”
The very idea of all this is frightening—in a good and bad way—and makes his stomach twist into knots and something ball up in his throat. “Do you really think he would want me there?”
“Of course! He’s your lobster!”
“He didn’t seem like he wanted me to go...” Chandler says after a beat.
“Did you ever think maybe he was scared of asking you to come and hearing you say no? I mean, that’s like telling someone you love them and they don’t say it back.”
That one cleaves through Chandler’s guilty heart, because when Joey first said he loved him Chandler didn’t say it back. And the only time Chandler ever said those words to him was in the heat of an argument where it could be misconstrued as ammo.
Phoebe notices the palpable distress on his face. She sets her guitar down and moves so her whole body’s facing him. “How hard would it be to just go with him and live in L.A. like a big-shot movie star?”
Chandler thinks for a moment and picks out the first hurdle to this tempting offer: “Well, I’d have to...move.”
“We can help you! You know Monica would go crazy over helping you pack! Organizing, cleaning—that’s like sex to her!”
“My job does have an office there...” It’s like he can sense that his apprehension is fading, and he has to push at the edges a bit.
“Okay, see? This was meant to be!”
“But—but—but!” Chandler panics, because he’s already putting too much thought into this. This is ridiculous—isn’t it? If Joey wanted to be with him that badly, wouldn’t he have fought a little harder?
“Why not?” Phoebe asks, completely serious. “How is it any different than Rachel running out on Barry? Or Ross finally asking her out? Or even you and Joey getting together?”
Chandler wants to respond with something like “because it just is,” but gathers his thoughts with a marginal amount of coherence. “Pheebs, this is totally crazy. I can’t—I can’t just move all the way across the country like that! I mean, this is something people plan for! You don’t just...do it!”
“You can’t just sit around and plan things, Chandler, or you’re gonna miss out on something really wonderful.”
Chandler thinks that his entire relationship with Joey has its foundations in blind leaps of faith: asking Joey to kiss him again, their whole fooling-around period, going to the resort, blurting out all the embarrassing things he’d said while drunk... Even gaining Joey as a roommate wasn’t part of Chandler’s plan.
Maybe that’s just the disjointed, clumsy way they work together: spur-of-the-moment decisions that feel right. Maybe this is one of those pivotal moments where Chandler can choose to throw caution into the wind and go with his gut feeling. A chance to fix what he’s broken. A chance to prove to Joey that he loves him, no matter the cost.
Hey, man, if you wanna make it happen, you gotta be a man and lay it all down. Do what you told me! Do something nice, a big gesture to get her attention! C’mon, quit being a wuss!
Chandler laughs to himself; he never expected his advice to Ross would ever work—now it’s Ross’ turn to give him the confidence he needs to commit wholeheartedly to this.
#
Almost a week later, the girls and Ross throw Joey a going-away/birthday party at his apartment. All Joey can see is that Chandler isn’t here. It shouldn’t hurt so much, but it does, because Chandler ignores awkward, uncomfortable situations as much as he can, and goodbyes definitely fall into that category. If Joey had known the last time he talked to Chandler was actually the last time, he would have said more. He would have suggested that Chandler come with him, felt the sting of rejection like the lash of a whip.
Joey gets that Chandler has issues with intimacy and commitment and relationships, but Chandler didn’t even call once and leave a drunken, sob-riddled message begging him to stay in New York. So on top of not being asked to stay, Joey also doesn’t seem to be getting a goodbye.
All he wants is some sort of proof that Chandler actually gives a shit about him in a way that makes their nine-month relationship more than just a really convenient fling. Because that’s the impression Joey’s getting here.
He finds Phoebe in the corner with a few packed-up boxes and the porcelain dog statue. She’s stroking the nape of its neck affectionately when Joey sidles up beside her. “Pheebs, you know that’s not a real dog, right?”
“I might be a little wasted right now.”
“Yeah, maybe.” He plucks the glass from her hand, downs the rest of the drink. Phoebe sniffles and wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. “Aw, Pheebs, I’m sorry, let me get you another drink—”
“No, no, Joey, I’m just gonna miss you so much.” She hugs him close, and he wraps his arms around her. He buries his nose in her hair, tries to keep the waterworks at bay. He holds her a little tighter, and that’s when Phoebe pulls away and wipes her eyes again. “I’m sorry, I promised myself I wasn’t gonna do this.”
“Hey, it’s okay,” he murmurs, kissing her forehead. “I’d be sad too if you were leavin’.” He rubs circles on her back until her tears have dried. Joey glances over at the door—still nothing. “Have you heard anything from Chandler?”
“No.”
Joey doesn’t even bother hiding his disappointment at that.
She pats his arm. “You’re still each other’s lobsters.”
Usually Joey and Phoebe are on the same wavelength, but this time he’s completely lost. “What?”
“Oh, you weren’t there for that,” Phoebe realizes. “It’s what we call Ross and Rachel: the lobsters. ‘Cause lobsters fall in love and mate for life.”
“He doesn’t love me,” Joey says numbly. It actually hurts a little when he hears it out loud.
Phoebe gives him a knowing smile. “Trust me, he does.”
“Then how come he’s not here?”
Phoebe shrugs and looks away for a moment. “He had a thing with—with the thing.” Joey stares at her, totally out of his depth. “He probably got caught up at work. He’ll be here.”
He has a feeling that she knows Chandler isn’t coming but doesn’t actually want to tell him. Joey makes a frustrated noise and wanders off for a drink. Instead he finds Monica, whose eyes are red and wet as she pours herself a drink at the table. “Have you heard from Chandler?” he asks.
Monica shakes her head. “Not yet.”
“You think he’s comin’?”
“You don’t?”
Joey doesn’t have an answer for that beyond “because he’s a jerk,” and he knows in his heart that’s not true. He wouldn’t have dated a jerk for nine months, wouldn’t have dreamed about spending the rest of his life with a jerk. So he just settles for, “Maybe it’s too hard for him.” Monica’s gaze grows sadder, and Joey says, “I don’t understand why he didn’t ask me to stay, Mon. Why didn’t he fight for me?”
Monica’s hands fall to her sides as she stares at him in awe. “Joey, how could you live with Chandler for two years and not know one thing about him? Chandler has always supported your career! This is a huge step for you! Of course he’s gonna tell you to do it; he loves you!”
It should make sense, but Joey still can’t wrap his head around it. It’s not like Chandler ever once said those three words to him during their entire relationship—and, no, their last argument doesn’t count, because Chandler used it as a bargaining chip rather than an untethered, genuine declaration of love.
“When you had the audition for Days of Our Lives, did Chandler support you?”
He nods. “Yeah, he told me to go for it, even if I had to sleep with the casting director to get it.”
Monica looks at him in shock. “He did?”
“Yeah, I was pretty surprised about that too. He was actually sorta encouragin’ me to—” Joey stops, because how the fuck did he not see this coming? Chandler didn’t actually want Joey to sleep with the casting director for the role, but he encouraged him anyway because he knew the part would make Joey happy. Chandler wouldn’t tell Joey how he felt because he thought the confession would make Joey uncomfortable. It’s like he’s always swallowed down his own happiness in lieu of what’s best—or at least what he thinks is best—for Joey.
So why should this time be any different?
Joey laughs to himself, kisses Monica on the cheek. “Thanks, Mon.”
Monica smiles at him in a way that’s confused. “You’re welcome?”
After the other guests have left, Rachel’s crying into Joey’s chest and staining his shirt with tears when Chandler stumbles in, sucking air. “Oh, good, Joe, you’re still here! I’m sorry I’m late. I had a bunch of last-minute stuff at work and—”
Joey pulls Chandler into his arms, and the familiar scent of his hair hits Joey like a wrecking ball. He gets his fingers full of fabric and lets his hands tighten into fists over Chandler’s back. “If you wanted me to stay, why didn’t you just tell me, man?”
“Y—you’re staying?” Chandler asks in a small voice. “But I thought you wanted to go! Why are you—”
“Aw, c’mon, Chandler, I’ll get other roles! Besides, bein’ with you makes me happier than bein’ on TV.”
Chandler goes stiff in his arms. Joey’s about to kiss his unyielding mouth, but apparently this is Chandler’s breaking point, because he actually puts his hands over Joey’s chest and shoves him away. “Oh my God!” Chandler shouts, his mouth hanging open. “Are you kidding me?”
Apparently Joey’s miscalculated—badly. “What? What’s wrong? I thought you wanted me to stay so we could—”
“No! No, I didn’t want you to stay! I was trying to do the mature, adult thing! Being selfish is how I screwed this up to begin with!” Chandler’s doing that whole-body angry flailing thing he’s so good at. “I want you to—I want you to be happy!” It sounds fucking awful when he says it like that, like he’s not even part of the equation of Joey’s happiness. “Take the job if you want it, Joe. Don’t hang back on account of me.”
Joey shakes his head. “Chandler, you always do this. You always put me bein’ happy before you. Why can’t we both be happy by stayin’ here?”
“Because I’m going with you, you idiot!”
Joey’s jaw drops, and he stares at Chandler with incredulity.
Going with him? Joey can’t even let himself think about the concept. It’s impossible.
“You wanna know why I was late?” Chandler continues, his furious blue eyes pinning Joey in place. “Not because I don’t care about you, or because I didn’t want to say goodbye, but because I was at work making sure I’d get transferred to the office in L.A. so you and I could be together and start over!”
Joey’s gaping at him in awe. This is Chandler, Mr. Anti-Commitment. Chandler can barely commit to choosing a restaurant when they go out, but he’s willing to uproot himself from his friends and his job just to be with Joey?
“And I did not spend this entire week getting my stuff packed up with Monica and Phoebe and Rachel and Ross just so that you’d back out and decide to stay, because”—Chandler’s lower lip quivers like he’s going to start crying—“because if you stay, I don’t know what else I can do”—he’s officially crying now, his words sounding broken and desperate—“to show you that I want to make this work. I am so in love with you, Joey, and I can’t—” He’s cut off by a sob, and he wipes away the tears rolling down his cheeks.
“You love me,” Joey says through unmoving lips, and it’s half a question and half a realization.
Chandler nods, and his voice is still shaky with emotion when he says, “You make me happier than I ever thought I could be.”
Joey’s thoughts are all a jumble. “Is this another one of your jokes? ‘Cause it’s not funny.”
“No, no!” Chandler reaches for him, pulls him closer. “Joey, I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you. Just—please, let me try, okay?”
Joey just stares at him, shell-shocked, before lifting a hand to Chandler’s face and letting his palm curve around his cheek. He’s still trying to fit this into his world view, because Chandler has flagrantly avoided all types of commitment for the past year, but all of a sudden he’s willing to move across the country. “Why didn’t you tell me you were comin’ with me?”
“I wanted it to be a surprise,” Chandler admits, chagrined. “Y’know, for your birthday.”
“Well, it worked!”
Chandler gazes at him with agonized eyes. “Look, I—I promise I’ll try to be better, okay? I know you don’t believe me, but I want to do this. I can be better because you’ll make me better.” His hands tighten into fists in Joey’s shirt. “Just—please—tell me that you can still love me.”
“I never stopped,” Joey says before pushing his mouth over Chandler’s. Chandler kisses him back, drags him in, his greedy hands pulling Joey closer and grabbing his hair. Joey’s whispering “I love you” over and over in the short moments when his lips are free before Chandler drags him back and captures his mouth again, messy and wet and real.
The girls “awww” in unison, and Ross tries to join in the recognition of the moment, but it’s forced and uncomfortable. Rachel gives him a look. Ross fidgets and mumbles, “Okay, I’ll stop.”
Joey’s grinning when they break apart, his arms linked around Chandler’s waist. “He’s comin’ with me!” he gloats to the others, ecstatic, before the bittersweet expressions on everyone’s faces sink in. They’re not just saying goodbye to Joey here; they’re saying goodbye to Chandler too. “Oh.”
“What? What’s wrong? Did you change your mind again?” Chandler panics.
Joey shakes his head. “I’m not the only one who’s leavin’,” he says quietly.
Chandler’s face goes solemn for a moment. “Ah, c’mon, give ‘em some credit; they can make it without us.”
Joey smiles despite his sadness; he knows that they can.
#
Rachel, Monica, Ross, and Phoebe say their tearful goodbyes and promise to see Joey and Chandler off at the airport the next day. Chandler gets the grand tour of Joey’s apartment, which isn’t very grand considering nearly all of his possessions are packed away in boxes. But the fold-out couch is sitting in the middle of the living room, and they end up sprawled over it that night after dinner. Chandler’s lying on top of him, his cheek against the warm skin of Joey’s chest, listening to the quiet thrum of his heartbeat. Joey sighs contentment into Chandler’s hair, one arm wrapped around his waist and the other tracing the curve of his spine.
“That didn’t go the way I planned it,” Joey says quietly around a chuckle.
“What’d’ya mean?”
“Well, I was kinda hopin’ if we got back together”—Chandler closes his eyes, feels his heart break because even Joey wasn’t sure they’d find their way back to each other—“that I could, y’know, be on top.”
“Gimme a minute, and we can go again.”
“It’s too late. The moment’s ruined.” Joey pouts. “I had this big thing planned out in my head where I was gonna take it slow, kiss you all over, sorta like our first time.” Chandler smiles despite himself. “But no, you just had to climb on and take over.” Joey’s trying to sound put out about this, but Chandler is completely certain that Joey really doesn’t mind that much at all.
“Well, Joe, a wise philosopher once said if you sit around and plan things you miss out on something better.” Joey pushes his fingers through Chandler’s hair. “Actually, it was Phoebe, but the point still stands. And, hey, if you wanna do all that stuff anyway, I am all for it. I know the moment’s passed, but I’d still enjoy it.” Chandler gives Joey his best “look how cute I am” smile. It works, because Joey grins back and crushes his mouth over Chandler’s.
Joey’s always had an insistent edge to his kissing, but now his hand shifts carefully through Chandler’s hair, like pushing too much might break him or split them apart again. His mouth moves soft and slow, as if they have all the time in the world to reconnect here; Chandler really wishes they did, because he has so much to apologize for that he doesn’t think sex can fix. “Hey, Joe?” he murmurs a little while later, his fingers tracing the line of Joey’s collarbone.
Joey hums a sound that urges Chandler to continue.
“Are your parents gonna meet us at the airport tomorrow?”
“Yeah, they said they’d be there.”
Chandler tips his head so his cheek lies flat over Joey’s chest. “Maybe you could tell ‘em, y’know, about us?”
Joey springs up to a sit, staring down at Chandler in a way he’s going to interpret as stunned. “Really? You mean it?”
Chandler keeps his gaze averted, shy under Joey’s fervent eyes, and sits in Joey’s lap. “Yeah! I mean, you don’t have to make a big deal of it or anything, but I think they ought’a know.” Joey runs his fingertips over Chandler’s knees. “I know it’s kind of last minute, but...” Chandler shrugs. “At least if they don’t take it well we won’t have to stick around.” He forces up a hopeful half-smile.
“So you’re not scared anymore?”
Chandler looks away for a moment. “Losing you...put a lot of things in perspective.”
Joey kisses him, his hands gentle against the curve of Chandler’s face and the edges of his fingers pressing into bone and muscle. He licks into Chandler’s mouth, and Chandler moans, gets his hands full of Joey’s hair. He’s so fucking glad that this didn’t break them, that Joey still loves him and wants him here. They kiss like they’re trying to catch up with where they should be, making up for time lost to distance. Joey’s mouth is wet and hungry over Chandler’s own, and the frantic passion makes Chandler a little dizzy in the best of ways.
Joey pulls back, wets his lips, and looks at Chandler like he’s something to eat; Chandler burns under the heat of Joey’s gaze. “Why don’t you do something else with that mouth of yours?” he teases, touching his fingers to Joey’s lips.
Joey chuckles and slides a hand down the curve of Chandler’s spine. “No way, Bing. I told ya: I got plans for you tonight.”
Chandler feels his cheeks flush when Joey squeezes his ass. “Remember what I told you about planning?” he says with a grin before nudging Joey’s back against the couch cushions.