Chapter Text
It’s a few years after Simon comes to Grace’s little oasis does Grace notice the change. It happens when Simon finds the first apple from the tree they planted together. The seed Simon had with him when he was found by Adrian.
The branch it was one was near the top, bathing in Eric’s sun, making the dew glisten. That is when Grace experiences Simon’s first, real, cheek to cheek smile. He turns to Grace, his brown eyes warm like the coffee Grace misses.
“Thank you,” Simon says before he looks back at the fruit, wiping away the few tears that fall.
In that moment, Grace feels an intense compulsion to plant dozens of trees, just to see Simon smile at him like that again. It's more intense than getting gifts from his students, more intense than when him and Carl made an astrophage baby. More intense than watching Stratt sing...and betray him. More intense than when Rocky offered fuel to go back home. It felt like a blanket in his chest, warm and fuzzy. It felt like divinity. And even though he had never experienced it before, Grace knew, without a doubt, he was in love with Simon.
Grace once again felt like he was the walking embodiment of a lie. Tears pricked the corner of his eyes too, but he was saved from the embarrassment of breaking down by a Rocky tumbling over.
"Organic fruit!" Rocky exclaims, "Amazing! Joyous!"
"Yeah," Grace says, quickly wiping away his tears. Even if Rocky couldn't see them, Simon could, "a wonderous moment huh buddy?"
Later in the artificial moonlight, Grace sits at the edge of the shore, the water lapping at his feet, when he lets the confusion take hold. He thought he knew what he was, finally answered the big question of self. Something most scientists write thesis papers on how to even figure out a fraction of. After being kicked out of the scientific community, that was the thing he held onto most. He knew who he was.
He makes the decision to not tell Simon how he feels. What if it's fake, a lie as well. No matter if Simon loved him back or not, it would change everything. And Grace couldn't even trust himself to know the truth. He can't put the burden of figuring himself out on Simon as well. This was his lie to live with.
I think I love you Simon, he thinks to himself when he walks back into their house and sees Simon's sleeping form through his bedroom doorway, but I've been lying my whole life, I can't tell what's true anymore.