Chapter Text
Once Lance had talked for what felt like a while he looked over at Keith to see his eyes shut and his body much more relaxed compared to tense scared cat he had looked like earlier. It broke his heart seeing him like that, as much as they fought over tiny things, most of them started by him, he still considered Keith as one of his friends. Friend seemed like a weird word to use in reference to him but Lance knew that calling him a rival or enemy seemed wrong (like he had done so last year). Those two constantly bickered but in the end deep down Lance knew that the other wasn’t a bad guy, he actually had some attractive qualities, but that didn’t mean Lance was attracted to him, definitely not.
Shaking his head deciding to stop any further thoughts he shook his shoulders up and down to grab Keith’s attention. Keith took the movement as a sign to sit up so he moved back away from Lance his eyes opening and gaze fixated on the ground throughout the movement. Lance turned his head to look at the other male, “Wanna go back to my dorm? We can order some pizza, watch movies, and stuff. But I do insist on watching at least one of the High School Musical movies.” Keith couldn’t resist rolling his eyes as a small toothless smile grew on his lips. He instantly noticed the way his tone was softer than normal and couldn’t help but turn his head to look at the other. Keith’s pupils dilated a little from the sight in front of him. Instead of Lance’s annoying grin he wore a soft smile and his blue eyes somehow shined in a way that was almost memorizing. If he was honest to himself he could look at Lance like this forever; it showed him in a light Keith never really saw and it brought more questions then answers.
Realizing that he had been staring at Lance and not answering his question he let out a cough to hopefully break the now awkward atmosphere. Rolling his eyes his cheeks heating up in embarrassment, “Fine, but just one any more and I think I will go deaf from your god awful singing.” Even though he insulted the other his smile spread now showing his teeth just barely as his gaze drifted back to the tile floor and he stood up with a little of uneasiness from his lack of balance. Lance’s grin was now back at the other’s response happy to seem him acting normal, “Excuse me?! I have a beautiful voice, you should grateful to hear a voice like mine.” Standing up he responded to the other’s comment acting as though he had taken offense from the comment, he knew his voice wasn’t the best but he wasn’t going to come down without a fight as usual. Deciding to lead the way he went to the stall’s door and flicked the switch to unlock it. Pushing the door Lance lead the way out of the bathroom and soon the building. The whole way the two went back and forth bickering as usual but it was more playful than harsh.
It didn’t take long to get back to the dorm building considering Lance had driven over instead of walking earlier. The whole ride had felt normal, the two of them continuing to constantly dispute back and forth the whole way but neither of them seeming to mind or get angry this time around. When the two of them finally silenced Lance was unlocking the door to his dorm and walking inside with Keith following silently behind him. The dorm was handicap so it larger compared to the other ones of the same price; neither Lance or his roommate were handicap but by their own damn luck their chosen room went through the system fine. Next to the front door was two three foot closets on the left and the bathroom on the right. You could tell the difference obviously between the two sides of the closet, one was a mess and the other was kept neat and organized with misplaced things only here and there. Oddly, the sink was outside the bathroom next to the bathroom’s door in a little cubby next to the actual room space. The sink’s vanity was covered in different products and soaps with a little room for anything else. Below the sink had multiple draws made out of light colored wood that had stains here and there from years of use. The two of them entered the main spacious room space, with some arranging the floor had been kept open for times when the rest of the gang would hang out in there. On the right had two beds, one against the window and the other against the wall that was by the sink. Both of them had their dressers next to their beds but their desks were placed differently. One desk was positioned a foot away from the edge of the bed and near the window while the other was placed next to one of the dressers. On the other side of the room was where they had a fold-up table that had a TV placed on it along with various devices. Both DVD’s and games laid out disorganized on the table as well but the lot of them remained in the two plastic buckets underneath the table. Other then that the room was pretty bare, it was obvious Lance had placed posters all around of different musicians, games, and random graphic pieces to make the room feel more homey but it still felt empty. It was a dorm room so what else could you expect? It was a brief home for college students while they were away at school so it wasn’t supposed to feel homey. Or at least that was how Keith always thought of it.
Running a hand through his black hair he sighed before taking off his red hoodie by pulling it over his head not noticing Lance’s glances. Realizing his black long sleeved shirt covered in realistic night stars, that had been hidden under his sweatshirt, had ridden up. Without thought he pulled it down only to throw his hoodie onto Hunk’s bed casually. Going over the TV Keith stopped before crouching down by putting his weight onto the balls of his feet. Without hesitation he grabbed the movie he was looking for and stood back up. Turning on the DVD player he waited until it started up before putting in the disc. Taking the two remotes, one for the TV and one for the DVD player, he turned on the tv. He knew Lance wasn’t going to be happy with his choice but he didn’t care one bit. It was his feel good movie so there was no way he would change his decision even after Lance’s whining. Carrying the two remotes with him, he went over to Hunks bed to steal some pillows and blankets then settled in the middle of the floor. Lance followed him and grabbed his blankets and pillows only to sit next to Keith on the floor a slight redness to his cheeks that was fading; something he didn’t remember being there before. Breaking the silence Lance spoke swaying slighting after he crossed his legs in pretzel like shape his hands on his shins and his head turned to Keith. “So what we watching?”
“Star Trek,” Keith answered instantaneously, “The first of the new ones,” It didn’t even take a second to pass until Lance had let out a long annoyed groan. Peeking to his right he saw Lance now slightly sticking out his bottom lip in an almost pout making him rolling his eyes in response. “Why?” Lance drew out the word in an annoying sounding whine while he let his upper torso fall back onto the floor not for one second losing his pout. “Hey, if we are watching High School Musical you have to suck it up and watch a movie I like that you don’t.” Keith retorted raising his eyebrows even with his gaze now on the television as it began to play the movie trailers that sadly he couldn’t skip. Hearing a huff of breath in frustration next to him he scoffed at the childness of Lance, god why was he friends with him?... Were they friends? They hung out each other only when the rest of the group was around and this was actually the first time the two of them had been alone. Well were they just acquaintances? No, they were closer than that, especially after his whole episode. Oh god, what’s going to be the aftereffects of him calling Lance during his breakdown? That question made his lungs squeeze again, closing his eyes he took a deep breath pushing his thoughts away as best as he could. He didn’t want to think anymore, he was done with his thoughts today and just wanted to relax.
“You okay?” Snapping out of his thoughts he looked at Lance who was now sitting up again looking at him with worried eyes; the same worry he wore earlier. Keith felt his lungs tightening again as he nodded, “I’m fine, so when are we planning on ordering pizza? I’m not particularly hungry but if you are I can eat cold pizza when I get hungry.” Quickly he changed the subject as soon as it came, he was lying of course but it wasn’t anything out of ordinary. Lance shook his head before readjusting himself so that he laid on the floor on his stomach a pillow in front of him and pulling his blanket pulled over him, “Nah, I actually ate breakfast today so I’m set for now.” He nodded at Lance’s answer before his eyes went back to the tv his legs crossing themselves into a pretzel like style, similar to Lance’s earlier, while he pulled the blanket on top of his lap. Grabbing the pillow he took from Hunk’s bed from behind him he brought it close to his chest, practically hugging it before resting his chin on top of it comfortably. Trailers were still playing, why were so many? Keith couldn’t help but complain in his thoughts only to begin chew on his bottom lip out of boredom, one of couple bad habits he had when he was bored.
“So…” Lance spoke while turning his body onto it’s side his head now resting on his hand of his bent upwards arm feeling a little awkward in trying to choose his next words as his eyes watched Keith, though the male didn’t seem to notice. Almost the whole time between leaving the academic building and sitting here he had been going over ways to bring up what happened. He couldn’t just ignore what he experienced earlier, he couldn’t get the image of broken Keith out of his mind or the sound of his voice over the phone.
“I wanna die,”
Those words played again in his head, the way they seemed so pure was what scared him. Keith sounded like he meant every word and that hurt his heart with every syllable. No matter how much he hated Keith sometimes, he didn’t want anyone even Keith to be in so much pain that they would end their own life. Lance wanted to know more; he needed to know more. He was being left with curiosity and concern to the point he couldn’t end his thoughts until he got more information out of him.
“I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, and I can understand why you probably don’t want to talk about it. But I just--,” He let out a soft sigh his gaze shifting downwards briefly as he skimmed over his thoughts before raising his gaze onto Keith again. “You just have to tell what the fuck happened earlier. Like are you okay? And don’t just say you’re fine ‘cause you can’t just say shit after what happened earlier and then say you’re all fine and dandy now. And I know it’s going to be uncomfortable to you and that it’s probably something you don’t want to talk about but it won’t leave my mind and I’m just… I’m worried about you man,” Lance’s words came out rushed and panicked, none of them thought through in anyway so it was a disorganized mess but he figured it still got the point across. In the end his voice turned soft again, his gaze reflecting the gentleness as his fixated look didn’t move from Keith.
Keith’s whole body was now tense and he was half debating running out the door and just avoiding Lance for the rest of his life. His heart was racing and he could feel his breath beginning to shorten, every part of his being didn’t want to talk to Lance about any of it but knowing Lance’s stubbornness he probably wouldn’t be able to avoid it or more importantly him. Even if he did run away now he only lived a floor down so he could knock on his door until he answered. Also the two of them are in the same friend group so no matter what he did it was still super hard to escape now and ignore him forever.
Letting out a sigh hating his own rationality he dug his face into the pillow trying to think of the right words to say. Gulping he hugged the pillow closer to his chest in attempt to feel some comfort. Shakingly he took in a deep breath and lifted his head from the pillow reluctantly while letting the breath out his lips. With his gaze on the carpeted floor he began to speak his decision clear but felt as though it was against his will. “I… For one thing you can’t tell anyone about it, not Pidge, not Hunk, especially not Shiro; he worries about me enough. Got it?” He saw a slight movement out of the corner of his eyes and figured Lance had nodded. Swallowing spit again he then continued, “I… I never told you guys, hell I don’t talk to anyone about this because I can handle it usually. Today was just a brief...lapse? I guess that’s the right word…” Taking in another shaky deep breath and exhaling it he continued, “I-I have major depression and some anxiety, have had it since I was younger. I’ve learned to live with it; suicidal thoughts are just part of the package. I’m not saying I’m ever going to act on them, I’m not seriously suicidal I just have the thoughts…I’m okay though, I’ll be fine. It was just a bad day, but I mean the day is still going so I guess it’s not completely bad just um partially?” His words were breathy and small but by the end he was shocked by his own boldness to tell someone about his demons. Keith’s heart was beating so fast and he felt as if his rib cage would close in on him completely any second now. The thought of running out the room immediately came forward again as panic settled into his bones with force. Aren’t you supposed to feel better after telling a friend this? But then that brings into question of how much he trusts Lance which was slimmer compared to others, which only seem to make him even more on edge.
“I--” He was about to run, he was about to tell Lance he had somewhere to be which was total bullshit but he felt as though needed to get out of there. The incoming words had instantly stopped when he saw a flash of movement and suddenly arms wrapped around him his whole body becoming tenser than before and almost losing balance from the sheer force of the action. Shock hit him like a ton of bricks and it took a few moments for it to turn into gratitude. Hesitantly he awkwardly wrapped his arms around the other still taking the action in. Lance adjusted a little so that he sat in front of him without losing the embrace so that the hug was more comfortable for the both of them even with the pillow squished between the two of them. Keith didn’t know what he was doing but he let himself give into something he had craved for a while, comfort from another person. His head ended up turning so he could dig his face into the other's neck which seemed probably a little too intimate but he didn’t care. Keith held the other tightly taking in the others ocean like scent and for once he didn’t feel weird or awkward like usual hugs were to him. He felt like a part of him needed this but would never outwardly admit it ever, hell he couldn’t even admit it to himself let alone to someone else.
Lance wanted to say something like he would always be there for him but his mouth quickly shut as he felt the others nose and breath now tickling at his neck. Deciding to keep his mouth shut he let the silence engulf them; afraid that Keith would pull away before he needed to. Unable to stop himself he felt a redness color his skin at how intimate this moment felt. A small appreciative smile showed on his lips as he could tell the other needed this and he couldn’t help but feel as though Keith was letting himself be vulnerable in this moment. Right now h wasn’t sure what he was feeling, he tried to say it was happiness but it seemed different than that, more intense than that, and he couldn’t put his finger on it. He let it be and just enjoyed the uplifting emotion not daring to let go of Keith, not until the other began to pull away.
Keith forced himself to break the hug as much as he didn’t want to end. The warmth like comfort was something he didn’t feel often and couldn’t help but enjoy it for that little bit. Pulling away he stopped when their faces were inches away from each other, something in Lance’s eyes had caught his eye. His hands dropped from Lance’s body and into his lap but still he felt hypnotized by the others eyes. Had they always been so blue? Had they always had an odd shade of purple in the corner?
“If you ever need someone to talk to or just want someone to hang out with you to make you feel better or whatever it is just let me know, okay?” Lance smile was one of those soft ones that made Keith look down at it in the unfamiliarity of it. Keith knew Lance cared about his friends but he never was the one to have first hand experience in it and it settled weird into his brain. He couldn’t help but stare at it his heart picking up speed a little making him question why. Realizing he hadn’t said anything but instead had been staring at the other lips way longer then he should of, he pulled away from him completely his cheeks heating up in embarrassment not noticing that Lance had been blushing as well. “Thank you,” The male whispered as he wrapped his arms around the pillow again hugging it tightly unable to stop himself from thinking of the hug from seconds ago and how he already missed the warmth. Lance nodded before he moved back to sitting beside him his smile now turned into his usual grin.
Keith silently picked up the remote from the ground beside him and pressed play not realizing that the menu screen has been playing music at least a couple times through. Licking his dry lips he placed the DVD remote back by his side not noticing Lance’s gaze on him again. The movie’s sound filled the atmosphere and Keith’s eyes watched the TV screen with a blank stare.
Lance watched the other a light feeling in his chest but also he was curious to what Keith was thinking. He was horrible with reading people and looking at the other he just looked like...Keith. Except he didn’t have his usual scowl on his face instead it had been replaced by a neutral expression which he had seen multiple times but all of them not being when the two of them were conversing. Were things going to change now? Were they going to fight less? He didn’t know and a weird part of him actually wanted the teasing to never stop. He admits sometimes their fights get out of hand but there is also moments when they are just playful teasing back and forth, and he liked those moments.
Keith turned to him their eyes meeting one another, “You know the purpose of a movie is to watch it right?” The latino watched the other tilt his head a little to the right and the hint of a smile on his lips. Unknowingly he took a mental picture of this moment because somehow it seemed perfect to him. “Yes, I know that!” Lance snapped out of it to hurriedly retaliating at the other before looking at TV feeling his cheeks heat up again his skin settling on a bright red. What he didn’t notice was Keith’s smile growing a little before his attention went back to the television as well.