Chapter Text
Closing her eyes was a horrible mistake.
She knew that before she even opened her eyes. Her back was sore from lying on the hard ground, and a horribly pungent smell infiltrated her nose. Pushing herself up, she felt sand flow between her fingers, and only then did she notice how it coated every inch of her skin. She spat out a mouthful of grains as she wiped the crust from her eyes so she could finally see. Standing up, she saw nothing but desolate earth, tattooed black by the greed of man and stripped of life. The smell of rotten eggs permeated the air, much like it had back in the slums, but now with the added scent of burnt rubber and iron. To put it simply, it smelled like a flaming mako reactor, a smell she was unfortunately familiar with.
‘This must be the Midgar wastes.’ She concluded. ‘But…how did I get here?’ She took a step forward, and the earth beneath her cracked and crumbled with little resistance, much to her surprise. It was as if the planet were too weak even to support her weight, let alone sustain an entire world of organisms.
‘Sounds about right for Shinra.’ She thought bitterly. Still, she had never seen the Midgar Wastes so desolate. Sure, they were never exactly a rich, flourishing ecosystem, but they were at the very least inhabitable. Now, though, she wasn’t even sure the mako-infused fiends could survive out here. And she needed to find her way out of this place, as she wasn’t sure she could survive here either.
So she walked.
And walked.
And walked.
And she walked until her legs were heavy and her feet were sore with blisters. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed, nor where she was, nor was she sure of anything at this point. She sure did know why Barret was so wary of sandstorms now, after all, living in a sandy place like Corel, where every day was like living in a wind turbine might make a guy try to avoid dust devils like the plague. The hot winds picked up, carrying with them sand that blew against her skin like a sandblaster. She wiped her brow with the back of her hand, only to look down and see it covered in grime and sweat.
“I would… kill… for a shower.” Tifa rasped, throat dry and haggard from thirst and exhaustion.
And just when she thought the wasteland would never end, that she’d be stuck footslogging across cracked earth until her body gave out, she caught a glimpse of something on the horizon. She didn’t know what it was, but any sight at this point would be a reassuring one, even if it were hostile. As long as it was something different, she didn’t care.
She picked up her pace until her tired legs were making a mad dash for whatever lay ahead. Her boots pounded across the sands as she pushed herself to her limit. She was tired, hungry, and thirsty, but above all, she was determined. As she got closer, the object of her attention became clearer.
‘A town! It must be Midgar!’ While Midgar wasn’t exactly the friendliest place to her—especially after the plate drop and their subsequent escape—she was just happy to see some sign of civilization. Maybe she’d find her friends there, too! Maybe she’d—
She skidded to a halt. She stood there, slack-jawed, at the edge of the horizon as she stared off the cliffside. This was not Midgar, but it might as well have been, what with its current state.
“W-what is this?”
Before her eyes lay Kalm, but not as she knew it; what was once a lively merchant town was now reduced to a shell of its former self. Just like everything in this wasteland, the town was buried under sand, revealing its age much like the smell of rotten eggs in the air. The castle-like walls that bordered the city had toppled onto the settlement, crushing everything within. The irony of the walls, a defining feature of the town and a testament to its safe, cozy atmosphere, being their untimely destruction did not leave her. In fact, it was quite disconcerting.
She was torn from her trance as the winds picked up, heating her skin like the balmy sunshine of Costa Del Sol. Only this time the sun was nowhere to be seen, blacked out by the clouds above, and the heat was anything but balmy, feeling more akin to burning your skin on the hot exhaust pipe of a truck that’s been running all day. She narrowed her eyes as speckles of sand hit her face and caught in her hair, blasting her skin raw like rubbing sandpaper on it. The wind, once a refreshing presence on their long journey, was now a bleak reminder of the planet’s suffering.
Was it like this everywhere? Was Midgar okay? Junon, Costa Del Sol, Corel, Gongaga—did any of them remain? Did anything on the planet remain?
A pit formed in her stomach as she realized her worst fears had come true. The planet was dead. And not only was it dead, it was rotting.
The dread permeated her mind, and even when the winds died down, and she could finally open her eyes, not to mention breathe, she hadn’t even noticed. She stood there in solemn silence, only to have it broken by the sound of crunching behind her. She spun on a dime, her eyes searching for anything, only to be met with nothing but endless dunes. Taking a deep breath, she turned back around, chuckling awkwardly to herself.
“Oh, Tifa… you must have sand in your ears. You’re just hearing—Ah…!” She was startled by the sight of a black robe, staring down at the ruins in a spot that had been empty moments ago.
“Uhm… hello.” Tifa finally greeted him, still trying to piece together where he came from.
He didn’t respond, only continued to stare down at the ruins. Tifa shifted uncomfortably, unsure of how to further address him.
‘Did he not hear me, or is he ignoring me? Should I say something else, or—“ The Robe made her decision for her as he suddenly lurched forward, staggering to his knees.
“Hey, are you okay?” She asked worriedly as she knelt beside him, gripping his shoulder to keep him steady. And just when Tifa thought the situation couldn’t get any more unsettling, he started laughing.
It started as a quiet chuckle, but before long, he was breaking into a downright maniacal cackle. Tifa pulled away, deeply disturbed and unsure of what to do. She had never seen a black robe act like this, let alone act much at all. They just… were. Stumbling and mumbling to and fro without much thought or awareness to put into it. It seemed to her like their base instincts were all they had left, and even then, that was a stretch. So to stand here and watch one that was this expressive, let alone expressive at all, was a sight to behold. Not to say it was necessarily a sight she would want to behold, quite the opposite, in fact.
He threw his head back as his cackling reached its zenith, and so had her trepidation towards the man. While she was brainstorming what she should do, his hood suddenly fell, revealing his visage to the world, not that there was much of a world to see it.
Her breath caught in her throat as soon as she caught sight of those familiar blonde spikes. She could remember them anywhere, as they were the only strands she’d ever seen that had resembled the ass end of a chocobo. Usually, she’d have to stifle a giggle at the thought of that, but all she could do now was work her jaw in morbid realization.
“Cloud…” She uttered. Said man gave her a wicked, yet deceptively anxious grin. His eyes, swirling with mako and slitted like a cat’s, broke through her defenses to see how scared she truly was under her pretense. Based on the unshed reservoir of tears held within his eyes, she could tell she wasn’t the only one.
“Tifa…” He choked, “Help me…”
——————————————
“Tifa!”
She awoke with a start, gasping for air and eyes shooting around frantically. She was lying in bed, surrounded by familiar, safe brick walls rather than the infinite landscapes of rust and ruin.
Her breathing calmed, ‘It was just a nightmare. I’m not in that hell anymore, I’m in Cissnei’s house.’
“Tifa…?” She caught a flash of blonde in her peripheral vision and swiveled her head towards it, being met with—
“Cloud!”
The robes were gone, replaced by his usual attire, and his eyes were no longer that sickening shade of green; they had now returned to their usual teal. The blue in his eyes seemed sharp, while the green trapped in his iris was swirling frantically around his pupil—an idiosyncrasy of his she had picked up on, one that only came out when he was worried or anxious.
“Hey,” He started, breaking her from her thoughts, “Are you okay?”
She blinked, turning the words over in her head as she processed whether he had genuinely just asked that. He knitted his brows in concern, and his tone was anything if not earnest, so there was no way she had heard him wrong.
‘Am I okay? Am I okay!?’
Tifa all but leaped on him, sending both of them tumbling onto the floor as she started yanking on his shirt until it came untucked from his pants.
“Bwuh—Tifa! The hell’s gotten into you!?” He whisper-shouted, face bright red as he desperately tried to swat her hands away. Tifa overpowered him, though, pulling his sweater up to reveal his stomach, much to his rising incandescence.
“Tifa! Knock it off!” He raised his voice slightly louder, but she didn’t respond. He went to rip his arm away, only for her to tighten her grip. Cloud winced at her surprising strength, putting a pause to his thrashing. It was only then, in a silence only inhabited by his heavy breathing, that he realized how quiet she was. He looked up to see her huddled over his stomach, her eyes shadowed out by her bangs and her jaw clenched tighter than the hands she had clenched around him, which he only now noticed were shaking.
‘The reactor… I…’ He remembered.
“Tifa…” He whispered.
She still wasn’t listening, fully absorbed by the horrifying sight of a gnarly scar that covered nearly every inch of his stomach and assumedly went through to his lower back. She removed her hand from his wrist before resting it against the blemish, slowly thumbing over the rough, discolored skin like she could wipe it away. But she couldn’t. It had happened, and now it was a part of him forever.
Cloud, able to sense the tension coming off of her, reached for her hand. At first, he just held it, before instincts took over and he started rubbing it soothingly. For someone so cold and socially awkward, he was an unknowingly warm and comforting presence. Alas, nothing could comfort her right now, not after what she had seen down there.
Cloud would be damned if he didn’t try, though.
“Tifa, it’s okay.”
That was the wrong thing to say, apparently, as she ripped her hand from his as she rounded on him, finally revealing her eyes to be burning red orbs of grief.
“No, it’s not, Cloud! It’s not okay! You’re not okay!” She blew up in his face, sending him reeling back in surprise. It wasn’t often that Tifa got mad, so when she did, it felt very unusual and even scary, and with this being the angriest he’d ever seen her, he could quite honestly say he was beside himself. Unluckily for him, she wasn’t done yet.
“You keep pretending that you’re okay, but you’re not fooling anybody but yourself! We’re all worried sick about you, and the only one that doesn’t seem to care is you! You almost died—“
Her voice died in her throat, and her eyes widened as realization dawned upon her. Cloud looked at her with a strained expression. She clenched her dark brown locks in her hands; the look of absolute dread she gave him said it all, and while she had denied it for this long, she couldn’t delude herself over it any further.
He had almost died in that reactor. If it weren’t for the Weapon swooping in and saving him, he would be nothing but green particles returning to the lifestream. Just like mom, just like dad, and just like everyone else she cared about.
Despite her efforts, a stifled whine exited her lips, and once the floodgates opened, there was no closing them. Her shoulders shook as sobs wracked her body, and Cloud felt his heart break at the display, one that he had caused.
‘You only ever cause her pain.’
‘Your mere existence is like poison, killing everything you come in contact with. Nibelheim, Sector 7, everywhere you pop up, tragedy seems to follow.’
‘You should’ve died in that reactor. Your friends would have been better off. The world would have been better off.’
‘They all hate you, and you deserve it. You are nothing but a parasite that leeches off of everyone around you while you give nothing in return except actively make their lives worse.’
‘Give yourself to me, and I’ll fix it… All you have to do is let yourself disappear.’
‘You owe them that, at the very least.’
Tifa took a deep, strangled breath as she tried to gather herself, breaking Cloud from that dark train of thought. She wiped her eyes before continuing. “You can’t keep doing this, Cloud. I know you don’t like acknowledging it, but—but you’re sick! Your headaches are getting worse, you keep slipping in and out of trances, you’re not eating, you’re not sleeping, you’re not taking care of yourself!”
Cloud looked away again, seemingly more indignant now.
“I’m fine, Tifa. I’m not some helpless little kid, I’m a SOLDIER. I can handle myself without you trying to mother me.” He grumbled. He tended to get like this when the topic of his well-being was brought up, and from there, the conversation would usually drop. Tifa wouldn’t be dropping it this time, though. She had stayed silent for much too long. She had already lost so much, she wasn’t going to lose him because she couldn’t just grow a spine and tell him. In fact, she refused to lose him, period.
“You’re lying, and we both know it. Just because Shinra didn’t care about you—“
She paused, her voice trembling with unfettered disdain at the memory of that lab, much to Cloud’s confusion. She curbed it back down, taking a deep breath before continuing.
“—doesn’t mean that they were right about you. You're more than some… tool! You’re a wonderful person, you’re our friend…! And we all care about you, so why don’t you care about yourself?”
Cloud could only scoff.
“Do you even need to ask that? What kind of ‘wonderful person’ accuses his friend of being a fake before trying to stab her?” He asked with a weak, mirthless laugh that oozed self-hatred. He returned his gaze to her, although he couldn’t meet her eyes, only able to look at the scar he had reopened only hours ago.
“I don’t deserve your care, Tifa. Hell, I don’t deserve to live after what I did to you. You should’ve left me to rot in that reactor—”
Before he could even finish his sentence, Tifa had her hands clasped around his face, just like she had back in the reactor. Except instead of gentle hands guiding him towards her sobering gaze like earlier, he was instead clamped in a vice grip that had him locked in on her tear-stricken visage and unable to look away.
“Don’t say that EVER again!” She exclaimed, catching Cloud off guard once again with just how upset she sounded, “I would never just… leave you to die in such an awful place! You deserve better than that!”
Like someone had flipped a switch in his brain, Cloud’s shock quickly turned into an agitation that rivaled hers.
“Even after I tried to kill you!?” He retaliated, his voice rising in volume.
“Oh my— that’s not your fault, Cloud. You couldn’t control it. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s Shinra’s for doing all of those… disgusting experiments—or whatever, on you.”
At this, Cloud became puzzled. “What do you mean?”
Tifa looked away guiltily. She wasn’t exactly proud of digging through such personal memories of his, even if it were by accident, but if it got her even once step closer to figuring out what was wrong with him, then she couldn’t say she regretted it.
“I saw your memories. It was in the reactor, after you…” She stumbled, unable to even acknowledge what had happened earlier without being overcome with grief. In the end, she decided to skip over it. “…anyways, some… stuff happened, and we ended up getting swallowed by the Weapon.”
Cloud’s eyes widened, and he straightened his back, several questions already coming to the forefront of his mind. Tifa groaned.
“It’s a long story, one that’s irrelevant right now.” She said honestly. If she were to make a list of the worst days of her life, the incident in the Gongaga Reactor would definitely be in the top five.
Cloud seemed to protest, but, noticing her discomfort with the subject, relented, allowing her to continue.
“The important part is, the Weapon took us down into the planet until we ended up in the lifestream.”
Cloud seemed amazed at that statement, too, but stayed silent until she was finished.
“I saw a bunch of your memories down there. It started with our fall from Mt. Nibel,” She noticed how nervous he seemed when she brought up their fall, noting to herself that she still had to confront him about that at some point, “I saw memories of you in a lab… trapped in a glass container of mako…”
‘What is she…’ His thoughts were cut off as a headache struck him. ‘Urgh…! No, no, no, not now…!’
She kept speaking, but Cloud couldn’t hear her; his head roared with static as the world shifted around him. He felt himself drowning, constantly trying to go up for air, only to be met with restraints digging into his wrists. After what felt like forever, the sound of shifting gears signaled the end. Cool air hit his face as the world opened back up, and he was flung back into reality. When he came to, Tifa had just finished her story, thankfully not noticing his pitiful display, and not so thankfully leaving the floor open to him.
“I don’t… I don’t remember that.” He said, although his voice sounded uncertain, like it was more of a question than an actual answer. Tifa frowned at his response, head hanging low as she gripped her skirt tightly.
“Cloud… why don’t you trust me?”
Cloud was taken aback.
“H-huh…?”
Tifa’s frown turned into a grimace.
“Stop it. Just—just stop it. I’m sick of the lies. Ever since you showed up in Midgar, you’ve been hiding stuff from me. Where you’ve been for the past 7 years—“
Pain shot through his head once again as the landscape shifted. He was in a ditch, hunkered down and frantically searching for his rifle (since when did he use a rifle?) before the enemy stormed their trenches. He stopped when he heard a familiar pop followed by a whistling sound. He opened his mouth to scream, only to be cut off as debris flung by a mortar shell claimed his sight.
“—why you’ve been having these headaches—“
Suddenly, he was thrown back into the tank, kicking and screaming as they locked him in and turned it on. Before he knew it, he was scratching on the ceiling of his prison as the mako rose above his head and stole the last bit of oxygen he had left.
“—and don’t think I’ve forgotten about Mount Nibel. Why did you never tell me what happened? You could’ve died trying to fix my mistake, only to end up taking the blame for it—“
He tumbled backward down a set of stairs and into the dirt. He looked up, only for Mr. Lockhart to meet him with a death glare, and the barrel of his shotgun. He immediately froze, fear taking hold of him and leaving him shaking helplessly. He was scared, and based on the look Mr. Lockhart was giving him, underneath all the hatred, he was scared too.
“—and while we’re on the subject of Nibelheim, I… I don’t even remember you being there when it burned down—“
Pain ruptured under his scalp as static rushed through his ears, and then, just like that, nothing.
“—At first I thought I was misremembering, after all, you knew things that only someone who was there would know, but the more time has passed, the more I’m starting to think there’s something screwy going on with you that you just won’t admit. None of it adds up! Are you lying to me? Did Shinra mess with your head or something? D-Did I do something and now you don’t trust me—“
Tifa froze as she finally noticed something was wrong. Cloud sat limply against the wall with his head dangling loosely off his neck. She’d think he was asleep, were it not for the fact his eyes were open, glazed over and glowing a bright green, boring right through her and into an endless void. It hauntingly reminded her of his episode back in the reactor, and a pit of dread formed in her stomach.
“Cloud…!” She whispered, gently reaching out to touch his shoulder in an attempt to grab his attention.
Cloud’s head immediately shot up, gasping loudly before hurtling himself backward, only to be met with the wall behind him. His eyes darted around frantically before he shut them in what she could only assume was fear, further exemplified by his breathing, which became shallow and erratic. He grabbed his arm and gripped it tightly in an attempt to ground himself, a habit of his that she noticed he developed after she found him back in Midgar. Tifa, who was initially startled by his sudden reaction, was sent into action when she saw blood sprouting out from his arm and under his fingernails.
“Cloud! Stop it!” She tried to wrench his hand from his bicep, only to be met with resistance as he started frantically shoving her away.
“No! No! G-get away! Please…! Please, Professor, I-I can’t…! J-just please, stop!” He squealed, and his words made Tifa’s stomach sink.
‘What is he…?’ She looked at his eyes, noticing they still had the green cataracts from earlier. The ones that covered his eyes whenever he saw things that weren’t there. ‘Oh my god… he’s having an episode. He thinks I’m…’
She shook her head, the mere thought of being mistaken for one of those lab coats making her nauseous. She steeled her resolve, taking his hand, this time much more gently.
“Cloud,” She said, stroking his palm comfortingly, “It’s me. It’s Tifa. I’m not going to hurt you. You’re okay. You’re safe.”
Cloud calmed down for a second, his hand relaxing against her touch. Tifa sighed in relief, only to be set on edge again as she felt Cloud’s hand tense, looking up to see his foggy eyes widen in fear.
“Cloud, what’s wrong?” Tifa asked with equal concern and confusion.
Cloud started hyperventilating again. “You’re not…! That’s not—“
He threw himself away from her and back along the wall, tipping over Cissnei’s desk and spilling its contents all over the floor in the process.
“Cloud! Careful—“
“No…! You’re not Tifa! Tifa… Tifa died! I watched it happen! You—You’re not…she’s not…!”
His shouts devolved into mumbling as his shallow breathing turned into sobs that shook his entire body. Tifa watched in horror as the once unshakeable SOLDIER turned into something akin to a frightened child, curled up into a ball as his cries shook his body uncontrollably.
She inhaled deeply, slowly taking his hand again. With careful motions so as to not startle him, she guided his hand towards her scar. She didn’t know what she was doing, she was just working off pure instinct. He stiffened at first, only to relax the slightest bit as his fingertips grazed the damaged skin, his eyes widening as realization dawned.
“Tifa?” He said, and he sounded like he was about to start crying again.
“That’s right, Cloud. It’s me. I’m really here. I lived. We lived.” She struggled to keep her voice even, trying to stay strong for him while he was in such a vulnerable state. She owed it to him, as he would have—and in fact had—done the same for her.
Cloud ran his fingers along the scar, his expression one of disbelief. Slowly, the green cataracts dissipated back into his pupils until his eyes were their familiar teal shade. He gazed upon her scar with something akin to amazement, before he suddenly stiffened as realization soaked in.
And then his cheeks went from being stained with fear to being drenched in regret.
“T-Tifa…” He choked, and she was startled as he abruptly wrapped his arms around her in a death grip. Her eyes watered, and her bottom lip shook as she held him tightly against her like a lifeline. As for who was the lifeline and who was in need of one, she wasn’t sure.
“I’m so sorry, Cloud. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to… I just—“ ‘I just wanted to help you. All I’ve done is sit back and watch, I thought I needed to take action, but I took it too far and now…’ Something akin to a gurgle emanated from her throat as she was overcome with guilt.
“No… no, no, no, please… please don’t. It’s not— I-I’m the one who—“ Cloud was cut off as more sobs wracked his body. Tifa reacted immediately, instinctively holding him tighter.
“It’s okay, Cloud. I’m here. Let it all out.” She cooed into his ear. He seemed hesitant, struggling to hold in his tears, but complied regardless.
“I’m sorry for everything.” He started, and once the floodgates were open, he couldn’t close them. “I'm sorry for letting you fall from that bridge. I-I'm sorry I didn't trust you in Kalm when I'm the one who shouldn't be trusted. I’m sorry I couldn’t stop Sephiroth in Nibelheim—”
He paused, doubt seeping in as he rephrased his words. “I mean, was I even there!? I should’ve been, I thought I was, but… but I don’t know.”
Tifa felt a pang of guilt in her chest knowing she had instilled that doubt in him, but she didn’t retreat from it. She had promised herself she wouldn’t stay silent about his condition any longer, and she intended to stick to it. If struggling now meant he'd be better off in the long run, then so be it.
“I’m sorry for lying… All I’ve done is lie. I should’ve given you the truth—I want to give you the truth; you deserve that much. B-but I’m just so messed up in the head, I don’t think I could give it to you, no matter how badly I want to. You’ve only ever been kind to me, and I repay you by lying to your face. That’s all I can do, just lie and cause you pain and ruin your life over and over again.”
‘Wait, what?’
“I let Nibelheim burn down and left you without a word for years, and then I show back up in Midgar and do it all over again. And I don’t even have the decency to be honest about it! And now… now you’re stuck putting up with me, waiting until I inevitably screw up and do it again—
“What? No, no, no, Cloud… why would you ever think that?” Tifa said, pulling away a bit to look into his teary eyes.
“Every time I’m near you, you only get hurt. Mount Nibel, Sephiroth, the plate drop, the reactor, Kalm— you were right back in Kalm. You shouldn’t have been happy to find me in Midgar, you should’ve left me there.”
Tifa’s mouth went dry like it was stuffed with the ashes of her hometown. She had said that. She didn’t mean it, but she still said it regardless.
“I… Cloud, what I said in Kalm… I shouldn't have. I didn’t mean it. I was upset, and I said something I should never have even thought of. You’re my friend, and nothing will ever change that.”
“Yeah, the same friend who tried to stab you a few hours ago,” Cloud said in a tone that would’ve sounded dry had he not been so distraught.
“You mean the same friend who took a sword to the gut to save me?” She corrected, and before he could interject, she continued.
“The same friend who followed me up a dangerous mountain when everyone else ran away?”
He frowned, but Tifa noticed his tears had slowed. “I let you—“
“You stopped me from walking any further along the bridge.” She swiftly cut him off. “If you weren’t there, I would’ve made it way further across and fallen from a way deadlier height.”
Cloud huffed, but didn’t try to correct her, much to her satisfaction. She continued, her tone much more lively.
“The same friend who saved me from Corneo—in style, might I add.“ She winked playfully.
Cloud groaned at the memory of him, the elite First-Class SOLDIER, cross-dressing for that absolute worm. He didn’t regret it, he never would, but would it be asking too much not to have Tifa and Aerith constantly remind him?
“Odin, will I ever hear the end of that?” Cloud facepalmed, causing Tifa to erupt with laughter.
“Oh, come on! It wasn’t that bad! I thought you looked cute—“
Tifa froze as her words caught up with her. Cloud looked up at her with wide eyes and cheeks so bright red they could light the whole room. She wasn’t faring much better, her face just as red, her mouth dry and unable to follow up, and her mind racing with a million loud thoughts, contrasting heavily with the awkward silence that had overtaken the room.
“U-uhm… thanks.” Cloud murmured, breaking the awkward silence, before adding in a hush so quiet she almost didn’t hear him, “You looked good in yours too.”
The compliment flustered Tifa further, the warmth in her cheeks spreading to her chest in a way only Cloud could make her feel. Her lips slowly curled up into the brightest of smiles as she gave him a teasing, albeit genuine grin.
“Quite the charmer, aren’t we? But, I shouldn’t be surprised, you always had quite a way with words, knowing just what to say.” She said fondly. Cloud could only look at her skeptically, unable to discern whether she was being sarcastic or genuine.
Tifa rolled her eyes. ‘Odin, will he ever learn to take a compliment?’ She thought absentmindedly, before continuing
“Just like how you were there to pick up my spirits after I… no, we lost our home in Sector 7.“
Cloud’s blush brightened somehow even more at the memory of him hugging Tifa in the garden. Leave it to a big, dumb idiot like him to ruin the moment because he didn’t know his own strength. Still, the memory of her being so close to him, plus Tifa referring to Sector 7 as their home, made butterflies erupt in his stomach in the fondest of ways.
“Heh… yeah.” He conceded without really thinking, too wrapped up in thoughts of ecstasy to notice.
“So you agree?” She grinned victoriously. Cloud was immediately torn from his reverie as he was thrown back to the situation at hand. He pulled away from her, and before she could even feel sad at the loss of his warmth in her arms, he was getting defensive.
“What— No! Tifa, none of that makes up for what I’ve done. I—“
“We’ve already established that you haven’t done anything wrong!”
“I tried to kill you!”
“But you didn’t!”
“But. I. COULD’VE!”
“But. You. DIDN’T!”
Cloud groaned, throwing his hands up in vexation. He leaned back, letting his back rest against the wall as it had earlier, pushing his hair back with his palm before letting it rest against his head in exasperation. Tifa, who had already been on quite the stubborn streak tonight, refused to back down, crossing her arms and staring at him defiantly.
That is, until she noticed his shoulders start to bounce again. Her stern grimace turned into an uneasy frown as she heard his already scratchy throat vibrate with choked sounds as he tried to hold it all in.
He always held it in.
“Cloud… please—“
“No, no, I’m fine, I’m fine. I’m sorry.” He quickly shrugged it off as he wiped his eyes clean and took a deep breath to steady himself. Tifa gave him time to settle, and once he had, he resumed.
“I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have seen… well, the entire last 5 minutes.” He fidgeted, scratching his shoulder uncomfortably. “I know crying is a waste of time and stupid and awkward and—“
“That’s not true.” She cut him off. Cloud looked at her curiously, to which she continued, “You… You’ve been so distant this entire journey— you shoulder all these heavy burdens on your own, and you refuse to let anybody help, even when it’s crushing you. It’s horrible. So to see you be so… open a-and vulnerable… It’s all I’ve wanted this whole time.”
Tifa lowered her gaze to his hand, so rough and calloused from years of fighting alone, and started stroking it.
“Even back when we were kids, you were like this… sort of shooting star. So fascinating, yet constantly out of reach, and before I knew it… you were gone.” With a sudden swell of emotions, Cloud found himself enveloped in another strong hug.
“I just wanted to close that distance and see what was going on in that spiky head of yours.” She said, giving one of his blonde tufts an affectionate tug, knocking him out of the daze the sudden hug put him in as he let out a murmur, but otherwise didn’t show any signs of being all too displeased with the display. She smiled.
“To be honest,” She breathed, “I think it’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
Cloud was dumbfounded. All this time, he kept his pain buried deep within because he didn’t want to burden any of his friends, but after hearing Tifa basically plead with him to open up…
“I think… I think it’s the degradation.” He whispered, almost inaudibly, into her shoulder, like saying it out loud would bring his greatest fears to life.
Tifa shifted her head so she was looking more directly at him. She spoke into his neck, “Degradation? Didn’t President Shinra mention that back in Reactor 5?”
Cloud slowly nodded against her shoulder, adding, “SOLDIER’s cells degrade. I think that’s what’s happening to me. That I’m slowly falling apart.”
He shifted his neck so he was facing away from her now, “I forget things that everyone else can remember easily, and I know things I have no right knowing.”
She felt his shoulders tense up as he clung tighter to her, “What if I get to the point where I don’t even remember who I am anymore? Hell, how do I know I’m not already there? Yesterday I was sure I killed Sephiroth in Nibelheim, but now I’m not even sure I was there. Today, I’m trying to kill my friends, tomorrow, I’m one of those black robes, next week…”
His grip loosened as he let his head sag in defeat, “…next week, I’m dead.”
Tifa inhaled sharply, taken back to her earlier dream. Images of Cloud, dressed in ragged black robes, pleading with her to help him, flashed across her mind.
“Tifa… help me…”
“That won’t happen.” She stated resolutely, leaving no room for argument. Though she couldn’t see his face right now, she could tell Cloud was looking at her skeptically.
“For one thing, you remembered that lab.” She felt him shiver against her at the mention of that awful place, and in that moment, she felt her hatred for Shinra grow just a little bit more, but pushed it down for the time being.
“I know it may not be the best memory,” She murmured into his ear, “but the fact you remembered shows that you’re not falling apart. If anything, you’re putting yourself back together.”
Cloud let out a sniff before humming in agreement, much to Tifa’s relief.
“And you don’t have to do it alone. I’ll be there, right next to you, every step of the way…” She grinned brightly, and unlike the forced smiles shared between them for so long, she meant it. It might not be easy, but there was nowhere she’d rather be than right next to him.
“You sure you want to take up that challenge? I can be quite the handful.” He quipped, and despite his playful tone, Tifa could only set her lips into a serious frown in return. While he phrased it like a joke, she knew him well enough to hear the hint of sincerity in his tone.
‘He’s afraid that he’ll scare me off… that he’s going to chase me away. That's why he's being so distant—why he's always been so distant.’ She thought, and the mere idea of doing such a thing made her heart clench, and in return, she clenched him tighter.
“You don’t have to do this alone… I won’t let you do it alone. You’ve saved me before, now it’s my turn to save you.” She declared, pulling away only for a moment so she could give him her brightest, most genuine smile to show him she meant it.
“You’ve been there for me my whole life, Cloud, you’re my best friend. Now it’s my turn to return the favor. We’re gonna fix this, defeat Sephiroth, then when this whole mess is said and done, we’re finally gonna rebuild Seventh Heaven together. I still owe you that first drink, remember?”
Cloud became entrenched in thought about what that would be like. He would open the door to the newly built Seventh Heaven after a long day of work, only to be met with the most beautiful sight. Tifa would greet him with a smile before pouring drinks for them to talk about their day.
Cloud grinned, and for the first time in what felt like forever, he looked hopeful. “Yeah… yeah, I'd like that.”
“Then it’s a promise.” She finished, and though he seemed unsure, the smile he gave her made the warmth in her stomach increase tenfold. She returned to embracing Cloud, holding him as tight as she could, hoping she could spread even a fraction of that warmth back to him.
“Mmm…” Cloud breathed uncomfortably, and immediately, Tifa was all over him.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay? Is something still hurting from the reactor?” She prodded, pulling away to look him over for any hidden injuries. Cloud looked away, but this time not out of shame, but rather out of what seemed to be embarrassment.
“Y-yeah, I’m fine.” He coughed into his hand and scratched the back of his neck, doing his best to play it off. Tifa was not convinced.
“Nuh-uh, no no no, we’re not doing this anymore, either.”
Cloud looked at her awkwardly, yet couldn’t hide the slight hint of knowing in his eyes from Tifa. “W-what are you talking about?”
Tifa could only roll her eyes as she gave an indignant groan.
“You know what I’m talking about! This whole lone wolf shtick of yours, trying to carry all this baggage on your own, I won’t put up with it. We’re your friends, and we’re going to help you whether you like it or not, so you can take that loner mindset of yours and shove it. Got it?” She finished, topping off her rant with a sharp jab of her index finger to his chest.
Cloud gulped before reluctantly nodding his head.
“And no more hiding these things from each other, either. From now on, we’re gonna be honest with each other. Even if it’s as minuscule as a bee sting, I want to know, and I’ll be sure to return the favor. Are we clear?”
Cloud nodded once again, this time more rapidly.
“Do you promise?” Though she worded it like a question, it sounded more like a demand.
Cloud nodded.
“Say it!” She jabbed her finger in deeper.
“Alright! Alright!” He sighed exasperatedly, “I promise.”
“Good.” Pulling her hand away, Tifa let her hands rest on her hips, satisfied. She continued, “Now tell me, what’s bothering you?”
He looked away in embarrassment, but relented nonetheless. “You’re—uhm… you’re hurting me.”
Tifa’s eyes widened as her pupils contracted. That’s not what she expected.
“H-huh?” Completely gone was the bold attitude she carried just a moment ago, now replaced with something much more deflated.
“Physically, I mean!” Cloud quickly rectified. “You were… uhhh… squeezing me really tight, there.”
Tifa blinked rapidly, like she was trying to deduce whether or not he was telling the truth. That or she was trying to process how she could manage something so apishly dumb. Either way, she groaned in embarrassment, bringing her hands up to cover her beet-red face.
“Ugh… sorry about that. Guess I just got carried away.”
Cloud couldn’t help but smirk, letting out a light chuckle at her abashed display.
“Oh, so that’s funny to you?” Tifa shot back in a mock-offended tone, dropping her embarrassment and embracing the humor of the situation.
“Yeah, kinda. The idea of a grown woman almost crushing someone’s ribs because she got a little excited is kinda funny.”
“Oh, shut up!” She retorted, albeit lightheartedly, if her uncontrollable giggling was any indication, “Like you’re one to talk! Last I checked, you did the exact same thing back in Aerith’s Garden!”
“Fair enough, fair enough.” He responded, hands up in mock-surrender. “Though I can’t recall a time I broke the high-striker at the Gold Saucer because I hit it too hard.”
“Cloud!” She gasped, “You said you wouldn’t bring that up again!” She gave him a light shove on the shoulder, but continued giggling despite herself.
“I don’t know why you’re so embarrassed. It was so endearing when you broke a kid's toy just to impress lil’ ol’ me.” He said with the most shit-eating grin.
“Pfft…” She covered her mouth with her hands as she tried to contain herself, but ultimately lost out as a series of giggles broke free from her chest.
“Hahahahaha!” She bellowed, leaning back as she clutched her aching sides, waving Cloud off as she tried and failed to control her cackling. “Leave me alone! You’re bullying me! Hahaha!”
Despite his efforts, Cloud couldn’t help but laugh with her, until what had started as light chuckling turned into full-blown cackling shared between the two of them, their voices bouncing off the walls and carrying down the hallways with how loud it was.
They remained like that until their laughter died down, replaced by a comfortable silence that was very welcome after the loud, stressful day they had been through. They sat across from each other, nothing to do but bask in each other’s presence. The world outside might as well not have existed to them, as the only thing that mattered to them was what was right in front of them. What had always been right in front of them.
“Hey, Cloud?” Tifa finally broke the silence.
“Yeah?”
“Where are the others?” She knew they couldn’t be in the house; they would’ve stormed into the room, demanding to know why the two of them were causing a ruckus in the middle of the night.
Cloud raised an eyebrow, but otherwise seemed to maintain focus on her. “They left a note saying they were out for supplies… Why do you ask?
“No reason. Just wondering.”
The room returned to a comfortable silence, though one dominated by yearning. Slowly, Tifa leaned forward, and Cloud found himself following suit. Neither knew exactly what they were doing, but they were driven forward by some feeling deep inside that told them to keep going.
Cloud’s eyes were drawn to her lips, leading him to lick his subconsciously. Tifa caught this and, at the sight of his glistening lips, felt a twisting in her stomach that told her to move, and so she complied. They were so close, lips inches apart. As far as they were concerned, their friends, the planet, the entire galaxy—none of it existed. The only thing that did was them.
Bam!
“CLOUD! TIFA! WE’RE BACK! HOPE YA MISSED US!”
“Yuffie! Quiet! They might still be sleeping! And don’t slam the door!”
“Oh, c’mon! They’ve been sleeping all day! They gotta get up at some point!”
Cloud and Tifa bumped heads as they frantically peeled away from each other, like two students caught skipping class to canoodle. Footsteps clacked against the hardwood as one by one they filed in, making their friends’ presence known across the house, namely Yuffie.
“I’ll go check on ‘em! Make sure they’re feeling better!”
“Yuffie, what did I just say!?”
Before either could even process what was happening, Yuffie threw the door to Cissnei’s bedroom open and charged in.
“Are you guys finally—“ Before she could even finish her question, Yuffie got her answer as she was met with the sight of Cloud and Tifa splayed out on the floor, staring up at her like a couple of deer caught in the headlights. Fortunately for them, she was too excited to notice or even care.
“Guys!” She hollered back into the hallway, waving for the others to come join her, “They’re up! Get in here!”
Yuffie turned back to them, only to frown as she met Cloud’s gaze. “Hey, Cloud, what’s up with the look? Do I have something in my teeth?”
Yuffie picked at her gums while Cloud only continued to glare daggers at her. Just as he was contemplating whether lighting her hair on fire would be too extreme a response (he was leaning towards “no”, at the moment), the others piled into the room.
“You guys are okay!” Aerith led the crowd, followed by Barret, who was just as relieved.
“Thank Ramuh! You guys scared the hell outta us!” He bellowed, and Cloud flinched at his volume. He loved the guy, but he honestly needed to learn how to reel it in from time to time.
Aerith crouched next to them, eyes scanning them like she was their nurse. She kinda was, now that they thought about it. “You guys sure you’re okay? No problems breathing? Any chest pain? Coughing?”
Tifa tittered at Aerith’s insistent probing. “We’re fine, Aerith. Everything’s fine.”
Though her words were a comfort, Aerith didn’t seem fully convinced. “You sure? That was quite a trip you guys went through back in the reactor.”
“Yes, Aerith, we’re sure. You can take it easy now.” Cloud said more bluntly.
Aerith sighed in something almost akin to frustration, clearly not fully believing them, but relented on that topic for now. After all, there were more pressing questions at hand.
“Well, what happened up there! One second, you guys were sending Scarlet packing, the next, you guys were swan diving into a pool of mako!”
At that, the atmosphere of the room shifted to something much more serious. Tifa flinched at the question, hesitant to delve into that topic so suddenly. She looked to Cloud for any sense of direction, but was only met with a similar level of apprehension. His head was hung low, eyes unable to meet anybody, all the while he was nervously picking at his shoulder again, something Tifa was starting to pick up on as a nervous habit.
“Is… there a problem?” Aerith spoke hesitantly, sensing the change in atmosphere. Cloud looked at her apologetically, which only confused her more, but before she could ask about it he quickly looked away again.
One of his fingers picked at the freshly scabbed blood on his shoulder, peeling it away to allow blood to seep from it anew.
Blood gushed from the wound like a tsunami, flooding around him in a puddle of crimson. He was surrounded by frantic hands, desperate to stop the bleeding. But their attempts, no matter how noble, were in vain. Cloud turned away from them, curling in on himself in some twisted form of self-preservation, and went silent.
Deathly silent.
Tifa reached for his hand, gently pulling it away from his shoulder. He jolted at her touch, but recovered quickly, eyes lighting up as they met hers. He looked at her questioningly, and without him even having to speak she knew what he was thinking.
“Everybody…” He started, cutting through the silence and putting all attention on him. He gulped as a pit of dread settled in his stomach. There were so many expecting eyes on him, and he didn’t know if he could tell them such a brutal truth.
He felt Tifa thumb the back of his hand. Looking back at her, he saw her eyes sparkle with pride, and she gave him a nod of encouragement.
Cloud’s heart soared, the dread that had formed in his stomach replaced with a fiery resolve. With a deep breath, he continued.
“I need to tell you guys something. A lot of things, actually.”
There was a pause where everyone looked at each other uncomfortably, like they were unsure if this was a joke or not. Cloud was never one to be so… forthcoming, so to see him like this was quite disconcerting.
Barret was the first to chime in, his voice carrying its usual joking tone that dominated their friendly banter, but now laced with a hint of worry. “What’s wrong now, Spikey? Little dip in the pool got you rethinkin’ a few things?
Cloud knew he meant it jokingly, that he probably just didn’t know how to react to Cloud’s more vulnerable state and tried to just default to their usual attitude, but that didn’t make it any less painfully true, evidenced by Cloud’s dejected glance and Tifa’s stern frown that demanded an apology. Immediately, Barret backpedaled.
“W-wait— shit, man, I didn’t mean…”
“It’s fine, it’s fine.” Cloud cut him off. “You’re right. After what happened today, I think it’s best I be upfront with you guys. That’s the least I owe you.”
Cloud ran his hand through his hair, unsure of where to even start.
“Uhm… how do I say this…?”
Everyone waited patiently as he carefully thought out his next words, even Yuffie, though she did bounce her foot in anticipation.
“I… I don’t… know who I am.” He blurted out.
Everyone looked at him befuddled, much to his frustration.
“What I mean is… I don’t remember…er, I mean I’m not… ugh!” He groaned, “I don’t know. This is stupid, I know, but—“
“Hey, man, just take it easy.” Barret interjected, his earlier confusion replaced with a sense of understanding. He laid a hand on Cloud’s shoulder, and for a guy with hands so big that he could palm Cloud’s head like a basketball, his grip was soft, reassuring, and the look he addressed him with reflected that.
“We get it. This is a sore subject for you, but you don’t have to beat yourself up for it. Just take your time and we’ll listen.” He said, his usual gravely voice now more akin to a smooth baritone, and it put Cloud at ease.
“Yeah, no judgment here!” Aerith added.
“Whit the lass says!” Cait Sith mirrored.
“I’m willing to listen, for the right price.” Yuffie grinned weaselly, only to immediately change her tone as she promptly got her ear pinched.
“Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Kidding! I was KIDDING!” She whined until her ear was let go. Turning around, she was met with Red’s neutral muzzle. She glared at him, mad for all but a moment until a thought crossed her mind.
“Wait, how did you do that without hands?”
Red huffed, completely ignoring her question as he returned his attention to Cloud. “Ignore her, Cloud. The rest of us are more than willing to hear you out.”
“Hey! I’m willing to hear him out, too!” She defended, “Go ahead, Cloud! I’m all ears!”
Cloud simply stared at them with a dumb look, a warm feeling taking hold in his chest at their pleasantries. There was no ribbing, no sighs of aggravation, no glares of disdain, none of it. Just their full, undivided attention. And Cloud didn’t really know what to make of that, as pathetic as that sounded. Regardless, he continued.
“Uhm… yeah, okay…”
‘No backing out now.’
He paused, taking a deep breath, before releasing, the words naturally flowing out from there.
“I was part of an experiment. A few, actually, the ones that gave me my SOLDIER enhancements. What you’ve been seeing from me recently, all the weird behavior, they’re side effects of those experiments. My mind… it’s shot, to put it lightly.”
The others seemed like they didn’t completely understand, but allowed him to proceed.
“Like my memories. Some things I remember like they happened yesterday, but other things are a complete blank. And the things I do remember aren’t always right. Sometimes they are, but other times they’re… twisted. Like, when I picture it, I’m not actually remembering it the way I saw it. I’m seeing it through someone else’s eyes, like I’m reliving their memory instead of my own.”
Aerith tilted her head, chiming in, “That sounds really weird. I’ve heard of amnesia, but nothing like that.”
“What would even cause something like that?” Yuffie inquired.
“I think it has something to do with exposure to mako.” Cloud guessed, “It always gets worse when I’m around the stuff, so I can only assume that it’s tied to that. So… mako poisoning? But like a long form… on-and-off kind, if that makes sense… or even exists. That’s my best guess.”
“Hence your odd behavior in the reactor.” Red concluded.
“Yeah. All the mako in the air was driving me nuts. Made me think I… saw…”
He was cut off as a spike of pain shot through his head, sending static through his mind. He saw that silver-haired phantom, and he felt a shiver go up his spine.
The others jerked forward, caught off guard by the sudden interruption.
“Hey, man, you okay?” Barret asked carefully. He reached out to grasp his shoulder, but was beaten to the punch by Tifa.
“Hey, hey, take it easy.” Tifa soothed him, running her fingers through his hair as a means of comfort. “Just take it one step at a time.”
He flinched at her touch, but quickly eased into it, his heavy breathing slowly evening out. The others waited in anticipation until, finally, the headache passed, leaving Cloud with nothing but a case of nausea and more questions.
“I’m good… I’m good…” He reassured them, though his heavy breathing wasn’t doing any favors, “Thank… thanks, Teef.”
She smiled, “Anytime.”
Cloud gave her a strained, albeit genuine smile. He forced down his rising nausea, before continuing.
“And that’s another thing— the…the headaches. They’re another symptom of those experiments, I think. Everytime I get one, I get these… staticky visions that feel so… familiar.” He gestured towards his head, “It’s like my brain is trying to remember something, but… it’s like there’s a barrier there, blocking it…”
The walls of the reactor closed in on him, trapping him in the planet’s tomb with a madman and the bodies left in his wake. His wicked, cat-like eyes bored into him, and the fires of his home reflected off his irises. Cloud felt a tide of vomit rise in the back of his throat.
When he came to, the first thing he did was vomit into the nearby trash bin, the wave of nausea hitting him so hard he didn’t even think to question when it had gotten there. He tried to look around, figure out what had happened, but his vision was a blur and his head was on fire.
“Cloud, you good, man?” He heard Barret ask, but he didn’t respond immediately. He felt a numbing pain in his left arm, and though it was uncomfortable, he found it grounded him, clearing his head as it gave him something real to latch onto and focus on.
A hand waved in front of his eyes, grabbing his attention.
“Hellooooooo? Yuffie to Cloud, can you hear us?” Yuffie’s voice rang in his ears. In her attempts to help, though, she was honestly only making his headache worse.
“Yeah, yeah, I can hear you, what—“
It was only then he noticed that everyone was gathered around him, worried expressions plastering their faces. Worst of all was Tifa, whose eyes were pulsing with fear and desperation, all directed at him. Looking down, he realized it was her who was causing the pain in his arm, her grip so tight she was nearly cutting off his circulation. He looked at her with concern, and only then did her grip loosen (much to his relief), her eyes lighting up with recognition, something that only confused him more.
“…What happened?” He asked.
“Oh, thank Alexander.” Aerith sighed in relief, along with everyone else, which only confused Cloud further.
“You conked out there for a bit… had us worried.” Barret explained.
Cloud looked at the red marks on his arm, noticing how they were in the shape of Tifa’s fingers..
“You don’t say.” He said sarcastically.
“Sorry.” Tifa apologized. “It’s just… you weren’t responding to anything.”
“Yeah, not even Yuffie slapping you.” Aerith added.
“Aerith!” Yuffie cried, “Don’t just tell him that!”
Cloud reached up to touch his cheek, being met with a stinging sensation. So she had.
Before any further arguing could breakout, Tifa interjected.
“I think we should stop for tonight.”
Cloud was dumbstruck.
“Wha— but you said—“
“I know what I said, Cloud, but that doesn’t mean I want you to hurt yourself.”
Cloud wanted to protest, to say that he was fine and he could keep going, but the look of pain in her eyes stopped him. He didn’t care about the pain he had to deal with on a daily basis, he could handle it, but when it started affecting her, no matter how unfounded he thought it was, he couldn’t stand idly by and let her suffer because of him.
So with some reluctance, he relented.
“Yeah… yeah, we can do that.”
At least he got a break from talking about all of… this. Even though he had only woken up a couple of hours ago, he was exhausted.
Tifa sighed in relief, before continuing. “It’s like I said: one step at a time.”
“And we’ll be with you every step of the way.” Barret chimed in, and everyone nodded in agreement.
Cloud felt that warmth in his chest from earlier return, this time much stronger, and for a moment he thought: ‘Maybe this won’t be so bad.’
He was brought out of his thoughts by Red, whose maw opened in a great, wide yawn, tongue sticking out as he smacked his lips together like a parched animal.
“Man, you really are like a dog.” Barret mused, much to Red’s annoyance.
“Really? I thought he was more of a cat.” Tifa proposed.
“Nah, he doesn’t look anything like Cait.” Yuffie interjected.
“What’s thon supposit tae mean!? Thon aw cats leuk the same!?”
“Oh, you know what I meant, Cait, no need to get so defensive!”
“Yeah, ‘sides, furball ain’t even a real cat.”
Cloud rubbed his fingers between his eyes, a different kind of headache settling in, and judging by the growl that rumbled from Red's throat, he felt the same way. This journey just got a whole lot more interesting.
———————
As everyone winded down, it was suggested they all turn in for the night and pick up tomorrow morning. Cloud, of course, argued that he didn’t need any sleep, but was swiftly shut down in a unanimous vote by all of his friends.
“Traitors.” He grumbled.
“Oh, come on, it’s not that bad.”
Oh yeah, and as if that wasn’t bad enough, he now had to share a bed with his crush since kindergarten, which he was NOT ready for.
The others had insisted that the two of them sleep in the master bedroom while the rest of them bunked in the living room. After all, the two of them had been through the most today and therefore deserved the Queen sized bed the most. Barret’s words, not theirs.
The only problem? They had been lying on opposite sides of the bed for a while now, unable to so much as face each other. It was just too embarrassing for them, though there was an attempt to compose themselves.
‘Alright, Lockhart. This is Cloud we’re talking about. He’s your friend! There’s nothing weird about sharing a bed with a friend!’
‘Okay, Strife. You’ve faced down beasts 10 times your size, you can handle sharing a bed with Tifa. Just look straight, face away, and don’t say anything until morning and she might not think you’re a loser.’
It did not work.
‘Oh, man, what if I kick him in my sleep!? Last time I shared a bed with someone, Barret ended up on the floor! I suplexed a mech today, what if Cloud ends up through the wall!”
‘Shit, what if I snore!? I can’t keep Tifa up like that! That’s totally lame!’
‘We already slept together earlier! In the exact same bed, no less! Why is it so hard now!’
‘Odin above, please just knock me out. It was so much easier getting in bed with Tifa when I wasn’t conscious.’
They laid there in awkward silence, unable to fall asleep, for what felt like an eternity. It was ridiculous, and both of them knew it. After a while, though, one of them found the resolve to confront it, thankfully.
Cloud heard the rustling of sheets, and before he had time to question it, Tifa’s arms were wrapped around his middle. She laid her head between his neck and shoulder, so close that he could feel the heat emanating off her face. After a moment, though, she settled in, finding her words.
“I’m… I’m really happy you’re okay, Cloud.” She said in a voice as sweet as honey that made Cloud’s heart soar. He didn’t know what was happening, but he was not at all opposed to it.
Just when he thought she couldn’t make him any more flustered, though, she brought her hand up under his shirt and over his abdomen.
“W—woah! Tifa!” He jolted away, more from surprise than any sort of pain or disgust.
“Oh my god! Sorry! Sorry!” Tifa apologized vehemently, face burning bright with shame now instead of embarrassment.
“I’m so sorry, that was completely uncalled for!”
She flipped back over, this time much more hurriedly, as she scooted all the way to the other side of the bed. She buried her face in her covers, unable to face Cloud, let alone anyone after doing something so shameful.
As the situation calmed down, they reverted back to their awkward silence. And if he was honest, Cloud felt a little bad. He didn’t really mind it, he was just caught way off guard.
“I’m sorry…” Tifa whispered, so quiet Cloud almost didn’t catch it. Cloud shifted, turning just enough that he could see Tifa’s back in his peripheral vision.
“It’s just…” She sighed, “It reminds me that you’re still alive. That I haven’t lost you.”
At first, he was confused, until he brought his hand up to the goose flesh where her hand had been and realization dawned on him.
‘The scar.’
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be trying to justify it, I—“
“Tifa…” He interjected.
She heard the muffled rubbing of fabric as this time, Cloud turned around to face her.
“Please… just look at me.” He asked, not as a stern demand, but as a kind, almost desperate plea.
She shifted so she was facing him again, and there was a pause as neither of them knew how to look each other in the eye.
Cloud made the first move, his movements slow and deliberate as he grasped her hand, rubbing his calloused thumbs against her scarred knuckles. It amazed him to no end how her hands could be so delicate yet so powerful. That was a really good description of Tifa, now that he thought about it. She was the gentlest person you’d ever meet, but if you got on her bad side, or even worse, a friend’s bad side, there’d be hell to pay.
Tifa didn’t really know what he was doing, but let him continue anyway. And honestly, she’d be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy the tender grasp of gus palm.
Slowly, he brought her hand up and under his shirt until it rested comfortably against his scar. Tifa gawped at him, like this was some forbidden act, one that we had shuddered away from only a moment ago, might she add. But one look into his swirling, sea-green eyes, so full of compassion and understanding, told her ‘Hey, it’s okay.’, because he wanted this just as much as she did.
Before she knew it, she was mirroring his actions. Taking his hand in hers, she brought it up under her shirt and bra until it rested comfortably against her scar.
Scar to scar, callous to callous, they were connected, but it was deeper than that. Like their souls were connected, somehow. Maybe their souls had been connected when they fell into the lifestream together, or maybe it was something that had been there for much longer. Maybe that’s why they kept finding each other time and time again. As much as the world likes ripping them apart, maybe it liked bringing them back together even more.
As they lay there, in a tangle of limbs yet somehow the most comfortable they had ever been, they gazed into each other’s eyes one last time before their eyelids fell. And with that, they finally, truly, got the rest they deserved. The best rest they had gotten in 5 years.