Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

November 1799

ROSS

The first glimpse of a new November day found Ross Poldark wide-awake. He had been so for some time. Slumber had eluded him throughout the evening as he dreamed in an out of consciousness, visions of a redhead woman shaping at the back of his eyelids. He couldn't figure if he was asleep or awake. Ross lay scattered over his cushioned bed wearing nothing but his briefs, the white linen gathered twisted around his waist, one hand tucked under his head. He brought out a foot from under it despite the autumn chill. He was overheated. It was not unusual those days, Demelza was driving him mad. Not that she did it on purpose, or even consciously, but lately he felt as rejuvenated and juvenil as a giddy young boy and she was the cause of it. He had awakened again to the frivolous desire to be with a woman, except that his feeling was not flighty at all, and the woman was none other than his own wife. It had happened before, he had recollected another sleepless night weeks ago, that feeling, that urge he felt to be with her. To touch her, kiss her. It had been like this at the beginning of their marriage, when she was barely no more than a girl discovering her womanhood and eagerly gave everything she had to him, following his lead in passion in any way he wanted to. And he, who had lived an almost chaste life in the previous years, had found that girl so very inviting, enticing in him an ardor which, at that moment, he regarded to be due to the availability of his new and pretty wife sharing his bed next to him every night. He had discovered later that it was more than that of course.  He had realized that he loved her. His life, inside and out of his bedroom, had been more complete. It was complete, in fact, though that realization had come much, much later. After he had spoiled everything and had nothing but his own misery to keep him company.

And now, now here he was once more. His skin heated again, his fingers aching to caress her body, to cuddle her close to him and bury himself in her solace. But there was more this time around; a huge difference in contrast to those early days. Now he knew that this feeling, this thrill and excitement in his body and in his heart was only for her. No other woman could stir what she aroused in him. He was sure of it. Couldn’t understand why he hadn’t been certain before, how could he have lost her to follow a whim of his imagination. But maybe that was it, wasn’t it? The reason wherefore he was completely sure now was because he knew no other woman could take her place. He was ashamed to recall how he had acquired that knowledge. What he had done, how he had mistreated not just her but the other woman that he had once claimed to love. It was weird that Elizabeth entered his thoughts lately but when she did it was solely to remind him about his faults to her and to fill him with guilt. Little by little being with Demelza allowed him to, if not to divest, at least try to make amends and apologize for his faults towards her. She seemed to accept it, said she forgave him, but the prospect of appeasing his conscience was not possible with Elizabeth. 

But that was no barrier for him to enjoy his time with Demelza. And thoughts of Elizabeth had not come to his mind that day, not for several days, weeks, even months before. His wife had filled every corner of his mind and she had an effect on him that left him weary and needy, scattered and tossing around in his bed every night in the last few weeks. This whole idea of hers of a courtship, he had thought it ridiculous when she first told him, in fact, had been quite pleasant. More than that, it allowed them to share so much time together alone in a way they had never done so before. It had enabled him to get to know her, even when he believed he knew his own wife after all the time apart, it was not so. She had new manners, other interests, she had lived another life without him. Sometimes it was not easy to hear her, to know how much she had suffered on his behalf, to know that there had been another person to console her and to care for her and his son, yes, he did not like that. And she didn’t like to talk about him much either. Like if she wanted to hide it from him, to keep it only to herself, safe in the confines of her heart. But she had told him a fair part, his cheeks tight and his mouth a waveless line. He’ll try to do anything to make her forget him, he wanted for her to forget about him and that she would only think of him. Only love him. He could still be selfish like that; especially towards his lovely Demelza. 

Ross heard noises down the stairs. Mrs. Parkins had awakened and was surely starting to prepare breakfast for the house. He should try to sleep, at least for a few minutes.  He ought to be rested for that night. At last Demelza had agreed to go with him to an assembly with his peers. It had taken months for him to persuade her. Not that he had ever cared much about that sort of social gathering. All the time he had lived in the city he had been invited to that kind of balls and parties, even had gone to a few knowing it was not only leisure but a chance used by politicians and powerful people to discuss important matters in which he ought to be involved and know about. It always left him a sorrowful feeling, to see the other MPs with their wives, back then when he didn’t know where Demelza was, when people asked him about her without knowing her, it clenched his heart. And after he had found her, he had asked her to go with him and she had refused, saying she was not his wife and that gripped his chest too, for if she was not his wife, how did he make her so?

He tossed in his bed again. His cheek landing out the pillow, he used his forearm to rest his head. He wanted so much to be her husband again. Stealing kisses and holding hands was pleasing enough, but he wanted more. Wanted to have her in his arms, wanted to have her here, lying naked on the bed beside him. Wanted to be able to tell everyone he knew that she was his wife Demelza, that she was the brightest woman he ever met, that she was the love of his life, his best friend and companion, the mother of his children, a successful entrepreneur and that he was the luckiest of men because she was his and because she loved him back. He believed she loved him back. She had said so weeks ago when he tried to push forward things between them only to find rejection and a storm of doubts in him that she might not love him again, that it was possible she was in love with Armitage and might not want to be with him anymore. But she had told him that night it was not so, she had said that even in all that time she had loved him and Ross felt that could sustain him for ages. He didn’t press her again, she said she needed time and he was willing to comply to her every wish, though the fact was almost unmanning him. Particularly these last few weeks when, after they came back from spending the day together or just staying at her house playing with Jeremy, it was time to say goodbye and their kisses were not proper for a courting couple at all. Not with their lips nibbling and their tongues fighting and their hands holding each other in place, her finger massaging his scalp sending shivers all over his body. It was quite a torture when she pushed him to the door and closed it on his face with a ‘Goodnight’ and he was left reeling outside, panting to catch his breath. He could almost swear he could hear her giggling at the other side of the door. He knew her well enough to know that she wanted him also. That’s why he ended up overheated and tossing over his bed, that woman was under his skin.

With closed eyes and a smile dancing on his lips Ross sat on the edge of the bed. He gave up, sleep would be impossible. He had to be at the House that morning for the King's speech but it was early still, the man probably hadn’t gone to bed yet. After washing his hands and face in the basin he went to stand by the window. The street was empty, the lanterns still alight and an orange glow in the sky foretelling a day of good weather. He missed the fields of Cornwall, he pondered. Missed being able to look out the window and see the never-ending landscape of the countryside, the clear air in his lungs and the vast sea at walking distance from his house. Facing a day of meetings and inept politicians he suddenly fancied manual labor. Go down his mine, plow the fields, and tend the animals. Would they ever go back? He wondered. There were many other things to achieve first, still many issues to resolve, more important and more meaningful with Demelza and with Jeremy, but he couldn’t help the yearning in that special day’s morning. If things turned out to be as he had planned for today, maybe tomorrow he could be making plans for the future with his wife. It stuffed his chest with hope. 

The day had gone by as he expected. Parliament was a swarm, burst with people to hear the king and the later discussions about what was said. It had lost Ross' interest when afternoon came. His mind had moved onto more pleasant matters, anticipating the night to come. He had to go by his tailor on the way to his chambers to get the clothing he had bought for that evening and pick up another thing he had prepared for the night. Ross had never put much stock on how he looked, but it hadn’t gone lost on him the way Demelza looked at him every time he made an effort when he went to see her. How her gaze would wonder on his body if he wore a new waistcoat, how she would stare at him when she thought he didn’t notice, when he tied his hair or how she ran her fingers over the soft material of his coat and cloak. Well, tonight he would do everything in his power to win her favor. 

He went to look for her in his carriage, the alley where she lived was too narrow for it to reach her threshold. He walked anxiously through the pathway and knocked on the door. 

‘Papa!’ It was his son who welcomed him. There were books and maps and toy soldiers scattered all over the living room, Garrick was resting near the fireplace. Ross kissed his boy and nodded to the dog while coming in. 

‘What in heavens is all this?’

‘I'm studying geography with Miss. Langley, papa. I have to learn the names of all the countries on this map.’ Jeremy pointed to one of the charts over the armchair exasperated.

‘And the soldiers?’ 

‘For playing.’ Ross smirked.

‘Of course. Where's your mother?’ 

‘In her room. She has been there since she came back from the shop. Papa, can I go with you tonight?’

Ross was about to answer a big “no!” to his son when Prudie came with a hastily pace from the kitchen, drying her hands in her apron ‘Oh Capt'n, I thought I heard ‘ee. I'll go tell Miss Demelza ‘ee here.’ She said and stepped by his side quickly towards the top floor. He followed her with his eyes as she went up the stairs. Since when was she was so obliging towards him? 

‘Is everything alright with Prudie?’ he asked his son a bit astounded. Jeremy shrugged.

‘Can I, papa?’

Ross left his top hat and gloves over a pile of books. ‘I'm afraid not, Jeremy. We’re going to a gathering and mama and I must go alone.’

‘But I'll behave, I promise.’

‘I know you would, but tonight we’re going to a party full of grown people, you will get bored. There’s not going to be any other children.’

Jeremy went back to look at his maps ‘Mama used to take me everywhere with her when you were not here.’ He said it distractedly, his finger pointing to an undetermined place on the paper in front of him. Ross caught the meaning of his little son’s words, a cold line of sweat running through his lower back. 

‘Would you like to be alone with her again?’ He asked, feeling as though his life depended on the verdict of his eight-year-old son. It was worse than when he stood on trial for rioting. 

‘No.’ He said nonchalantly, unaware of his father’s distress ‘Mama is happy now.’

‘Oh… Do you think so?’

Jeremy nodded, still distracted trying to find a place with his finger. 

‘The maid will be down shortly.’ He heard Prudie say, wobbling down the stairs and rushing her way to the kitchen again. 

‘Thank you, Prudie.’ He mumbled to her when she passed next to him. 

His attention went back to his son ‘How about if we go someplace tomorrow? The three of us, wherever you want to go?’

‘Saint Paul's Cathedral!’ he raised his eyes from his map to him, grinning from ear to ear.

Ross sighed. ‘Haven't you got tired of that place yet? We’ve been there four times already.’ He really couldn’t understand the fascination his child had with that building. 

‘You said wherever I wanted.’

‘Fine. Tomorrow then. Now show me which place you are looking for?’ 

‘Tripoli.’

‘It's here. North of Africa, not South, next to Egypt.’ 

‘Oh, I was close!’

Ross scuffed a laugh, ‘Yes! You just skipped the entire African continent but you were nearly there.’

‘Is it ours?’

Ross stood by the armchair talking to him, both of them looking down at the map Miss. Langley had given him to study. ‘No. It belongs to the Ottoman Empire, along with Tunisia and Egypt. You know where they are?’ 

Having known the surroundings, Jeremy quickly pointed out the countries. ‘And Egypt’s capital?’

‘Cairo.’ The boy replied swiftly and kept studying his map and the other countries nearby.

‘Jeremy… and you? Are you content that I am here?’

The child didn’t even spare a glance at him and concentrated as he was back again with his homework. ‘Yes papa, very much… Have you been in any of these places?’ Jeremy asked with the most curious face, completely oblivious to the importance of the conversation he had just had with his father. Ross took a deep, relieved breath and went on telling him that no, he had not been there, but showed him the places he had visited. He had an adventurous heart, his son. Always eager to hear stories and explore places, Ross was sure he was going to love Cornwall, he could make good friends there and go out to explore the rocky beaches and run with Garrick through the fields… 

‘Are you ready, mom?’ He asked suddenly looking to someone over his shoulder. ‘Yes, my lover.’ 

He hadn’t heard Demelza come down. When he turned around she was standing in the middle of the stairs and all thought was abruptly expelled from his mind. A vision, a deity dressed in the lightest blue. Ross couldn’t but travel her entire body with his eyes, trying to engrave in his memory every single inch of her at that moment; every curve of her body, every wave of her dress and every freckle on her skin. She looked young, not girlish, not like she was when he first looked at her with masculine eyes watching a girl.  She was already beautiful then but now, she looked grown. A young enchanting woman and he was under her spell. When he finally reached her face he was grinning and the most charming pink colour painted her cheeks, she was smiling too. He hurried to get to the stairs and offered his hand to help her with the last steps of the stairway. She stood for a flitting moment on the last step before coming down the parlor and Ross took the opportunity to bring her hand to his lips. He had closed his eyes and before he was focused on her dancing eyes. Something hard met his touch and he opened his eyes still holding Demelza’s hand in front of his bowed face. Her ring shimmered in before him, catching the light from the candles around them, he saw himself reflected on it. Her wedding ring. The one that belonged to his mother and which he had given her a lifetime ago to mark her as his wife for the rest of their lives. The one she left behind when she ran away from him. The one he brought back to her because he knew, even in his darkest hours, that there was no other who he would like to have it. And now it was here, the ring. And his wife. He kissed her hand over the golden band again. Couldn’t help his smile broadening, paining his cheeks. 

‘Demelza… you look beautiful, my dear.’ 

She was as red as an apple, only managed to smile at him. A smile enough to disarm him in every possible way. Prudie came with her cloak and she hurried to check on Jeremy and made him promise he wouldn’t stay up until late. He didn’t think their son would oblige. 

There were soon in the carriage on their way to the Assembly. Ross hadn’t let go of her hand and both of their hands rested over her thigh, Demelza slightly caressing his with her thumb. They talked about his day at the House and about the King. All the while he couldn’t tear his eyes from her beautiful face. ‘Did I tell you that you look lovely?’ he said when he couldn’t contain his gentlemanly manners anymore. 

‘Yes, Ross. You did.’ The way she purred his name, he couldn’t but came closer to her and brush her lips. ‘No, I mean not just today. You look lovely every day.’ He heard the beat of his heart on his ears in that dark cabin. They were so close, he was practically hovering over her, both of his hands now holding her in place by the waist, the fabric of her dress felt soft under his fingers. He could feel the rapid rising and falling of her chest against him, her heart beating fast too. He was about to turn his attention to the pulsating spot on her throat when the carriage veered and her body came even closer. ‘Oops.’

‘I think we're here.’ They were, by the huddle of people in fine clothes chatting and laughing that soon surrounded the carriage. As they joined the mass of people he was informed that his presence was required that night for a meeting and Ross cursed on the inside and squared his shoulders annoyed. The last thing he wanted that night was to deal with politics, he had been waiting for this night for weeks and he wanted to spend every minute with Demelza. But she squeezed his hand and touched his arm and smiled. ‘It will only be a few minutes, we have all night.’ She whispered in his ear. It was true.  He wouldn’t have this night spoiled by anyone, not even by the Prince of Wales. He ordered the steward to take them inside and while they were getting rid of cloaks and hats somebody came to ask for their names. She had held his arm tight while they stood at the top of the great staircase and were announced as ‘Captain Ross Poldark and Mistress Demelza Poldark.’ He felt everyone’s eyes on them, on her. He was well known in the House and had heard the queer tattle going on behind his back, so it was not strange that more than one of those gossipmongers would raise their heads from their port to look at her. She will have them dancing around her finger in no time. It was on her where he laid all his attention. As they came down the ballroom she turned her eyes everywhere, trying to take in the place. It was quite a sight indeed. She gifted him a shy smirk when they were finally at everyone else’s level, and they could blend with the rest of the guests. ‘What?’ A footman came to them with a tray full of glasses. Ross took two and gave one to Demelza. ‘I have never seen anything like it!’ she said as she sipped her port. ‘It's so… lavish.’

‘See why you were wanted here with me. You don’t think I'm in my element in a place like this.’

Demelza raised her eyebrows amused ‘And what I can do to help? I'm not in my element either.’

‘I find that you will be soon because you’re the most superb lady the gentry will ever know.’

‘Poldark!’ A voice echoed behind him while Demelza tried to hide her smile behind her glass. 

A hand landed hard on his shoulder as Demelza still looked amused ‘Where have you been, boy?’

‘Oh, Sir Frederick! How are you?’ Ross turned around to find the robust figure of the Member for Winchelsea. ‘Fine, boy, fine. You’ve been lost during the summer, we've missed you in our meetings.’

‘Sir Frederick, let me introduce you. This is my wife, Demelza Poldark. Demelza, this is Sir Frederick Fletcher-Vane, the honorable member for Winchelsea.’

‘Not so honorable, not so honorable. At your service ma'am.’ 

‘A pleasure to meet you, Sir.’ Demelza vowed while the man kissed her hand without a flinch of hesitation. 

‘I can see why you’ve disappeared, boy.’ - he said only for him to hear and with a nudge to his ribs. Ross had an idea then, a fancy, and he searched for every person he knew to introduce Demelza as his wife, just for the sole pleasure of saying it and to look at her smile every time he did so. 

Soon, the dance started. They stood near the couples moving around the dance floor watching them. Ross whispering in her ear the names of the ladies with the most extravagant dresses, she asking which of the gentlemen he knew. ‘Do you want to dance?’ 

It was impossible that she wouldn’t catch the eye of the men looking like that. Demelza, unaware of her tremendous success among the male guests, had eyes only for him. But he saw how they looked at her over her shoulder. When the first dance was finished, two of them approached them to ask her for a dance, she politely rejected them, but by the time the gavotte was over, he decided it was best for him to hide her from inquisitive eyes. If she believed it or not that his ankle hurt him, he couldn’t tell. But she seemed content just to be with him hiding from everyone else in a corner of the room. He was content too.

About an hour later, the steward came to look for him to go to the meeting and he reluctantly left Demelza's side to go to the tedious rally hoping the gathering would be short so he could come back to her. 

Well, the Prince was already half-drunk. Whatever he was to say he took an enormous amount of time to say it. Then the Prime Minister gave a speech and he made clear his support for the prince. God save them. An insane King and a wastetrull heir; what future lie ahead for his country? Ross had stood with a little group of men, next to Sir Frederick and Lord Falmouth. They were joined presently by the Prime Minister himself, so he wasn’t able to abandon the meeting soon enough as he would have liked. In fact, he was one of the last ones to go. Pitt had wanted to talk to him about some ideas he wanted to be debated in the House and he knew Ross would be interested. He had seen George leave a few minutes before and prayed he wasn’t going to approach Demelza. The last thing he wanted was to have the quarrel start up again. When he finally made it back to the ballroom only very few people were there, the doors to the dining room had been opened and through them, he could hear a great bustle. Sir Frederick’s wife, God bless her, was there waiting for her husband. Also, there were a few other women but there was no sign of Demelza. She must have already gone to the dining area, Ross assumed. He was about to go through the doors himself when he heard a familiar voice calling his name. He turned around to see her as he went under the threshold. There, walking towards him, was Elizabeth. 

‘Elizabeth.’

‘Good evening, Ross. I thought it was you.  It's so unusual to find you here. You rarely attend   these kinds of gatherings.’

The surprise of seeing her after all those years made him startle a little, slowing down his motion until she was next to him. Elizabeth looked exactly as he had last seen her in the dark parlour of Nampara years ago. She was still beautiful, fair and with an elegance she possessed since childhood. She was the type of woman one would imagine attended London’s high society parties, no one would turn his head to see her, no one would gossip after her passing. She looked exactly as she ought and as she’d wanted all her life. She fitted into that world. It was so strange to see her. He had known for many years now that Elizabeth couldn’t rouse the feelings in him that had led to the loss of everything in his life he had thought precious, if, in fact, it was actually she who stirred up those emotions in him in the first place and not a figment of his imagination. But when they have lived together it had not been a fabrication of his mind, and he felt ever more guilty for it.

‘I’ve never had the mind for it.’ He said walking beside her. ‘And don’t I know it.’ She went to sit in the first empty chair near the doors, she moved her head slightly indicating the empty one next to her. During all that time, when Ross thought of her he assumed she must have hated him, it was only her right to do so. But Elizabeth didn’t seem so now, her features were amicable and her manners polite. He wondered if he could once and for all make right by her as he should have done in the past. He sat next to her.

‘I wonder what’s the reason you indulge us with your presence today?’

‘I came, I came… How are you, Elizabeth? It’s been so long…’

‘Yes. It feels like a lifetime has passed since the last time we saw each other. I married George, though that you must have heard. We spend most of our time here or in Cardew during the summer, we just came back… and yourself?’

‘Here. Here… Elizabeth, I don’t know if I will have another opportunity to speak with you. I wanted to say, I wanted for you to know how sorry I am for everything I did to you. For that first night, and for later also. All the sorrow and every grief-stricken moment you lived through because of my doing, I apologize. Please, forgive me.’

For the first time in all the years he had known her, he saw a glint of tears behind her eyes. They would not fall, of course, but they were a sign that he had said the right words. ‘I forgive you.’ She said and put her hand over his. ‘And you must forgive me as well. What I did, it was  misconceived too.’ Elizabeth squeezed his hand, and he took it to his lips and kissed her knuckles.

‘It’s all in the past. Actually, I came with Demelza tonight.’ He couldn’t help the smile on his face. He watched her and for a moment her eyes wandered around the room in search of her but came back to his immediately.

‘I’m that glad for you Ross. That you could, could find her and made peace with her. What I did to her was… unfathomable. I’m ashamed of myself just to think of it. I beg you to ask for my forgiveness from her. In all this time I came to realize that she’s the only one who you can share your life with, the only one you wanted…’

‘Yes. She is, she is. I love her, Elizabeth. She’s the love of my life. And by not comprehending that simple fact earlier I made both of you miserable. I apologize again, but now I must go back to her.’

‘Of course, probably for the best.  George will be back at any moment, he was trying to catch the attention of the Prime Minister. Goodnight, Ross. I wish you well.’

‘And I, you. Goodnight.’

With that Ross stood and bowed to her, leaving her with his heart lighter, a huge weight taken off his chest. He searched for Demelza in the nearby tables, hadn’t noticed the large number of people already sitting and starting with dinner. It hadn’t occurred to Ross that Demelza might be hurt by his talk with Elizabeth or even if she had seen them in the first place. He hadn’t thought of it because he didn’t feel about Elizabeth the way he once had. Not even as a ghost, an idolized love. She was closer to being a stranger if there wasn’t so much history between them; a past history that never had a future and now it was long over. Only his guilt had remained and now that was exorcized. He ran his sight over the heads of the guests looking for a redheaded and when he couldn’t find her went back to the ballroom. She might have gone to search for him there. He only found Sir Frederick and his wife and started to get a little worried. ‘Sir Frederick, by any chance have you seen my wife?’

The man patted his shoulder again ‘I fear not, boy. Don’t tell me that you lost her again?’ he said mockingly to him. Ross smirked in return but something else settled in him. He had been talking with Elizabeth, what if Demelza had seen them? What could she imagine was happening? The urge to find her soon gripped him. He went back to the dining room and one by one roamed through the corridors between tables, occasionally asking some of the women if they’ve seen someone with Demelza’s description. He went through the tables twice and was about to go and search for her outside, maybe she went to take fresh air when he heard another voice calling.

‘Are you Mr. Poldark?’ He met a couple of eyes measuring him up and down when he whirled to see who was calling.   

‘I am, Mr…?’

‘Adderley. Monk. Your wife tells me that you are a Member of Parliament too?’ Ross interest suddenly prickled.

‘Yes. Are you too? I don’t remember seeing you at the House. Excuse me, when have you seen my wife?’

‘I find the meetings at the House too dull to even bother. Not so for your wife. Pretty little thing. You shouldn’t leave her alone for so long in a room like this. You should know that the finest people have the most salacious taste.’ He could have blown a fist right to his face. But he had a more urgent thing to do, so without a word he turned around to leave again.

‘Ah… Mr. Poldark.’ He felt him following him a few steps behind him.

‘What?!’

‘Just this. Your… wife left it on the table.’ Adderley stretched out his arm, put something in Ross's hand and walked off. Ross felt the floor trembled under him or was it his legs that were about to fail him? In his hand, he had Demelza´s ring.

‘Prudie! Prudie!’ Ross was desperately banging on the front door of his wife’s house. The night was cold.  He had run outside asking anyone who stepped in his way if they have seen her. He half hoped to find her waiting for him in the carriage but she was not there, of course, she was not there. His driver hadn’t seen her either. Panic had taken hold of him. Now he realized how it must have looked to Demelza seeing him talking with Elizabeth. There was no doubt she had seen them, there was no other explanation for her elopement. In a rush, the coach had taken him to her house where he was just about to throw the door down when Prudie answered. He stepped inside without waiting to be invited. ‘Demelza? Is she here? Has she come?’ Prudie looked at him half asleep, not understanding what he was saying. He went upstairs, climbing the steps two at a time. He went to her bedroom but there was nothing. To his son’s room but he found only Jeremy sleeping there. He checked the other room, the one he had slept in months ago but there was no sign of her. When he came down again Prudie had lit a candle, he saw Garrick, his ears standing in alert following his every move. Prudie followed him to the kitchen, she was not there either.

‘The maid hasn’t come ‘ere. I thought she was with ‘ee.’ She had concern written all over her face, surely reading the desperation in his.

‘She… I don’t know, she disappeared. I thought she might come here.’

‘She hasn't… What have ‘ee done t' the mistress?’ She asked him, reading something else.

‘I haven’t done anything!... Though, Elizabeth was there. Demelza must have seen me talking to her…?’

‘Oh Judas!’ Prudie jumped as she had seen a ghost – ‘How could ‘ee? How could ‘ee ‘ve done that to the maid? Again!’

‘Prudie, I haven’t done anything. I swear.’

‘Poor gurl! I knew tis was a bad idea t' let ‘ee come again. Once a cheater…’

‘Prudie no! I didn’t… look, I have to find her. Where can she be? If she’s not here, where can she go at this time of night?’

‘Why would I tell 'ee? T' hurt her again? No, ‘ee better leave the maid alone. She has suffered enough for thee…’

‘No, Prudie. I promise, I won’t hurt her. You know I won’t. You know I love her.’

‘Do I? Do ‘ee? Do’ee know all she had to abide t’ make a life without ‘ee? And now ‘ee doin’ the same again!’

‘I didn’t! Prudie… I didn’t. You know me, have known me since I was a boy. You’ve been the closest thing I had to a mother. You have seen me at my worst and my best, and my best has been with her… I won’t hurt her again. Please, Prudie. Tell me where she is.’ he begged with a lump in his throat. Prudie pursed her lips, weighing his words, a look in her eyes that could make milk curdle.

‘She hasn’t come ‘ere’ She said at last. ‘Mayhaps she’s gone to Miss Marianne… but tis too far, she can’t ‘ave gone walkin’…’

‘Yes, maybe. There were carriages outside, she could have taken one. Tell me where it is and Prudie if she does come back, don’t let her go. I must talk to her.’

It was, as a matter of fact, quite some distance to go on foot at night. Marianne was even more startled than Prudie when she found him at her door.

‘Captain Poldark? Is Demelza alright? Were not you supposed to be at the ball?’ His heart deflated once again.

‘You mean, she’s not here?’

‘Why would she be here?’

‘Forgive me, I didn’t mean to trouble you this late. It’s just… I don’t know where she is. If she comes here, I beg you, could you tell her I’m looking for her. Could you tell her to wait to speak to me first, before she makes any…’ he chocked.

‘Captain?... Ross? What’s the matter?’

‘I, I messed it up. I believe she thinks… Miss Marianne? I know you’re aware of everything that has transpired between Demelza and I over the years, probably you know more about the years we’ve been apart than me. I’ve never meant to hurt her, and I actually didn’t… this time. But she saw me talking to… Elizabeth and then she vanished.’

‘Christ! What in hell have you been thinking?!... Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to speak to you like that.’

Ross shook his head. ‘It’s fine, I deserve it, for being so utterly halfwitted. Would you tell her, please, if she comes?’

‘Captain Poldark…’

‘Ross, please.’

‘Ross… I made a promise to my cousin that I would look after her welfare. Hugh, he loved her and he would have done anything in order to make her happy. So I would too. I’ve seen Demelza these last few months since you came back into her life. How her smile is brighter and her spirit content. She loves you. She has done so all her life since she met you… Are you sure you love her as well?’

‘Yes! Good God, of course. Yes.’

‘Very well. I’ll sent word for you if she comes here I’ll try to convince her to hear what you have to say. I’ll try the shop if I were you. If she’s not home nor here, I can’t think of another place she can go.’

‘Thank you, Marianne. I am obliged to you.’

The last search was fruitless as well. He didn’t know what else to do. Desperate, he decided to go back to his lodgings. He’ll order the driver to go back to Demelza’s and stand on guard there. There was a fear inside him, he dreaded to even think about it, that she would go back for Jeremy and she would run from him again. He didn’t know where else to look. He would go to his chambers to quickly change his stupid clothes and to grab some money to pay other men to stand near the places she could go to. He would go back to the Assembly to search again and then he'd go to wait with Jeremy, it was the smartest thing to do… Smart would have been not talking with Elizabeth at all! Even his own inner voice reproached him. But she had taken him by surprise, and he hadn’t done anything wrong, not this time.

It was almost midnight when he arrived at Mrs. Parkins’ house. She must be already abed, the house was completely silent. It was late, too late for Demelza to be wandering around alone in the dangerous streets of London. He’d only take a second and would go to the inn to find more men to help him. He almost stumbled back when he opened the door to his bedroom and saw her. Standing by the fire was Demelza.

‘Demelza! Thank God…’ He took a deep breath, relieved and stepped closer to her, but with a mild movement of her head she stopped him.

Midnight

ROSS AND DEMELZA

She was still shaking a little. She had been standing near the hearth for more than an hour but the quivering in her body refused to stop. Demelza had run out of the ball, didn’t know what to do. All she could think of was Ross and Elizabeth, together again. She fought against the will to cry, not this time. Didn’t want to feel this again. But she had done it even so, the tears now dried on her cheeks had run over her make-up leaving blurred lines impossible to conceal and that now pierced on Ross’ chest thinking he was the cause. There were carriages outside the court, she was headed home but in the middle of the journey decided to change direction, and she asked the driver to take her to Ross’ lodgings instead. She wouldn’t be a coward. She would not run again, she would face him. Whatever he had to say, if this between them had to end, she would end it now. She wouldn’t be treated like the second-best ever again.

Mrs. Parkins let her in. Had taken her to Ross’ rooms and brought her a jug of warm water and a cup of tea. ‘Oh my dear, my dear.’ She had told her patting her hands. ‘That stubborn man, what has he done to you now? You’ve to be strong… deep down, he’s a good man. And he had been lost without you all these years.’ She had stirred the fire when Demelza said nothing, she couldn’t speak. ‘I’ll go to bed now… Wait for him here. Speak to him. Sort it out together. Goodnight, my dear.’ She had drunk her tea and then had stood to allow the heat of the fire to enter her skin, but there was no use to it. She quivered when she heard steps coming up the stairs.

‘Demelza… you’re trembling. Here, take my coat.’ She gave a step back when he went to put it over her shoulders, his heart beating fast. ‘Thank God you’re here.’ He whispered again. Demelza bit her lips. She couldn't, she couldn't let him get close. She had waited so long for this night. She had made him wait but she had also denied herself the desire to have him close. Tonight should have been perfect, but he had ruined it. ‘How did you get here? Why did you leave?’

‘You can’t seriously be asking that…’ The words came out rash and tempered. Much as all her words to him had been at the end of their marriage and she hated it. ‘I saw you with Elizabeth.’

‘No, my love…’

‘Please Ross, do not call me that.’

‘God, you’re shaking Demelza. Let me…’ He tried to cover her with the coat again, once more to be rejected. It fell on the floor and he suddenly grabbed her by the arms and brought her closer to the fire. She tried to fight him, to get herself loose but he had her firmly grasped. ‘I call you like that because that’s what you are!’ He growled to her face and released her, bending down to pick up the coat and wrapping her roughly in it. ‘It was not what you think…’

‘You mean you didn’t forget about me the moment you saw her like you always do?’

‘No! No… I thought I made myself clear, all these months… Do you still doubt me? Do you still doubt of my love?’

No! She wanted to scream at him. Until two hours ago she didn’t have any doubts. She had forgiven him; she loved him and wanted to move on together with him. But how could she? If at the first opportunity he would run from her again.

‘I doubt it now…’

‘Don’t doubt it. Tonight… God, tonight it was the first time I saw Elizabeth since she left Nampara. I know, I know you don’t want to hear about her time there, but I fear you must. I must tell you… Come.’ Ross tried to move her to sit on the armchair that was closest to the hearth, her eyes wide open and still shining from the tears and anticipation. She let him pull her a couple of steps, Ross sat but she did not. She remained standing in front of him. He looked at her from under his dark eyelashes, she could tell he was suffering too. Whether it was for her or Elizabeth, she didn’t know. Or maybe she did, and for that, she couldn’t understand what had happened earlier that night. It was true, she had told him she didn’t want to know every time Elizabeth’s topic came up in their conversations and wasn’t sure she wanted to hear about it now. But she will listen to what he had to say, and then make a decision. She won’t repeat the same mistakes again, couldn’t fathom history replaying once more.

‘I told you many times by now how sorry I am for what I did. For hurting you. If I had a chance to go back and do things all over again I wouldn’t make the same mistakes. I would stay with you. I would cherish you, love you. I would take care of you because you always were the most important person in my life…’

‘Ross, do not…’

‘I lost sight of that, yes. I know at the time you didn’t know how much you meant to me and my true understanding of it came much later and at a great cost. But it was not only you I harmed, I also did her a great disservice. No matter what had happened before, when I was trying to help her leaving aside my own wife and child, I had no right in going to her like that. That night… I was so angry… Wait, Demelza.’ She had tried to move away, didn’t want to hear it again, and didn’t want any more excuses that she had already heard. He took her hands to prevent her from moving away, holding them bringing her closer again.

‘That’s in the past, it doesn’t matter anymore.’ - she said.

‘I know it is, I hope it is. For us. But you see, not for Elizabeth. I wrong her that night, as much as you, I wronged her too. And later. I used her in the most hideous way. You don’t want to hear about her time living with me.  Well, we were miserable. I made her life miserable. Those first months after you left, I can’t recall even talking to her at all and after that, after I found you were with Armitage… I’m so ashamed of it I don’t dare to even think of it. My behavior was appalling. I used her… I abused her trust in me to forget about you. But I never could. She could never be what you are to me and I mistreated her for it. And it was not her fault…’  There were tears prickling in the corner of his eyes, he had dropped his face, still holding her hands tight. He was so remorseful; she knew he was. She could read him now, again, like she used to do when they were married. Could tell how he felt, could tell he was being honest.

‘That night she left, I had spent most of my nights drowning myself at the Red Lion, that night she tried to put me to rights… for the umpteenth time. And I threw her out, told her to leave when I shouldn't have let her stay at Nampara in the first place. I cast her out without anything. I didn’t break my word only to you, I disrespect her too… I am the most obnoxious of men. And, and tonight when I saw her I just… I just wanted to say that I am sorry for what I did to her.’ A couple of tears had escaped his eyelashes, he quickly dried them releasing her hands to do so, his elbows went to rest on his knees, holding his head with his hands.

‘You must hate me. I'm not the man you thought me to be when we first married. How can you ever want to be with me after all I did?’

‘Shhh… Ross.’ She came closer to him then. Moving the palms of her hands through his hair to his shoulders, she brought his head to rest on her belly and held him close to her.

Her imperfect Ross. She never intended for him to be flawless, she had always wanted him just the way he was. She leaned her face over the crown of his head and he surrounded her waist with his arms with his face still buried in her bosom. They stood like that for ages.

‘I don’t hate you.’ She mumbled against the softness of his curls after what it seemed forever. He pressed to her even tighter.

‘Ross... I love you. I’ve never stopped doing so. Not now. Not when we first married. Not when I left nor even when I was with Hugh… and I've always known exactly the kind of man you are: reckless and moody. But also generous and with a kind heart. You made mistakes and so did I. You ask me how can I want to be with you, then I must ask you the same…’

‘You’re not like me, you are…’ she quieted him down with a finger over his lips.

‘I am very stubborn as well. And I do love you, but Iove alone cannot be everything there is between us. There must also be trust and respect. I need that from you as much as I need your love. I never want to feel that I am second best again. I want to be your partner, want to build our lives together and to know that I'm the most important person in your life, because you are mine.’

Good God, she really was astonishing.

'My sweet Demelza... you have my love and respect, and you can trust me. If you're not certain now I'll make it my life mission to prove it to you, you can rest assured. I can't risk losing you again... I am yours.'

She kissed him then. Kindly but with a pressure on his lips that demanded confirmation of everything he had just said. She kissed all over his face, her hands running through his hair. In the haste to find her, he had lost the ribbon that had been holding his mane. Standing like they were, Ross sitting and she between his legs in front of him, her mouth was at the right height to travel from his forehead until his chin, giving tender pecks to every corner of his face.

‘I’m sorry about tonight, my love. This is not the way I wanted this night to be.’ She half smiled against his lips.

‘Me neither.’ She said slowly, and Ross could hear the change in the tone of her voice. She placed her finger under his chin and pushed again against his mouth. The only sound he could hear in the silence of the night was the heavy breathing coming from both of them. Suddenly the mood had changed. All of a sudden there was nothing else, no Elizabeth, no past, no world outside. Just the two of them and the feel of their shared breaths and beating hearts. Ross opened his eyes while she still ran leisurely kisses across his bottom lip. He could look at her forever.

He wanted to touch her. There was a tickling on the tips of his fingers in anticipation of what it was to come. “Don’t stop this”. He begged her in his head. “Don’t stop it”. Finally, she was there. He had dreamed about her for so many nights these last months, these last years, and he couldn’t believe that he had been so close of losing her again tonight. Not anymore, he won’t repeat the same mistakes.  He wouldn’t be so careless anymore. Ross took advantage of her parted lips and creeped his tongue out of his mouth and into hers. He leaned forward, and moved his hands from her waist to her buttocks, grasping her cheeks firmly with his palms. She moaned in his mouth. A little shaking running all over her body, but this time it was not from cold, it was not from heartache. This time was because of the desire he awoke within her. She felt the warmth of his hands over the layers of clothing and she felt it between her legs too. It was she who broke the kiss, raising her head. She saw the small smile playing at the corner of his lips. He knew the effect he was having on her. ‘I love you.’ He said looking straight into her soul and planting a swift kiss to her. Her arms were over his shoulders and running softly through his dark hair. She raised an eyebrow cheekily and they both couldn’t help but break into shy laughter.

‘Come.’ She took his hand and guided him to the bedroom once she was done kissing all over his face again. He obliged but stopped when they were about to cross the door.

‘Wait.’  Ross saw a flash of uncertainty crossing her face for a second but he wiped it out with a small kiss on her nose and replaced it with curiosity when he removed his coat from her shoulders. ‘There’s something I want you to have.’ He said as he fumbled in the pockets of his coat until he found what he wanted and showed it to Demelza.

‘This is yours.’ Demelza sighed in surprise when she saw the ring. ‘I believe you’ve forgotten it.’ He added earnestly, she could detect the trace of hurt in his voice.

‘I left it.’ She said to him honestly, not wanting to think about how it ended in his hands. ‘I’m sorry…’

‘I’m sorry… I don’t want it?’

‘No! I’m sorry I left it.’ She clarified quickly and offered her left hand for Ross to put the ring back on her ring finger, which he did looking at her amused with narrowed eyes, taking his time and very ceremoniously. He brought her hand and gave it a sloppy kiss over her gold band when it was done and then wrapped her into his arms, their foreheads touching and their noses nuzzling. ‘My husband…’ she whispered and he leaned to touch her lips but she whirled in his arms and continued on her way to the bedroom.

The first thing that caught Demelza’s attention was the lovely bouquet of pink roses that were over the bedside table. The room was in darkness, and Ross hastened to light some candles around the room while she went to the little table and took a rose from the bouquet to smell its perfume. The next thing she felt was Ross standing behind her. His entire front pressed against her back, his mouth dropping to her ear. ‘Are these for me?’ She asked still holding the rose to her nose. ‘Yes.’ He brushed his lips to her ear and then further down her neck. She was back where she belonged.

When she turned to face him she ran the soft petals of the rose from his hairline, down his scar, and over his smile. ‘Were you expecting me tonight?’

‘Oh, Demelza. I’ve been expecting you for years…’ She let him kiss her once, slow and placidly and then turned, leaving the flower over the table and presenting her back to him again.

‘Help me with the hooks?’ She thought she heard him purr. Obviously, the memory of another night came to him too and he came closer and brushed a kiss at her neck and did so too with every inch of skin he discovered. But when he reached the last one and turned his attention back to her neck and shoulders she pushed him to sit on the edge of the bed and gave a step away from him before his prying eyes. He tried to reach for her again but she told him not to with just a short movement of her head.

Ross sat on the edge of the bed feeling he was about to combust with desire. He didn’t know what she was about, but the expression on her face he knew too well. She was his siren. The dress hung loosely from her shoulders and, carefully not to drop it, she bent and ran her hands through her legs, her long and spectacular legs until she reached her bloomers and took them off from under the blue fabric. She then proceeded to untie her garters, one by one and so slowly that his breathing seemed to stop the whole time she took doing so, leaving him gasping and panting for air. By the time she pulled off her stockings he was rock hard. His member pulsing against his breeches, his fists closed tight crumpling the sheets. He groaned at the exposure of her bare skin, the elegant dress pooling around her on the floor, not the slight drop of shyness in her demeanor. He wet his lips, his tongue sticking out of his half-closed mouth. Definitely, his memory had not done her justice, because she was not the little girl he married and used to make love to years ago, this woman standing before him, she was a goddess.

The last thing she did before coming closer to him again was removed a couple of pins from her head. Her hair falling like a halo over her shoulders and around her face. Ross seemed to be frozen. Stock-still looking at her, all over her. His breath caught at the back of his throat when she came to stand mere inches from him, his knees touching her legs and he raised his face to her again to let her kiss him. Her tongue skimming his bottom lip, seeking entry while his hands ran up and down the sides of her slender body, leaving goosebumps in its path.

It was she who grabbed his hand and placed it over her chest, mere inches from her perfect breasts, for him to feel the beating of her heart. ‘It beats only for you.’ She needn’t have done that, he could see the pulse of her heart on the skin of her neck. Then, there wasn’t more time for gentleness. They kissed again, and it was he who deepened the connection, pushing into her lips, their tongues moving together wildly. His hands caressing and grabbing every bit of skin he can manage, hers, moving around his back.

When she could no longer wait anymore to have him closer she grabbed the front of his waistcoat making quick work with the buttons and pushed it off his shoulders, forcing him to release his hold of her but with their lips still locked. She then reached for his shirt, stepping back slightly to give him space to get rid of it. He tossed the shirt and waistcoat into the floor and Demelza had a chance to see him for the first time in years. He was so handsome, so strong, and he could still make her tremble solely by the look of his wanting eyes. She trailed a finger over his chest, his hair dark and soft much like his entire being. She passed his throat and let her thumb rest on his bottom lip. Ross opened his mouth and bit her finger playfully and she smiled continuing upwards, running her hands through his hair and pushing him back over the mattress with her arms on his shoulders. He brought her with him, both landing laughing against each other’s mouths, squeezing her bottom and nibbling her lips until she sat on her knees to free him from his breeches. Keeping her eyes firmly on his, she started to undo the buttons, her knuckles brushing over his erection, causing him to jerk. He had to squeeze his eyes shut, he didn’t know how much longer he could take of this when he felt her slide her hand flat into his pants, grazing across the mass of dark hair and to his manhood. He shuddered, opening his eyes again and looking up to the ceiling of the bedroom in which he had spent so many nights alone, dreaming of this moment.

Demelza saw the muscles on his chest rolling and undulating and she couldn’t resist leaning forward and flicking her tongue up the center of his chest bone. He moaned and the next moment got up suddenly from the bed, kicking his shoes off and dropping his breeches to his ankles and off his feet. They were both completely naked now, and she couldn’t but admire his husband and his hardness pulsating for her.

‘Lay back.’ His voice was just a gasp but she obeyed. She was leading them just then but now it was her time to moan and she closed her eyes as Ross brought the rose she had left on the bedside table and started to slowly run it from her neck and down her body, his lips leaving a trace of wet kisses behind the path of the flower. He paid special attention to her breasts and nipples and spent a few moments making big circles on her belly, first with the rose, then with his lips and then continued down. She didn’t know either how much she could take.

‘Ross. Ross…’ she moaned while he was leaving torturing kisses and small bites on the inside of her thighs. He understood her call and soon crawled up over her and dropped his torso over her body, precariously holding his weight from her but close enough for her to feel his chest heaving hard over her. Demelza traced her fingers over his back and they both gasped in unison when he penetrated her, she instantly gripping every inch of him inside her and wrapping her legs around his waist. She raised her lips for him to kiss them, ‘I love you.’  They said while he held still inside her relishing in the sensation of being with her, finally back where he ought to be.

The moments passed as they stared into each other and with a last kiss he panted he slowly withdrew from her and then pushed himself in her again. He built a steady thrust, every time a little further and every time a little harder and she tilted her hips forward him in acceptance, always searching his lips as they moved into each other murmuring incoherent words against their mouths that might have been their names, or might have been I love yous or might have been I missed yous or all of them together, until he finally collapsed into her. Both breathless and her muscles contracting around him as his thrusts got slower and she took every last bit of his release.

Demelza felt him rest his forehead against her and when she opened her eyes she found his were clenched shut. He was breathing hard, trying to take in the scent of her and the glorious feel of ecstasy and plenitude he could only reach with her. ’I never want to be parted from you again.’

Demelza caressed his cheeks at his words and he finally opened his eyes to face her moistened ones. ‘Ross, my dear husband.’ She prayed and kissed him again.

Demelza rolled down from him and placed a kiss on the end of his nose, Ross cupping the back of her head and pushing her towards him so her cheek landed against his shoulder. They lay replete for an age, regaining their breaths, their hands interlaced together over the flat of his stomach. The lights of a new day had invaded their refuge hours ago, the fire of the hearth had gone out sometime during the night but she wasn’t cold, even when she was just covered by a single blanket, the heat emanating from Ross’ body keeping her warmth.

‘What time do you think it is?’

‘Mmmhhh…’  He pressed his palm against her back to bring her even closer. Jesus, the night was taking his toll on him. He hadn’t slept even a minute. After the fear of losing her at the Assembly, his search, their talk and what it came after, he hadn’t wanted to miss one single moment. Demelza had dozed next to him a couple of times and he used that time to watch her, his lovely and sensual wife, only to wake her up with sweet kisses and soft touches wanting to be one with her again.

He opened one eye to see how the glow of daylight played on the wall and kissed her on her head over the tangle of red curls. ‘It must be past ten… I wonder why Mrs. Parkins hasn’t called for breakfast yet.’

Demelza smiled to herself. Mrs. Parkins must have imagined that if she hadn’t heard her leave or an argument between them, then she must still here and would not want to be disturbed.

‘Are you hungry?’ She raised her face to see him and they both chuckled at the double meaning of her words. ‘Always.’ He said.

They lay together for a while longer. Demelza relaxed breathing over his chest signaling she was falling asleep again, he wondered if he could do it also. But as spent as he was, he couldn’t avoid his running mind and his over-stimulated senses from going back to the night they had just shared, a night which hadn’t ended yet and that he would want to make last for all eternity. Images of her naked on his arms and over him, her taste, her sensuality, how she touched him and made him touch her, she was everything he remembered her to be but she was so much more too. And like the Demelza he came to know since he found her, familiar but new, she was also in this regard.

‘You’re different.’ He whispered, half to himself and thinking she was sleeping but Demelza woke up immediately from her restful slumber and placed her chin over his breast-bone, their noses nearly touching. She knew he was right, she was different. And it had been different last night because last night she was the only one. There were no ghosts, no emotional reticence on her mind, no uncertainty if she was the second-best in his heart. He had said it, he had shown it to her and she believed him. The corner of his lips curled up in a shy smile ‘… And the same.’ He added, familiarly fondling his nose with hers. ‘Just perfect.’

‘Do you think she will miss you?’ Her question woke him.  She was still wrapped within his arms, her face close to his yet. He didn’t know who she was talking about. ‘Mrs. Parkins. Do you think she’ll miss you when you leave?’

‘And where am I going?’        

‘Home. Home with Jeremy and me.’ The smile on his face grew impossibly wider, the happiness in his eyes was infectious and he planted kisses all over her face holding her close to him and rolling them over the bed, making a mess of sheets and pillows until he suddenly stopped and braced himself over the mattress on top of her. ‘Damn it! We have to go.’

‘What?... Why?’

‘I promised Jeremy we would go to St. Paul’s…’

‘Judas, Ross! Why in heavens did you promise him that again?’

June 24, 1801

DEMELZA

‘Hurry up, mama!’ Jeremy jumped outside the carriage as soon as it parked by the sidewalk. It was a clear spring day, thankfully the weather didn’t add to her discomfort.

‘Take it easy, Jeremy. They hardly can start without us.’ Marianne smiled at her.  She kept them company on the way to St. Paul's Cathedral and also helped her during the morning to get ready.

‘I will go ahead to see that everything is set. I’ll wait for you at the entrance.’

‘Yes. Thank you, my dearest.’ Her friend touched her hand in support and went down too. Demelza took a couple of deep breaths and came down to join her excited son. How did they convince her of this? Poldarks. Stubborn and relentless when something got into their heads. And Ross didn’t give up, it was such silliness and he kept going and going about it even when she told him no. And then he had told Jeremy and he became his accomplice, especially after he said to him it would be there… ‘Imagine mama as a bride crossing the threshold of St. Paul’s Jeremy, wouldn’t she look beautiful?!’ And that was it. She had to give in if only to make them quiet. It did not. It only made them worst with plans and preparations. It was all foolishness. She was not a bride, despite the gorgeous gown she was wearing, made again for this special occasion by the seamstresses of her shop. This time all of them will see her wearing it. All the women who worked with her were invited and they would probably be inside, already waiting.

‘Come, mama. Let’s go in!’ Jeremy looked very smart in his fine suit. He had told her his jacket was from the same fabric as the one Ross had tailored for himself especially for today. His admiration for his father had only grown in the couple of years they spent together since they were reunited. And they shared so much time together, not just in their little home but at Parliament where Jeremy liked to go to hear his papa’s speeches, or at his office or checking the maps from the mine or supervising the blueprints of the new house they were building in Cornwall – they even had gone by themselves a couple of times to check on the construction too.  Now Demelza hoped it would be ready for the birthing.  Jeremy looked more and more like Ross every day, though Ross always said he favored her better. She wondered who this new baby would look like…

Her son grabbed her by the hand to make her walk to the entrance ‘Why don’t you go and ask your aunt if they’re ready. There’re still people coming out from the morning service.’

The ceremony would be short. After all, it was just a blessing on their wedding anniversary and the archbishop had agreed to do it after the Sunday service. As Jeremy went running up the stairs Demelza wandered a few steps on the great esplanade to calm her beating heart, she still had some time, and she walked watching the branches of the trees lazily move over her head along the cadence of the breeze and the people coming out from the church unhurriedly to the sunny day. Maybe it was because of that that she noticed him. Storming out through one of the side doors, there was George Warleggan. He passed by her side but he seemed to not have seen her.  She turned to watch him get into one luxurious carriage that was parked close to her own one. Maybe it was time to go inside after all, and that was what she intended to do when she found herself standing face to face with Elizabeth.

‘Demelza?’  She could have been the same Elizabeth she met for the first time almost eighteen years ago. Her face was clear and gentle. She was exquisitely dressed and with a big round belly that made her shine even more.

‘Good morning, Elizabeth.’ They both bowed their heads a little, none of them wanting to lose eye contact with the other.

‘You look very pretty.’ She said, looking at her own dress. Demelza searched for any sign of mockery in her voice but couldn’t find any. ‘Are you to marry today?’

‘Oh… thank you. No… no. ‘Tis just a blessing. A re-reading of our vows.’ She stammered.

‘In any case, my sincere congratulations.’

‘Thank you... And you.’ Demelza said pointing at her belly.

‘Thank you.’

‘When do you expect?’

‘In a little bit more than a month… George has been driving me insane wanting an heir, can’t believe it finally happened.’ Both women giggled and flushed a little at Elizabeth’s disclosure. Surely neither of them knew why she was being open towards Demelza.

‘I wish you an easy birthing.’

‘Demelza…’  She called her when she was about to leave. ‘I… Since we’re here, I just wanted to… to apologize to you. For all my faults and affronts against you. I do not expect your forgiveness, of course, but I just wanted to say, I’m sorry.’

It amazed Demelza that she actually believed in her apology. She had learned so much during those years, through sorrow and suffering, but also from hope and the little things that made life precious. Maybe Elizabeth had learned too. ‘I must go to Ross…’

‘Certainly. He must be anxiously waiting for you. The place looks lovely. I was telling that to George, but he got cross when he found out who the ceremony was for and that the Prime Minister was here for it. Old quarrels die hard, I suppose.’

‘Elizabeth!’ Speaking of the devil, George stuck his head outside the carriage’s window and growled to his wife.

‘I’m coming, George.’  Elizabeth bowed at her but this time it was Demelza who stopped her leaving.

‘I have no resentment against you, Elizabeth. Whatever happened, ‘tis all in the past. It was enough hurt for a lifetime… let's not let our children be born with anger.’ Elizabeth came closer to her and took her hands in her. Over her shoulder she could see Jeremy waving for her to go to him, it was almost time.

‘Let’s not… you mean? Are you with child?’ Judas! She couldn’t believe the first person to find out about her pregnancy was going to be Elizabeth. She just nodded.

‘Oh, congratulations! Ross must be so happy.’

‘He doesn’t know. Not yet, I want it to be a surprise, for today.’ Unexpectedly, she hugged her. Elizabeth had shared so much history with her, had been the cause of so much pain and she, Demelza, had caused her great sorrow too, but when she said she wanted it to put it behind her, she really meant it.

‘He will be, I’m sure he will. He loves you. He was half alive when you left and I know now I could have never given him what you gave him or be who you are to him. I wish you joy…’

‘For all of us.’

‘For all of us.’

‘Elizabeth!’

‘I’m coming, George! Dear heavens. I’ll detain you no longer. You must go inside, there’s a lot of people waiting for you.’

‘Wouldn’t you wish to come? The ceremony will be short, and then we’re having lunch at Ross’ old apartment. It’s not so far away from Parliament.’

‘I’ll thank you, my dear. But I’m afraid I’ll not hear the end from George if I stayed. Maybe some other time.’

‘I have just opened a shop in Regent Street near Heddon, I’m there most of the afternoons. You’re welcome to come whenever you like, we’ll have some tea.’

‘I will, I promise. And we’ll talk about our children.’

‘Mama!!’ It was not just Jeremy who was waving at then but also Marianne. Prudie was standing with them too, looking at the scene in front of her eyes without believing it. With a last hug and smile, Elizabeth went to her carriage and Demelza went to join them, to say again in front of God, their friends and family that she was Demelza Poldark once more.