Chapter Text
Epilogue:
My name is Tom. Since you've read up to this point, you already know I can't tell you my last name or where I'm from.
If you had told me a couple of years ago that I would be a slave to an alien empire, I would have laughed. Thought you'd been reading too many conspiracy theory books.
Except, that's what happened to me a little over a year ago. I joined The Sharing because of a cute girl in my English class. I followed her into a full members only meeting, because I thought she was seeing someone else. Instead, I saw Visser Three in his Andalite host body.
I freaked out. They acted quickly, of course. Dragged me to the Yeerk Pool and infested me with a truly awful Yeerk, Temrash Two-Five-Two. He was horrible to me, and, unfortunately, very competent at his job. He became promoted to One-One-Four, and assigned to infest the governor of our city. Before he left my head, Temrash bragged that his new position would be the highest ranking one on Earth.
Thankfully, and unbeknownst to the governor, he was killed in a Yeerk Pool massacre by my brother and his friends. The governor remained free from the alien parasites. As for me? Well, I was less than a week into the next phase of my life long slavery sentence. My new Yeerk master was Essack Eight-Five-Three. Lower ranking, sure, and maybe not as cruel as Temrash, but then again, I had long since lost hope of ever being freed, so, maybe, Essack just didn't think it was worthwhile to kick around a poor broken host body like me. Maybe, he just wanted to spend his time on other matters.
Some might think I'd have been grateful, but a Yeerk who isn't quite as bad as your first is hardly saying that your Yeerk is a good guy, or even half decent to you.
I was still a slave.
When I found myself tied to a chair in a shack, it felt like a scene out of some horror movie. You know, the axe murderer on the loose, ready to torture and kill his next victim. Turns out, though, it was more of a horror story for Essack. He was due back to feed by the end of that day, and when he knew there was no chance of escape, he practically raced out of my ear. Better a death by my foot than a slower, far more painful, death from Kandrona starvation.
Not that I'd given this much thought. As soon as his body had hit the floor, it was like my foot had taken on a will of its own. Not controlled by Essack, but not entirely controlled by me. Before I could process what happened, Essask was nothing more than a stain on my shoe.
Looking back, it probably wasn't murder. Not intentionally. Besides, my mental state was so out of whack that I doubt any judge would convict me.
Even with Essack dead, my fate wasn't a foregone conclusion. Obviously, I couldn't go around without a Yeerk. They'd find me and infest me.
My kid brother and his friends had already figured this out. They had another Yeerk handy. This one who hated the empire as much as I did, and was part of a rebel group who fought against involuntary infestation.
Liliss Three-Two-Five.
They told me it was my choice, that she'd be decent to me. I wanted to believe them. Anyway, she promised to be kind to me and give me control. Even leave my head for some time each day, so I could spend some time with Jake. So that we could keep an eye on her. That wasn't something most Yeerks told their future slaves, I figured.
It's been six weeks.
In the beginning, it was hard to believe that Liliss would be much different than the others. Especially since, for all of our threats to kill her if she mistreated me, Jake and the others were kind of in a dead end situation. If they killed her, what would they do with me? The empire would notice that I'd gone missing. At best, they'd kill me. More likely, they'd put another Yeerk in my head, and then, that would be it for everyone.
She had to know this. Even so, Liliss more than kept her promises. To treat me well, and to leave my head so that Jake and I could spend time together, just us. So he could see how I was doing. It seemed like every time she left my head, I had become a little more of myself before the Yeerks. Not that I could ever be the pre-war Tom, but I could feel myself slowly getting put back together. Very slowly. It might take a lifetime before I was truly healed from Temrash. Still. I knew I was becoming a little more myself each day.
Really, until Liliss, I honestly didn't think it was possible for a Yeerk to treat a host like anything except a slave. I figured that even the voluntary hosts were just voluntary so that they wouldn't have to spend their few free hours every couple of days slammed into a cage.
Looking back, maybe, if it had been Liliss at first and not Temrash, I would have gone the voluntary route.
Maybe.
That wasn't to say I didn't still have moments of feeling like I'd never be myself again.
Also, I still had nightmares. Not every time I fell asleep, but enough to make my dread it.
But, Liliss knew this. She knew how to help me though them.
In some ways, being inside my head and having access to all of my thoughts and my memories, she could help me way more than any human could.
Like tonight, for example.
(Tom, it's all right,) she soothed me, as she wrapped me in a mental hug while I attempted to get my breathing under control. (You're safe.)
This time, I'd woken up from a particularly bad dream involving Temrash. It wasn't a new dream. It wasn't even a dream, because it had happened in real life. When Temrash felt particularly vindictive, or when I'd fought him, he'd play out a fantasy of his. By now, I knew it by heart, but it never became easier to endure. I'd scream, sob, beg him to stop, promise never to bother him again, if he'd just end the loop.
It was always fairly simply. He was me, telling Jake about Yeerks after he'd gone to one too many Sharing meetings, and decided to become a full member. Jake would, of course, try to fight him. Us. Temrash would hold him down, listen gleefully to his screams and mine, and finally, infesting him. As he placed the Yeerk in my kid brother's ear, he's tell me that he personally knew the Yeerk who would be controlling my brother, and it was one of his closest allies. That this Yeerk would break Jake even faster than I had been broken. But, I shouldn't worry—because he would ensure that he and this Yeerk friend of his would always share a feeding, and I would be able to see Jake crying in another cage.
It was only a matter of time before Temrash's fantasy haunted my dreams.
(You're safe, now, and Jake's safe. It never happened,) Liliss soothed, still hugging me tightly in our shared mental space. (I promise you, Tom. It never will.)
I took a deep breath, nodding my head. I was glad that I still had full control, even as Liliss continued to hug me. In the back of my mind, I recalled when Liliss had first held me like this, after explaining that Yeerks called it a "mental hug".
I'd been reluctant to let her. It was nearly a month before I finally agreed. When I finally trusted her not to hurt me.
It was almost like a ritual, now. After nightmares or flashbacks, it was the first way Liliss tried to comfort me. Because she knew it was what I needed, wanted, to calm me down.
At least, to start calming me down. On a bad night, it might take an hour or longer before I would be able to fall asleep.
Nightmares, as much like my Yeerk's gentle voice in my head, were still a regular companion to my healing mind.
I was always grateful that Liliss never took control of my body, beyond keeping me quiet at the very beginning of my coming out of a nightmare. After that, she always tried to help me-but on a mental level.
After several minutes of being held and reassured that Jake was safe and my other Yeerks were truly gone, I felt my breathing slow down, my heart rate resume its normal beating rate.
Even now, Liliss still held me in our shared mental space.
(Can you sleep, now, honey?) Liliss queried, and I managed a mental nod.
I wrapped the covers around me, once more. I focused on the sensations of the blankets around me, my pajamas and sheets soft against my skin. I let myself relax into the blankets, as Liliss, humming a little, still held my mind wrapped around hers. I was sure that my thoughts were still a mess, probably just noise. I tried not to focus on the dream as I closed my eyes, because doing that would send me into another panic attack, and it would be at least another hour before I would be able to fall asleep.
Still, I was anxious. Or, at least, wound up.
Liliss, of course, could see this.
(How can I help?) Liliss asked me. (Do you want me to talk to you? Music? A memory?)
These were the standard ways of calming me down, or even just helping me sleep. I thought hard for a minute, as though this was a question on a test. I enjoyed hearing Liliss' voice, but I didn't think it would help me, just now. It would feel too much like Temrash. Music was always relaxing-Liliss called them Yeerk lullabies, but they were nothing like human ones-but, no. I didn't think that would help. What I needed, I knew, was a good memory. Something vivid, from before I was infested, to try to block out the images that seemed to burn into my brain from Temrash.
Of course, memories were tricky. Even good ones could spring bad ones from my mind. Still. By now, Liliss knew me well enough to be able to locate safe ones.
Well, mostly safe.
(Memory, please,) I whispered.
(Okay.)
I felt her look through my mind, but it didn't feel intrusive. She stopped when she found a memory of me and Jake playing hide-and-seek with my dad. We must have been kids. I probably wasn't even ten. We'd hidden together, in my closet, in the large hamper basket where I kept my dirty clothes.
"He'll never find us!" Jake snickered, bumping against me.
"Shh!" I whispered back, but also giggling.
My dad must have heard us, because he was in my bedroom. I could hear him look under the bed, even under the covers of our unmade bed. Finally, he approached the closet. I heard the door open, and elbowed Jake to stay quiet.
"Hmm, no kids in here!" he announced, and I heard the closet door close.
I opened the hamper—only to find that he was still in the closet.
"Gotcha!" he called, picking me up, and then Jake, and tickling us. "I win this round!"
Afterwards, over cookies, Dad told us that he'd heard us laughing.
"It was a good place to hide," he admitted, ruffling my hair. "If you hadn't given yourselves away, I probably would still be looking."
Under the covers, I managed a smile. To relax, as the scenes unfolded before me.
Yeerks could play memories far more vividly than we could recall them. Temrash had shown me this all too well. But, thanks to Liliss, I could see the positive side of that.
(Thank you, Liliss,) I told her, shifting so I was laying on my side.
I didn't just mean for the memory.
(You're welcome, Tom,) she answered, giving me a mental smile.
Even now, my Yeerk was still holding me, and she knew I didn't want her to let go.
Not until I fell asleep again.
Maybe, Liliss didn't want to let go, either. We hadn't really talked about it, but I got the sense that helping me gave Liliss...something. Purpose, maybe. Whatever it was, I liked to think I wasn't the only one being helped by her healing me.
Which, as I felt myself completely relax and my mind finally settle down, with the nightmare already far away from my mind, I let myself hope that-maybe-my healing would come sooner, rather than later.
I took a few more deep breaths, to let myself relax, the way Liliss had taught me early on. I pulled the covers around me even tighter, wrapping myself in them like I was a caterpillar inside a warm and tightly spun cocoon.
(Sleep well, honey,) Liliss whispered.
As I began to fall back asleep, I felt safe in the knowledge that I could trust her, and that she would protect me, and heal me.
With Liliss, I felt completely safe.
I knew that she, not Temrash, would always be there when I woke up.
End