Chapter Text
Five
Five minutes is all it takes for the course of her life to change.
She’s sure of it.
Five minutes in which a man, once a stranger, had gathered together the first of her hope and had welcomed her home.
She remembers that she had stood there, unsure and insecure. No one had ever breathed those words to her, no one had ever extended so much of themselves to her. She had been used to being alone, fighting to stay one step ahead of anyone who could hurt her.
And in the span of five minutes, she had a family. People she could call friends. A sense of purpose. For the first time in her life, she knows she can forge ahead with something more than just herself.
The burden is heavy, the weight of it is crushing her and somewhere, she hears a clock ticking.
Four
Four weeks are gone before she has a moment to reflect.
The days and nights after Scarif are a hazy blur of pain, rehabilitation and isolation. She wept bitter tears of desolation at the loss of so many and she rejoiced when news of the Death Star’s demise made its way to her. She waited impatiently for Cassian’s recovery while entertaining visits from various members of the Alliance, including Draven. He had threaten to court martial all of them at the loss of the plans and the Princess but after leaving Yavin IV behind, Jyn found herself a Sergeant in the Alliance.
She was okay with this, surprisingly. This new family of hers seem to swell and expand and she still found herself overwhelmed by the easy acceptance her friends offered her. She had friends, she had a place to call home.
Cassian’s release from the medbay is done quietly and with no fanfare. He chooses to stay slightly withdrawn from others, not actively participating in friendly activities. He doesn’t go out of his way to decline, merely avoids. Jyn feels the weight of disappoint every time he smiles slightly at her before moving on. She wasn’t entirely sure what she expected, kriff she fully expected to die on Scarif, but she had hoped.
So she still clings to this little bit of hope and and for the first time in her life she understands that she has time.
Three
Three months in and she knows that what she feels for Cassian has only grown stronger.
He is always friendly but there is a barrier between them that she doesn’t understand and can’t figure out how to break down. He is distant, and days will go by where she does not see him at all; when she leaves with the Pathfinders, she always half expects him to be waiting when she returns and is always disappointed when he is not there.
She runs into him one cold morning and decides to use this opportunity to simply ask him. She gathers her courage and turns to him as he tries to move past her, “Cassian.”
He turns back to her, speculation on his face. “Sergeant.”
Her face falls a bit at the title, but she continues, “I was..wondering if you would have dinner with me in the mess tonight?”
His eyebrows raise, and a wealth of emotions cross his face. She watches them all, working to decipher them before his face settles into a distant expression. Surprise, want, hope, all flashed before he tamps them down. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why not? I thought we were friends.”
“Are we?”
Jyn is watching him, her voice soft. “Don’t you want to be?”
He shifts minutely, the only indication that Jyn has that her words have affected him. She notes the small tell, catalogs it and continues to watch him, waiting.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, either.”
She shrugs, and she can feel some of her hope seeping out of her, “Okay, no to dinner, no to friends. Got it.”
She turns to walk away, dejection covering her. His voice stops her before she has taken two steps, “Jyn.”
She doesn’t turn around, she’s not sure she can take any more rejection today. She has already eked out the last of her courage and the limb she is standing on is swaying under her weight.
“Yes, Jyn.”
She slowly turns, not quite sure what he is saying. Her expression must show her confusion.
“Yes, Jyn. Yes, to both.” He leaves after those words and Jyn watches him as he retreats, and she lets out breath she had not realize she is holding.
She smiles and wishes she possess the ability to manipulate time if only to make dinner arrive faster.
Two
Two am and he is asleep in her arms.
In sleep, he looks young and free. The lines on his face are smoothed out, the hardness in his eyes and face are soften with peace. She loves watching him sleep, a gift he has given her that she never would have believed could be hers. That he trusts her when he is most vulnerable, at his weakest, brings a weight to her chest that is weirdly calming.
She brings a hand to brush his hair off his face, trailing a finger down his cheek. His eyes open at the movement and sharpen quickly on her.
“You okay?” His voice is gritty from sleep, warmth infusing the layers of his accent.
She basks in the heat of his arms and laces her fingers with his; pulling herself closer to him. He responds by tightening his grip on her waist.
“Yeah, just thinking.”
Cassian groans but pushes his face into her neck. “About what?” His voice is muffled but his breath hits a sensitive point and she shivers.
“About us, about what…this means.”
Cassian lifts his head, sleep clearing from his eyes. Jyn regrets saying anything at all, the quiet peace on his face is gone, replaced by a sharp stillness that she hates.
“This?”
“I just…sometimes…sometimes I’m scared about what this means. This being us.” Jyn pauses and takes a deep breath before continuing, “Just that you mean…you are…I think..ok.”
Cassian is watching her steadily, not moving and she just thinks she has to say it. “I think I love you and I have never wanted to love anyone. And this is hard…but you don’t have to love me. Just that I get scared that you may not feel…just what it means to me.”
Cassian buries his face in her neck and she can feel his body relaxing in increments against hers. She hadn’t realized how tense he had gotten, her distress at the turn of the conversation distracting her.
“Jyn, I’ve always loved you. Even when I was pushing you away, I loved you.” His voice is quiet, sleep slowly working its way back into it. “There is nothing to be scared of, this is it.”
She releases a breath that she did not realize she was holding. Turning to face him, she brings her hand to his cheek and kisses him, pouring everything she can’t say into this kiss. Everything beyond her love; her devotion, her fears, her friendship, her admiration, her strength.
She would not trade this time with him for anything.
One
One life with him is all she can hope for.
With the celebration on Endor surrounding them, he smiles down at her and she knows that he is her home. Time is simply waiting for them to start.