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“Well, well, Batman! Looks like I got you right where I want you!” The Penguin cried as he stood atop his giant machine.
Batman lay directly below the crazy mastermind, frozen in place due to Penguin’s partner in crime, Mr. Freeze. Straight in front of him was a timer, slowing ticking down the seconds until a detonation. Batman could feel sweat beginning to bead under his mask and his heart pounded with worry.
But it wasn't due to his current situation.
“Penguin, you have to let me go, now!”
“And why is that, Batman. So you can destroy my glorious creation that'll cover Gotham under an eternal winter? I don't think so!” Penguin laughed out loud.
“How's it coming, Freezy?”
“Don't call me that. And it's still functioning properly.” Mr. Freeze answered, turning away from the control panel and approaching Batman.
He pressed one of his ice covered guns against Batman’s head and looked up at Penguin.
“Shall I give this man a brain freeze?”
“No, please! You don't understand-” Batman tried to get out, but Mr. Freeze only pressed the gun closer to his face.
“What, what is that, Batman?”
“If you don't let me go now...I'll… I'll miss taking Robin to his first day of high school.”
Silence fell upon the villains. Penguin looked at Batman with confusion, while Mr. Freeze slowly lowered his gun, giving Batman a look.
“I’m sorry… what?” Penguin called from up above.
“It’s Robin’s first day and I promised him I'd take him myself.”
“But, we're in the middle of a fight! You can't just up and leave so quickly. It's not fair!” Penguin argued.
“Please, my butler is currently on vacation, so I am the only person able to take him. “
“Are you sure there isn't someone? Anyone else you can get to take the kid?”
Batman thought for a moment. He knew Babs wasn't an option, since she'd told him to stop calling her while she was at work. Plus, she'd been investigating a big case and he didn't want to throw her off track. There had to be somebody, anybody!
A name crossed his mind and he instantly thought “no.” Yet, watching the timer slowly count down the destruction of Gotham City, it also counted down the time for Robin to get to school.
He was his only option.
“Can I make a quick call.”
Mr. Freeze looked at Penguin with uncertainty.
“Fine, just get it over with quickly! I want to get back to our business.”
“Thank you, my phone is in my left pocket can you get it for me.”
Mr. Freeze sighed and reached in to pull the phone out. He wouldn’t let Batman hold it though, so he guided him to the right number. It rang twice before the person on the other line picked up.
“Yellow?” The voice answered chirpily.
“Hey, Joker. It's Batman “
“Batman? How did you get my number?”
“You… gave it to me, remember?”
“Oh, yeah. That's right.” Joker chuckled softly and grinned. “Still! Why would you calm me at this time in the morning? I was having a lovely dream about ruling Gotham City.”
“Yeah, yeah. You and every villain alive. Listen, Joker. I'm currently in a situation I can't exactly get out of. I mean, I can but I won't tell these guys how.”
“Wait what-” Penguin and Mr. Freeze started, but Batman kept talking.
“Anyway, look. I need you to do me a favor.”
“Oh! A favor, from me? And what would that be, Batsy?”
Batman cringed at the tone of his voice and took a breath in.
“I need you to take Robin to school.”
The line was silent for a moment.
“I'm sorry, what?”
“You're the only option right now, and it's really important to me my kid doesn't miss school today. He's been excited about it for weeks.”
“Well, can't you get your butler to do that?”
“He's on vacation.”
“Police lady?”
“Busy.”
“Bruce Wayne? I know you two are roommates.”
“He's, uh… on a business trip.”
“Look Bats, I'm your villain. We fight, that's it. I’m not a go-to-babysitter.”
“Joker, please.” The sound of desperation in his voice caught Joker off guard.
Joker leaned back in his bed and looked up at the ceiling. He could tell by Batman's tone of voice that he was being genuine. As much as he didn't want to waste his time dealing with someone else's son, this was Batman after all. His greatest enemy, and he didn't want to ruin that title. He dragged a hand down his face and groaned.
“Ffffff-fine! Fine, I'll do it. But you owe me, Bats!”
“Thank you. I promise I'll repay you back with, maybe a good fight a top Gotham’s tallest tower. Something like that. Robin will be waiting in front of Wayne Manor. And no kidnapping him, or you’ll be sorry. Ok, I have to go. This thing is gonna go off in three minutes.”
Over the phone Joker heard the sound of ice cracking and then punches he assumed Batman was delivering to whoever he was up against. He shook his head and hung up.
“That's Batsy for you.”
Though Joker wished he would've been invited to the “Capturing Batman” party, he was satisfied knowing he and Batman would tussle later. He pushed himself out of bed and stretched. He got ready as quickly as he could and hopped into his vehicle.
It felt odd driving up to Wayne Manor so casually. Last time he was here he'd turned it into his own fun house. Now, it was back to normal. He didn't know how Bruce Wayne had fixed it so fast, but if he had Batman's help then that would make difference. Driving up to the gate he tapped the doorbell and waited for a response. Nothing. He did it again. Still nothing.
“Fine, guess I'll have to just let myself in.”
Joker's foot came down hard on the gas pedal and rammed the gate head on. The doors flew open and finally allowed him access inside.
“Sorry, Mr. Wayne. You can blame Batman for that.”
Driving up to the manor entrance, he didn't see any signs of Robin. He honked his horn a few times to get his attention.
“Come on, kid! Don't got all day.”
Inside the manor, Dick sat on the stairs. He'd been waiting for his dad to come down and tell him he was ready to take him, but there seemed to be no sign of him.
“It's getting sort of late, Padre! But, you can take your time…” Robin called up the stairs, then rested his chin on his hands.
The sound of a car horn caught his attention.
“Padre?”
He walked up to the front door and peered out a window. His eyes immediately spotted the purple car, and the driver inside. He quickly pressed his back against the door.
“Joker! Now? Oh gosh, I need to get my costume.”
Dick frantically reached into his backpack and pulled out his superhero outfit. He put everything on as fast as he could then took a deep breath in.
“I know I should wait for Batman, but I must defend my home!”
After another car honk Robin opened the door. He stood proud with his hands on his hips and pointed at Joker.
“What are you doing here, Joker? I won't let you take my home again!”
“There you are! Come on kid, I need to get your butt to school or Batman will kill me.”
“Wait, what?” Robin lowered his arm and gave Joker a confused look.
“Your dad is currently fighting some villains right now and he wants me to take you to school. So, chop chop.”
That would explain why Bruce hadn't come to take him to school yet. Still, Robin didn't want to trust Joker right away.
“How do I know this isn't a trick, Joker?”
“Kid, why else would I be up this early in the morning-”
A far off explosion made both of them whip their heads around to see smoke and flames erupt in the distance. On Joker's radio, the announcer cut in.
“This just in, Batman has successfully destroyed the bomb threatening Gotham City! The Penguin and Mr. Freeze have been captured as well. Another win for our city's own vigilante hero.”
Joker grinned at Robin and leaned his arm outside the car window.
“Believe me now?”
Robin felt pride hearing that his dad had saved the city again. Yet, he still felt unsure about willfully getting into Joker's car.
“Kid, listen. Your dad really wanted to be here for you, I don't think I've ever heard him so distraught. I'm only doing this because he promised me a good fight. I really don't want an opportunity like that to go to waste, so please. Trust me this once.”
Robin smiled knowing how badly his dad wanted to be here. Joker's expression didn't seem deceiving, in fact he looked really tired. Robin nodded his head and grabbed his backpack. Cautiously getting in the passenger's seat, he buckled himself in and eyed Joker. Joker backed the car out of the driveway and began to drive away. When they passed the gate, Joker noticed Robin’s eyes widen as the sight of the broken doors.
“Oh, that was like that when I got here. Weird, huh?” Joker chuckled and prodded Robin’s shoulder playfully.
As they made their way into the city, Joker fet awkward sitting silently in the car with Batman's sidekick. He could tell the kid wasn't exactly comfortable in his current situation, so he decided to try and lighten the mood.
“First day of school, huh? Exciting.”
“Oh! Yeah, I've been looking forward to it for awhile. Batman says a good education will take you a long way.”
“Well, I dropped out of high school and now I'm Batman's greatest enemy! I'd say that's a pretty good turn out.”
“I guess… you really like being Batman's villain don't you?” Robin asked curiously.
“Like it? Ha! I live for it.” Joker leaned back in his seat and grinned widely, “I fight him and him alone, he even makes time to fight me. The thrill, the danger! There's nothing better.”
“That’s sweet to hear. I can tell he enjoys fighting you too.” Robin giggled.
“I don't know if sweet is really the right word- wait. He does?” Joker eyed Robin questioningly.
“Yeah! Whenever he fights other villains he's all silent and serious, but when he fights you he's pumped up and even smiles.”
“Wow, I didn't know how much of a difference there was.” Joker couldn't help but tear up a little.
“You're definitely his greatest and most hated enemy.” Robin clasped his hands together and smiled up at Joker.
“Good. Because he's mine too.” Joker’s chest felt warm with something he was familiar with, but he tried to push it away.
He was distracted, however, by Robin’s wide eyes and grin. He glanced at him, wondering what it was exactly he was thinking.
“What?”
“Joker… do you really hate Batman?”
“Of course! Haven't I made that obvious? Why would you ask?”
“Well, I'm just wondering if hate is the right word.” Robin looked away with embarrassment.
Joker raised a brow at him suspiciously, he had no idea what this kid was getting at.
“What word do you think would fit better? Loathe? Despise? Resent?”
“No,” Robin shook his head, “The way you two act around each other feels more like… love than hate.”
Joker’s foot hit the brake slightly and caused the car to lurch forward a bit. His heart definitely had skipped a beat, and poor Robin’s must’ve cause he sat sunken back in his seat with a terrified look on his face.
“Oh god, kid. You’re ok, sit back up in your seat.” Joker propped Robin back up in his seat frantically with one hand. “There you go.”
Joker continued on driving and the word Robin had used flashed in his mind again.
“And, love? No. No no no. Kid, you got the wrong idea. What me and Batman have is special, sure. But it’s nothing romantic.”
“Are you sure? Cause I’ve watched all of Batman’s romance movies and the way you look at each other and talk to one another sounds really similar to the couple’s in them-” Robin’s sentence was cut off as Joker placed a hand over his mouth.
“I’m just going to stop you right there, kiddo. Look, I’m flattered that you’d think Batman would be interested in someone like me, but that’s just not possible.”
He removed his hand and saw Robin was frowning now. He felt a little bad for shutting down the kid’s assumptions and squinted his eyes.
“Ugh, but I am curious though,” he paused to look at him, “what do you mean by… how we look and talk to each other.”
“Well, the day you helped save the city. I heard what Batman had said to you, what he confessed. I thought it was really sweet. Then after I heard what he told you. When he said he “hated” you, you got all sappy and happy.”
“And you thought that was romantic?”
“I mean, there was a sunset behind you guys.”
“Okay, okay. I see your point. I know it must’ve seemed that way, but trust me kid. I feel nothing for Batman except pure hatred.”
“If you say so. Well, if you don’t feel anything for him, then I think he does for you.”
Joker felt that warmth in his chest again and his eyes widenede a bit. When did his palms become so sweaty?
“Really?” The very thought of Batman having feelings for him seemed unreal.
“I mean, I don’t know for sure, but he does care about you. He never truly wants to hurt you even though you guys fight all the time. In fact he told me he wishes he could help you rather than fight.”
“He said that?”
Robin nodded, a small smile forming across his lips.
“Huh… Big Bad Bat has a heart.”
Joker never really thought about it before, but Batman did seem to like him at least. Even though they said they hated each other, they still could talk normally or touch one another casually. The occasional playful punches or throwing an arm over the other. He remembered a night where he actually got Batman to laugh at one of his jokes, hard enough for him to have to rest his hands on his chest.
He remembered the way he used him for support as those deep chuckles escaped his throat. It felt good to actually laugh along with him than against him for once. When they had finally calmed down all they could do was stare at one another with goofy smiles on their faces. Batman’s smile is something not many get to see. Next to his own, Joker considered it one of the most lovely smiles he’d ever seen. It’d been awhile since he’d seen that smile...
“Joker? Your face is red.”
Joker was pulled from his memories as Robin’s voice brought him back to the present. He peered into the rearview mirror and saw that the kid was correct. His cheeks were flushed a bright pink.
“This is what happens when you have pure white skin…” He mumbled to himself and avoided eye contact with Robin. “This means nothing, kid.”
“Mhm…” Robin twiddled his fingers, looking away with a satisfied smile.
Joker continued on driving, the school was finally in his sights. He gave a sigh of relief, finally he would be able to get rid of this kid once and for all. He was tired of all the thought provoking questions he was asking him.
“One more question.”
Speak of the devil.
“It better be just one.”
“Do you think you’d like to be with Batman? Theoretically I mean?”
Joker’s eyes darted around the car, trying to summon up an answer to the question. He didn’t want to just say no and make the kid sad. Nor did he want to tell the truth. What if he told Batman all the stuff he’d said today? Joker wouldn’t ever be able to face him again.
However, if there was a possibility Batman did have feelings for him. Maybe… just maybe there could be something. A thought of him with Batman crossed his mind and he smiled. It really didn’t seem all bad now that he thought about it. The two have known each other for years now. They’ve been through hell and back, and even have opened up to one another. The only thing really holding them back was their hero and villain titles.
He bit his lip and sighed.
“Listen kid,” He watched as Robin eagerly waited for him to respond, ‘“I do like your dad, ok. I like his dumb costume, his dumb face, and his dumb personality. Even though we’re enemies, I still consider him to be someone close to me. Now, if there was a chance that he liked me, in the way you described. I… maybe could give it a try.”
Robin’s face lit up in a way that was almost too adorable for Joker to handle. He had to look away, though, as he felt a tinge of sadness overcome him.
“But, I can’t. Your dad is Gotham City’s hero. That’s a reputation too big for him to give up on someone like me. His greatest enemy and Gotham’s most infamous villain. I don't exactly feel like the type who could come over for dinner or go on casual dates. Plus, I’m not sure if you’d want the Clown Prince of Crime as a dad.”
Finally they reached the school parking lot and he pulled up in front of the school.
“Ok, we’re here. Now go on in before first period starts.”
Joker looked down in his lap, frowning after confessing to the young hero. Robin looked at him with sadness then thought quietly.
Joker felt arms wrap around his neck and a cheek press against his own. His eyes widened a bit, unsure of how to respond to the kid’s kind gesture.
“Just between you and me, I don’t think you’d be a bad dad. I think you’d be a fun dad.”
Joker felt those tears again and he lifted his arm up to wrap it around Robin’s. He couldn’t help but smile after hearing something as sappy as that.
“Thanks, kid…”
Robin let go, giving him a warm smile.
“And, if you would ever like to come over for dinner… we’d love to have you.” He waved goodbye and opened the car door.
Joker watched him climb up a few steps before he noticed a bunch of kids turning to stare at the sky. Joker was about to look himself, but what they were staring at soon came to land in front of Robin.
There was Batman, standing at the bottom of the steps with his arms open wide. He watched Robin smile and run into his dad’s arms happily.
“Batdad! You came.”
“Course I did, you didn’t think I’d miss sending you off on your first day of school, did you? Wait, why are you in costume?”
“Whoops. Haha, sorry. I put it on cause I thought Joker was attacking the manor.”
Batman glared at Robin for a few moments then chuckled softly, ruffling his hair with a hand playfully.
“You would’ve protected the manor well on your own, no doubt. But, make sure to change into your normal clothes, please. Maybe in a bathroom or something? Okay?”
“Ok, Batdad.” Robin gave him one last hug, then whispered something in his ear.
Joker tensed up a bit when Batman turned to look at him. Crap, did Robin tell him something about how he felt?
He almost wanted to drive away as quickly as possible, but with the numerous children walking in front of him there was no way. He watched the two wave goodbye to each other instead, and then prepared himself as Batman made his way over to his vehicle. He took a deep breath before sticking his head out the window.
“Hey! Bats, how did the fight go?”
“Hello, Joker. It went pretty well, those guys Freeze and Penguin didn’t stand a chance.”
“Undoubtedly, they don’t have crafty skills like I do.”
“That’s true.” Batman leaned an arm on his car and looked toward the school entrance.
“Hey, um. I just wanted to say thanks for taking Robin to school. It really meant a lot to him and I didn’t want to let him down.”
“No problem, Bats. He’s a good kid, you’re doing really well for yourself.” Joker said softly, watching as Robin disappeared into the school building.
Batman gave him an almost surprised look at his kind words.
“Yeah, he really is. I couldn't be prouder of how he's turning out.”
“You make a better father than I'd expect, Bats. Guess you've had plenty of practice dealing with me.” Joker joked, punching his arm playfully.
Batman looked down at him and smiled. That warmth entered his chest again, and this time Joker didn’t want it to go away.
“Robin said you had something you wanted to tell me, by the way. What would that be?”
Joker froze and tried to come up with an answer. So, that’s what he had whispered to him, sneaky kid.
“Uh, that… if you ever need a favor I’m willing to help you out!” The back of his mind screamed at him for offering such a thing, but it had been said.
“Really? I know you’re a busy guy I wouldn’t want to bother you.”
“Please, Batman. I’m sure I can make time for you in my busy schedule.” That sounded a lot more different in Joker’s head.
“If you say so. I appreciate it Joker. I still owe you one, I’ve been trying to think of what it is I could do for you. The docks would be a pretty good place for a fight.”
“That would be fun… but, maybe something simpler.” Joker suggested.
“Like what? Robbing a bank?”
“I was thinking, maybe, you let me have dinner at Wayne Manor? You, me, the kid, the whole shebang.”
“Dinner? Really? That's so unlike you, Joker. How do I know you wouldn't just be there to carry out some sort of dastardly plan?”
“You expect that of me? I guess you have a point. Listen, I just want to try something new. Plus it'd be great to see the kid again.”
He gripped the wheel tighter and breathed slightly.
“And, it'd be nice to do something with you that didn't involve one of us trying to kill the other. So what do you say? Dinner?”
He reached out the window and offered his hand to him. Batman looked like he was deep in thought. Joker was beginning to expect rejection at this point. Then a hand gripped his firmly and shook it. He looked up at Batman and gave him a genuine smile. Almost not realizing how long he held onto his hand until he let go.
“Then it's a date.” Batman said with a nod
“Yeah… a date.”
Joker continued to smile at him and felt a warmth enter his cheeks. Uh oh, he was blushing again, wasn't he. And this time, right in plain view of Batman. Great, now he was even more embarrassed.
“Dang it, Bats.” He said, playfully landing a fist softly on his chest. “You made me all sappy. I'm supposed to be a terrifying villain, you know?”
“Sorry, Jokes. You're still terrifying in my book. No matter how sappy you can get sometimes.”
“Take that back.”
“No.” Batman grinned.
“Then, you owe me another one.”
“Really? What do you want? Another dinner?”
“Hmmm, maybe.” Joker eyed him.
There was that smile again. The same one he had given him that day he told him he hated him. Maybe it was just the moment, or the kid's words were starting to get to him. But for some reason, he could feel something there.
“Actually, Bats....”
Joker had no idea what he was doing, but he knew after what he was about to do he would know for certain if there really was something between them.
He placed his hands on Batman’s shoulders and pulled him down into the car window. There wasn't much of a struggle on Batman's part, because it didn't take much effort for him to pull Batman close and kiss him on the lips. It was brief, but his lips pressed down hard. Hard enough for him to see the smear of red lipstick as he let Batman go.
Batman stood in place, mouth agape as he was processing what had just happened. Joker felt a swarm of new confidence flow over him and he let out one of his famous laughs.
“There, now we're even. See you for dinner, Batsy!”
With the wave of a hand he stepped on the gas and peeled out of the school parking lot.
Batman watched the purple vehicle leave, still in a state of shock. He wasn't exactly sure how to react.
He wiped a finger over his lips and stared down at the lipstick trail left on it. He wanted to be mad, or even respond with rage. That's how Batman was supposed to act, right? But instead… he felt the corners of his mouth rise up instead.
He'd have to get payback for that.