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Sirius wasn’t one for nerves. He’d been reprimanded for fidgeting at any time as a child, courtesy of Black household, and so his fingers usually rested still on his lap, on the table, wherever they were— perhaps unnaturally so. Not today. Today his hands were relentless; fidgeting, picking, scratching, but most of all fumbling with the small gold ring. His eyes glanced at the door every two seconds, waiting for the portrait hole to swing open. Waiting for Remus.
He’d been off and on about this plan for months. He wanted a second opinion, needed someone to know… but he didn’t want anyone to talk him out of this. He wanted this. He wanted Remus to want this…
He glanced down at the slim band of metal. It wasn’t very special. It wasn’t even really that shiny. He knew, if Remus said yes, there was no way he’d wear it anytime soon anyway. Not around the halls. Not at school. But they were graduating in just a few months, surely then… Nerves pushed their way up and Sirius set the ring on the table. He picked it back up and set it back down. He ran through the different scenarios in his head again. There were only two, really. Remus said yes: Happiness, pressure off, possibility of sex (not that it mattered). Remus said no: Awkward, apologize, Remus would feel guilty, Sirius would tell him its fine, they’d move on.
They would move on, right?
“Fuck.” Sirius ran a hand over his face, dropping his head to the table and bringing the ring almost to his nose. He didn’t know. He really didn’t.
“What’s that?”
Sirius’ fingers fumbled and he only barely managed to hang onto the warm metal, closing it in his fist as his head whipped to his right, only to see Remus dropping into a chair and looking at him curiously.
“What? What? What- What’s-“
Sirius’ brain failed him, panic swirling in his chest. He wanted to crawl into the fireplace and have someone strike a match. Jesus, he’s messed this up.
Remus snorted, “Want to say that one more time?”
Sirius let out a much too breathy laugh, squeezing his fist tighter, “Right.”
Remus waited, raising an eyebrow when Sirius didn’t elaborate.
“Oh. It’s-“ Sirius reluctantly allowed Remus’ fingers to pry his palm flat, displaying the ring fully, “I… found it. On the floor. Was just looking.”
What?
“Oh.” Remus seemed unfazed and he nodded at it as he pulled his potions textbook from his bag at his feet, “’s nice.”
“Yeah? Really?” Because it’s yours. Merlin, it’s all yours. I’m yours.
Remus sent him a questioning look again, half laughing at him, “Yeah. Sure, Pads.”
Sirius sat back in his chair, pushing down pride. He sent Remus a fleeting grin, “Right.”
As Remus looked back to his textbook, Sirius suddenly wished he wasn’t. He wished Remus hadn’t given in so easily. Fuck, he wished he hadn’t lied. Because how stupid was he going to sound now? Just kidding, marry me?
But it had to be now, didn’t it? Hey, remember last week? Yeah, just kidding, marry me? sounded even stupider.
Sirius closed his eyes, letting his head fall back against the chair and took a deep breath, swallowing what little pride he had left.
“Yeah. Okay, hey Re?”
Sirius heard the ruffling of pages stop but he didn’t open his eyes.
“Are you okay-“ He was sure Remus was smirking when he said it.
“I didn’t find the ring on the floor.”
Sirius opened his eyes a fraction, peering at Remus, embarrassed.
Remus’ eyebrow was arched and he was definitely smirking, “No?”
Sirius groaned, falling forward, head resting face down on his arms on the table, “I didn’t find it. I bought it. I bought it weeks—months—ago, and you weren’t suppose to see it like that and now I’m- fuck, I’m so embarrassed and- and please tell me you’re catching on because I don’t think I could bare to even say it. Not like this. I- fucking hell.”
The silence that followed Sirius’ little speech was made even worse by the fact that Sirius couldn’t actually see Remus’ face. He slowly lifted his head, expecting the worst. Expecting to find Remus sitting there, confused, or horrified, or embarrassed or anything.
What he didn’t expect was to see Remus there with the slyest of fucking smirks on his face, biting his lip and cheeks pink.
“Well…” he started softly, “you don’t expect me to let you ask like that, now do you?”
Sirius melted.
His shoulders sagged, he dropped his head briefly back onto the table and let out a relieved laugh, “Honestly, I didn’t expect you to let me ask at all.”
Remus closed his book, resting his elbow on top of it and his chin in his hand, “Well?”
Sirius bit his lip against a grin, hands reaching out to lightly tug on Remus’ until he got up. Avoiding the table, Sirius pulled until Remus fell right into his lap. Remus let out another soft laugh,
“I do believe you’re suppose to be on your knees.”
Sirius grinned, “Don’t worry, I can do that later.”
Remus’ hand slapping over Sirius’ mouth only made Sirius grin more, “That is not how you start a marriage proposal!”
Sirius laughed, hand coming up take Remus’ and kissing his fingers gently, right over where the ring would rest soon, “Would you like to do it then, since you’re so clever?”
Remus’ mouth formed a little ‘o’ and then he ducked his head bashfully, shifting slight in Sirius’ lap, “No…” He smiled at their intertwined fingers, adding quietly, “No, I want you too…”
Sirius felt his heart pull at that, relief flooding his system. It wasn’t that he hadn’t known Remus wanted this, but hearing him say it aloud… It sent images of their future flicking through his mind.
“Okay.” Their voices had dropped to a whisper, and they were both smiling softly at each other. Sirius could feel the heat of the fire against his cheeks, could feel it warming the soft cotton of Remus’ sweater. Everything felt more romantic, more intimate, than it had only a few moments ago, “Jesus, okay…”
Sirius held the ring lightly between his thumb and finger, watching the way it took on the fire’s warm colors, watching the way Remus’ eyes did the same, “Re…” His speech (had he had a speech?) was gone, his mind replaced with everything and anything having to do with this boy in front of him. He laughed softly to himself, and Remus shushed him, pressing their foreheads together briefly, silently telling him to go on.
“I’ve been carrying this around for me for the last… I don’t even know, but it wasn’t out of hesitation. I- I love…” Sirius looked at Remus’ bitten back smile and groaned, head falling back against the chair once again as Remus let out a loud laugh.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!”
“I’m trying to be romantic, Christ, Remus!” But Sirius was laughing too.
“I know,” Remus gasped through his laughter, hands coming up to cup Sirius’ face, fingers in his hair, “I know, I’m-“ He kissed Sirius, “I’m sorry, you’re so romantic, I promise.-“ Another kiss, “I promise, I-“
“Will you marry me?” Sirius said it right against Remus’ lips. He felt Remus’ intake of breath, his smile. Sirius smiled, “Marry me, Re.”
Remus’ breathing had turned slightly heavier, hands slightly tighter in Sirius’ hair. He was grinning and breathless and washed in firelight. He was beautiful. “Say it again.”
Sirius laughed, holding Remus tighter against his chest, feeling the way Remus’ back arched into him, “Marry me.”
Remus pressed their foreheads together, “Once more?”
Sirius really laughed this time, “Remus-“
“Yes. Merlin, yes-“
Remus didn’t even feel Sirius slip the ring on, he was too busy kissing him, long and heated and blissful kisses. He would forget about it, only noticing it the next morning when Sirius rolled over and kissed the cool metal and then his lips.