Chapter Text
It was all an accident, a big mistake on Kagami’s part, really.
He didn’t mean too, it’s just that he was so focused on Aomine--ahem, he meant, on getting the ball away from Aomine, that he hadn’t seen his teammate standing in his path.
Although no one had seen him. Of course.
That was Kuroko’s whole schtick! He was a shadow.
A shadow that his light would occasionally barrel through like a damn truck it seemed. Kagami couldn't really be blamed in all honesty. Could he? (The answer was still yes, and he felt really bad. (Because ANGEL ALERT))
The next thing Kagami knew, Kuroko was on the ground, the game was frozen--at 24 to 27 in case you wanted to know-- and everyone on the court just looked at eachother for a split second before leaping into motion!
Kise was the first one to the light blue haired boy, freaking out because Kuroko looked a little out of it.
Kagami was freaking out because he’d just fucking pummeled his best friend.
Aomine was pretty quiet for once, the basketball in his hands slipping to the ground.
Murasakibara whined. But he’d dropped a chip so did that count?
Midorima scoffed, commenting on Kagami’s garish behavior.
Akashi simply looked concerned. It was still weird though, Akashi having emotions of the non-homicidal kind. But Kagami was coping.
Then on the sidelines, Momoi, Tatsuya, Takao and Furi--who was carrying Nigou as if Kagami didn’t need to freak out MORE-- ran from the benches to the court.
Overall, there was a lot of yelling.
“Kurokocchi!!!”
“TETSU-KUN!”
“Oh SHIT I’m so sorry Kuroko!”
“Kagami, you idiot!”
“He didn’t mean it Shin-chan!!”
“I dropped the bag Muro-chin!” Tatsuya did bother answering his fellow Yosen teammate.
Aomine’s brain finally snapped back into place as he shouted “Bakagami!!”
And amongst the tumult--a word Kagami was 70% sure mean ‘fucking shit show from hell’ -- a voice, familiarly void of emotion, broke out.
“It’s fine Kagami-kun,”
Everyone froze, their eyes boring into Kuroko. The boy sat up from where he was laying on the concrete of the outdoor court. He straightened his light blue tee shirt (matchy matchy huh Kuro?) and held a hand to the side of his head for a moment, wincing.
Kuroko spoke again, with everyone paying close attention.
“I’m sure you were too busy staring at Aomine-kun,”
Kagami blinked down at his friend, who didn’t look the least bit concerned.
Kuroko turned to Kise, who was still kneeling over him.
And he kept talking.
Unfortunately.
“There really isn’t any need for you to hover over me like that Kise-kun, even though I secretly think it’s very nice, I can see your eyes very well from this angle.”
Kise’s eyes widened. “Kuro..ko..cchi?” he mumbled.
“My head still feels slightly fuzzy Kise-kun,” Kuroko continued, “And I don’t know if it’s from the fall or being so close to you.”
“Tetsu… you good?” Aomine asked, snatching up the basketball he’d dropped and walked closer.
“I am alright Aomine-kun,” Kuroko started to stand up, he still wobbled though. “Which is more than I can say for your love life.”
“EH?!?”
“T-T-Tetsu-kun??”
“Kuroko, is you head hurting in any way?” Akashi asked.
“It stings the slightest bit, but I can keep playing,” Kuroko explained “Unlike Furihata-kun after he faces you, his knees to wobbly because your eyes are too pretty to him.”
Kagami vaguely registered the chihuahua fainting in his peripherals, luckily he was caught by Himuro.
“Kuroko, what’s up dude??” Kagami asked.
“Other than you after a one on one with Aomine-kun? Nothing.”
“WHAT???”
“Did Tetsu just make a dick joke?”
Aomine and Kagami stared at one another for one, long disbelieving moment. Kagami didn’t understand what was happening and he saw that in those deep, midnight blue eyes, Aomine didn’t either. Those eyes, never ending… cool… entrancing… they made Kagami feel--
“Kagami-kun, Aomine-kun, I understand eye fucking is one of your favorite pastimes, but please, you might end up surpassing Midorima-kun and Takao-kun in that regard, and having two pairs of you would simply be too much.”
“What are you saying Kuroko? Takao and I have never--!”
“Ahhhhh, Kuroko! Toooo right! Shin-chan and I totally--”
“Shut up Takao!”
Kagami was having a difficult time keeping up with the situation. Everyone had looks of shock and/or modification plastered across their faces.
Kise was still kneeling on the ground, and Furi seemed to be coming to again with Himuro’s help.
“I believe I know what’s happening,” Akashi said, sounding sure of himself and authoritative, drawing everyone’s attention.
“While falling, Kuroko must have bumped his head, and it might have resulted in him being unable to keep what is in his line of thought at any given moment from being spoken,” Akashi explained.
Midorima nodded to himself, pretending to understand. Momoi looked like she might have actually followed what was happening. Then everyone else had a face that said ‘I’m dumb as fuck please repeat that?’
“In short,” Akashi said, “Kuroko got boinked on the head and lost his filter. Now he says whatever pops into his head.”
“That would be the most plausible answer Akashi-kun,” Kuroko said, “And I believe you should explain to Furihata-kun the reasons you should date in such a direct manner. Maybe read from that list you emailed me a few weeks ago?”
At that, Akashi’s eyes widened, and Kagami internally lost it because oh my god nothing startled Akashi! The last thing that had made him have that look was when Kagami had dunked a meteor jam over his head.
“I think you guys should just get back to playing,” Momoi said, looking at Kuroko as if she was studying some alien being. “Maybe it’ll wear off? And if not, just think about basketball so that that’s all you think about!” Momoi smiled cheerily.
Kuroko nodded and when he spoke, everyone held their breath.
“Yes, that would probably be best Momoi-kun. Though I must say, most everyone here only thinks about basketball, but they still manage to slip in other thoughts here and there. How else do you explain Aomine-kun and Kagami-kun’s tendency to get so close while arguing one strong breeze would have them kissing? Or whenever you’re around Coach Aida, you’re scribbling as many notes on you she likes knitting as opposing members form’s during a game?”
Momoi was bright red. Like Kagami’s hair red. Meanwhile, he and Aomine weren’t catching the fuck on to whatever was going on.
Kuroko looked over at them, his look took on a fondness to it for a second.
“I’m sure you two are confused, and that’s alright, things will get cleared up after you finally kiss.”
“WHAT??”
“THE FUCK???”
Kuroko had a smile ghosting over his lips, “Odd, usually, couples begin to finish each other’s sentences after they start dating.”
“How do we make it stop?” Kagami asked, shooting a pleading look towards Akashi. Thankfully, the other redhead looked to have had composed himself.
“I am afraid all we can do is wait,”
“Like I do with Kise-kun, he’ll cave and confess eventually though,”
Kise was still kneeling on the ground, and when everyone looked down at the blonde they watched him fall over flat out on the concrete.
Man. They’d just gotten Furi back and now Kise was out. Who was next?
Himuro simply moved from where he’d been seated beside Furihata over to Kise without comment, fanning the blonde with his hand.
“Why don’t we go back to playing?” Kagami offered, still eyeing his friend wearily.
“Yes,” Kuroko said. “We should play, then all of you can vent out your sexual frustrations through basketball. And because Kise-kun is unable to play, Takao-kun should join.”
Kuroko paused. For dramatic effect maybe?
“So lucky you, Midorima-kun,”
Another moment of silence… before EVERYONE--except Midorima-- BUSTED OUT LAUGHING. Because fuck that was actually funny.
So they got back to playing.
And it wasn’t too weird.
Except for the fact that Kuroko commented on everything.
➡➡
“You should wipe your glasses Midorima-kun, they steam up every time you look at Takao-kun, thus they’re always steaming.”
➡➡
“Are you feeling better Furihata-kun? Because you look better, I’m sure Akashi-kun agrees, agrees to the point where he’s only days away from sharing a certain something with you.”
➡➡
“Himuro-kun, have you commented to Murasakibara-kun about the fact that half the snacking he’s done today is stress eating because he’s worried you and Kagami-kun are secretly dating?”
A pause.
“And don’t look so mortified Aomine-kun, you should be noticing the fact that Kagami-kun almost missed a shot because he was busy salivating over your abdomen as you wiped your cheek with your tee shirt.”
➡➡
“Takao-kun, tell me, what would you do if Cancer’s ever got a dildo for their lucky item of the day?”
➡➡
“Momoi-kun, is it true that you offered to take Coach Aida bikini shopping last week?”
➡➡
“Ah, Kise-kun, you’re awake, were you dreaming of me as I do you while unconscious?”
Annnnnnnnnnd bam. There he went. Model down!
➡➡
It went on and on and finally, a comment to top all others was heard.
It was just after Aomine had made a pretty sweet dunk. But the damn idiot almost broke the basket in the process! Both Kagami and Momoi started griping at him, and soon after a shouting match began.
Then something unbelievable happened.
Kuroko whistled. Kagami wasn’t even aware Kuroko could whistle but to make it worse he wolf whistled. Now, where the fuck had the little bluenette learned that?
“Aomine Daiki,” Kuroko said. “You sure put the ‘D’ in dysfunctional. Your loss Kagami-kun.”