Chapter Text
i was screaming into the canyon at the moment of my death
The air smells like strawberries. Amy scrunches her nose underneath her tightly wrapped scarf. She hates strawberries.
The wind whips around her and she shivers on the curb as she waits for Kylie to pick her up. It’s the coldest it’s been in years; no snow decorates the street but the wind blowing the trees bare was enough.
She wonders if she has enough time to get a scone from the coffee shop across the street or a nice warm coffee to draw.
She decides against it. Amy can see the long line extending outside and Kylie isn’t exactly the most patient. She was lucky she had found her soulmate two months after she turned eighteen. She didn’t have to wait three years, like Amy has so far. The longest documented time a person has gone without finding their soulmate was two hundred years.
Underneath her coat, she shivers. Two hundred lonely years. She doesn’t know what she’d do during those long years. Even now, at 21, she’s grown impatient. She doesn’t want to look eighteen forever and she doesn't want to have to wait for a soulmate for many lonely years.
Unfortunately for her, long waits for soulmates runs in her family. Her father had to wait fifty years for her mother. Her mother, a hundred.
Despite the cold air and the disgusting strawberry scented air, she’s had a pretty good day. First day of orientation at the Academy is the one thing she’s been looking forward to since she was six. Now, it’s finally here. One life goal crossed off. Now, there’s only one left.
Around her, couples walk hand in hand, others wrap their arms tightly around each other as they walk, shielding themselves from the frigid air.
Amy can’t help it and stares at the soulmates, envying the loving looks on their faces. She wonders how long they’ve waited. She wonders how long she’ll have to wait.
A young couple is side-eyed by many as they walk hand in hand. Amy can tell they’re Unmatched Singles. Unmatched Singles getting together with other Unmatched Singles were rare but not unheard of. She’d heard of many who, after years of waiting, chose to take manners into their own hands. Instead of waiting until their soulmate appeared, they found others and dated them, married them, and even had kids. Most of the time, these relationships ended in horrible ways. For example, one of them finding their soulmate and leaving the other heartbroken.
Her brother was one of them. He married an Unmatched at 27, only nine years after waiting. Her family was against the union but her brother did not listen to their complaints. Instead, he married Lisa and two years later, their baby Laura was born. A month after, at Laura’s one month checkup, Lisa found her soulmate in Dr. Bingham. Now, her brother raises little Laura alone, still Unmatched.
Amy doesn’t know what she’d do if she was in that position. The air howls loudly around her, agreeing. The solace that there was someone out there waiting for her was one of the things that pushed her forward.
She grabs her purse and begins rooting for that pack of gum she always carried. Mint, her favorite. As she unwraps it, she sees Kylie turning and approaching the curb.
The sweet taste of mint begins to warm her mouth when someone knocks straight into her. She drops her book back in surprise.
Amy swears and kneels down.
Amy grumbles silently and fixes her scarf, it falling a little as she knelt down. The assaulter still doesn't issue out an apology and instead hands Amy her favorite blue notebook, their fingers touching slightly. There was a shock and Amy jumps a little.
Amy raises her eyes from the blue sweatshirt they had on until it reached his warm brown eyes.
The world shifted. It was just like her mom said; the world was brighter, shinier, better.
“Oh.” She said. His eyes widened significantly as he dropped the book onto the floor. Amy didn’t even notice still staring at him with the widest eyes.
He wore a ski mask, and his eyes refused to blink as he stared at her, probably mirroring the astonished look on her face. Amy prayed that her soulmate wasn’t a bank robber.
That would be life’s cruelest irony.
But then, just as she’s about to introduce herself, he stands and starts walking backwards, fixing his ski mask, making a little crop of blonde hair peek out. Amy reaches out her left hand towards him, her mouth sounding out voiceless words.
Wait.
“I’m so sorry.” He says his voice muffled.
“Wait-“she calls out but he turns and runs away from her. Amy drops her stuff and runs after him, the sound of her boots echoing in the street. She bumps against bodies, ignoring the complaints as she runs.
He runs until he reaches the corner, one last look thrown her way before he turns quickly.
She runs after him, only scarcely catching up to him but loses his bright hoodie amongst the crowd. She lowers her scarf, wincing at the cold wind, trying to get a better view of the busy street.
She stands there for a moment, waiting to see if she sees him again. A minute passes and she’s still standing, wondering what now.
The feel of Kylie’s hand on her shoulder startles her and she jumps.
“You okay? You left all your stuff on the floor.”
“I-I think my soulmate ran away from me.” She blinks, the words not wholly sinking in. He actually ran away from her. Kylie’s brow furrows and her eyes darken.
“What did he look like? I’m going to find him and kick his ass.”
Amy can’t even muster up a smile. Instead, she shrugs. “He-he was wearing a hoodie. A ski mask.”
“Oh.” Kylie watches the dumbstruck look on Amy’s face and her eyes soften. She raises Amy’s scarf until her mouth hides behind her scarf again. Amy shivers in the cold, her nails digging into her palms in her pockets. She wants to go home and sleep it off. Or cry for hours.
Although, she’s certainly going to do both.
“We can go around. See if we find him. He was probably just startled.” Kylie offers.
Amy looks down the street he disappeared through and she shakes her head. They’re never going to find him, the crowd is enormous.
“No. I-Let’s just go.” She shakes her head. “I want to go home.”
Amy walks back for her stuff, ignoring the burn of Kylie’s gaze on her back.
Kylie offers again and again to help her find him but Amy thinks there’s no reason to. He left; she’s got to get over it. Kylie still makes her sign up for a ‘Find Your Soulmate’ service. Amy does but only because Kylie doesn’t stop insisting. She doesn’t mention that she thinks it’s a scam. Kylie also tells her to stop by the café at least once, to see if he’s there looking for her, too. She chooses not to.
Unsurprisingly, the service never gets back to her and Amy loses the tiny sliver of hope she had left.
Instead, she focuses on the academy. She graduates top of her class and is transferred to the 72. Every time someone brings up searching for her soulmate, Amy changes the subject. Her soulmate wants to probably stay a Single, her soulmate probably wants someone else. Her soulmate probably already has someone else.
She remembers her niece and her brother.
She’s not going to destroy that.
The years are a little hard for her but she, at Kylie’s insistence, joins a Singles club. A club composed of sole Soulmates, like Matched that lost their soulmates to disease or death. In a lot of the meetings, they talk about their soulmates and a lot of the meetings end up with tears. She doesn’t have anything to share and instead listens as the others talk about their soulmates, about the love they had once shared.
The jealousy she feels surprises her. Their talks about feeling whole and fulfilled never resonate with her. When she was little her mother would describe the moment she met her father many times and Amy would listen, wide eyed and enchanted. When Amy met her soulmate, she felt one percent of what her mother felt. She felt one percent of what Lisa felt that made her leave Amy’s brother.
So, she excuses some of that jealousy.
In that club, she meets Teddy, a Matched who lost his soulmate to a tragic car accident. She’s very hesitant to date him but there’s something easy between them that makes her say yes after months of him asking. Teddy is never fully over his soulmate and she doesn’t blame him, even ten years after meeting her soulmate, she still has dreams of his eyes.
They’ve been dating for a year when she’s transferred over to the Nine-Nine. Their relationship deteriorates quickly due to the distance.
After Teddy, Amy doesn’t date for a while. She focuses on her new job and on Kylie’s upcoming wedding, to which she’s the maid of honor.
At her job, she gets along with everybody. There are several Singles there, like Rosa, who still hasn’t found her soulmate and Jake, who, in another rare case like hers, isn’t with his soulmate. She’s a little curious, wondering. What are the chances?
However, when Boyle is talking about how he met his soul mate, Jake pipes in and says his soulmate was some beautiful blonde boat show model. He doesn’t mention why they’re not together.
She lets out a little breath of relief. She doesn’t know what she’d do if she really was his soulmate. It’s not that he’s a horrible person but he’s so not...her type.
His soulmate-less state doesn’t mean that he doesn’t try to find other soulmates for other people. Or at least take credit for them. Which is exactly what he does when Rosa finds her soulmate in Gina, whom Jake helps get a job at the precinct.
“I’m like cupid.” Jake says, a dopey grin on his face, when Rosa and Gina walk hand in hand the next morning. He mimics a bow and arrow and points a fake arrow at Amy. He shoots. Then, he points one at Hitchcock, shoots. “Matched.”
Hitchcock looks a little smug. “I always knew something would happen between me and Amy.”
“Ugh.” Amy groans and walks to the break room, taking her coffee with her. Jake follows behind her.
“What are you complaining about? I set you up with Hitchcock.” He says. “Or did you want Scully?”
“Not that it matters, but you didn’t set Rosa and Gina up, you just introduced them.”
He shrugs. “Same thing.”
“Not exactly.”
“Fine. Think you’re better than me at setting people up?”
“I’m not playing this game.”
“Fine. I bet you thirty bucks on me finding someone for you by the end of the day.” He offers. Amy snorts.
“You probably don’t even have three dollars.”
“Wrong. I have four.” Amy sighs, takes a sip of her coffee. She’s got to admit, it’s pretty enticing. Not the whole matching thing but the bet and the rubbing it in Jake’s face. She’s always down to humiliate Jake.
And okay, maybe the date is a tiny bit enticing, too. She hasn’t gone on a proper date in months. Most of the Singles that she’s met want to sleep around. Amy is not against that but it’s been a really long while since she’s been in actual relationship.
She misses it.
“Fine.” Jake raises his eyebrows.
“Wait, really?” His expression turns giddy automatically.
“Yes.” She says and sets her mug on the table, crosses her arms in a way that means she means business. “But, I have rules.”
“Of course.” He nods and grins, as if already anticipating them. He rubs his hands wickedly.
“Number one, he can’t have any tattoos. Number two, none of your strange friends from under the bridge. Number-“
“What?”
“Yeah, like Steve.” She scrunches her nose.
“He doesn’t live under the bridge, Amy.”
“He hangs out there and that’s enough.” She crosses her arms. “Number Three, nobody from work. Things get awkward and messy afterwards and I don’t need that.”
He sighs. “You’re making this hard but…I got this.”
“Wait, really?” he nods.
“I told you I’m good at this.” He says and grabs his phone from his pocket. He starts furiously typing in numbers, ignoring the girl who is already regretting it.
“Okay, well...” she trails off her but he’s not even listening to her anymore. So, she walks away.
She spends the next two hours finishing up paperwork and watching Jake, who has locked himself in the break room. She thinks he’s taking this too seriously and wonders if he really is that much in debt to worry about $30.
She’s back from lunch when she sees him sitting beside her desk, a giddy smile on his face. He doesn’t even wait until she’s off the elevator to bounce up to her and say, “This Friday. Eight PM. That Italian restaurant on the corner where that homeless man puked all over your shoes.”
Amy scrunches her nose at the memory. “You followed the rules?”
“Yes.” He nods. “Even the ones you didn’t mention.” At her questioning look he adds, “He uses proper punctuation and grammar in texts.”
Amy rolls her eyes. “Yay.” Her expression turn serious for a moment. She hopes Jake hasn’t set her up with an Unmatched. Jake shakes his head, his eyes understanding.
“He’s a Single.” She sighs, relieved, and nods.
“Okay, I’ll be there.”
Amy walks into Shaw’s, silently fuming. The whole night had turned into a shit show. First, he was thirty minutes late. Then, he kept looking over his shoulder every few seconds, as if anticipating somebody or something. After thirty minutes of dealing with that, his eyes almost popped out of his head and he hid under the table. A large muscular man searched around the restaurant as he explained to her that the man was his loan shark. A loan shark that he owed a lot of money to.
When he finally resurfaced, she said she was going to go. He agreed and proceeded to follow her outside, where they found the man waiting outside.
He dragged her back in and made them leave through the server’s entrance.
“I hate you.” she says to Jake as she passes him on her way to the bar. He’s sitting with Rosa and Gina, drinking a beer.
“Woah!” he says, running after her, drink in hand. Amy tosses her purse on the bar top and sits on the stool. Her knee bounces up and down a little. Jake sits next to her, his face cautious.
“Hey...” he says, pokes her arm. She glares at him, the earlier embarrassment still fresh on her mind. He winces a little. “Sorry. I promise that I didn’t know it was going to be that bad.”
“Jake, he made us leave through the backdoor. We passed the garbage cans and I’m pretty sure I stepped on a rat. Or even killed one; it was very dark.”
“On the plus side, you did something you’ve never done before. “She glares at him and he sighs. “Look, how can I make this better? Hitchcock is still available if you’re interested.”
“No, leave me alone, Jake.” she shoos him away but he purses his lips and stays.
After a moment, he says, “Look, I know how hard it is to date when you’re a Single. Especially, you know, making a long lasting bond with someone.” Amy turns towards him gently, surprised at the vulnerability in his voice. He doesn’t meet her eyes. She waits, thinking he’s going to delve further into whatever he was talking about. Instead, he circles the rim of glass, staring intently into the foam.
“Yeah, the last guy I seriously dated would cry about his soulmate for hours. Especially in the middle of the night.” she says. Jake straightens up, abandoning his somber tone for a challenging one.
“Oh, yeah? Gina set me up with one of her dance troop friends and she insisted on calling me by soulmates name during sex.”
“Ew!”
“I later saw a picture of him and we have the same eyes.”
“Please tell me you ran out as fast as you could.”
“I...” he trails off and Amy shudders beside him. He shrugs.
“Oh, my god.” she says, disgust tinging her voice. Jake grins beside her and Amy automatically finds herself smiling back.
“Forgiven?”
“Eh, eighty percent but that’s only because I feel sorry for you. I mean, how long were you with her?”
“A few months.” At her look he adds, “In my defense when you’re a Single whose soulmate has abandoned you, you kind of take what you can get.”
“Yeah, I get it.” she says. “At least you got some time with your soulmate; mine left me.”
“Well, that makes two of us.” Amy raises her eyebrows, surprised. Jake never fully explained what happened between his soulmate and him. At her look, he sighs. His finger circles the edge of his glass, emitting a long, low note. “She didn’t want anything to do with me.” He shrugs.
“We’re gonna die alone.” she says.
“Yep.”
There’s a moment of silence. “Look, I’m not that mad about tonight. I was actually hoping it would fail so I could rub it in your face.”
“And I was hoping it wouldn’t so I could rub it in your face.” he says playfully but then his face settles down, returning to it's seriousness. “I know how you feel. You know, about all these people who have found their soulmates and you know, being their second choices. Don’t we deserve better than that?”
“Yeah, we do.” She nods, her voice soft. The bar lights shine above Jake, illuminating his face. He has this look on his eyes that makes something warm bloom in Amy’s stomach. Something warm like the way the flowers must feel at the first burst of sun, blooming and ready.
She tries to search for answer but fails. Instead, she looks away.
He coughs awkwardly, turning away, too. The bar is loud with voices and music. Gina has cleared most of the tables from the middle and she dances in the middle like a flagrant peacock. Rosa cheers from the sidelines. Boyle and Kevin are in a deep discussion over what brand of pesto is the best. Beside them, Captain Holt plays moderator.
They wouldn’t notice if she left. And she really wants to.
“I’m going to go.” She says, slinging her purse over her shoulder. She can't wait to get home and sleep it off. Start a brand new day where she doesn't shave her legs for a night of hiding from loan sharks.
"Want me to walk you out?" he asks and if she didn't know better, she'd think he was nervous. Little breaths collapse from his mouth as he awaits her answer.
The words seemed frozen within her and all she can do is nod.
She doesn’t even give him enough time to jump off the stool before she starts walking.
She listens as he scrambles off the stool and almost runs after her.
There’s a whoosh of hot, humid air that hits her face as she walks out of the bar. It’s the hottest it’s been in months and the humidity sits around the atmosphere like a thick, dense cloud.
“God, it’s hot.” He says but doesn’t take his jacket off.
“Looks like it’s about to rain.” She says, motioning over to the grey clouds circling the sky like vultures ready to attack.
The walk to her car is silent, the words thought out but not said, weighing heavy. Amy pushed them aside as she walked.
But, the night was still, everything listened. It was the calm before the storm.
Her car gleams under the night stars and Amy stands beside it, her keys twisting around her fingers. All Jake can do is stare. There's a little patch on his cheek that he didn't shave that becomes bathed in moonlight when he turns to the floor, avoiding her eyes.
"Want me to give you a ride home?" she doesn't know what prompts this question or why the look in Jake's face makes butterflies erupt in her stomach.
She doesn’t mention that his car sits a little farther from hers. She also neglects to mention the fact that his apartment is at least a thirty minute ride away from hers.
Jake doesn't either. Instead, he nods and forgets that his car's windows don't go up and his car is going to be a wet mess in the morning.
“Yes, please.” he says instead.
“Jump in.” she replies, the butterflies in her stomach now almost coming out of her mouth.
The moon hangs in the sky, big and heavy, as if weighed down by the water that is to pour. It makes everything silver, lining it with melted platinum. Jake’s hair looks highlighted silver and Amy yearns to touch it. His fingers tap on his lap and he turns to her, waiting.
She’s kind of regretting all this. She wishes she had gone home and instead watched “Crazy, Stupid, Love” and ate ice cream until she fell asleep.
But most of all, she’s regretting it because she has no idea what to do next.
But, when Jake says, “Walk me up?”, she regrets regretting it.
Her shoes slosh one of the puddles outside of his building, ruining the suede. Amy can't find it within herself to care, the giddiness continuing as they walk up his stairs.
By the time they reach his apartment, they’re out of breath.
He drops his keys twice and it takes him two minutes to unlock the door but this thing inside of Amy doesn't stop.
When the door closes behind them, there’s a brief moment where they stare at each other. Their eyes roam their faces, both of them trying to decipher the spark of something whirring between them. There hasn't been a proper talk between them but the look in his eyes says more than any talk ever will.
It’s been a long time since Amy has done this and by the looks of Jake’s shaking hands, him, too. So, she decides to make the first move. She steps forward at the same time he does.
They let out an awkward chuckle, all that earlier forwardness gone.
Another step and now there’s only a few feet between them. This time there is no awkward laugh. He grabs her hand and at the very first touch of their skin, that awkward cloud melts away.
Suddenly, it’s a flash of bodies pressed flush against the other. It’s a flash of thunder striking Amy that leaves her shaken to her core. The time their lips meet, the buzzing in Amy's ears quiets and the taste and feel of him envelops her.
Her brain is whirring as he leads her to his room. She trips over her feet at times but that doesn’t make her open her eyes as he kisses her. It doesn’t stop her from grasping at his arm.
She doesn’t even notice that they’re in his room until her knees hit the edge of his bed. She lowers herself, not letting him go.
He doesn’t let her go either, his arm pillowing her fall.
That dizzying feel on her mind doesn’t leave as he kisses her. It doesn’t leave as he quickly unzips her dress and tosses it to the floor in a pile of powder blue.
He presses his mouth to hers and swallows down her complaints of how her dress is going to wrinkle in the floor. It’s been awhile since she’s been kissed like this and she shivers when their naked skin presses against the other.
Outside, the rain starts to fall in big, heavy drops.
“So, we broke a rule.”
Amy doesn’t reply, her shoulder brushing against his as she breathes. It still hasn’t hit that she’s here in bed-- with him. Usually after she does something reckless, there’s a little flicker in her stomach, a warning. Now, it’s not there.
She closes her eyes and searches for it. She can’t believe she broke her stone rules. Rules that weren’t stone after all, but small and as fragile as paper.
Jake shifts besides her, craning his neck to look over at her. She feels the burn of his gaze on her face and she struggles to keep her eyes closed.
When her eyes open, she meets his. There’s a spark of something in his eyes and when he blinks, it’s gone. The dimness in his face bothers her and she shakes off the comforter.
“I…should get dressed.”
She finds her dress on the floor, wrinkled, like she thought it was going to be. She slips it on but her hands shake as she tries to zip it up. She feels Jake’s gaze on her, following her every move. It makes her nervous and self-conscious in ways he has never before.
She tries to lighten the mood and says, “Regretting it already?” but it does everything but that. Jake jaw clicks and he plays with the edge of the comforter. She clears her throat, looking everywhere but him. She finds her shoes at the edge of the room and slips them on easily. The suede is ruined, the nude now a blotchy brown.
“So…” Amy looks over at him to find him rising on his elbows, a dangerous glint in his eye saying that he’s going to make a very dumb comment. She knew his serious attitude was short lived.
“When am I going to get my thirty bucks?”
Amy can’t help it and snorts loudly, giggles blossoming within her. She doesn't know why she finds that particular comment hilarious. Maybe it's cause it's two am and her second best shoes are useless now. Or perhaps it's because he actually thinks that he did a good job. Or maybe she’s just glad there’s no awkwardness between them. That’s what she was fearing the most.
Jake frowns at her from the bed. “What’s so funny? I’m basically your wish personified.”
“Right.” Amy rolls her eyes.
Jake drops back on the bed, grinning widely. Now that mood is lighter, she sits at the edge of the bed.
“Zip me up.” He pushes her hair to the side and zips her up, his fingers lingering a little on her back. Amy shivers.
Afterwards, when she tries to stand, he grabs onto her arm, halting her. He kisses her slowly and Amy almost melts onto the bed, her eyes closing and focusing solely on the taste of him..
He pulls away and Amy licks her lips, still tasting him.
“Do you regret it?” he asks, his voice serious again. Amy stands, grabs her keys from the floor.
“I should go.”
Jake is quiet from the bed but then he says, “Yeah, me neither.”
Amy pretends she didn't hear.