Work Text:
She signs for the large box, frowning slightly when she realizes she doesn’t recognize the sender. She wasn’t expecting a package for Tony this week – perhaps she should call Jones down in security to come and check it over… Since Tony’s little “announcement” the number of threats he received had increased exponentially. Most of them were cranks who wouldn’t ever act on their threats – but there always one who took it a little too far.
It wouldn’t have been the first time, however, that Tony had ordered something that he didn’t want her knowing about. He swore that the life size “flesh doll” was for Colonel Rhodes – and honestly she didn’t want to know if it were true or not. People said she had the patience of a saint to put up with Tony – but she got a rather generous paycheck for her trouble – and she never got creepy sex toys as gifts.
She picks up the phone and starts dialing Jones’ extension – better safe than sorry after all – when Tony yanks the box off her desk with a gleeful expression.
“Tony! Let security—” He breaks the seal of the box with the crack of his fist “ – check that out first.”
Tony is tearing into the box and Pepper sets the phone back down on the receiver. If the thing hasn’t exploded or sprayed them in toxic powder by now, it probably wasn’t going to. Tony’s tossing aside the packing peanuts and paper with all the eagerness of a five year old on Christmas day.
Then it really is like Christmas day when Tony finally frees a toy from the mess. A very familiar looking red and gold toy.
“Nice doll.”
Tony shoots her an almost horrified look that has her smirking in response. 'That was too easy'.
“ First off, it’s not a doll, it’s an action figure,” Tony insists with a wounded pout, holding the fully articulated Iron Man doll – sorry, action figure – to his chest.
“I didn’t know Stark Industries was entering the toy market,” She says archly, watching as he pulls out an Iron Man Halloween mask, a series of smaller Iron Man “action figures”, even a set of Iron Man thundersticks.
“PR thought it’d be a good idea to capitalize on all the good publicity I’m garnering for once,” Tony mutters, still digging through the box. Her lips and fingers twitch when she sees a packing peanut lodged in Tony’s hair using static electricity to cling for dear life to the dark brown strands.
“Besides,” Tony says as he holds up a deformed-looking Iron Man plush. “What kid wouldn’t want to play with me? I want to play with me. I play with myself all the time.”
He tosses her the plush – she’s too busy rolling her eyes at the terrible double entendre that she almost drops the doll on the floor. The stupid thing is rather cute – and whenever she feels like bashing Tony’s head in, this little guy will certainly come in handy.
Then Tony unearths something from the bottom of box with a triumphant cry as he holds it up in the air, eyes dancing gleefully. There’s another bright flash of red – but this time it’s hair.
“No. Absolutely not. You have no right—”
“Actually, you’ll find that I can. Your contract stipulates that Stark Industries can use your image without your permission,” Tony says cheekily, inspecting the doll carefully. “Besides, how can you say no to a face like this?”
She glares at the small plastic mimicry of her face. The designers have really done their homework – every detail, from the shade of her eyes to the placement of her freckles is perfect. They’ve even managed to capture the exact shade of red for her hair.
“They’ve really out done themselves,” Tony says admiringly, “They even got the outfit right.”
“I do not wear tank tops and tight trousers to the office.”
“Really? You should start... ,” Tony gives her a small leer and she makes a note to schedule him in for yet another class on sexual harassment – for all the good it would do considering that Tony’s been to so many of those courses he probably qualifies for a doctorate in sexual harassment training. He’d be so proud he’d probably frame it. “Think of it, your doll could have an even bigger closet than you! I think she definitely needs her own version of your birthday dress. Would you like a pretty blue dress, Pepper-doll,” He makes the doll nod her head. "She's a prototype -- and we're having a hard time getting the rights to copy those Armani suits you like..."
“I thought they were ‘action figures’ – and why would you even make one of me,” Pepper sighs, making a grab for the doll – only for Tony to dance away from her, holding the doll up in the air. He can be such a child sometimes, she half expects him to start chanting ‘neener neener neener’. She’ll not be responsible for her actions if he starts singing ‘Keep Away’.
“Iron Man needs a side kick – why wouldn’t he choose Pepper Potts, Super PA, who can subdue a villain with the strength of a single text from her Blackberry and a glare,” Tony grins, posing the dolls arms up by her head and making her swoop through the air like Superman – complete with ‘wooshing’ sounds. She fights down the urge to giggle – if she gave Tony an inch on this he wouldn’t be satisfied until there was a Beach Party Pepper doll out on every shelf.
“I thought Iron Man needed a girlfriend,” She asks, one eyebrow arching as she draws closer to him, brushing her fingers along the top of his hair, catching the stray packing peanut in the web of her thumb and forefinger. Tony’s eyes go wide, mouth opening silently – she uses his shock to her advantage, snatching the doll from his hand. He splutters in shock as she retreats, shooting him a vicious grin.
“You have an appointment in an hour with the research and development team,” She reminds him as she heads back to her desk.
“Pepper, don’t be cruel! Think of all those poor red headed kids who think God hates them! You could be a role model!”
She rolls her eyes as she shuts the door behind her (really, 'God hates red heads' jokes? She must have really thrown him off his game) and takes a moment to look at the doll again. The resemblance is uncanny.
'Super Pepper – I think I like the sound of that,' she thinks as she places the doll carefully in her desk’s bottom drawer.
