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”Oh” is all Hoseok says as he looks down at the pregnancy test.
“Oh can’t fully describe what’s going on right now. But at least it’s a start.” Yoongi answers, face unreadable and shoulders a bit stiff. To say that they’re surprised is a bit of an understatement, but unusually for him, Yoongi decides to see the upside to this situation. “At least we now know that I’m not actually getting fat.” Yoongi gestures to the slight bump on his stomach. He had noticed it two days prior and bemoaned that he might have to start working out again if he wanted to maintain his slim figure. Hoseok had been the one to suggest a pregnancy test as he refused to meet Yoongi’s stare, praying to every and all and whatever gods might exist out there that his suspicions were unfounded and untrue.
When Hoseok had dared meet Yoongi’s gaze after a solid five minutes of intently inspecting a weird crack in one of the walls, Yoongi had this pitying yet still horrified look on his face as he silently judged Hoseok. “You do know that men can’t get pregnant right?” He’d asked after another minute of silence, speaking slowly and articulating every word as if Hoseok was a big child that would not be able to understand otherwise. “Right?” He’d repeated weakly when Hoseok didn’t answer.
Despite many complaints from Yoongi, varying in ferocity, both the verbal and physical aspect of a disgruntled short, cute dude, that Hoseok happens to be dating, Hoseok bought a pregnancy test and the two following days were filled with Hoseok attacking Yoongi every time he wanted to go to the toilet until finally he gave in and took the damn test.
“You’re ridiculous” Yoongi had said as he tried getting past Hoseok who was blocking the entrance to the bathroom. Yoongi’s bladder was screaming at him and desperation makes us do what we normally wouldn’t so Yoongi had grabbed the test and elbowed Hoseok in the ribs as he moved past him to finally get some blissful relief. Hoseok had dramatically fallen down to the floor, clutching his side and whining as he watched Yoongi pee.
He’d stayed there on the floor, where they now both were sitting, backs against the wall and staring dumbfoundedly at the little plus sign that might very well change their lives forever.
“No, no” Hoseok says to distract them from the responsibility and dedication they would both need, should the test in fact be speaking truth. “You’re still becoming fat. Just for a different reason than you initially thought.” Yoongi glares at him and Hoseok, out of fear for his own life, is quick to repair whatever damage that comment might’ve done to their otherwise flawless relationship. “But thankfully for you, I’ll love you regardless of your appearance. And also, the societal norm that being thin is beautiful is something we’ve always fought against anyway. Fuck society, am I right? Beauty standards are false and ever changing and your inner prettiness is what drew me to you from the beginning, so this discussion is completely unnecessary, please let’s go back to staring at our imminent doom.” Hoseok chuckles nervously, eyes flitting around the room, planning his escape route in case he hasn’t been able to suppress Yoongi’s violent impulses.
Yoongi sighs exasperatedly, unsure of how he managed to date this man for one year, eight months and six days without killing him. Hoseok is wonderful, but their personalities clash horribly, and if it weren’t for Yoongi’s never ending patience and also maybe their undying love for each other, their relationship would have ended in homicide before something as unthinkable as this could have ever happened. As it is Yoongi will have to keep Hoseok alive unless he wants their child to grow up in a single-parent household, at least for twenty years or so until their baby is self-sufficient enough to handle having only one dad. Come to think of it, most children only have one dad so the effects of Yoongi murdering Hoseok now might not be as detrimental as he initially thought. If only he didn’t love Hoseok so darn much.
“How did you even know I was pregnant? Hoseok, did you do this?” Hoseok jumps to his feet, outraged pointing angrily at the older.
“You think this is my fault. I told you we should use a condom. You were the one that didn’t listen to me” Hoseok pouts, and Yoongi vaguely remembers roughly two months ago, when Hoseok had come home after a fight and they were going to have make-up sex and Hoseok mumbled that he’d bought condoms despite the fact that they’d been fucking without them for almost a year. No sex had happened that night.
“I thought you were cheating on me and had contracted some kind of std. How was I supposed to come to the conclusion that I might get pregnant, considering it’s impossible.” Yoongi pouts right back at Hoseok, who sighs dramatically and sits back down on the floor.
“I know you thought that. You made me get tested the very next day despite the fact that I repeatedly told you that I had not cheated on you and when we found out I was clean, as I already knew I would be, we had fantastic sex without the usage of protection.”
“Still doesn’t explain why you thought I might get pregnant in the first place” Yoongi mumbles, all the pouting having destroyed his already non-existent good mood. Hoseok shifts his gaze down to the floor and holds his hands up as a shield in front of him.
“Ok, don’t get angry” Yoongi can feel the anger rise within him. “But remember the time I complained to my friend Namjoon about my acne and I woke up the next day with clear skin.” Yoongi does remember, it had been a cause for celebration (according to Hoseok, Yoongi didn’t really care), and they’d gotten themselves very drunk and taken close-up photos of different parts of Hoseok’s face.
“You mean, your weird friend Namjoon that owns a magic shop that’s only open during the night?” Hoseok nods. “Ok, yeah, I remember. But what does that have to do with this?”
“Well, sometimes when I say stuff to him, they have a strange way of coming true not long after.” Yoongi can feel the beginnings of a pounding headache and he knows this story is only going to get worse, but he has to hear it. “Well I told Namjoon that I was really angry about the fact that gay marriage is illegal here in South Korea, and then a few days later I wake up and the headline news were the legalization of homosexual marriage and I was like, the fuck, is this some kind of dream. And when I realize it’s not I become super happy and decide to buy a ring after work because you know, I’m in love with you and I can’t imagine my life without you. And it takes like forever to find the perfect ring so when I get home it’s really late and I forgot to buy groceries and you were hungry so we fought and I stormed out and when I was out I realized how silly I was, but I couldn’t go back in so I kind of went to Namjoon’s store and there were no customers there, like usual, so I sat down and told him what had happened and he gave me this really sympathetic look and patted me on the back and I might’ve blurted out “I only want to marry Yoongi and have like three kids, a house and a dog. What did I do to deserve this?” and Namjoon might’ve said “Wow three kids. Your body is going to have to work a lot. Unless it’s Yoongi who bottoms because then his body is going to have to work a lot. Unless you’re switches, then you can have matching bumps” and I just kind of went “Men can’t get pregnant Namjoon” and he cackled evilly and it scared me so I bought condoms.”
Hoseok takes a deep breath and chances a glance at Yoongi who is smiling so brightly Hoseok can’t help but reciprocate it, despite the fact he has no clue why their teeth are showing. “You want to marry me?” Yoongi asks and his eyes sparkle and both of them momentarily forgets about their upcoming parenthood.
“Of course I do you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me” Yoongi begins laughing, and crying at the same time. Hoseok is unsure of how he’s supposed to react to this. Yoongi hits Hoseok hard twice and says between hiccups.
“Don’t be so sappy you dork. Now bring me my ring” Hoseok had hidden the ring under the flower pot on the kitchen counter, (Yoongi had questioned why they suddenly had a flower pot in the kitchen but Hoseok had shrugged and said “What flower pot?” before leaving and Yoongi had thankfully left it alone), so that’s where he rushes now, the prospect of finally claiming himself as Yoongi’s for the rest of their lives making him impatient.
Yoongi is washing his hands when Hoseok returns, his face splotchy and bloated, but he is beautiful nonetheless. When he is done he turns around and Hoseok tries to give him the ring but Yoongi just hits him again. “Not here you idiot. You have to be romantic”
So Hoseok brings him to the balcony and makes a splendid comparison between Yoongi’s eyes and the stars and explains that just like space, his love for Yoongi is infinite, then he gets down on one knee and slides the ring onto Yoongi’s finger. It’s a bit of a tight fit, and Yoongi is crying again, but it’s ok, it’s actually damn near close to being perfect. Yoongi is embracing him and pressing wet kisses all over Hoseok’s face and Hoseok wants to cry too, it’s unusual for Yoongi to be the emotional one, that’s normally Hoseok’s role. He can feel the first tear slowly sliding down his cheek when Yoongi suddenly pulls back, his resting bitch face back in place.
“Wait. So this happened because you couldn’t keep your mouth shut to your weird friend Namjoon?” Yoongi lets Hoseok go and steps back inside. “You told Namjoon that you wanted to marry me, have children, a house and a dog? What if I’m only agreeing to marry you because you said those words to Namjoon?” Yoongi turns to face Hoseok again, mouth hanging open and eyes wide. Hoseok wants to calm him down, but he doesn’t get the chance to because Yoongi continues talking. “No, that doesn’t matter. I loved you before you said those words and I still love you. I’m almost 70% certain I would’ve said yes anyway.” Hoseok quietly walks behind Yoongi as he paces across the floor. “And a week after our fight you won the lottery and we bought a house. That’s all because of Namjoon?” Yoongi stops abruptly and Hoseok walks into his back. Yoongi turns around and maybe they would have been uncomfortably with the close proximity to each other once upon a time but now all Hoseok can think about is how pretty Yoongi is up close and how much he wants to kiss him. “Maybe we should thank him. Actually no, he forced parenthood onto us, he can live without our gratefulness.”
After a while, Yoongi stops ranting and they both kind of just deflate. It’s been an eventful evening after all. “So what should we do now?”
“Maybe we should go see Namjoon” Hoseok suggests. Yoongi doesn’t seem too keen on the idea, but he understands that Namjoon’s probably the one with the most information about this situation so eventually Yoongi sighs and agrees.
Namjoon’s magic shop is small and cramped and half the stuff in there seems to have zero relation to actual magic but Namjoon is nothing if not insistent and he insists that everything there is there for a reason. All his customers are really strange. Mostly old cat ladies and wannabe witches teenagers and also a fair amount of disgruntled exes that want to curse their past girl or boyfriends. Namjoon however does not believe in cursing and according to himself he really only uses magic very rarely, and only for people he likes. In other words, his store is utter bullshit. And frankly, Hoseok hadn’t believed in Namjoon’s magic until, well, now.
Namjoon is sitting on a chair in the middle of the store when Hoseok and Yoongi comes in. He is reading a book, but when he hears the door open and close he looks up and quickly springs to his feet. “My best friend Hoseok” he shouts and rushes across the small room to throw his arms around the slightly shorter man. “I have a gift for you, come see.” He says and grabs Hoseok’s hand to drag him into his office. Hoseok would be lying if he said he isn’t a tiny bit scared, but Yoongi’s walking right behind him and his mere presence calms Hoseok down.
“Just because I’m your only friend doesn’t mean I’m your best friend” Hoseok mutters and immediately regrets it when Namjoon’s cute dimples disappear and Hoseok is weak, but seeing his friend’s hurt expression makes him want to quickly rectify things. “I’m sorry Namjoon-ah, of course you’re my best friend. Who else of my friends would change both the laws of the country and the laws of nature for me.” Namjoon’s dimples return and all is well in the world.
In the corner of Namjoon’s office is a cage, and inside it sits a tiny human. Hoseok is yet again unsure of what the proper reaction to this should be. “Namjoon. Why is there a person in there?” He asks, trying to sound as calm as possible and turning his gaze to Namjoon’s.
“No, it’s a dog.” Namjoon insists. Hoseok hears Yoongi gasp so he looks back towards the cage and now there is a brown Labrador puppy sitting inside it. The dog barks.
“That’s really wonderful Namjoon, but we can’t accept it” Yoongi speaks up for the first time since they got there. Hoseok’s still kind of terrified.
“You have to accept it. Do you expect it to just live its entire life inside that cage?” Hoseok wants to cry. The puppy is cute, and so was the tiny human. It seems cruel and unfair for it to live its entire life inside that cage.
“You could just let it go” Yoongi says, his voice is strained and normally Hoseok would’ve been concerned but he loves puppies and despite his better judgement he still walks towards the cage to pat its tiny head through the bars.
“I went through so much to capture it. Why on earth would I let it go. Besides, Hoseok loves it. Right Hobi?”
Maybe Hoseok should’ve started questioning Namjoon’s sanity earlier, but as it is they should probably rescue this puppy and deal with Hoseok’s dimpled best friend’s mental health some other time. Hoseok and Yoongi leave the store a few minutes later, having completely forgotten about the original purpose of their visit. They name the puppy Jin and he sits in the back of their car as they drive back home.
They start talking about Yoongi’s pregnancy again, and they have no more answers than they did before. Hoseok suggests that they should ignore it until it goes away and Yoongi glares angrily at him before saying, “It’s a baby, not an it”. Yoongi refuses to speak to him for the rest of the night, but when Hoseok cooks him Nutella pancakes in the morning he is quickly forgiven. Yoongi too, is weak.
Jin is a cute dog. He grows really quickly and he refuses to eat dog food, and it doesn’t seem to matter how many times they tell him not to, he sleeps on their furniture anyway. However, he does not poo or pee inside. He doesn’t bite or growl and he likes to cuddle. So Hoseok and Yoongi decide they can stand all that other stuff.
One day they wake up, and instead of a dog there lies a man sleeping naked on their couch. They stare at him for a while and when he wakes up, they see pretty eyes and a beautiful smile. “What’s for breakfast” the man asks and Yoongi mumbles a response neither Hoseok or the handsome man can hear, before turning around and walking to the kitchen. Hoseok decides he is not awake enough to deal with this so he goes to the toilet. When he returns Jin is a dog again and things go back to normal.
When Yoongi starts becoming big they realize that they probably should’ve gone to a hospital long ago. In their defense they’ve never done this whole pregnancy thing before. They go that day instead and when Hoseok tells the receptionist that his husband is pregnant she gives them both a weird look before picking up a phone and calling someone, covering her mouth and speaking in a hushed voice occasionally glancing in their direction. When the call ends she smiles weakly.
“Why don’t you go sit down, and a doctor will be with you soon” She says. Her voice is sweet and they do as she commanded them to.
“I’m tired” Yoongi mumbles as he leans his head on Hoseok’s shoulder. Hoseok’s heart warms and kisses Yoongi’s forehead. They’d gotten married a week earlier. It had been a quiet affair and not exactly a dream wedding, but Yoongi’s belly is kind of huge and they’re not sure how they’re supposed to explain to their friends and family (that is not Namjoon) how Yoongi had gotten pregnant. Yoongi swore to Hoseok that he didn’t mind though, and Hoseok didn’t care either, as long as he got to spend the rest of his life with Yoongi.
Many minutes later a nurse walks up to them and tells them to follow her. They do. She takes them to a doctor, who is very skeptical of Yoongi’s supposed pregnancy. “I’m sure you think you’re pregnant, but it’s impossible. We should of course make sure you don’t have a tumor or something like that.” She smiles at them, but it’s not a genuine smile.
“Told you so” Hoseok says when the doctor’s shocked face announces that Yoongi is in fact six months pregnant, with twins. Yoongi grins in Hoseok’s direction, before startling.
“Wait what did you say? TWINS?”
People say that you get hormonal when there’s a baby growing inside of you. Hoseok doesn’t quite see any difference though from normal not-pregnant Yoongi. He is still grumpy, and he still demands for Hoseok to do stuff for him, he also still lies on the couch every day watching TV until he’s gathered enough strength to drag himself up and into his studio.
Hoseok realizes with badly hidden annoyance that since Yoongi started showing their dog Jin has taken a bigger liking to Yoongi than to Hoseok. It used to be the other way around before. Traitor.
When the twins come into the world Hoseok realizes many things. First, Hoseok’s never heard Yoongi scream before and he never wants to hear it again. Seeing his husband in pain almost made him cry but the nurses told him to stay strong for Yoongi’s sake. Second, Yoongi is strong. As in Hoseok’s almost certain the bones in his hands are crushed. Third, the doctors say the twins are non-identical but Hoseok can honestly not see a difference. Yoongi can and he hits Hoseok every time he calls them the wrong name. Fourth, as it turns out, Jin liked the kids, not Yoongi. Hoseok still isn’t getting any love though. Jin only loves Taehyung and Jimin, but Hoseok can’t bring himself to care anymore. They look cute together. Fifth, Hoseok really loves his family. As in, every morning when he wakes up at an ungodly hour because of baby screams, he is filled with a warmth so consuming that he can’t even bring himself to dislike the constant tiredness of being a new parent to two twins who never sleeps.
Despite being non-identical the twins are a lot alike. A lot like Hoseok. They’re now two years old and they’re back at the hospital and they just won’t shut up. They chatter constantly and Yoongi swears he loves them with all his heart but he finds himself longing until Namjoon gets here so that he can look after them. Yoongi is pregnant again.
Namjoon had assured them that once the spell was fulfilled it would be impossible for Yoongi to become pregnant so when the test showed positive (Yoongi had taken it with minimal complaint this time around) they were both kind of surprised. Until Hoseok remembered that he’d specifically asked for three kids and Yoongi face-palms himself.
It turns out, Jungkook is the perfect child. He sleeps near constantly and when he is awake he just kind of looks around with a scowl on his face and adorable big eyes wide open. Jimin and Taehyung loves him. So does Hoseok and Yoongi.
After one night back at the house, Yoongi claims Jungkook as his and says Hoseok can have the twins. Hoseok argues that it doesn’t work that way since they love all their children equally. They do, but Yoongi counters with a “I like to sleep. Jungkook likes to sleep. You wake up early everyday anyway. And the twins love to play with you. When I play with them they just kind of climbs all over me and screams. I want to cuddle with Kookie.” Hoseok just sighs and goes back to making breakfast.
They’re a happy family, the five of them. “Sjiks.” Taehyung pouts and wraps his tiny arms firmly around Jin. It’s not the life Hoseok would have expected for himself, but it’s exactly what he unknowingly wanted. Yoongi smiles brightly every day and Taehyung and Jimin do to. They love each other, and they love their fathers and they love Jungkook. Especially Jimin, he too declared Jungkook his and Taehyung agreed as long as he got Jin. Sometimes Namjoon comes around, and Yoongi hides the twins in case they would say something that would magically come true the next day. Only Jungkook is allowed to stay, because he can’t speak yet. They’re a happy family.