Chapter Text
To: byronp86
From: superjeff15
Subject: home
Byron, i'm back at my dad’s in palo city. i told him all about us. we'll see how stuff goes now, but it can only be better than it was.
love u,
Jeff
Dawn and I returned to California on a Thursday in the middle of August. Our stepmother and little sister picked us up at the airport. I hadn’t seen Carol and Gracie in several months. Carol gave me a tight hug, which I gratefully returned. “Welcome home,” she said.
I was debating whether I was really home when Gracie began talking. “Guess what, Jeff?” she chirped. “My soccer team is undefeated! Me and Mackenzie found a cave in the park! I got some new shoes! And…”
She babbled on and on, ending every statement with an exclamation point. I looked over at Dawn and Carol, who were both trying not to laugh. Gracie paused to take a breath and Carol jumped in. “Sweetie,” she said to Gracie, “Why don’t we let Jeff and Dawn talk a little bit? I’m sure they want to hear all about everything, but we have a long car ride coming up. You’ll have plenty of time to share.”
Gracie grinned at me and made a show of zippering her lips. Carol rolled her eyes over her daughter’s head. The four of us were now standing in front of the baggage carousel. Dawn, who was wearing a peasant blouse and a pair of faded jeans, grabbed her giant duffel bag before she started talking. “Well, I had a great trip,” she told Carol. “Sunny is having a blast in New York and it was really good to see her again. I even had a good time in Stoneybrook. I got to spend time with this one.” She gave me a quick hug with one arm. “And I wound up having a really good talk with Mary Anne. Even though I still think she was nuts for getting married, she and Pete are actually doing pretty well.”
Carol spotted my suitcase before I did. “What about you, Jeff?” she asked as she pulled it off the carousel.
I shrugged. I wasn’t sure how to respond to that question, but Dawn knew. She grinned. “He got himself a boyfriend,” she teased.
Gracie hurriedly unzipped her mouth. “Jeff,” she chastised, “Boys have girlfriends, not boyfriends.”
Carol drew in a breath, trying to figure out how to reply to that. “Not always, Grace,” she pointed out diplomatically.
“Oh, right,” Gracie said, nodding emphatically. “Some people are gay. That means that boys like boys and girls like girls.” I was wondering where she’d learned that. “Are you gay, Jeff?”
I knew we were going to have to have this talk someday, but I hadn’t expected to have it in the middle of the airport. “I like both boys and girls,” I told her. She scrunched her face up, not quite understanding. “Right now, though, I have a boyfriend.”
Carol was watching this all carefully. Gracie finally nodded and took my hand. “What’s your boyfriend’s name?”
“Byron.”
“And is he nice?”
We were almost to the short-term parking by now. “Of course, silly,” I told her. “I wouldn’t date a mean person.”
Gracie grinned. “Okay then. Can we talk about me again now?”
We all laughed, and that’s what we did the rest of the way home.
***
I hadn’t known what to say to Carol about how my summer had gone because I hadn’t been quite sure how she was going to respond to, well, everything. She hadn’t stated an opinion on my announcement that Byron and I were planning to go to prom together, and that was the last thing I’d told my California family. I hadn’t told them how magical prom had been, or how happy I’d been just at the thought of heading back to Stoneybrook to see Byron again. Or that, by the time I’d flown back to Palo City that Sunday, I’d already decided that I needed to ask Byron to label our relationship and say he was my boyfriend. I hadn’t spoken to Dad or Carol all summer, even though I’d been hoping that one of them would call.
Gracie had called me at one point, though, to share the vital information that the tadpoles she’d caught in the spring and kept in a terrarium in her bedroom had sprouted legs and were now full-fledged frogs. Based upon the time of day she called me, I don’t think Dad and Carol were even aware that she was using the phone. I had been so glad to hear from her anyway. Good old Grace—young and innocent enough that she didn’t judge or even notice that the last month I’d spent at home had been frosty and awkward.
Mrs. Bruen was making dinner when we arrived at the house. She greeted us warmly and then returned to her task at hand—a delicious looking casserole. Gracie pulled up a chair and demanded to be given a job, so she was given a salad to make, after she washed her hands.
Dawn retreated right away to her bedroom and her phone, calling one of her roommates to arrange the details of moving back in. That left Carol and me alone in the living room. “When do classes start for you?” she asked.
“Wednesday,” I replied with a grimace. A little less than a week before I was a college student. “I’m thinking I’ll go up to campus tomorrow, get a feel for where my classes are held, and buy my books.”
“Smart,” Carol observed. She rubbed her temples tiredly. “Better to get all that done before your first day, when everything is crazy and chaotic and overwhelming.”
Byron was rubbing off on me; he’d had the route to all his classes drilled in his head for almost a month, and his books had come by the mail two weeks ago. As much as I wanted to do well in college for my own future, I wanted to do it even more so he’d be proud of me. I watched Carol sit down on the couch, once again rubbing her temples. “Is everything okay?” I asked her.
Carol looked up at me. “Oh, everything’s fine. I’ve just been having a lot of headaches recently. I’m not sure if it’s tension or if I need glasses."
Tension. I’m sure I’d been a source of a least a fair share of that. I ventured forward cautiously. “Is everything okay between you and me?”
She seemed surprised. “Of course, Jeffers,” she said, whipping out a childhood nickname she saved these days only for times when she was worried about me. “Things have always been okay between you and me.” She sighed. “I know it seems like I’ve been distant, but I’ve found that when your father is unhappy or dissatisfied with you or Dawn, it’s best for me to just step back and let him be, no matter how much I want to step in on your behalf.”
I felt a little bit better for a moment, but it quickly went away. “On a scale of one to ten, how unhappy and dissatisfied is Dad with me right now?”
She wrinkled her nose briefly. “I’m not sure. He was definitely up there near the top shortly after you left, but that wore off. I never could quite figure out what was bugging him, anyway.”
“Mom said…” I was uneasy about completing that statement. Mom and Carol had only met once and while they’d been civil to each other, it’d been an awkward moment. “Mom said Dad doesn’t like uncertainties and that’s why he got so upset about everything.”
Carol thought about it for a moment and she smiled. “Your mom might be right about that. Whatever his problem was, though, I’d suggest you ask him about it.”
I nodded. “When do you think I should talk to him?”
“That’s an easy one,” Carol said as she stood back up from the couch. “I’ll ask Dawn to get Grace into bed tonight. They’ll both love that. That’ll leave you, me and your dad alone for the evening.”
***
Dawn was more than willing to go along with our plan, and even though she didn’t know there was a plan, Gracie was thrilled. Usually, she argues and whines when told it’s time to get ready for bed, but that night she ran off, excited that Dawn would be tucking her in and reading to her.
Dinner had been a little awkward. Dad had glanced at me, saying hello, and then had barely spoken to me the rest of the meal. I think the most he said to me was, “Please pass the iced tea.” I’d never thought I’d long for the days of listening to Richard babble about the finer points of case law.
Dawn had attempted to break the tension by talking about moving back to her apartment. “Dad,” she’d teased, “I’m going to need some new furniture for my bedroom.”
“Oh?”
“Well, I definitely need a new lamp because someone,” she threw a look over at Gracie, “stole my old one. But that means I’ll probably need a new nightstand to go with it, and if that doesn’t match the rest of my furniture, I’ll need a new computer desk, dresser and possibly even a new bed frame. And if I have a new bed frame, I’ll definitely need a new mattress…”
She’d been kidding about everything but the lamp, but Dad gave her enough money to purchase a lamp and some new bedding. Dawn left the table, satisfied, and Gracie ran off to watch “her show” before she had to get ready for bed. That left me alone with Dad and Carol, just like we’d planned. Carol started things off. “Jeff and I had a good talk this afternoon, Jack,” she told Dad.
Dad had picked up the newspaper, but he set it back down. “Can’t Jeff speak for himself?” he asked Carol, but he was looking at me.
“Of course he can,” Carol went on before I could reply. “I’m just letting you know where we stand before you figure out where you stand. I support Jeff one-hundred percent in his decisions he’s making right now in his life, no matter how you may feel about them.”
Dad was still looking at me. “And what kinds of decisions are those, son?” he asked.
I decided to start with those things I knew he would find positive. “I’ve decided to go for a teaching degree,” I announced. “I want to finish out two years in the community college and be prepared to transfer straight into the degree program at one of the state schools.” I didn’t mention that I was hoping to move somewhere closer to Byron—even back to Connecticut, although that wasn’t that close to him—for the second year.
“That sounds reasonable,” Dad said in an even tone. I was having a very hard time reading him at all. “Anything else?”
Now for the hard part. “You told me, back when I asked for permission to go to prom with Byron, that I should keep you updated when I decided ‘what I am.’” I took a deep breath. “I am bisexual. I’ve never really wanted to date a guy before this year, but I do find them attractive sometimes. But Byron and I have made a commitment to each other. We are hoping to make this relationship work long distance. I hope you can respect that.”
Dad had been watching me calmly through that whole speech. “Okay, then,” he said.
I was nearly frantic. “Okay?” I repeated, the pitch of my voice rising. “Okay? When we spoke this spring, you were distinctly not okay with me going to prom with Byron.”
“No,” Dad corrected, “what I was ‘not okay’ with was the fact that you were waffling. I couldn’t understand where you were coming from. Some time and some distance helped with that. I eventually realized that not knowing was just as hard—harder—for you than it was for me.” He stood up and put his hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry that I made you feel like I wasn’t going to support you.”
Huh. Mom had essentially been right about Dad. I guess you can’t be married to a man for a dozen or more years and not learn something about him. As much as I had been irritated with my dad for his attitude and how he’d treated me, I was willing to give him another chance—especially if I had to live with him. “It’s in the past,” I said, trying to sound more sure of that statement than I really was. “I guess we can start over fresh.”
“Sounds like a good plan,” Carol observed.
Dad still had his hand on my shoulder. “Your birthday’s in a few days,” he pointed out. “You’ll be a legal adult at last, and because of that, I’ve decided that some new policies are in order here. You no longer have a curfew, but if you plan to stay out overnight, you should let someone else know. The only other thing we ask is that you model proper behavior for Grace at all times. If you’re unable to do that, we’ll have to ask you go elsewhere—whether that means moving out or having to be hospitalized again.”
I made a face. “I’ve been having some trouble on and off with my…condition,” I admitted. Dad and Carol looked at each other, not quite understanding. “My doctor in Connecticut had to keep adjusting my medication. I didn’t have any problems like the ones last winter, but I was kinda hard to deal with for a while.”
“We’ll make you a deal,” Dad said after a moment of processing. “If you are feeling…off…you need to tell us. And then we’ll know to give you extra consideration and whatever else you need. Sound fair?” He held out his hand.
I didn’t even pause to consider before I agreed. I vigorously shook his hand. I couldn’t help but smile.
***
I went to my room and powered up my computer. I’d made the decision when I’d left California to leave as much stuff as possible behind. That meant, among other things, that I hadn’t checked my MyFriends page all summer long. I logged into it now. Before I even bothered trying to catch up on everything my 400 friends had done all summer long, I edited my personal information to indicate I was bisexual, and added that I was in a relationship. I figured it was the easiest way to let most people know. It meant a lot less confrontation.
I then checked under the friend request area. At any given time, there are usually several—friends of friends and people I’ve met only once or twice. I usually wait a few months and see if I can remember who they are before I accept or decline the requests.
But there were a few friend requests that I knew were waiting for me that I had to accept right away. I had to recognize them by photos because no one on MyFriends ever uses their real name. The one calling himself #1 Red Sox Fan with the photo of a guy sitting on top of a crappy little Honda—posing as if it were a sports car—had to be Adam. I approved his request first. The next one was totally obvious. The screen name was Finally Made it to Florida! with a photo of him wearing a University of Florida t-shirt, so I knew it was Jordan. The next one, which had a drawing of a cat and said A Song Lyric Waiting to Happen, I almost passed up…until I went to the account and saw an actual photo and realized it was Haley. I found requests from a couple of coworkers and a few other people from Stoneybrook I’d given my online name to, and I added them as well.
Now there was only one person missing. Byron had told me that he’d set a page up before he left for school so that he could keep in touch with people—mostly, his brothers, sisters, Hay and me. He’d said there hadn’t been a point in him setting up an account before. But I looked at Haley’s account and there he was, sort of. He hadn’t put a photo on there yet or filled out most of the information. But he’d picked a screen name that I was quite fond of. It said, Looking Forward…
I sent him a friend request of my own, looking forward myself to the day when I could say on the site that we were in a relationship. Before I could go through the rest of the information, a chat box popped up on my screen. Someone named High Times in Palo City sent me a message. “SCHAFER!” It said. “U came back from the dead!”
Since a lot of my friends change their screen names a lot, I checked the link and found out it was Oliver. We’d known each other since kindergarten and had been friends on and off ever since. “Yup,” I typed out. “im back from ct. u still going to pcc? wanna stop by campus tomorrow with me n get books n look around n shit?”
Oliver took some time before he replied, and even then, he didn’t answer the question. “Ur a real joker,” he finally said. “I just saw wut u put for preference. bisexual? hilarious. n who u in a relationship with? ur hand?”
I sighed. I’d hoped announcing my news on MyFriends would be easier than telling everyone one at a time, but obviously it wasn’t going to work on everyone. “no,” I responded, wishing my typing could indicate my attitude and not just my words. “i got a new man in my life. his names byron n ive known him since we were kids.”
There was a very long pause before he replied. “ur dating a dude?”
“yup. im bisexual, like i posted.”
The next pause was even longer. “oh well cool bro. long as ur happy right? i gotta go. later.”
I shook my head. I couldn’t tell if Oliver meant it or not. He could have been serious, or kidding, or even thought I was kidding. He’d sent me an email over the summer and we were pretty sure we had English class together starting in a few days, so I guess I was going to find out.
I logged into my email and sent a quick note to Byron, something I’d vowed to myself I would do every night. It was almost like sending him a good night kiss.