Chapter Text
things you said that i wish you hadn’t
“I was with you because I loved you.”
It’s a sentence that has haunted Nyssa for months. Bittersweet in its entirety, it had made everything so much more real: it wasn’t Sara being impetuous and drastic, as she was prone to be. It wasn’t Sara acting out or needing space. Sara left her. Maybe it was the League she was fleeing truly, but it had hardened her heart to Nyssa in the process.
Or so Nyssa had thought.
Until Sara showed up again at her door. Bedraggled, again. Beautiful, again. Begging forgiveness, and Nyssa is so powerless to say no to her. So completely powerless.
Forgiveness is given, readily. Longing and lust is poured into each other, sheets tangled, bodies pressed together, relieving the ache, and as Sara drifts to sleep in her arms, she switches tense.
“I love you.”
Forgiveness is easy: it was always Sara’s to have. But the present tense does not erase the past.
Sara loved her. Sara loves her now, and Nyssa believes that. But, however briefly, Sara was with her, Sara did love her.
Nyssa wishes she could forget anything about that sentence: the quiver in Sara’s voice when she said it, the slicing words themselves, the look in familiar eyes, suddenly estranged.
Losing Sara, however briefly, had undone her. And even here, Sara once again in her arms, once again pledging herself to her, and secondarily, the League, Nyssa cannot forget one word: loved.
She’d always known Sara was her weakness. She should harden her own heart now, send Sara back to Starling and out of her life. But she will not. Not ever. Everything’s changed and yet nothing’s changed:
She is Sara’s forever, and Sara is hers as long as Sara wants it so.
***
fin