Chapter Text
So this is how it was going to end. Tony, armor battered and inoperable, facing Loki in the basement of the American Museum of Natural History. To his surprise, Loki did not immediately proceed to tear him limb from limb, as he had threatened to do on several occasions. Instead, he waved a lazy hand to cast a glowing green circle on the floor around Tony’s feet. The eerie light lit the floating dust in the dim room as Loki began to rummage through the drawers and shelves. Tony took a step forward and rebounded off the magical barrier that now surrounded him. Great, he was trapped in the basement with the bag-of-cats himself. Sighing, Tony activated the release and stepped out of the useless armor, giving Loki his best glare.
“You know, there are other ways to get attention.”
Loki ignored him.
“I mean, you’re a super-mage, right? Shouldn’t be beyond you to magic yourself down here, take what you want, magic yourself away again? But nooooo, that’s not how Loki-Dokey does it. He appears in front of a thousand tourists and struts around a bit in his fancy leather getup.” Tony mimicked Loki’s arrogant walk as best he could in his small circle. “Then, he makes sure to wait long enough to be caught in action on a dozen cell phone cameras that are live streaming online immediately. Tell me that’s not a plea for attention.”
Loki turned his back, narrowing his search to one cabinet, pulling out drawers and examining samples, dust hanging in the air around his dark figure. While Loki's back was turned Tony quickly tapped his earpiece three times to silently notify shield that he needed backup.
“Well sorry you tell you Lolo, but Thor’s in New Mexico, so he’s not even here to witness this masterful attention getting scheme.”
Loki finally replied, “I can assure you Stark, nothing is further from my mind than the location of Thor Odinson.”
“Oh so it’s not Thor’s attention you want? Someone else?” Tony lowered his voice to a husky whisper “Is it…the Captain? He’s a fine hunk of man, I can tell you’ve noticed. But sorry buddy,” His voice returned to normal, “He’s not interested in men, believe me I’ve tried.” Tony sighed, staring longingly into the distance for a moment. The quiet voice in his earpiece said “Thor incoming, ETA 90 seconds.”
Loki put a small, nondescript rock in a pocket of his leather surcoat. “Well this was a pleasure,” he said, “but I must be leaving.”
“Not before we’ve finished our chat, surely!” Tony protested. Thor had been trying to get his hands on his slippery brother for months now. Tony needed to stall him for 60 more seconds. “Hey if you’re starved for attention, you and I could get together some time! Dinner and a movie, how about it?”
Loki raised his eyebrows and paused, “I think not,” he replied, but Tony had noted the slight hesitation.
“Oh you’ll love it!" he rushed out, "Drive-in movie in my limo, popcorn, any slushie flavor you want! The full experience, no expense spared, baby! Put that rock back and you can even feel me up in the back seat.”
“Contrary to your expectations, Iron Man, I have no interest in ‘feeling you up’, backseat or no.”
Tony felt like he was making progress, after all, Loki had not left yet. 30 seconds to go, time to bring out the big guns. Tony raised his arms and began to swivel his hips, doing a slow spin. The body hugging under-suit was a real bonus here. “You don’t know what you’re missing babe,” he crooned, “this is the real deal! If you’re looking for some attention you can count on me! You don’t need to cause this chaos to get someone to notice you." He did another spin, throwing in a hip wriggle for good measure. “Hey how about this - if you can be a good boy for the next month I’ll even put out, satisfaction guaranteed.”
Loki's glanced down at Tony's swaying hips. “Satisfaction guaranteed? I've heard such boasts before. Sadly few can deliver on them."
Tony blew him a kiss, “Consider it a promise Lolo. Your satisfaction guaranteed, how about it?”
“Thor incoming.” said the voice in his ear. Seconds later, the concrete wall behind him caved inwards under Thor's hammer. A huge cloud of dust billowed up, obscuring the scene for a moment.
“LOKI!” Thor bellowed, crashing through in a tumble of cement and priceless natural treasures. Loki glanced at him, rolled his eyes and directed his attention back to Tony.
“Very well, Tony Stark. I accept your promise.”
“What?”
“WHAT?” Thor repeated, only louder.
Loki grinned, and tossed the rock he had taken back to Tony. “I will see you in one month, Tony Stark.” He vanished, taking the magic circle with him. Thor rounded on Tony, wide eyed in alarm.
“TONY STARK! What promise did you make to my brother?”
“Errrr…” Tony was not sure what had just happened.
Thor strode over and gripped Tony’s shoulder with a bruising grip. “Tony, this is a matter of great importance. What was your promise to my brother?”
Tony took in Thor’s grim expression and blurted out, “I told him I would let him fuck me at the drive in!”
Thor blinked, then recovered, “Did he promise you anything in return?”
“No! Well, I told him he had to be good for a month. I guess he kinda agreed to that.”
Thor sighed and gently shook Tony's shoulder. Tony assumed he meant it to be comforting. “At least your promise is an easy one to fulfill.”
“What? It was a joke! I was just trying to stall him! Thor, seriously, I’m not going to ACTUALLY put out for your brother at the drive in!”
Thor took Tony’s shoulders in both his hands and looked at him, bright blue eyes meeting Tony's confused golden brown. “My friend, you made a promise to a god. It would not be wise to be forsworn.”
Tony gaped at Thor, his brain unable to compute. “What are you talking about?”
“Let us return to your tower and I will explain.”
Before Tony could agree or protest, Thor was steering him towards the staircase and fresh air, with what promised to be a very awkward conversation awaiting them back at the tower.