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"Shift's over, Vila, you can head to bed now."
Gan tried to look bored as he wandered onto the flight deck. Hopefully it was late enough that Vila would just give his shift report and leave. Friend or no, he had no interest in Vila right now. All he wanted was to grab a datapad and hunker down on the sofa, out of sight of the entry.
Every time he did this the situation got a little harder, pushed him a little further. When he'd started he assumed he'd be able to stop any time, but the deeper he got, the more complicated the whole thing became, the less he found himself wanting to stop. The first time started as a whim to pass the time but ended as a thrill beyond anything he expected. Now, months later, he found himself constantly thinking of his crewmates and his private night games on the flight deck and what they would think if they discovered his secret.
Thankfully, Vila was tired and left quickly. Gan double-checked the flight controls. The last thing he needed was an alarm that would leave him scrambling to come up with a good excuse for not noticing in time to wake the crew. He'd scanned the rec room on the way in, so he knew that with Vila off to bed he was the only one awake.
He often thought about Avon having a fit of insomnia and walking into the middle of his fun. If Avon saw what he was doing, that wouldn't be the only kind of fit Avon had. The idea was embarrassing - but kind of exciting; he would keep it in mind while he played tonight. Imagining Avon across from him, looking over at him, seeing him as a worthy partner, that would be… motivating. If Avon discovered him, it would save building the courage to bring it up later. Because the idea of bringing it up kept growing, kept pushing itself forward at unsuitable times.
He thought about Avon's cutting wit, how discovery would direct it squarely his way, and how he wanted to shut Avon up, at least for a little while. He thought about how he wanted Avon to know the secret things he did when no one else was on the flight deck. He thought about how he wanted Avon to participate in those games on the flight deck. (Well, maybe not participate on the flight deck. That might be more than his mind could handle. At least for the first few times.) He could play by himself - has been playing by himself - but it was more fun with a partner and everyone knew Avon was the best: Avon was happy enough to flaunt his skill for those he thought could keep up with him. Plus he wanted to put that skill to use; it would be immensely satisfying and he was confident that after all the experience from these private flight deck games, Avon wouldn't be disappointed.
"Maybe in a few weeks," he thought, "I'll be brave enough to challenge Avon to a round of chess."