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With a grunt, you force your eyelids to lift as the obnoxious sound of an alarm invades your ears. Your head feels incredibly heavy, and a dull ache pounds as soon as you decide to get up.
Yesterday evening you’ve made quite an amount of bad decisions. First one was agreeing when Logan invited you for a drink. Then, one bottle of scotch later, you have made another bad decision, but you blame only alcohol for that.
You told Logan you were in love with him.
And then you ran away. Well, you tried to run but it was more like a slalom, given your drunken state.
When you reached your room, you found a bottle of beer and decided to drink it while you wallowed in self-pity and shame.
Needless to say, the evening wasn’t good.
And, what was even worse, you are sure that Logan remembers everything. Every damn word you said.
As if it even matters. It’s not like your confession will miraculously make him love you. He has eyes only for Jean, you are nothing more than a fellow teacher. Probably not even a friend.
You heave out a sight, as you rub your eyes. Luckily, it’s Sunday which means no classes, which means you will have a whole day to recover from your poor choices last night.
“Shiiiiiit,” you mutter under your breath as you course your fingers through your hair. How could you be so dumb? How could you let yourself be fooled by a hefty dose of whisky and a bit more relaxed Logan? Why did you think that his smiles from previous night meant something more?
Climbing out of the bed, you waddle to your bathroom, deciding that for now, the best choice will be to take a shower. A very cold one. You need to be sober in case of meeting Logan, although you are pretty sure you will run away just as you did yesterday.
It seemed like a great idea then, most likely your brain will prompt you to do the same today. After all, Logan equals lethal danger right now.
You are literally dying from embarrassment. For some reason your mind keeps presenting you images of angry Logan, disappointed Charles and very sad Ororo. And Jean with mocking smile, even though she was always nice to you.
“I am so bloody stupid,” you scold yourself as you rub a soap against your skin. Of course, your usual a little reserved manner disappeared when Logan said a few nice words. Pathetic. A guy you have a crush on says a compliment and you immediately throw caution to the wind and take a risk.
You have never regretted anything more.
Wrapping a towel around your torso, you reach for a smaller one to dry your hair. At least you’ve learnt a lesson. You are now even more assured that there is no point in revealing your true emotions. You gained nothing more than shame and regret, and you obviously would do just fine without them.
You put on your favorite jeans and a plaid shirt and stop before your door, your hand on a handle, your brows furrowed.
You are hungry but what if Logan is there? What if you step into him? What if you have to talk to him?
Of course, you can’t stay in your room forever, even though the prospect seems very appealing and tempting. Charles would eventually come to you, asking if you’re alright, and there was no way you could hide your thoughts from him, not when your mind is literally screaming.
You sigh and push the door open, peeking at the corridor. It’s empty and so you walk out of your room and quietly sneak into the kitchen, hoping that Logan is still asleep. Surely, he needs his rest, too, he probably drunk more after you left. You don’t want to think about how your spectacular admission made him feel.
You little journey ends up with a success as you enter a vacant kitchen. Quickly, you make yourself a coffee and scrambled eggs with bacon. Your head doesn’t ache that much already – it’s a con of having enhanced healing abilities.
Being a mutant is very useful sometimes.
Finishing your breakfast in no time, you clean after yourself and after making yourself a cup of tea for later, you head to your room. You need to find a way to occupy your mind, so that you won’t spend the entire day on thinking about last evening. Preparing for tomorrow classes is your top idea now, later probably a nap and a book.
You don’t allow yourself a moment of musing. No way you will think about Logan today. You’re done with him. Nothing you can do about it now, no way you can make it right.
How can you compete with Jean, anyway?
You pout. It’s an absolutely hopeless situation, isn’t it? Logan most likely hates you now and by tomorrow, Jean will know about your crush, too, which means Scott will find out. And he will definitely tease you forever.
Gosh, you wish you could turn back time and never agree on drinking with Logan.
You are almost at your door when someone calls your name and you freeze, your eyes going wide.
It’s him.
“Y/N! C’mon, we gotta talk.”
“No,” you shake the initial frozen state off and say sternly. “No, no, no, no, no, no.”
You keep repeating it even when you close the door behind yourself, successfully separating you and Logan.
He knocks roughly at the door.
“Can we just talk?”
“No, I’m busy!” you shout, walking away from the door and placing your tea on your desk. Logan won’t walk in uninvited so you opt to ignoring him for as long as it takes. He will eventually give up, right?
“Bullshit, you told you had everything ready.”
“I lied!”
“Oh, so that’s your strategy, eh?”
You curse under your breath at the cockiness in his voice. It seems that nothing you can say will make him go away, and you don’t look forward to feeling trapped in your own room.
“Logan, just go!” you call as you sit on the edge of your bed, your eyes fixed on the door.
“Not until we talk!”
“Go on then!”
“Let me in first!” he barks and you purse your lips. You don’t want to see him but at the same time you’re aware that it’s inevitable. At some point, the two of you have to have a conversation about what happened the previous night but can’t it be delayed? Forever, perhaps?
“Al right, I’m coming in!” he announces after a moment of silence and as the door begin to open, you cover your face with your hands in irrational want to create a kind of shield from him. You can’t see him so he’s not able to see you, right?
He lets out an airy chuckle as he closes the door.
“You know I can still see you.”
“No, you can’t,” you mumble and you hear Logan stepping closer. As you peek down you see his feet directly in front of you.
“Y/N, look at me.”
“No, I don’t wanna.”
“Y/N…” he calls softly as he lowers himself to, most likely, be on your eye level. You’re not bold enough to check.
“You weren’t that shy yesterday,” he teases and you roll your eyes even though he can’t see it.
“I mean, the way you told me about… you know… I didn’t expect such a show, to be honest.”
“What, Jean would do it better?” you say, your voice turning low and almost venomous. You realize that you are being stupidly jealous but you can’t help it. Every time you’ve seen Logan and Jean together, smiling at each other, you wished it was you, not her.
Logan sighs.
“Y/N, listen. I know that it looks like Jean and I have a thing… but she’s with Scott, and I… Damn, you drive me crazy, babygirl.”
“What?!” you exclaim, your hands falling on your thighs as you stare at Logan with wide open eyes.
“Hey, pretty face,” he smirks and you snort through your nose.
“You didn’t answer my question.”
Logan quirks up his brow.
“As I said, I’m crazy about you, not Jean.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me yesterday?”
“You flaked off, Y/N,” he chuckles and you nod your head.
“Okay, you have a point,” you admit and Logan shakes his head slightly, a small fond smile spreading on his lips.
“You better now? Or still don’t wanna see me?” he teases again and you playfully punch his arm.
“Shut up, Logan. I was embarrassed, okay?”
“Oh, I can imagine! I thought you wouldn’t leave your room at all today.”
“Well, it crossed my mind,” you crack a smile and gasp when, without warning, Logan wraps his arms around your middle.
“So now’s the fun part,” his voice is lower now, quieter. “Can I kiss you?”
“Can you, Logan?” it’s your turn to tease him. Logan simply doesn’t seem like a man who’d ask such a thing.
“I’m trying to be a gentleman here and that’s wha-“
He doesn’t get to finish the banter because you pull at the collar of his shirt and crash your lips onto his, successfully cutting him off.
Although, you’re sure Logan doesn’t mind. And even more so, when he tilts your head to deepen the kiss. It’s turning into passionate and rough within seconds, just as you imagined it would be, and you are pushed onto your back only a moment later, his lips starting their sweet assault on your neck.
Yeah, that’s more like Logan.