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My name is Tweek Tweak, and believe it or not my horrible name is the most normal thing about my story. It’s like I got sucked into some twisted version of Lewis Carroll's Wonderland and I’m the Alice Liddell!
But as crazy as Lewis Carroll was, he got it all wrong! Or maybe my Wonderland is just this fragmented and confusing because my mind is a fucking mess? Maybe it’s the whole ‘parents slipped meth in your coffee for years’ thing? Maybe it’s a sign rehab fucked me up even more? I’m rambling… Let me explain because hopefully telling the story will help me understand what the literal fuck I'm doing!
Okay, so the first thing Mr. Carroll screwed up is the land and times. In this place, morning, afternoon, and night change RANDOMLY and on top of that, they don’t last equal times so night could be an hour and day could be six or vice versa! It’s nerve-wracking and insane and I hate it because I want to do stuff but sometimes time runs out or changes or takes forever and it makes me a mess!
Then, there are areas that are always at war over territory. There’s Hatter Manor, which is a giant gated mansion that's home to the goddamn MAFIA. Obviously, it’s run by the Hatter, Kyle Broflovski. He’s got his right-hand man, Stan Marsh, the March Hare. His gatekeepers Butters and Kenny are the Tweedles; Dum and Dee. The next area is Heart Castle. It’s run by the Queen of Hearts Bebe. She has the Knight of Hearts Clyde and the White Rabbit Token. They’re one of my favorite territories to visit because they seem like good people and have pretty gardens to walk in. Lastly, and this is my least favorite, the Amusement Park. That place is run by a bastard of a man named Eric T. Cartman. Although, Jimmy the Cheshire Cat sleeps there sometimes and he’s cool. The last territory is the best and my favorite even though everyone says it’s a filthy place… The Clock Tower. It’s the only neutral place and the Clockmaker Craig is the sweetest and most quiet person I’ve ever met.
The other thing Lewis either omitted or fucked up is the people. Everyone here is faceless...unless they have a role like Clockmaker, or Queen or March Hare. Anyone who runs a shop, or cleans, or has any other job is faceless except for a mouth and it makes it harder to know if people are mad or upset or lying… I hate it. The lack of expression makes me anxious around them. Oh! And their hearts are clocks! Which is why Craig is so feared and hated, because when the clocks stop or if someone’s get damaged or killed, Craig fixes their clock. Usually Clyde is the one who brings the broken clocks to him, which is nice because Craig would prefer to just stay and work.
Then, there’s Alice herself… or in this case Me. I am an outsider with no role, but I have a face. I’m allowed to travel from area to area freely and everyone is really nice to me. Outsiders are special but nobody will tell me why! Nobody will tell me the straight 100% truth about the whole situation, and that makes me jittery. There’s a pattern here about my nerves if ya haven’t noticed… a childhood of meth coffee will do that the doctors told me.
Lastly, I DID NOT FOLLOW THE WHITE RABBIT HERE! THAT FUCKER THREW ME OVER HIS SHOULDER AND TOSSED ME DOWN A FUCKING HOLE! THEN THAT BASTARD FORCED SOME KIND OF MEDICINE DOWN MY THROAT SO I COULDN'T LEAVE! It's crazy because to them, it’s all a game! Nobody has any care for their actual lives because their clock can just get fixed and someone else can take their role… they lose all their memories but they get a new life and personality and it’s confusing. They let themselves get beat up because as long as their clock is ticking they can be alright! And I’M fucking STUCK here PLAYING this game BECAUSE TOKEN decided to KIDNAP ME!
The only good news is, I had my choice of where I stay and who I stay with. And nobody makes me weild a gun, because no matter how much the role holders fight everyone agrees they don't want me to get hurt… which is odd but whatever, I’m not on the chopping block. So that puts a lot of this into perspective… but it doesn't really help because the faceless sometimes try to attack me, the side I’m staying with refuses to let me work to earn my way… oh, AND EVERYONE with a face is hitting on me! Why? How do I leave this place? Why am I so special? Jesus what if I’m special because there’s no record of me here and they can do what they want to me!??? Or use me to invade my world!? Jesus what can do I do??! Why am I in a dress??!