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The piled boxes in Yu’s room weren’t enough to tell Yosuke that he was leaving. Neither was the farewell cake the team baked together, or Nanako’s tearful hug, gripping onto Yu’s leg while crying “Please don’t go, big bro!”.
It wasn’t until he saw Yu, suitcase in hand, stepping onto the train that he was struck suddenly with reality; Yu Narukami was returning home, away from here .
“You better stop by during Golden Week, Yu-kun!”
His partner…
“I'll miss you, Senpai! You better answer all of my texts!”
His best friend…
“Things are gonna be beary weird without you, Sensei!”
Was leaving him.
Yu’s voice pierced through the haze, quickly snapping him out of his dazed trance. “I’ll miss you guys. I’ll see you someday.” With a soft smile and a quick wave, he turned his back and started boarding the train.
Yosuke wanted to scream, to shout, to say something to him. Why was his voice failing him? What did he want to say to Yu? Whatever it was, he had to say it now, before it was too late, his chance closing like the door in front of him.
…
Before the door closed, Yosuke’s body did what his voice failed to do.
The sudden grip on Yu’s arm startled him, and quickly turning to the culprit, his eyes widened as he saw Yosuke on the train beside him.
“...Yosuke?”
Yosuke was trembling, but his grip remained unfaltered. He slowly looked up at Yu. “...I…”.
A sudden thud of the door closing startled both of them, Yosuke frantically releasing the grip he had on Yu. Just when Yosuke remembered exactly where he was, he spun around to the shut door, the instant jolt of the train and the shocked expressions from his friends outside indicated that they were indeed moving.
“Passengers, please take your seat as the train is now heading towards its destination," An intercom voice from the speakers said. "We will arrive in Tokyo in about 4 hours. This is a non-stop ride, so please be seated at all times.”
Yosuke was quickly brought back to his senses after accepting the reality of what he'd just done.
“Oh shit." Realization. Then, appropriately, fear. "Oh shit oh shit oh shit ohshitohshitohshit Oh shit, dude!” Yosuke panicked, frantically looking around for a magical exit. “I can’t be on this train! My parents are gonna kill me if they find out I went to Tokyo!”
“Yosuke, calm down.” Yu started, using that ever present leader voice of his. “You’ll just board on the next train back to Inaba when we get there.”
Yu’s reassurance didn’t help. “B-but, by the time I get back there, it’ll be night already! My parents are going to ask where I’ve been and why I didn’t show up to work today! Oh man, my dad is going to kill me!”
Yu was about to respond until a friendly looking attendant showed up, her dazzling smile almost blinding. “Hello! Please take your seats! It’s dangerous to be moving around right now!”
Yosuke quickly bowed apologetically. “O-Of course! My bad!”
Yu quickly sat down, Yosuke claiming the seat right next to him. After they took their seats, the attendant smiled at them once more. “May I see your tickets please?”
While Yu pulled out his ticket, Yosuke could feel the life slowly draining out of him. “U-um, about that, ma’am...I don’t exactly, uh, have a ticket...I’m so so sorry…”
The attendant blinked, but kept her smile. “Tickets to Tokyo are 7000 yen.”
“I-I got on this train by accident! I swear, I’m not actually going to stay in Tokyo! I just want to get back home, it was an honest mistake!” Yosuke explained, panic clear in his voice.
“...Tickets to Tokyo are 7000 yen.” The attendant never lost her smile, but Yosuke felt a deep ambivalence in it.
Yosuke fumbled in his pocket, already knowing for a fact his wallet didn’t actually contain any money in it. He was still making payments on his crushed bike and Teddie’s stupid, frilly outfit, but he held out hope that once the nice, lovely attendant saw his pitiful state, she would spare him…?
Yu eventually caught on to Yosuke’s turmoil, and with a heavy sigh, cooly spoke out for him, “I’ll pay for his ticket.”
Yosuke quickly turned his head towards Yu. “W-wait, partner! You don’t have to do that!”
“It’s fine. Here.” Yu pulled out the yen from his wallet, not once meeting Yosuke’s eyes.
The attendant smiled and left. After she was out of sight, Yosuke sighed in relief. “Thanks, partner! I thought I was going to experience the untold wrath of the train police! I swear, I’ll pay you back once I get my next paycheck!” Yosuke let out a huge grin, unnoticed by Yu.
“Don’t mention it.” Yu turned his attention to the window.
Yosuke stared at Yu for awhile before sinking into his seat, wishing it would swallow him whole. By the way Yu was reacting, he knew he royally screwed up. How could he even explain to him that this was a mistake? He got on the train without even thinking? What was he even going to say to him? None of that mattered now, as he grasped at straws trying to figure out some way to make it up to Yu.
Yosuke looked around the cart and realized that all the other seats were empty. It was just him and Yu, together. Alone. All he could hear was the steady clanks of the wheels, the rumbling of the tracks, and his own breathing in this vacant space. Even with Yu’s silent, but heavy presence, Yosuke instinctively put his headphones around his head, alreading searching for a soundtrack to listen to; anything to drown out the deafening silence.
“I’m going to listen to my music, okay, partner?” Yosuke told him, desperate for his approval.
Yu just responded with a curt nod, not once turning his head.
Yosuke sighed, adjusted his headphones, and tried to forget the awkwardness of the whole situation.
===
A text chime pierced through Yosuke's dreams. Slowly and reluctantly, Yosuke started rousing from his sleep, a quick yawn escaping his mouth. He rubbed his eyes, taking a quick look outside. Still daytime. And Yu’s still looking out the window. Was the vast nothingness so damn interesting?
“How long have I been asleep?” Yosuke asked wearily.
“About an hour I’d say.” Yu responded.
Yosuke sighed. “Damn, this train ride feels like forever.” Yosuke reached out to check his phone, but realized his headphones were no longer playing music. Panicking, he searched inside his pocket for his mp3, dreading what he knew had happened.
“My mp3 player died…”, Yosuke trailed off in despair.
Yu slowly, but finally turned his head. “Are you going to be okay?”
Yosuke rubbed the back of his head. “Yeah, I think so. Sucks, I won’t have anything to pass the time, but hey, at least I have you!” Yosuke did his traditional wink and grin, but Yu only reciprocated with a blank stare.
“...That’s good.” Yu returned back to the window.
Yosuke chewed on his bottom lip, hoping that his glare would burn the back of Yu’s immature head. Before doing anything he would regret, he checked his phone, hoping for a distraction.
>Chie:
U BIG IDIOT, Y DID U GET ON THE TRAIN???!??!?!?!?
Yosuke groaned. Figures.
>>can u tel teddie to tell my prnts tht I will b home late pls? thnx
Yosuke closed his phone and left it at that. Chie didn’t need to know the details, not that even he himself could decipher what they were.
“Heh, so get this; Chie sent me a long, angry text! Can you believe her?” Yosuke chuckled, hoping to get a reaction or something out of Yu.
“Ah.”
Yosuke bit his lip bottom again. He was certain he left a bruise. “So, um, are you excited to be heading back to Tokyo?”
“Yes.”
He bit his thumb. “...Will I finally get to see the infamous parents of Yu Narukami?”
“I don’t know.”
He harshly gripped the wires of his headphones. “What’s the name of your new school?”
“I don’t know.”
Something finally snapped. Yosuke’d had enough of Yu’s attitude.
"Okay, that’s it!” He grabbed Yu’s shoulder, forcing him to turn around and finally see him eye to eye. From Yu’s shocked reaction, he could only imagine what kind of face he was making. “Dude, I’m sorry, okay?! I didn’t mean to get stuck on a train to Tokyo with you and definitely didn’t want you to cough up 7000 yen for me! I apologize! But giving me the cold shoulder and acting like a brick wall isn’t going to magically undo everything!”
Yu looked to the side, struggling and failing to escape from Yosuke’s grasp. “Yosuke, I told you, I’m not mad…”
“Then what is it?! If you aren’t mad at me, why are you being like this?” Yosuke kept his grip on his shoulders, trying to keep his voice even. The echo from the empty cart told him otherwise.
“I’m not mad.”
“Bullshit!”
Yu gave him a glare. “Let go of me, Yosuke…”
“Not until you tell me what’s going on!" His fingers squeezed Yu's shoulder, Yosuke able to feel his slight trembling. "What is it?! Just tell me!” Yosuke was practically yelling, flinching at the volume of his own voice.
A pause. Then, an inhale. “...I didn’t want you to be here with me.” Yosuke barely made out Yu’s response, his voice nearly a whisper. The solemn expression his face emitted was enough to make Yosuke finally let go of him.
“I didn’t want anyone to be here,” Yu continued, his voice growing steady. “I just wanted to be alone.”
Yosuke tried not to look hurt, but knew his face betrayed him by the way he felt his frown drop. “I-I’m sorry, Yu,” He barely managed to say, his voice pained. He looked down, hoping to hide his own sadness from him. “I didn’t even know why I got in, it was a stupid mistake, and I’m sorry…”
Yu shook his head. “No, Yosuke. It’s not you, it’s just…” He let out a huge sigh. “I prepared myself all week to say goodbye to you guys, and I prepared myself to be alone again. Having you here with me kind of made that...all come crashing down." He paused, slightly shuffling in his seat. "...I have to do it all over again.”
Yosuke looked up at his partner, noticing he was staring at the ceiling and shuffling the tips of his bangs. He was nervous.
“Partner...what do you mean by "alone"? We can always talk! You have everyone’s phone number, you know you can call us anytime!” Yosuke tried reassuring Yu, but from Yu’s solemn expression, he knew it was ineffective.
“It’s not the same though!” Yu exclaimed before shutting his eyes tightly, clearly holding back. “I can’t just see you guys after school or meet up at Junes ever again. You guys will just…” Yu’s voice turned into a mumble. “Forget about me.”
Yosuke almost leaped out of his seat. “What, partner, of course not! That’s never going to happen!” Yosuke shouted, before softening his voice, once he realized what exactly was going on. “...Yu, are you scared of going back home?”
Yu looked down, biting his bottom lip. Yosuke knew the answer.
“Partner, we would never forget you...How can we after everything we went through? We literally fought monsters and saved the world together! Stuff like that you can’t exactly forget!”
“But, all of that is done. My job there is done…” Yu continued to not meet Yosuke’s eyes. “You guys don’t need me anymore. It won’t be long before you guys move on and just forget about me.” His voice sounded devestated when he spoke the last part.
For a long moment, the two just sat there in complete, still silence. Yu blankly stared at the small space between them, trying to, once again, hide his showing weakness. Yosuke always prided in himself that out of everyone in the team, only he could understand whatever Yu was feeling. Only he could talk for Yu whenever Yu didn’t feel like responding, knowing exactly the answer he would give. Somewhere, deep inside of himself, he took pride that only he saw that flash of vulnerability Yu laid bare that one, cold night. He always thought that he knew Yu inside out, knowing every strength and weakness of his partner.
He felt stupid and ashamed that he couldn’t even tell when Yu was afraid.
Despite Yosuke’s shame and self doubt, he couldn’t help but also feel frustrated. After everything they’ve been through, even after showing Yu a side that no one else cared for on the riverbank, why was he still holding back? Why did Yu always insist on being the cool, upfront leader, even around Yosuke? Why did Yu only want to be afraid when he was completely alone? Had Yosuke been a terrible friend? Did Yu not trust him?
Was Yu afraid again?..
Yosuke’s darkened thoughts boiled over, and in a sudden rush, he reached out and pinched Yu’s cheek.
“Ow.” Yu deadpanely, and appropriately, responded. After Yosuke let go, Yu rubbed his now reddened cheek.
“Is that what you think of us? Of all this?” Yosuke waved his arms around, gesturing at nothing. “Just a job? Just another move?”
Yu continued rubbing his cheek, looking around at everything but him. “That’s not what I-”
“If Rise and Teddie heard you now, they would definitely start crying. Or beat you up! Or both! Well, definitely Rise would, for sure!” Yosuke joked with a grin, smiling even wider when Yu responded with a small one of his own.
“Partner... I was scared too,” Yu opened his mouth, but Yosuke shook his head to allow himself continue. “I was scared that once you got on this train, I would never see you again. That the best part of that stup- Inaba was leaving me, forgetting me like everyone else.”
Yu’s other cheek became blush with red, as he stumbled on his words, “O-oh.”
Yosuke messed with the tips of his hair. “I guess, maybe, that’s why...I got on the train. Stupid, huh?”
“Not one of your brightest moves, I’ll give you that,” Yu laughed when Yosuke pouted. “...But I understand.”
Yosuke smiled. “Partner, if you’re scared, you can tell me.” He put his hand over Yu’s. “You don’t have to keep it in.”
Yu stared at his hand, his face unreadable. “...I don’t think I can. I can’t even admit it to myself.”
“Hmmm…” Yosuke’s head swam in thoughts as he contemplated a swift, genius response. He lifted his hands, took off his headphones from around his shoulders and put it around Yu’s ears. “Here, now you won’t hear yourself admitting it!”
Yu stared at him quizzingly. “I can still hear, you know.”
“Yeah, but it’ll be harder to hear yourself!” Yosuke smiled, trying to convince the both of them. “Now, speak!”
Yu blankly stared at Yosuke before chuckling, finally surrendering, and taking a deep breath. He clenched his eyes shut.
“I’m... scared. I’m scared of the future. I’m scared of returning home, and of going back to being lonely again after I found myself real friends, a real family. I don’t want this to be another move, I don’t want to be left behind, and I don’t want to feel pathetic relying on my friends. I want to be needed again. I want to feel whole. I… never want to be alone again.”
Tears trickled down while Yu was speaking, but Yosuke made no comment or moves. He just sat there, waiting patiently while his friend poured out his feelings, as his dam of emotions began to burst. Yu’s vulnerability made Yosuke want to wrap his arms around him again; to reassure and comfort him. Yet Yosuke restrained himself as he knew Yu had to make his piece.
Yu was just as scared as he was.
More tears followed the first. “It’s not fair…”
Yosuke clenched his fist. It isn’t fair. Why does he have to go back? Why does he have to leave us? ..:Leave me?
Yu hiccuped a sob. “I don’t want to go back…”
I want you to stay…
Yu couldn’t hold back anymore. “I’m just so...scared…”
As Yu’s demeanor broke, Yosuke couldn’t help but be taken back to the hospital, where Nanako’s near-death made Yu crumble on his shoulder. He felt terrified now as he did then.
For a still moment, the train was filled with Yu’s suppressed sobs, tears dripping down his cheeks. His walls, the ones that held him, kept him in a safe barrier that hid any weakness, came crashing down. As all his fears, doubts, and worries came in waves, his shoulders trembled violently, Yosuke soothing him as he rubbed them. He held him like that, hoping his presence would tell Yu that he wasn’t alone. He was here. He always would be.
After Yu choked back a fifth sob, Yosuke lifted the headphones from him. “...Do you feel better?”
Yu nodded, slowly wiping his cheeks. He shyly tried hiding his red, puffy eyes. “I do. It may not look like it, but I do.”
Once Yu finished cleaning his tears, Yosuke put his hand on top of Yu’s, slowly entwining their fingers together. “See, it’s not so bad, right? It’s better than holding it all in, right?”
Yu finally smiled. “You’d think I learn by now.”
“Yu," Yosuke clenched their fingers tighter. "The bonds you’ve formed with everyone isn’t something that’s so easily forgotten. You’re too amazing to even be forgotten.”
Yu looked at him, his smile growing warmer, and his eyes narrowed with affection. “You’re amazing too, Yosuke.”
Yosuke felt his face grow hotter, but quickly dismissed it. “Pft, It took you long enough to admit it.”
Yu genuinely laughed and Yosuke felt his heart soar. Finally, they were back to the way they were. “...So you’ll miss me, huh?” The glint in his eyes made the hairs on the back of Yosuke's neck bristled.
Yosuke groaned, trying to pull his hand back from Yu’s firm grip. “Dude, I regret telling you everything, now! You’ll never let me live it down!”
“No, no! I think it’s cute that you followed me on the train!” Yu smiled wider when Yosuke groaned. “Maybe you should live with me in Tokyo…” Yu rubbed his chin, taking his own suggestion seriously.
Yosuke blinked at Yu, feeling his face burn. Live with Yu…? Together? ...Wait, cute?!
Yosuke punched Yu’s shoulder with his free hand. “Now I definitely regret telling you everything! Let go of my hand!” Yu just laughed while Yosuke struggled.
They never once let go of eachother until they finally arrived in Tokyo Station.
===
“Here, got you your ticket.”
“Thanks, partner,” Yosuke sighed with relief while giving a grateful smile. “So that’s like, what, 10000 yen I owe you?” He visibly flinched at his own calculation.
Yu just shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. Consider it your counseling fee paid.” He smirked when Yosuke chuckled lightheartedly.
“How do you even have this much money? I could’ve sworn you only worked like half the hours I did!” Yosuke asked while Yu took a seat next to him on the bench.
“Unlike some people I know, I actually know how to save.” Yu’s devilish smirk grew even wider as Yosuke groaned audibly.
“You try saving when you get forced to pay for some frilly shit for a bear to wear!” Yosuke rolled his eyes as Yu softly laughed.
After a minute or two, Yosuke looked around and quirked his brow towards Yu. “Hey, are your parents going to be here? I thought they would know when you’re going to arrive back home…”
Yu shrugged absentmindedly. “They’re probably still at work. They usually show up in a week after I come back from a move.” His casual tone made Yosuke frown.
“Man, I’m sorry… Are you going to be able to make it back home?” Yosuke asked, clear concern in his voice.
Yu flashed a small smile. “Of course; I know my way around here.” When Yosuke frowned deeper, he laughed and waved his hand assuringly. “I’m serious, it’s no big deal. It’s kind of for the best anyways. I need a minute or two to prepare myself a year full of stories that does not include going inside a TV and beating up shadows.”
“Or crossdressing horribly in a beauty pageant!” Yosuke winked and grinned widely.
Yu softly punched his shoulder in retaliation. “You’re just jealous that I rocked it better than you.”
“That’s not something you should be proud of!” Yosuke stuck his tongue out. Yu just laughed, with Yosuke following suit.
That heartfelt laughter warming his entire being was just one of the many things Yosuke would miss. His laughter, his furrowed brow, his dorky bowl cut, his deadpan sense of humor, his rare yet dazzling smile; everything about Yu made up a huge hole he’d have in his heart. It seemed so unfair that he’d finally found someone he could easily talk to and just be himself around without judgement, who saw Yosuke as Yosuke, so abruptly removed from his life. Brief memories of his old friends who no longer called came crashing back, returning that looming anxiety that made his stomach drop and made him fearful of the future. He didn’t want to lose his partner, his best friend, all because of another move. He almost wanted to reach out for Yu and grab onto his collar, afraid that once he let go and returned home, he would disappear...
Despite the anxiety and insecurity, he trusts and believes in Yu. Trusts in them that they will see each other again. Yu will always be his partner, distance be damned. Their bond was too strong for them to be just friends. Letting go of fear, Yosuke looked to the future with hope.
The sudden, loud intercom captured their attentions. “Final train to Yasoinaba will be leaving in ten minutes. All passengers please board at this time.”
Yosuke sighed and stood up. “Well, I guess that’s me. Man, I really wanted to see all of Tokyo again! I miss having actual arcades, and restaurants being open past six! Guess it’s back to sitting on my ass for another four hours...”
Yu patted his back sympathetically while they walked towards the train. “You’ll live.”
“Yeah, I guess…” Yosuke waved his hand absentmindedly. Once he was right in front of the train door, he suddenly paused, standing there for what seem like an eternity, his feet glued to the ground. He stared ahead, not saying anything, his back turned against Yu, who just waited right there.
Yosuke finally spoke up before Yu could ask what was wrong. “Hey, partner, um…”
“Yes, Yosuke?”
Yosuke closed his eyes for a moment, summoning his courage and then suddenly turning around. “Don’t be afraid to call me!”
Yu blinked twice before tilting his head. “...Huh?”
“Because I’ll call you! And text you! Everyday! Until you come back! I expect you to answer all my calls and texts every single time, okay?!” Yosuke shouted, his face growing visibly brighter but not caring in the slightest who saw.
Yu blinked once more, then burst out laughing. “Okay, okay. It’s a promise.”
“Good! Cause if you break that promise, I’ll come back and kick your ass again!” Yosuke’s tone was serious, but his widespread grin was genuine and shining.
Yu stared at him briefly, fondly, before giving him an affectionate smile. “...I’ll miss you, Yosuke.”
“...I’ll miss you too, partner.” Yosuke’s smile was small, but just as fond.
They stared at each other, longingly, with Yosuke secretly hoping that some miracle would happen and Yu would suddenly get a call that he could come back home, to their home, with him, but the final call in the intercom broke him out of it. He knew this was it.
“I’ll text you later then, partner!” Yosuke grinned one last time before turning his back and stepping on the train. He took a brief scan inside, surprised that all the seats were vacant again.
“...Yosuke!” He heard Yu shout abruptly.
Yosuke turned around to see what Yu wanted, until he felt a strong tug on his wrist, forcing him to stumble forward and almost tripping on himself. He was saved by Yu keeping him in place and soon he knew nothing but the soft feeling of Yu’s lips on his own. It was sudden, brief, more like a brush, but the short glimpse of Yu’s pink flushed face and his hand gently caressing his cheek made his stomach flip and his heart stop. Yu backed off, smiled shyly, and, just in an instant, let go.
Yu’s hand waved him goodbye when the door closed between them. Yosuke could just barely see the reflection of his own madly blushed face and the stupid shocked expression he had, right next to Yu’s pink flushed one. He would've laughed at it all if the kiss hadn't made his mind go numb and paralyzed his nerves.
He wanted to scream, to run to the conductor, force them to stop the train somehow, and quickly return to Yu, to give him a proper reaction. To ask him what all that was, what did it mean, to tell him how he felt, to kiss him back properly, or, fuck, do something.
But, instead, he just smiled brightly and waved back. There was no need. There was no rush. It wasn’t like this was the last time he would see Yu ever again.
They had time.