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When Midorima hears his alarm clock, for the first time he turns it off without any intention of getting up. It's not like he has never missed school, but all the previous times it was because of an important reason, like illness. But this time he's avoiding it on purpose, because he can't bring himself to meet anyone, or more specifically he can’t make himself face Takao.
Without putting on his glasses Midorima manages to grab his phone from the little table besides his bed, slowly clicking button by button, his eyes narrowed in concentration. A few seconds after sending Ootsubo a message that he's missing today's practice, Midorima's phone stars buzzing, but he turns off the volume and puts it back where it was, ignoring the call.
He'd like to fall asleep again, but the thoughts inside his head wouldn't let him, and half an hour later he sits up straight in his bed, thinking that he has just heard Takao's laugh outside. He curses under his nose and closes his eyes for a few minutes. There’s no way Takao would be waiting for him outside the house like he usually does, but he still feels a bit guilty for not telling him a thing.
He looks at the clock and hits his forehead with a palm. He has managed to miss Oha Asa horoscope because of all these thoughts; he must be ranked twelfth today, he decides, sighing heavily while rubbing the sleepiness from his eyes. Back at Teikou he would have never encountered such a situation, and even if he did, he'd be long done with it. It’s not as if he's never heard about homosexuality or has never thought about it, but he has never expected to deal with it in real life as much as he hasn't expected to deal with love in general. Because love is for fools, and Midorima Shintarou is the very opposite of that. He has received chocolates with love declarations before and he isn't new to all this confessing business, but Takao’s words still have managed to take him by surprise.
"Hey, Shin-chan,"
He can hear Takao's voice in his head even now, and he remembers the face the dark haired boy made at that moment - his lips in a smallest of beams, eyes hidden under eyelashes before he opened them wide to lock their glares,
"I- Have you ever dated someone before?"
He recalls the exact way Takao's voice broke when he changed his mind, and in that moment Midorima knew that something was going terribly wrong. He has forgotten how he responded to that, but one thing he's sure about - the answer was negative as dating wasn't for him.
"So you wouldn't know then."
Midorima shakes his head, mad at himself for storing these words in his head and now replaying them together with images of Takao. He hisses silently for hearing that long sigh Takao made and seeing him lower his eyes for a moment as if it all was happening right now and here.
"You know, I really tried to ignore it all and pretend that everything was fine, but... I can't do it anymore. I can't just come and pat your shoulder after successful match when in reality I want to embrace you so tight you'd tell me to stop."
Even now he can hear that bittersweet laugh Takao let out, trying to make it all sound as a joke, except that it wasn't a joke and both of them knew it. And Midorima wanted to tell him to shut up and say no more, but he couldn't bring himself to, he couldn't make Takao suffer even more than he already was. Now, when he thinks about it, he regrets this choice a bit. He was supposed to care only about himself, so why did he let himself bring Takao's well-being above his own? How did he even let Takao so close when no one was ought to be around him? And when did his silly Shin-chan become a rather pleasant thing to hear, much less annoying than Kise's Midorimacchi or Murasakibara's Mido-chin when they all sounded equally stupid and too sweet for his liking?
"Shin-chan, I like you too much for it to be just admiration."
Midorima covers his face with his hand, feeling the warmth spread across his cheeks. He should have made it clear that he's not interested in relationships, he should have told that all Takao is for him is only a teammate, but he hasn't done that. He has left Takao without a clear answer; doing the most stupid thing of all. Because not stating clearly that he doesn't like Takao the same way means that he's doubting himself. It means that maybe, maybe Midorima isn't opposed to this idea.
"What am I even doing," he mutters to himself, finally getting out of the bed. If he misses school today, he has to make up for it at home. And as for Takao, Midorima makes a mental note inside his head; a sort of promise to himself to talk to Takao tomorrow and clearly say that unfortunately Takao's the only one having such feelings.
And even though Midorima is well aware of that empty feeling inside his stomach that seems to be making the matters only worse, he tries to ignore it.
-
Takao groans inside his throat, throwing a ball but missing for the sixth time in a row. He has somehow managed to keep all smiles and jokes during classes and practice, but now, when he is all alone, Takao lets his facade fall, his smile turning into a frown and his laughing voice into silent curses.
He takes a deep breath as he sits down on the floor, pulling his knees to the chest and hugging them. He is such a fool. He should have kept his distance from Midorima when he first realized he had some kind of crush on the green eyed boy. But curiosity took better of him, and instead of avoiding Midorima he started to hang out with him, with Shin-chan, more, making stupid jokes and actually trying his best to impress Shintarou to get one of those rare smiles or a gentle pat on his shoulder, followed by silent "Good job."
He should have stored everything inside himself and kept silent about himself just as he always used to do. He should have stopped himself, he should have adapted himself to Midorima being only a friend. But here he is, sitting like a fool and regretting letting the most sincere words escape his mouth.
He inhales deeply again, tilting his head back and staring at the lights above. He knows that nothing is going to change by sitting like this, but it feels good, it feels nice being all alone and not having to pretend. He tries to smile for himself, just to practise before leaving the gym in case he runs into someone. He feels how his muscles refuse to move how he wants them to and he knows that at first his smile wavers, looking forced and fake, but a few more tries and the uncomfortable feeling disappears as if his muscles have decided to put up with his whims one more time.
He stands just in time as an old woman opens the door, asking for how long he's going to stay here.
"I'm leaving already," Takao shakes his head and the woman seems to be a bit disappointed, but Takao can't make himself ask her if something is wrong and she needs a favour. He doesn't even bother to put all the balls back to place, knowing that he'll get extra work for such behaviour, but it's not like he cares. A few smiles and an innocent lie about being an airhead and forgetting all about it and everyone will leave him be, messing up his hair and sighing or laughing silently. He grabs his bag and sweatshirt, putting it on while hurrying outside. He's too tired to change, and he feels cold when he rides down the street on the bike. But later he wonders if that really was because of the wind as the cold feeling doesn't disappear even when he crawls under the blanket, hugging himself to sleep.
-
The next day Takao's not in front of Midorima's door again, so they meet only in school.
"Mornin', Shin-chan!" Takao chirps happily, turning around in his seat to look at Midorima. "Feeling better today?" he smiles easily, but Midorima notices how Takao averts his eyes for a moment and bites inside of his cheek as if to punish himself for letting it slip off of his tongue.
"Yes, thank you," Midorima clears his throat and Takao knowingly turns away, not saying another word.
During breaks Midorima pretends to be interested in some random book he hurriedly grabbed from the shelf this morning while Takao goes to chat with others. When asked why he's not with Midorima, Takao innocently tells them that he doesn't want to bother Shin-chan while he's studying.
"It must be a pain," Midorima mutters when they're alone outside the school gates during the break before practice.
"What?" Takao still has that light smile on his face, leaning against the fence, toying with the uniform's buttons.
"Pretending to be happy. Always smiling like this," he lifts his fingers to Takao's face, but stops before touching his lips. Takao looks at him and in a second his smile disappears, leaving his face blank without any clear emotions.
"I don't want people to see me like this all of the sudden, it'd be...suspicious?" he smiles weakly again, relieved inside that it turned out quite well, "So I don't have any other choice."
"Can I ask you something?" Midorima looks right into Takao's eyes, waiting for him to nod before continuing, "Were you being serious yesterday?"
And here's his chance to laugh it all off, but it seems that his head moves up and down on its own, and his voice shamefully betrays him against his will.
"Yes. I was," he whispers, and a smile is once more gone from his face, and he can't take it back now even though he hears his inside voice screaming in panic. He watches how Midorima bites his lip, nodding slightly himself.
"I'm sorry. I can't tell the same thing," he says after a moment, looking away so that he wouldn't see Takao's reaction.
"It's ok, Shin-chan, don't worry about it."
Midorima hears that careless laugh again and he can't stop himself from wondering just how much strength is needed to laugh like this when someone stamps down on your feelings. He doesn't know what else to say and here's Takao again, saving him like he always does,
"Should head to the gym, I might get some extra work for foolish things I've done," he rubs the back of his neck, turning around and walking away, not waiting for Midorima. Because Takao already knows Shintarou's not going to follow. Nonetheless, he can't stop his shoulders from shaking and he doesn't know whether letting Shin-chan see him like this or the fact that Midorima doesn't do anything is worse. He curses inside his head, promising himself to never fall in love again.
-
Midorima misses another week of practice and he starts understanding Aomine as his willingness to practise is shrinking down with every day. He has run out of excuses and now he's simply going home right after classes without saying a word to anyone. He never misses the looks Takao has been giving him, but he can't do anything much about it, so he does the thing he's the best at - being unapproachable.
He's going down the stairs when he hears an overly excited "Shin-chan" and is grabbed by elbow and dragged to the toilet.
"What the hell that was, Takao?" he frowns, adjusting his glasses.
"I'll quit, okay?" Takao ignores his question, taking a deep breath. Midorima watches him confused, trying to figure out if it's sadness in Takao's voice or anger. Or maybe both.
"What are you talking about?" he says calmly, but Takao grabs Midorima by collar and pulls him down so that their eyes were on the same level.
"I'll quit. I'll go and tell today before the practice, so you can stop skipping them and come back," Takao sighs, letting go of Midorima and turning around, "It's my fault after all."
"I-" Midorima opens his mouth, but he finds himself at the loss of words and he doesn't know what to say.
"I know you're missing practice because of what I've told. So if any of us needs to leave, it'll be me. The team needs you more and it's only fair," he shrugs, holding his composure. He knows he won't be able to continue like this for much longer, so he moves to exit, "Good luck, Shin-chan," he says, his voice with the most joyful note he can manage, as he offers his trademark smile before leaving the bespectacled boy alone.
That day Midorima stands all the time until practice near the gym, waiting to meet Takao, but the boy never comes. He wonders if he came here too late or Takao simply called Shuutoku's Captain beforehand. He fishes his mobile phone from the pocket, furrowing his eyebrows when thinking what to write.
We need to talk.
But the answer never comes.
-
The next day it's Takao who is grabbed by his elbow, but when he turns around he sees Ootsubo's face instead of Midorima’s and nearly sighs in relief.
"What's up?" he laughs lightly, but Ootsubo doesn't respond as happily.
"I don't care what's going on between you and Midorima, but you better bring your ass to practice today because that guy's a mess without you," he says in an angry voice and Takao finds himself thinking what could possibly be wrong with Midorima's playing. He opens his mouth to ask, but Ootsubo is faster.
"He can't take passes from anyone but you. How's that for one of miracles," he snorts unsatisfied, and even though Takao knows he is exaggerating on purpose, it feels somehow wrong.
"If it's him who needs me, he knows where to find me," Takao shrugs his shoulders, because what else he could do. If Shin-chan doesn't want him there, he won't go.
"You two are such fools," Ootsubo takes a deep breath, crossing his arms over the chest and walking away, not saying anything more.
Takao only smiles because Ootsubo's right, at least for his part.
-
When he hears a silent knock on the door, Takao doesn't expect to find a green haired boy behind them.
"Yo, Shin-chan," he smiles widely, inviting him inside as he feels his mom's eyes on his back.
"Good evening, Midorima," he hears her voice and closes his eyes, indifferent to the fact that Midorima is right in front of him, "Did Kazunari do something silly again?" she asks cheerfully and Midorima shakes his head, saying that he just dropped by.
"Righty-ho," Takao laughs it off, slightly pushing Shin-chan to his room, away from his mom's ears.
"So? What brings you here?" Takao smiles and he really means it, seeing how Midorima is looking around the room, taking notice of all the smallest details. It's his first time in Takao's room and Takao wishes it was under different circumstances, but the reality just doesn't go the way he wants it to.
"I know Ootsubo came to you, and I'm quite sure of the contents of your talk," Midorima casts his eyes down. Takao leans against the wall and if his eyes don't lie, which they never do, Shin-chan's cheeks are painted with light pink.
"Yup, he did," Takao shoves his hands in his jeans' pockets, this time trying to restrain the wide smile that's threatening to appear. It's stupid of him to enjoy watching Midorima like this, to let his heart beat a little bit faster just because Shin-chan has visited him and now is standing in his room, possibly flushed.
Midorima takes a deep breath, preparing himself for whatever he is about to say.
"Could you come back?" he finally lets out the breath he’s been holding, too embarrassed to look straight into Takao's eyes, so he brings his hand to the glasses even though they sit perfectly fine on his nose. Only now Takao notices that his fingers aren't taped and his body moves on its own as he comes closer, gently taking Shin-chan's hand in his own.
"What's wrong? You never forget to tape them," he lifts his head and for a second their eyes meet, but then it's Takao who averts his glare because there is no way he can calmly look at those green eyes from such a short distance.
"It seems that lately I do," Midorima whispers and clears his throat as if he has said something he shouldn't have. "Would you come back?" he repeats again, and then hesitates for a moment before adding, "Takao, I need you."
Midorima doesn't know where that comes from as it isn't part of words he has earlier decided to say. Though maybe he does, he starts to think when Takao lifts his head, his eyes widened, a smile frozen halfway, seeming awkward, but at the same time rather lovely. And Midorima now knows that he really does need Takao. Basketball isn't the same without Takao besides him, and his everyday life gets somehow boring and sad without Takao's annoying voice and stupid remarks, and there's definitely a sense of disappointment in Midorima's chest every morning when he doesn't find Takao with a rickshaw outside his house, and he doesn't even smile when Takao's not around, and everything is so painfully dim without Takao in his life. Midorima has never paid attention to sentimental things his grandmother used to say, but now he remembers how once she has told him to stick with people who make him laugh, and to be fair Takao's the only one who does that. And even though it might mean being a fool, Midorima opens his mouth again, letting a silent "I really do" escape his lips.
He watches how Takao blinks a few times, seeming genuinely surprised, but then his expression changes and, even with the fast reaction Midorima has, he doesn't react fast enough when Takao closes his eyes, standing on his tiptoes and pressing a light kiss on Shin-chan's lips.
It ends as suddenly as it has started, and Midorima can't think of anything else except Takao's fingers wrapped around his hand and a warm feeling on his lips which makes his heart race.
"Oh god, Shin-chan, I'm so sorry," Takao lets go of Midorima's hand and takes a few steps back, his cheeks so red that it almost makes Midorima chuckle.
"R-right. See you tomorrow, don't forget about practice," he tries to sound confident, but his voice trembles a bit when he walks past Takao and leaves the room. For a moment he wishes that Takao would follow, but he knows the boy too well and he's sure that won't happen.
Midorima doesn't know how to act in such situations, so he runs away from it, and when Takao regains his self-consciousness he smiles shyly because his Shin-chan is just so adorable.
It wasn't a definite no, Takao tells to himself afterwards and he can't stop the silly grin that stays on his face for so long that his cheeks start hurting. And that night he falls asleep with Shin-chan's voice echoing in his head, telling Takao that he needs him.
-
Midorima opens his eyes with difficulty as yesterday he has stayed up late to send a message to Takao without getting him to reply and possibly start a very embarrassing chat. He doesn't know if Takao will come, so he's looking through the window while eating breakfast, waiting. When a certain figure comes into view, Midorima nearly jumps, leaving his home faster than he'd like to admit to himself.
"Morning, Shin-chan," Takao greets him with a beam, and Midorima notices how the dark haired boy's eyes travel to his fingers, making sure they are taped, "Back to normal, huh," he chuckles, and Midorima has to bite on his tongue to stop himself from saying anything foolish. He simply gets in the rickshaw like he always does and Takao rides away, neither of them mentioning a kiss from yesterday.
-
They get back to their normal life, hanging out together and playing basketball together and everyone around is happy, because finally someone takes care of Midorima and finally Takao's laugh sounds genuine, his eyes sparkling whenever he offers a smile. It's like nothing has happened, or like it all was nothing but a strange dream, until a few days later Midorima brings back the event they both more or less pretended to have forgotten.
"Why did you do it back then?" he says, his voice sounding loud in the empty gym. He watches Takao throw a ball and snarls silently when it goes in.
"I don't know," Takao shrugs his shoulders, turning to Midorima. "You said you needed me and I suppose I just kind of stopped thinking?" he smiles bitterly, then takes a deep breath, "Thanks for not punching me then or something, though," his voice sounds teasingly as he lets himself anticipate Midorima's reaction, but Shin-chan's only shaking his head and Takao feels lost.
"I didn't even think of such possibility," he says casually and Takao stays silent for a moment. He has been secretly waiting for Midorima to bring this topic up, but everything feels different from what he has imagined. His palms suddenly get sweaty and his heart starts beating so fast, his body already making presumptions even though his mind is telling him to not be a fool and wait for confirmation.
"Then... then what did you think of, Shin-chan?" he whispers hesitantly, and curses inside his head for blushing when Midorima locks their eyes.
"Don't make me say it aloud," he takes a step forward, extending his arm, his eyes focused on Takao, waiting, but Takao stays still, not daring to take Midorima's hand, because how could he touch those precious fingers again, not sure yet if it won't be the last time. He has been craving for Midorima's touch after taking his hand once, so how would he deal with it after second time? He bites on his lower lip, shaking his head slightly.
"I can't do it."
"Come on," Shin-chan sighs, taking another step and grabbing Takao's hand himself, "It won't hurt you."
But oh, it will, Takao thinks to himself when he tentatively folds his fingers for them to fit better in Midorima's palm. And it feels wonderful, so Takao's lips' corners rise a bit as he holds Midorima's hand as if afraid it'd slip away.
"Don't be so nervous, Takao," Shin-chan says matter-of-factly, making Takao shudder at the sound of his name escaping Midorima's lips.
"Easier said than done," he laughs awkwardly, not fully understanding just where exactly it all is going.
"You should get used to it," Midorima whispers, coughing afterwards, and Takao nearly misses it, but then his mind somehow repeats it in his head, and he can't force himself to move.
"What?" his voice sounds harsher than he intended to and Takao sees bewilderment creep across the green haired boy's face. Takao lifts his hand to his forehead because he's quite sure he's having a fever, but it feels normal. He gulps rather loudly and he has to make sure he hasn't imagined those words. "Shin-chan, please tell me I didn't simply make up all of this in my head," Takao bites on his lip so hard he thinks it’ll start bleeding and he’s not sure yet, but he thinks his hands are starting to tremble.
Midorima doesn’t say anything, his other hand getting dangerously close to Takao's face, gently tilting his chin upwards.
"Just let me make sure of that myself," Midorima says in whisper, blushing slightly, and Takao wonders when his Shin-chan has become like this, but he doesn't get a chance to comment, because the next moment Midorima closes the distance between their lips. When Takao slightly opens his mouth gasping for air, Midorima's tongue slips in, and Takao thinks his heart might explode.
-
Everything is moving painfully slow and Takao doesn't know how they manage to kiss until they lips get swollen one night and simply greet each other the day afterwards. It's not like Midorima is scared of what others will think of them as from time to time he reaches for Takao's hand in public or lets Takao kiss him on the corner of his mouth, gifting Takao with that smile reserved for him only. But then there are days when they don't do anything at all, like there's nothing between them, and sometimes Takao actually thinks that these days are ones of the best as their relationship hasn't changed much, it only has been improved.
He sees how Midorima looks at all the couples who seem to be glued to each other, and he just nods approvingly when Shin-chan lets out a puff, annoyed. Because somehow it doesn't seem real, it reeks of fake, Takao thinks to himself and he knows as he has pretended being happy many times enough to realise that you can't be happy continuously without any breaks. So even now, when he's sitting next to Midorima, who's reading a book and not paying attention to him, Takao grins until it turns into laughter and Midorima sighs, lifting his eyes from the book to look at him.
"Shut up, Takao," he mutters, and Takao couldn't ask for more, giggling to himself as he somehow manages to ask Shin-chan if they're really dating.
"You're such a fool," Midorima sighs again, putting a book down and tilting his head back, his eyes closed and a little smile playing on his lips.
"Isn't the one who falls for a fool even a bigger fool himself?" Takao teases, leaning back on the bench, looking at Midorima's face for any kind of reaction as he knows he won't get a verbal answer. Takao’s waiting for another smile or some kind of glare, but he doesn’t get either and his eyes widen a bit before he bursts into chuckles.
Because Shin-chan simply laughs.