Chapter Text
Obviously, it was too much to ask to be able to live out the end of the world in a quiet place, with minimal infected encounters, and bonus points if there was a shower.
Definitely too much to ask.
Naturally, Nick just had to go on being Nick and their mom just had to lose her shit if her precious baby wasn’t safe. Even though it was his own choice to leave them. Even though Alicia was right there, since the beginning, but clearly something went wrong in the genetics department because she came out with a heavy dose of the invisibility gene.
Fucking figures.
But no, having a whole hotel for themselves with land to grow food and plenty of water to drink and shower was clearly an unnecessary luxury. Almost as if those perks came about in great amounts lately. As if the world didn’t freaking go to shit and finding a new place to live was the easiest thing in the world, just a stroll in the neighborhood away.
No. Of course not. Alicia couldn’t even have two full weeks of peace before her mom went Nick-shit crazy and decided to broadcast their hotel like it was some freaking free for all Black Friday deal.
For fuck’s sake.
And now they hava a bunch of people holed up in the garage like they're freaking asylum seekers while the rest of them try to avoid being overtaken. Like the idea of sharing a huge, ridiculously vacant hotel is too scary. As if keeping people in the garage instead of giving them a room is going to win them brownie points for hospitality instead of a bullet to the head for assholery.
Honestly. Adults and their limited brain usage will be the death of her.
And not only do they have a bunch of refugees in their garage, but there are also new people strolling in every day trying to get taken in.
Which is how Alicia finds herself in one of the patrol shifts at the gate — trying to prevent a person-by-person invasion to their massive, perfectly roomy, hotel.
When Alicia hears the motorbike from afar, she squints as she tries to see who’s approaching this time, drawn out by the bigger-than-life light sign. Her heart races, hands tightening on the gun she really doesn’t know how to use and would much rather never have to learn.
Gabriel, standing next to her, tenses up, both of them exchanging a look that betrays their murderous inclinations toward one Madison Clark, the sin of matricide be damned.
But then, the woman approaches, all swagger as she gets off the bike and strolls to the closed gate, blonde hair slightly dirty but the flecks of pink still visible at the tips, sunglasses on which she effortlessly pushes back on her head, and Alicia just... freezes.
Because she knows that face.
In fact, she dreamed of that face last night, woke up feeling a weird sense of longing, breaths coming out a bit harsh, and an uncomfortable sensation between her legs which made situations like those the very reason a shower was a prerogative in this apocalyptic world and why her mother went up two spots in her “sacrifice to infected” list for her stunt with the lights.
The woman, Clarke her dream memory provides, just looks at her with equal amounts of shock, her bright blue eyes nearly bulging out.
Much to Gabriel’s protests, and to her own astonishment, Alicia unlocks the gate in a flash and the woman takes a step in.
“You’re real,” the woman says in a perfect mix of wonder and confusion, and Alicia quickly recovers from her own shock, rolls her eyes, steps forward, and smacks her right in arm with all her strength. Granted, it’s not much, but it’s the intent that counts.
“Ow, shit!” Maybe-Clarke protests with a yelp. “The hell was that for?”
“For burning three hundred of my warriors alive!”
“That was a dream!” Maybe-Clarke says indignantly and Alicia just raises an eyebrow at her.
“Well then, why don’t both of us just head on out to the nearest psych consult to look for an explanation on collective dreams,” Alicia snarks and then promptly turns around and storms off, confused as to her own visceral reaction to the blonde but she’ll be damned if she lets it show.
Gabriel seems to have decided that Maybe-Clarke is not a threat because he didn’t kick her out (Alicia is maybe a little bit glad for that but she’ll be infected food before admitting it) and now she apparently has non-garage privileges because she’s found her way to Alicia.
And here she thought a pier surrounded by floating infected would be a deterrent to unwanted visitors. Wishful thinking.
“Lexa?” Maybe-Clarke starts tentatively as she sits next to Alicia, though far enough away to avoid another hit to the shoulder, Alicia vaguely notes with amusement.
“It’s Alicia,” she clarifies, though hearing that name come out of Maybe-Clarke’s lips in that slightly reverent, slightly scared tone leaves an uneasy feeling in her gut. It feels right, that name, but it also doesn’t. “Clarke?”
It probably isn’t her name, not in this... life? Reality? Awake state?
Maybe-Clarke shakes her head but smiles. “Elyza Lex.”
“Lex?” Alicia looks at her and wants to laugh hysterically. “Elyza Lex? As in Lexa? Alicia Clark? Clarke?! Oh, this has got to be some major inside joke for the universe gods!”
Elyza laughs along, the same tinge of hysteria lacing her voice but then they both lock eyes and just... stop. And the smile growing in Elyza’s face is something beautiful to watch and Alicia’s own lips reflect hers and there’s this... feeling growing inside her, a warmth that feels oh so familiar but that at the same time is something she was missing her entire life without even knowing.
Elyza inches closer and Alicia lets her, doesn’t even let out any snarky remarks as Elyza’s leg comes to brush hers wholly unnecessarily yet completely welcome for some mysterious reason.
“Well then, Alicia Clark,” she drawls, emphasizing her last name, “How about we make some memories of our own?”
And then Alicia snorts and rolls her eyes because — did she just?
“Please tell me this is not the level of dorkiness I’ll be subjected to from now on?”
“Oh, you’ll be drawn to my charm in no time, doll.”
Alicia rolls her eyes again but can’t properly contain the smirk that’s starting on her lips. She also refrains from acknowledging that she maybe already is, and has been ever since that damned dream where the wide-eyed girl walked into her tent.
The accent is strange, Alicia notes as she’s lost in thoughts about not-Clarke-Elyza, but she finds that she actually likes to hear the Australian tilt in her voice, and then decides that she doesn’t actually care, as long as she gets to hear that voice.
Which are obviously thoughts that she will never admit to out loud.
Clarke burned three hundred of her people! And then she just strolled into her tent and tried to deceive her with wishful bargaining and emotional manipulation. Granted, they did end up saving hot almost-dead guy (Lincoln, her dream consciousness supplies), but still! It’s the principle of the thing.
It doesn’t matter that Elyza is too gorgeous for words and that Alicia realized she’s actually not completely straight just by seeing her in a dream. It also doesn’t matter that they seem to have this weird dream connection. Nope.
Alicia is done trusting strangers, even beautiful ones who ride up on a motorcycle like they’re in some type of movie and may be incredibly charming and are actually incredibly badass with dealing with the whole infected/end of the world detail.
Actually, she is especially done trusting those types of strangers. She’s had one too many bad kidnapping experiences.
She decides to keep her distance from said beautiful blonde who also appears to her in her dreams. It’s best not to get too close in these dangerous times.
Turns out she’s not that successful at keeping her distance.
Mostly because Elyza is a major pain her ass who is constantly trying to flirt her way into her good graces. And, okay, maybe Alicia is not as opposed to that as she might let on.
Whatever.
At least her mom’s weariness toward strangers makes it a bit harder for Elyza to get too close. But at times she’s not too sure she likes this. Not when she keeps dreaming about her.
“So,” a husky voice drawls seductively and Alicia just rolls her eyes in anticipation of whatever is about to come out of Elyza’s (pretty) mouth. “Been dreaming about me lately?”
Yup. She was right. The preemptive eye roll was definitely necessary.
And Elyza just has to pair up her remark with a ridiculous eyebrow wiggle.
Alicia rolls her eyes again for good measure.
“Unfortunately,” she replies, her side glance revealing a smirking Elyza. “But it’s not really you, as we’ve established.”
“I know, I’m way more awesome,” she says smugly.
Alicia refrains from commenting. She might agree with that, mostly for the fact that at least Elyza didn’t kill her people, but Lexa seems to have forgiven Clarke and is definitely developing a bad case of the horniness for her.
Ugh. She really hates her dream persona and her double life sometimes. It’s so not compatible with having clear-cut feelings.
“Clarke is brave, though.” Alicia turns to her, surprised at the serious tone in Elyza’s voice, a rarity in and of itself. “Killing Finn wasn’t easy for her.”
Alica gives her a sympathetic look. “I know. It’s a trait you seem to share,” she tells her, and Elyza smirks.
“I knew I was your favorite,” she says with a wink and just laughs it off when Alicia rolls her eyes and heads back to the hotel.
Alicia is in a particularly foul mood courtesy of her dream life.
Being Lexa in her dreams was never easy, and Alicia has had years of hardening her heart along with her counterpart, trying not to let the hardships of Lexa’s life affect her.
Needless to say, it’s easier said than done.
After Costia died especially, her dreams were a torment and, she’s not sure why it happened, but she’s thankful that they sort of sped up and she skimmed over a few years, making Lexa a few years older than her now. It was more than welcome, the pain now slightly duller, a bit more bearable.
Dreaming is supposed to be a reprieve from life though, or so everybody says. Funny joke. Clearly not in her case.
Now, not only did Clarke bring her the news that Anya is dead (and her heart hurt so much at the mention of it she’s surprised Lexa kept her composure as well as she did) but Gustus also betrayed her and Lexa had to kill him. Her own bodyguard, her friend.
So yes, Alicia is in a fucking bad mood because she just wishes this would stop. Or at least that she could have one day of blissful dreams.
But Lexa’s life has never been that easy.
“I’m sorry,” Elyza says and Alicia startles, immediately fixing her face and glaring at the horizon to pretend she didn’t just jump a little in fright.
“The rooftop is off limits,” she dryly remarks.
“Didn’t stop you,” Elyza teases her lightly but Alicia ignores the gentleness of her tone, preferring to focus on glaring at the ocean in some vain hope that it’ll take her pain away.
Elyza sighs and sits down beside her on the edge, feet dangling carelessly down over the wall.
“She cared about him, right?”
Alicia purses her lips and feels that alien pain tighten her chest. She wants to cry. All she does instead is nod tersely.
It’s not her pain, she shouldn’t be feeling the loss (losses) so much. But she does. These people, part of Lexa’s life, have also been a part of hers for her whole life.
“He was her guard since I can remember,” Alicia finally says and Elyza sucks in a sharp breath. “We were— She was really young, with no family but the other nightblood children and Gustus… He was…” like a father, she thinks, and her heart breaks further for Lexa.
“They’re both losing important people,” Elyza notes and Alicia hears the same deep tinge of sadness in her tone for Clarke’s loss. “Anya, Finn…”
Alicia hums in agreement, gaze still steady ahead but her fidgeting hands betray her.
“Anya was like an older sister, she taught Lexa so much. I don’t know how she didn’t break down crying when Clarke gave her the braid.”
“She’s strong,” Elyza notes, and Alicia sees from the corner of her eye how she turns to face her when she says it. “Clarke is struggling with guilt, though. Seeing ghosts…”
“Finn?”
“Yeah. She didn’t… She didn’t really love him, there was barely time for that, but she could have.”
Alicia nods and feels a strange pang of something in her chest at the thought of Clarke loving someone else.
“I just wish they’d get a break,” she says with a wry chuckle. “I don’t think this qualifies as beauty sleep.”
Elyza’s sad smile slowly grows into her trademark smirk and Alicia is already rolling her eyes in anticipation.
“You don’t need any help from sleep in that department, doll, you’re just straight up gorgeous as it is.”
“Shut up,” Alicia tells her with a chuckle and a fond eye roll and Elyza lets out a small laugh.
She takes a deep breath then, finally feeling her chest lighten, and if part of it is because of Elyza’s calming presence, well, at least there’s an ocean view to blame it on, not the smart-mouthed blonde next to her.
Alicia is having breakfast with her mom, Strand, and Ofelia when a furious wave of blonde storms through the dining room and starts smacking Alicia on her arm, not with her full force, thankfully; she bruises really easily and it is not a pretty sight to have a blue arm.
“Ow! What the fuck, Elyza?” Alicia exclaims, getting up in a flash to escape the furious avalanche.
Her mom and Strand take a second to recover from the shock but then they’re both on Elyza, pulling her back but the woman is raging, outraged glare pinning Alicia to the spot.
“What the fuck, Alicia?! What the fuck were you thinking?!” she yells, Strand holding back her arms to stop her from hitting her again which is what it looks like she wants to do. “‘Leave me?’ Are you fucking kidding me? You wanted me to leave you to die?” she fumes and Alicia’s eyes widen, remembering how determined Clarke had been not to leave her behind to that mutant gorilla. (Pauna, her inner Lexa corrects.)
“What the hell are you talking about, Elyza?” her mom asks, full on mama-bear mode on.
“It’s okay, mom. You can let her go, Strand, it’s okay,” she adds when she sees that Elyza is calming down, though her eyes are still ablaze. She takes a step closer to Elyza and the blonde instinctively closes the space between them and wraps her arms around her.
Alicia huffs out a breath in surprise but then immediately sinks into the hug, breathing out in relief. It feels… right. Like it’s where she belongs.
She doesn’t really recognize herself anymore, where the heck are all these feelings for a practical stranger coming from, anyway?
“I’m okay, we’re both okay” she whispers and Elyza takes in a deep breath and squeezes her harder before letting go and taking a step back, suddenly uncomfortable with the show of emotion in front of her family. Who, by the way, are all staring at the two of them like they’ve lost their minds — which Alicia is inclined to agree with.
“I’m sorry, Alicia, I didn’t…” she shakes her head and bites her lip in embarrassment at her outburst, regret coloring her features when she glances and her arm. “Just don’t do that to me again.”
Alicia nods, though she knows very well that it’s not a promise she can keep because Lexa has a tendency to face dangerous things on a daily basis, as well as a proclivity to attract assassination attempts.
For real, it’s been a stressful past few years since Lexa became Heda. It’s not like her dreams were a walk in the park before, but at least she could mildly relax. Now she has the weight of the world on her shoulders the minute she enters dreamland.
Elyza leaves, then, still looking embarrassed but now also a bit confused at her actions, and Alicia is faced with a horde of mom’s concerns and Strand’s suspicions and Ofelia’s weariness and she’s got no real explanation for them.
In moments like these, she kind of wishes she could be Lexa and just shut them up with the rise of her hand.
Maybe she’ll try it one of these days.
Confusing is the understatement of the year for this new turn in Alicia’s life.
Not only does she now have to conclude that she was, in fact, having some weird dreams about an alternate reality her whole life, but she also has to reconcile the woman in her dreams with the woman in her reality.
They’re not the same, Alicia knows this, just like she and Lexa are not the same. But they are similar. All of them.
And Lexa… Lexa is definitely transitioning from having the hots for Clarke to having some sort of feelings for her, even as she so stubbornly tries to convince herself that her heart died with Costia.
And Alicia… Alicia is trying very hard not to let Lexa’s budding feelings for Clarke confuse her very much non-feelings for Elyza.
Because she most assuredly has none.
That would be ridiculous.
Just because she’s stunning and a total badass and funny and charming and smart and sexy and… No. She definitely doesn’t have any feelings for Elyza.
That’s it.
Alicia has had enough of her mother’s complete disregard for her.
Now Travis had to come back and killed three guys and they’re supposed to what? Just up and leave and head toward the infected? With no supplies or any idea of where to go? All because people just can’t seem to act like decent human beings and avoid killing others?
When did it become too hard to simply act with a consciousness?
“No,” Alicia repeats more firmly, Elyza hovering by the window, keeping an eye out for the others, and Alicia, weirdly comforted by her mere presence, draws the rest of her strength from her.
Her mom just stares at her, utterly confused, as if it had never even crossed her mind that Alicia would choose to not follow them, to be anything but the obedient child who did everything she was supposed to. As if she would ever act like Nick.
“What do you mean, ‘no’?”
Alicia rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. “It means no, mom. I’m leaving because they probably won’t let me stay here after what Travis did, but I am not going with you.”
She’s not actually sure where all this new-found defiance is coming from. Maybe it has something to do with Lexa’s stronger presence in her dreams, maybe it’s because she’s simply fed up with them never asking her anything before choosing to screw up her life, or maybe… maybe it’s because of the woman who has barely left her site for the past week and who is looking at her with a mix of curiosity and pride.
“Alicia…”
Alicia just shakes her head and takes a step back. “No. Not this time. I am not letting you ruin another good thing for me.”
“You cannot possibly—”
“I’m serious. I’m not going. I am done.”
Her mom’s eyes just widen, and she thinks maybe she channeled a bit of Lexa to her stance because her mom looks at her as if she’s seeing her for the first time.
“No. I won’t leave you behind.”
“You have no choice unless you plan on dragging me by force. I am not going.”
“You can’t just… We might never find each other again!”
Alicia feels her chest constrict at that but sets her chin stubbornly. “Pick a city.”
“What?”
“Pick a city. In one year we’ll all meet up there. Pick a city.”
“Alicia! That’s not— I will not leave you alone! You’re my daughter.”
“I won’t be alone, mom,” she says, head instinctively turning to Elyza who’s eyes widen but then gives her a small, reassuring smile, and her mom looks at both of them like they’ve completely lost it. “Just pick a city, mom.”
Her mom argues on and on but Alicia is unrelenting in her decision and there’s no convincing her otherwise.
They end up settling for Los Angeles, some weird sort of masochism it seems, but they want to see what happened to their home.
Mom and Travis leave in the dead of the night with a stolen car and Alicia pretends she doesn’t watch them leave from the back of Elyza’s bike, and Elyza pretends she doesn’t notice the tears on her face.
Alicia holds on tightly and then they’re off.