Chapter Text
Jihoon misses Soonyoung so much but he can’t say it. He has not heard from him ever since it happened. Just when he was about to lose hope already, he receives the message he has been waiting for.
Jihoon looked at his phone clock – it’s already 2 PM. He needs to leave already to meet Soonyoung. It will take him around 20 minutes to reach Chungmuro station. From there, he will hop on the shuttle bus. But instead of taking the cable car, he will just walk going up to the park.
Jihoon takes one last look at his house. By the time he returns home, everything will be different already. Jihoon has long expected it. After all, they have been together for five years. Jihoon thinks he has held Soonyoung long enough from all the opportunities life has to offer to Soonyoung.
xxxxxx
Jihoon has always never been good with words. Ever since he was little, he has always had difficulty in expressing what he feels. Hence, he always tries to make up for them through his actions. Jihoon is really thankful for Soonyoung for he has always been around to help him all this time.
Jihoon met Soonyoung in kindergarten. Unlike the gloomy Jihoon, Soonyoung was always as bright as the sun. Others always took interest in Jihoon for his cute face but always tend to lose it right away for he did not speak that much.
This made other children envious of Jihoon, nonetheless. One day, Jihoon found all his locker open and all his artworks thrown into the trash bin. Jihoon did not bother telling it to his teacher. When lunch time came, Jihoon couldn’t find his lunchbox. Just as he was about to go back to his seat, Jihoon heard someone screaming from outside their classroom.
“You bully! Just because you’re big does not mean you can already take advantage of other people,” said by the fat kid as he kicked the taller kid on the stomach.
Jihoon found his lunchbox just near them. It did not take a long time for Jihoon to realize what happened. The fat kid was defending him. What was his name again? Soonyoung?
Upon the teacher’s arrival, Jihoon immediately approached her. “Teacher, Soonyoung did not do anything bad. He was just defending me.”
The taller kid was called to the principal’s office while on that day, Jihoon made his very first friend.
“Hey, in exchange for doing that, you can have my lunch,” Jihoon said as he offered his lunchbox to the fat kid.
“Nah, eat it! It’s yours. You’re really small you know. You need to get taller so you won’t get bullied by others already A thank you will already be enough.”
“A thank you? I did not ask you to do that for me. And just so you know, you’re not the tall.” Jihoon either.
The fat kid just chuckled. “Hmmm ok, how about we just eat our lunch together?”
“Fine. What’s your name again?”
“Soonyoung. Jihoon right? Can I call you Ji?”
“Ji??? No way. Ok, Soonyoung let’s go. The school bell might ring already.”
After a few days, their teacher asked them to draw their best friend. Jihoon was never good at drawing. That is also why the fact that someone threw his artworks away did not bother him.
Incidentally, it was his birthday that day. It became a habit of the two to walk home together and go their separate ways by the time they reach the playground which was the midpoint of their houses. Before saying their goodbyes, Soonyoung grabbed Jihoon’s hand.
“Ji, Happy birthday,” Soonyoung blushed as he handed a folded paper to Jihoon.
Jihoon opened the paper. It was a stick drawing of Soonyoung and him. Jihoon smiled as he thought the drawing really looked funny.
After seeing Jihoon’s reaction, Soonyoung ran as fast as he could and shouted, “See you tomorrow, Ji!”
~
On the day of Soonyoung’s birthday, Jihoon hid himself behind the door as he watched Soonyoung open the blue box he secretly inserted inside the birthday boy’s locker. A big smile formed on Soonyoung’s face upon seeing the sketch pad and colored pencils.
“Ji! I know you’re here,” Soonyoung called out as he looked around. “Thank you so much You’re the best!”
As Soonyoung was already approaching the door, Jihoon pushed Soonyoung and ran away. Unlike ordinary times, Jihoon was smiling.
~
Jihoon and Soonyoung were still inseparable when they reached primary school and middle school. Jihoon’s parents were not particular with the school where he was supposed to enroll so Jihoon just enrolled wherever Soonyoung enrolled.
Jihoon was better than Soonyoung in terms of studying. Soonyoung always had to go to Jihoon’s house whenever he does not understand something in their lessons. This was also applicable during that year they were not classmates.
This made Soonyoung really sad. Nevertheless, they still ate together during their breaks. It will be very unusual to see one of them without the other. Jihoon cannot be Jihoon if he’s not with Soonyoung and Soonyoung cannot be Soonyoung without Jihoon.
During term breaks, Jihoon always had to attend different kinds of lessons – piano lessons, guitar lessons, violin, etc. Soonyoung always waited for Jihoon inside his room whenever Jihoon was busy with his lessons. Most of the time, however, Jihoon was already tired to play with Soonyoung.
Soonyoung was also that supportive friend who always attends Jihoon’s recitals whenever his parents can’t. Soonyoung always made sure to sit and front so his best friend can see him. After every performance, Soonyoung always goes to the backstage and hands a bouquet of flowers. “Congratulations, Ji.”
~
By the time they reached high school, the gap between Soonyoung and Jihoon’s height increased and Soonyoung was really proud of himself. He tried to be discreet about it, however, because he knew that Jihoon was really insecure about his height. Unfortunately, they did not become classmates anymore since sections were arranged according to academic standing.
For the first time in his life, Jihoon gained new friends aside from Soonyoung through the school’s music club. Jihoon was able to meet students who had the same interests as him through Jeonghan, Joshua, Seokmin and Seungkwan. Soonyoung was genuinely happy for Jihoon. It was also during that time Soonyoung was able to discover his love for dancing.
Unfortunately, term breaks became a busy time fo them as well due to inter-school competitions. They always made sure, however, to watch each other’s performance whenever they’re available. Unlike Soonyoung, Jihoon does not go to the backstage because he was too shy. He just sends a message to Soonyoung congratulating him and apologizing for having to early due to an important matter.
Due to conflicts in their schedules, their time for each other indeed lessened. Jihoon always missed Soonyoung whenever he finds himself walking home alone. Jihoon just couldn’t walk with any friend other than Soonyoung. It was also during that time Jihoon knew Soonyoung was different from his other friends. He was special.
On the day of Soonyoung’s seventeenth birthday, Jihoon asked Soonyoung to meet him on the rooftop during lunch time.
“Hi, Ji. It’s been a while since we ran into each other.” Soonyoung said shyly.
“You know why I asked you to come up here, Kwon Soonyoung.” Jihoon retorted while rolling his eyes. However, the expression on Jihoon’s face changed as he approached Soonyoung.
“Happy birthday, Soonie.” Jihoon greeted Soonyoung, placing his arms around the taller boy’s back. “I missed you.”
Soonyoung was surprised at his best friend’s act for he knew that Lee Jihoon is allergic to human contact. Nonetheless, Soonyoung just abandoned such thought and took advantage of the situation by embracing Jihoon back. The two just remained like that for a few minutes.
“My gift is over there.” Jihoon pointed to the red paper bag placed on top of one of the benches. “I still have to meet Jeonghan hyung, bye!”
Soonyoung walked to the bench and opened the paper bag. Inside was a shoe box. Jihoon gave Soonyoung shoes for dancing. Soonyoung thought though that the hug would have been enough already as his birthday gift for, just like Jihoon, he also did miss him a lot.
~
Jihoon had his first secret admirer when he reached third year. Jihoon opened his locker and found a white envelope inside. The letter did not indicate from whom it was, but Jihoon was sure about the owner of the handwriting. The letters kept on coming as the days passed.
Unlike other ordinary love letters which serve as expression of love, the letters were more like diary entries. The sender talked about a lot of mundane things and how his days went. He also mentioned that he thinks that classmate of Jihoon, Seokmin, was into his best friend. At the end of every letter, however, the he does not fail to say how much he misses Jihoon and how happy he is every time he gets to see the recipient of the letter in school.
One day, Jihoon received a text message instead of a letter, asking him to go to the rooftop. Upon Jihoon’s arrival, the person he was expecting to see was there.
“Sorry, Jihoon. It took me a while to realize my feelings. Imagine how old we are right now.” Soonyoung said in a calm manner as he scratched his head.
“You’re really a fool, Kwon Soon-” Soonyoung pulled Jihoon into a hug before he was able to finish his sentence.
“Will you go out with me, Jihoon?”
“Yes.” Jihoon whispered as the two tightened their embrace.
~
Jihoon was busy with final exams when Soonyoung invited him to go to Namsan Tower. Jihoon does not really like going out but Jihoon thought nothing was wrong about it until he met Soonyoung with a big smile plastered on his face at the entrance near the cable car. It just dawned on Jihoon what going to the said place meant.
Jihoon tried to ignore such thought as he looked at the view outside while the cable car ascended. The sky had a mixture of yellow, orange, red and blue as the sun was already about to set. It was beautiful, but the face of the boy standing beside him holding his hand was more beautiful.
Jihoon kind of felt annoyed as they approached their destination for Soonyoung kept on smiling. By the time they reached the famous blue bench, Jihoon spoke.
“Bring it out already. Don’t tell me you’ve written something on it already. Give me the marker as well.” Jihoon said.
Soonyoung felt embarrassed as he slowly took out the blue padlock and marker inside his bag and handed them to his boyfriend.
Jihoon carefully uncapped the marker and placed the padlock on one of his palms.
“Jihoon loves Soonyoung” Jihoon immediately closed the cap and returned the padlock and the marker to Soonyoung.
Jihoon has never seen Soonyoung that happy. Thereafter, Soonyoung checked his surroundings to see if there were other people aside from them. Jihoon sighed as knew what Soonyoung was doing.
With an annoyed expression, Jihoon placed his arm around the taller boy’s neck and kissed him. The kiss was short but very meaningful. Jihoon has always looked at Soonyoung lips and during that time, he was able to confirm that they were indeed soft as marshmallows. That was Jihoon’s first kiss.
Jihoon knew Soonyoung fully well for Soonyoung was his world, except that he never said it. Jihoon did all of his “firsts” with Soonyoung. He also hoped that he could also do with him his “lasts.”
xxxxxx
Today is indeed different for Jihoon is carrying a bag with him. Jihoon does not really use bags for he really hates carrying them around and he only needs to bring his phone and wallet on that day.
Jihoon checked the contents of his bag to see whether he was able to bring the things he needed. Inside his bag was a hammer placed inside a trash bag and the box where he kept Soonyoung’s drawing from kindergarten and all of his letters to him.