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Iemitsu came awake groaning—his head was pounding and his body felt heavy, sluggish, restricted.
“Good evening, Sawada-san!”
Was that…a girl’s voice?
“Or should I say CEDEF-san, though it should be more accurate to say External Advisor-san.”
How did she know his—
“Or maybe you would prefer your rather popular moniker, Young Lion-san?”
What.
“What do you think, Kyōya-kun?”
“Sensei taught us how to use the appropriate forms of address.”
Iemitsu opened his swollen eyes to the sight of two fifteen-year-old kids (give or take) having what looked like some sort of staring contest. And was that…sexual tension? What the fuck was wrong with these kids? He wanted to rub the sleep out of his eyes, maybe wake up to realize he was having a bizarre dream—his tuna fish was around their age, he’d spent half the flight planning out a father-son sit-down and refining his version of the Talk Vongola style—but his hands were tied. With Flame-sealing material, he belatedly realized, breaking out in a cold sweat as horror seeped into his pores. This wasn’t a dream! He’d been kidnapped by—by freaking kids!
“Kyōya-kun.” The girl trilled, lips cherry-pink and puckered, and was she…seducing the boy?
“Kyōko.” The boy growled, eyes storm-gray and heated, and was he…eyefucking the girl?
Which, just...hell no. Screw siren barbie and her wolfie boy toy. It had to be a dream, yeah, he was still sleeping, nothing was real—
Oh, gods, they had handcuffed him!
“Let’s start again then!” She smiled, and it was so damn cute, he’d have melted in a puddle of goo, if not for the un-fucking-real swarm—
Oh, gods, the Wild Hunt was real and baying for his blood!
“Good evening, Useless Father-san!”
Wait, what? Useless…father? Did they know about his Nana and his tuna fish? Iemitsu’s senses came into sharp focus as he analyzed the little terrors. He didn’t care if they were fey children or crazy mafia brats or what. His family was in danger. Nobody threatened his family.
Sky Flames shackled beneath his skin, he leveled a grim stare at the cuckoo teenage couple. “I don’t know which famiglia you belong to, kids, but this isn’t a game." Blood pumping faster inside his veins, speaking through gritted teeth. "You could get hurt if you offend the wrong people.” He paused for a few seconds, letting his words sink in, then cracked a smile, open and cajoling and don’t play adult games, little brats. “Now, I’m perfectly willing to write this off as just kids playing around, wanting to prove their worth to the boss or something, if you let me go and speak of this to no one, eh? What do you say?”
The girl sighed. “Oh, I don’t think Useless Father-san understands the situation he’s in, Kyōya-kun.”
The boy grunted. “His alias in the Bingo Book is Useless Father for a reason, Kyōko.”
“True.” She smiled again, as if this made all the sense in the world to her. It didn't make a lick of sense in Iemitsu's world. Neither did her goddamn monster fairies. “So, Useless Father-san, let’s start, ne? Are you here for business or pleasure? Did Nonno Timo-san send you on an errand or are you just visiting family?”
Nonno…Timo? Just who the hell were these kids? Iemitsu’s jaw locked tight. Oregano knew where he was and she had orders to track him down if he didn't report back within two hours of his arrival. It was standard procedure. Sooner or later his CEDEF squad would raid this place. He’d get his answers, all he had to do was wait. Nothing could make him sing. He wasn’t afraid of the little terrors, heavens, no.
What he hadn’t accounted for was how obvious his plan of action was.
“He’s being stubborn, Kyōya-kun. It’s not cute when old men are playing the waiting game.”
The girl pouted, which made the boy snarl. For the first time, he addressed Iemitsu directly, as if he was so far beneath his notice he would have never bothered, but Iemitsu had to go and upset his mistress, so now the boy had to deal with him.
“Reinforcements will not come. I suggest you supply us with the information we seek.” He smirked, and Iemitsu swore it was full of fangs and bloodthirst and please make my day, motherfucker. “Or not.”
“Or what, kid?” he bluffed, laughing, booming and obnoxious as fuck, because at this point he couldn’t do much else. “What you gonna do, huh?” Hurry the hell up, Oregano! I’m gonna be eaten alive! “Smother me with your teddy bears?”
The boy crouched low, pulling a pair of hellish spiked tonfas out of fucking nowhere. The girl blurred out of existence, but her fairy mindfuckery became a solid pack of flesh and blood and sinister laughter.
Then came…Pain.
(Oregano never came.)
The last thing Iemitsu heard before everything went black again was, “This was the best date ever, Kyōya-kun!”