Chapter Text
It was the unanimous opinion among the Luna Nova Academy student body and faculty that it was merely a matter of time before Atsuko Kagari’s recklessness injured someone other than herself. When Akko became friends with Diana, Luna Nova rejoiced, reassured that the school’s top student would mitigate the possible permanent damage caused by its most troublesome student.
Little did they suspect that Diana would become Akko’s first victim.
Saint that she was, Diana had volunteered to pair up with Akko to help her with a transmutation charm which she had been having trouble with. Trouble, in this instance, meant desks and other equipment transformed into unidentifiable, highly reactive substances. The professor breathed a sigh of relief, hoping that Diana would avoid another class that ended with turning the floor into jello, but even Diana wasn’t enough to control the force of nature that was Akko.
“Now, then, Akko,” Diana began. “The key is to have a clear mental image of what you want your target to become. If you’re distracted, the spell won’t be successful.”
“I know!” Akko whined. “It’s hard!”
“You need to focus on the target’s essence, as well as the essential being of the substance you wish to transform your target into.”
“It’s confusing! How am I supposed to keep track of all the different chemical elements?”
“The what now?”
“The chemical elements! All those different atoms! I get tripped up by all the different numbers of protons and neutrons and electrons!”
“Akko, I understand you even less than usual. There are only four elements: fire, earth, air, and water. I don’t even know what a ‘neutron’ is.”
“You can’t pull one over me!” Akko said indignantly. “I’ll have you know I got straight A’s in science class! It’s this witchy alchemy stuff that makes no sense!”
Diana raised an eyebrow dubiously. She’d heard of what non-witches called “science” and it sounded like poppycock to her. Same with Croix’s “magitronics” tomfoolery. All numbers and concrete principles. Diana had no use for it whatsoever. And it seemed to be holding Akko back from understanding the finer points of magic.
“Never mind that mundane nonsense,” Diana said dismissively. “Just concentrate on the fundamental nature of the stone in front of you and the nature of the diamond you want to turn it into.”
Akko swallowed a salty retort. When she’d first arrived at Luna Nova, the first thing she noticed was the complete absence of logical, linear thought. She had always been the kind of student who could get high marks without much effort, so she thought that magical studies would be a piece of cake. Unfortunately, when it came to an understanding of how the world worked, witches were stuck in the dark ages. Except for Constanze. And Croix’s magitronics course had been a breath of fresh air. Too bad that she turned out to be a baddy and almost killed Akko, like, a dozen times. Worth it, though.
Akko sighed and stared at the fist-sized rock on the desk in front of her. She was supposed to turn it into a diamond, but even after witnessing Diana’s perfect result of a flawless gemstone, she doubted she could manage even a lump of coal.
“If witches can turn rocks into diamonds, doesn’t that kind of mess up the economy?” Akko asked, stalling for time.
“That sounds dangerously like maths. The economy can handle the strain, I’m sure.”
“Easy for an aristocrat to say,” Akko muttered.
“Akko. Stone. Now.”
“Ugh, fine.” Akko focused on the stone, imagined her goal, and let loose.
“Mutatiella substansis!”
There was a flash of light; the stone glowed red, its surface bubbling angrily.
“Akko…”
“Uh, that’s not supposed to happen,” Akko said unnecessarily. “I got distracted when I started thinking about quarks!”
The stone rumbled and rocked back and forth. Sensing impending danger, Diana covered her face with her arms — she would’ve cast a spell, had her wand been in hand, but there was no time. With a hissing pop, the stone burst into a fountain of hot sludge that rained down on Diana’s head, quickly coagulating in her hair.
Once the dangerous mass cooled and solidified, Diana lowered her arms. The entire class was staring at her, eyes wide and mouths agape. Nobody looked more horrified than Akko, mouth flapping open and shut, gasping like a fish out of water.
“I appear to be.. unharmed…” Diana said slowly, hoping to reassure Akko and their audience.
“I’M SO SORRY!!” Akko shouted. She clapped her hands over her mouth, speaking again once she adjusted her volume. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to!” She looked around at her classmates. “I really didn’t mean to!” she said, begging everyone’s forgiveness.
Hannah and Barbara were petrified, not even blinking. Lotte looked back and forth between shellshocked Akko and sludge-covered Diana in anticipation of further development. Sucy snorted in derision. Amanda shoved her fists into her mouth to keep herself from laughing out loud.
“I’m fine, Akko,” Diana said. “Really.” She reached out and held the other girl’s hands. Akko froze, then her face heated up, steam whistling out of her ears.
And then she fainted.
The class blinked as one. Then Amanda’s self-control broke under the pressure.
“HA!!”
“I fail to see what’s so funny, O’Neill.”
“Oh, lighten up, volcano head.”
*******
After her classmates and the professor had recovered their wits, Diana was carefully escorted to the nurse’s office; Akko’s unconscious form was levitated alongside her.
The professor explained to the nurse what had happened while Hannah and Barbara settled Diana on one of the cots, carefully avoiding the mysterious substance in her hair. Akko was placed on another cot, and the others departed.
“Never thought I’d see you in here, Miss Cavendish,” the nurse said. “I figured you’d be clever enough to avoid this one’s shenanigans.” She gestured at Akko.
“Some things can’t be avoided,” Diana said neutrally. This was hardly the first time a faculty member had subtly discouraged her friendship with Akko, and it wouldn’t be the last. The professors were worried that their star pupil would become a delinquent due to Akko’s influence, as if Akko were the more powerful force, and Diana’s actions would have no impact on her friend. Admittedly, it was an uphill battle, but she was certain that Amanda was to blame for her lack of progress. That girl was bad news.
The nurse said nothing more on the subject, turning her attention to the magic-induced mess on Diana’s head. The hardened sludge defied all analysis and deflected all attempts to be charmed, changed, or vanished. In the end, the nurse decided that the only solution was to cut off most of Diana’s hair.
“Very well,” Diana said with a resigned sigh. She had concluded as much in the classroom — nothing could be done about Akko’s previous transmutation disasters either — but she had held out hope that her lovely locks might’ve been spared by some miracle.
“That girl has a lot to answer to,” the nurse said, nodding at Akko again. “She’s gone too far this time.
“I hardly think that’s true,” Diana said. “This is hardly as dire as the macaroni incident.”
“Property damage is one thing,” the nurse huffed, “but she’s done permanent damage to another student. I can’t fathom why the headmistress hasn’t thrown that brat out yet.”
Diana frowned. Certainly Akko had caused problems in the past, but none with lasting consequences. Usually they were put right with a simple counter-spell or potion. But her hair, luxurious as it was, was nothing worth castigating Akko to such an extent. “It’s merely my hair that’s been injured. It will grow back, after all.”
“Let’s see if you think the same after I’m done with these scissors.”
After an hour of snips, cuts, and machete-like hacking, Diana was liberated from the magical sludge. The transmuted mass lay on the floor in clumps, covered in a haystack of her hair. The pile looked enormous, too large it seemed that there could be nothing left on her head. Diana bemoaned the loss of her hair, silly as it may seem, and she dreaded to see what she looked like now.
“I did the best I could do, sweetie,” the nurse said, passing her a hand mirror.
Diana accepted the mirror and held it in front of her face. Her heart fell at the sight.
“I look like…” she could barely bring herself to say it. “I look like a tomboy.”
Her hair was as short as a boy’s, with only a paltry fringe in the front to assert some semblance of femininity. It was a nightmare, an unmitigated catastrophe. Diana had never felt particularly attached to her long hair, but it hadn’t been this short since she was an infant. Shorter hair just looked unnatural on her, she was certain that everyone else would think so. Maybe Amanda O’Neill could’ve pulled it off, but Diana knew in her heart that she would be a laughingstock tomorrow. Aunt Daryl would have a field day when she saw this. Maril and Merrill would commission a portrait and hang it in the grand hall at the manor.
Diana was struck by an even more terrifying thought. What will Akko think?
Her eyes darted to the cot next to her where Akko lay. Most distressingly, the erratic girl had yet to wake up. Diana supposed she ought to be concerned, but Akko’s roommates were quite open about the fact that Akko was a disastrously heavy sleeper, so perhaps there was nothing to be worried about.
Nevertheless…
Diana found it difficult not to worry about Akko. The girl was reckless beyond all reckoning. Early on in their acquaintance, Diana had dismissed her as an attention-seeking troublemaker, but after getting to know her better and paying her increasing amounts of attention, Diana was forced to conclude that Akko had no concept of risk assessment or self-control. The macaroni incident was proof of that. To spend time with Akko was to expect trouble. Whenever Diana found herself in Akko’s presence, she felt a fluttering feeling in her stomach as if her anxiety had become manifest, her heart racing as if cognizant of some future calamity. Her body had adapted to Akko in true Pavlovian fashion; the mere sight of her caused Diana to break out in a sweat, her palms clammy in anticipation of the stress of witnessing Akko’s latest fiasco. Try as she might to suppress these symptoms, they persisted even after Diana became adept at subverting or distracting her friend from dangerous behaviour. It was, in a word, frustrating.
However, Akko had never been one to faint. Even in the most dire circumstances, she had always been the type who, when she got knocked down, she got up again. Nothing ever kept her down. In the face of all the perils and horrors she had faced, Akko had always fought harder or fled with vigour, not frozen or swooned. It was very unlike her, and Diana couldn’t fathom it.
The memory of Akko’s horrified face flash through her mind, and Diana realized with a rush of guilt that Akko’s condition may well have been a result of her emotional distress at the results of her failed spellwork. Certainly Diana wasn’t pleased with her short hair, but it was only an accident, nothing to be so stressed over. Her guilt intensified: what if Akko thought she would be mad at her? That she wouldn’t forgive her? Diana resolved to reassure Akko that their friendship was as strong as ever. In fact, she would offer to personally tutor her friend in order to ensure that it never happened again, no matter how long it took. But first Akko had to wake up.
Diana went over to Akko’s bedside and looked over her carefully. Perhaps she was already suffering from an illness? A weakened constitution would help explain why so resilient a girl had been taken so low by emotional shock. But there were no signs of any prior condition. Diana felt Akko’s forehead, but her temperature was normal. Odd. She stroked her friend’s hair as she contemplated the problem.
Then she realized what she was doing and jerked her hand away, stepping away from the cot. Diana turned around and prepared some excuse for the nurse, who had surely seen, cursing the blood rushing to her cheeks that would give her away.
Fortunately, the nurse hadn’t been paying attention, her nose firmly wedged in a Nightfall book. Diana cleared her throat. “A-Akko has not woken up yet. Are you sure she’s alright?”
The nurse didn’t look away from her book. “Kagari will be fine. She’s been through worse. As long as all her parts are still attached, there’s nothing to worry about. You can run along.”
“Nevertheless, I would prefer to remain with my classmate.”
The nurse waved her off. “No need. She’s not gonna wake up any faster if you hold her hand.”
Diana’s blush intensified. “V-very well. I will return to my dormitory.” She didn’t wait for a response, dashing out of the nurse’s office before her embarrassment was noticed.
Classes were over for the day, and the student body was busy with dinner, so Diana was able to move through the empty hallways undetected. Not yet having the courage to face everyone with her boyish haircut, she had no choice but to go to bed without eating. Unhealthy choice, but necessary. Perhaps she would sneak out to the kitchens under the cover of darkness for a midnight snack like Akko and her friends were so fond of doing. She smiled at the thought of how her professors would react to catching the esteemed Diana Cavendish pilfering the pantry. She giggled, imagining what Akko would think of her rival following in her footsteps into delinquency.
She reached her room and heard voices coming through the door. Apparently Hannah and Barbara were finished eating and returned to the dorm, conversing in raised voices, and they sounded furious. The cause was obvious. Diana sighed. No doubt her roommates were angry at Akko for today’s incident and would need a stern talking to. She wouldn’t tolerate anyone bullying Akko for an honest accident.
Putting on her patented Strict Diana Face™, she opened the door and stalked into the room, her anxiety over her short hair apparently forgotten.
“Akko is seriously out of control,” Hannah said.
“Whatever Diana does to her after this won’t be pretty,” Barbara said.
“And just what exactly am I going to do?”
Hannah and Barbara looked away from each other to see Diana standing in the doorway, arms crossed, eyes colder than ice, emanating an aura of frigid fury. Her roommates were frozen in place, their eyes widening. And then they noticed her hair and let a single tortured screech.
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!?!?”
*******
After Akko stopped the Missile Crisis and brought back magic to the world, the Luna Nova student body stopped bullying her and her witch cred went through the roof. It appeared as if her days as the school’s metaphorical punching bag were over, but in one afternoon it all came crashing down on her. After her alchemical accident yesterday, barely anyone would meet her eye. Those who did glared so hard she was afraid it’d peel of a layer of skin. Everywhere she went, people muttered about her as she passed by. Akko was used to this sort of treatment, but it hurt a heck of a lot more now that she felt she deserved it.
She had woken up in the nurse’s office shouting “I’M SO SORRY!” but Diana hadn’t been around to hear, nor was she anywhere to be found. No one answered the door when she tried the Blue Team’s dorm. Akko got up early in order to try to catch her at breakfast and apologize, but she wasn’t there. Hannah and Barbara also failed to make an appearance, so she couldn’t even probe them for information about their roommate. Class was about to begin and Akko hadn’t heard so much as a rumour about Diana. The nurse had told her that Diana was unharmed. “Except maybe her pride,” the nurse added, though Akko had no idea what she’d meant by that.
Akko began to fret. She needed to apologize to Diana as soon as possible. What if Diana hated her? It was imperative that she cleared things up with Diana, and hopefully everyone else would forgive her too.
“Looking out for volcano head?” Amanda said, coming over to Akko’s seat and throwing an arm around her. “Boy oh boy, I wouldn’t want to be your shoes when she finds you.”
Akko made a strangled, gurgling noise. “You really think she’ll be mad?” Her lip wobbled pitifully.
“Of course not, doofus. Wouldn’t surprise me if she pretends it never happened. Just like we all ignore the macaroni incident.” Amanda slapped her on the back. “Cheer up! She wasn’t bothered by being turned into a volcano head. She even said so.”
“She did?”
“Yeah, it was right before you passed out.” Amanda grinned slyly. “Y’know, when she held your hand. And then you fainted.”
Akko snapped right from being blue to flushing bright red. “Oh, yeah. T-that was a thing that happened. Totally slipped my mind. Didn’t mean anything at all.”
Amanda snickered. “You fainted because a pretty girl held your hand.”
“Sh-shut up!” Akko looked around to see if anyone heard, but everyone but the Red and Green Teams was pretending Akko didn’t exist.
“It’s not funny!” Akko pouted. “What if Diana hears?” Akko had found herself inexplicably drawn to Diana for a while, and it wasn’t until Amanda picked up on it and pointed it out that the inexplicable became explicable: Akko liked Diana. Akko wanted to be around her, but her presence caused Akko to want to run for the hills. Akko wanted to look at her for days on end, but whenever their eyes met, she felt like she was melting inside. Akko wanted to talk to Diana until they both ran out of words (which would’ve been a long time, given that Akko spoke two languages and Diana knew lots of fancy words), but Akko tripped over her own tongue just saying hello if she didn’t emotionally prepare herself first.
And on the rare occasions that they touched, Akko got flustered to the point of losing all cognitive function. None of this was helped by Diana’s habit of reaching out to Akko, offering to help her out with various things. Spending more time with Diana was exactly what Akko wanted, but the heightened stress of being around her crush was going to take years off her life.
“Don’t worry, bud. Your secret’s safe with me.” Say what you want about Amanda, she held matters of girl-love above all else, and hadn’t told anyone about Akko’s crush. For the time being, it was just between them. “No need to get your panties in a bunch over Cavendish. If she knew you had the hots for her, she’d sweep you off your feet and carry you off to that mansion of hers. After all, she can’t afford to pass up someone who finds that personality of hers attractive,” Amanda added snarkily.
“She’s actually really sweet when you get to know her!” Akko objected.
“Yeah, well I don’t want to know her. That’s your job. Go for it and get to know her real good.” Amanda went back to her seat with a lewd laugh.
Just then, the classroom door creaked open and Hannah and Barbara sidled inside. The pair looked shellshocked.
The class pounced on them at once, asking about Diana.
“She’s, uh, fine,” Hannah said sheepishly.
“Really fine,” Barbara agreed.
That hardly satisfied the class, but they couldn’t pry anything else out of the girls. They informed the class that Diana would be a bit late, and that was all.
“You must’ve really done a number on the teacher’s pet,” Sucy cackled.
“Don’t, Sucy,” Lotte pleaded. “You’ll worry her.”
“Never mind that,” Akko said glumly. “I’m already at max worry levels.”
“I know that we’re all concerned about Miss Cavendish,” Professor Finnelan said, “but we have to begin class now. Diana wouldn’t want you all to neglect your studies.”
“You’re quite right, Professor.”
Framed by the doorway was Diana and the sight of her nearly knocked Akko’s soul right out of her body. The rest of the class didn’t fare any better. They all swooned as one (except for Sucy, who was unaffected by such things). Amanda somehow managed to do a spit-take without having anything in her mouth.
“What in the fresh hell happened to your hair!?”
Diana’s hair was practically gone. The long, lustrous locks Akko had admired were reduced to almost nothing, a boyish cut with a fringe in the front. Akko felt like the lowest of the low for being responsible for the destruction of Diana’s beautiful hair. But she also looked A-MAZE-ING. Akko was weak in the knees at the sight of her. How was it possible that she could look so perfect regardless of her presentation? It was just plain unfair, especially to Akko, who was fighting the urge to get on one knee and propose on the spot. The only way to resist was to not look at her at all.
Akko was so distracted by Diana’s new look that she almost missed her crush’s response.
“We all need a change in style every once in a while, do we not?” Diana smirked and flicked her fringe, sending the entire front row into cardiac arrest.
Everyone was staring hard enough at Diana that she could feel it as a physical pressure, but no one saw that her hands were shaking ever so slightly. She had been so sure that her short hair would’ve been received with derision, so she’d had no way of anticipating the response from Hannah and Barbara. Far from ridicule, her roommates had been reduced to blushing and stuttering, looking back and forth from Diana to each other and giggling like the schoolgirls they were. “You’re, um, really hot, Diana,” Hannah had said, wringing her hands nervously. “Like, unbelievably hot,” Barbara agreed, biting her lip. It had taken an hour of flustered conversation before Diana accepted that her roommates were being serious, that their demeanour was caused by sudden attraction to her.
They had convinced Diana that there was nothing wrong with the way she looked. Actually, they had phrased it as her looks being “everything right.” Still, Diana had requested that they arrive to class late in order to avoid being seen by other students and potentially causing an incident in the hallways. Diana had barely slept, thoughts whirling as she tried to convince herself that if she feigned confidence, everything would go fine. So far everything had turned out as planned: she didn’t make a fool of herself, everybody had fallen for her bluster and regarded her with heart-shaped eyes. The only problem was that Akko’s eyes, heart-shaped or otherwise, were turned away, as if she couldn’t bear to see her. Diana’s heart fell. She wanted to go to her, to speak to her, but Amanda had other ideas.
“Looks like we have a butch on our hands!” Amanda shouted. “Anyone need a shelf installed?”
“That’s quite enough, O’Neill,”Diana said dismissively, attempting to move toward Akko.
“Hold up, something’s missing.” Amanda leaped over to Diana and waved her wand. “Metamorphie Vestesse!”
With a poof of magic, Diana’s school uniform transformed. The skirt became a pair of tight pants, the top half of the uniform reshaped into a more masculine cut. The effect was instantaneous: an appreciative sigh escaped the lips of every girl in class. Akko pretended not to notice that her temperature raised by twenty degrees.
Amanda scanned Diana with her wand. “The readings are off the charts. Even Professor Croix doesn’t have a butch-i-chlorian count this high.”
Somewhere off in the distance, a certain lilac-haired witch sneezed.
“Very funny, O’Neill,” Diana said, rolling her eyes. “ I too have seen Star Wars.” With a wave of her wand, Amanda’s chair galloped over, scooped up the delinquent, and carried her away to to her desk.
With Amanda removed as an obstruction, nothing stood between Diana and Akko. Diana walked up to her friend, who was staring intently at her desk. Her eyes flicked up just long enough to see that Diana was standing in front of her.
“I’m sorry about yesterday,” she mumbled in her smallest voice. “I’ll understand if you don’t forgive me —”
Diana put her hand on Akko’s chin and angled her head upward until their eyes met. Diana smiled softly. “Of course I forgive you, Akko. It was merely an unfortunate accident. I wouldn’t hold such a thing against a dear friend of mine.”
The words “dear friend” rang in Akko’s ears. She thinks of me as a “dear friend,” Akko thought giddily. She tried to say something in response, but no words came out. It was impossible not to focus on the delicate grip Diana had on her chin, how soft Diana’s hand felt, the way her thumb rested just under her lower lip…
Akko’s temperature spiked. She began babbling. Her eyes darted back and forth, searching for a way out, looking at anything other than the gorgeous girl in front of her. The class watched the interaction between the two girls with something like rapture. “She’s so lucky,” one girl whispered to her neighbour, who giggled in response. Knowing she had an audience only exacerbated her embarrassment.
“Are you alright, Akko?” Diana leaned in over the desk, her face mere inches from Akko’s.
“Y-y-yep! I’m totally fine! Never been better! Uh, how about you?”
Akko didn’t look fine to Diana. Her face was burning up, the colour matching that of the eyes that seemed unable to focus. She seemed to be having trouble speaking. Her condition was far too similar to yesterday for Diana’s liking. If only she knew the source of Akko’s agitation, she could cure it and Akko could have some peace.
“I was so worried about you yesterday, when you fainted so suddenly,” Diana murmured, absentmindedly stroking Akko’s face. “If you’re unwell, you need to say so. You need to be more honest about what you’re feeling.”
If I were honest about what I’m feeling, I’ll die of embarrassment, Akko thought. On the other hand, confessing her feelings in front of the entire class might be enough to send this new, dashing Diana running, which would at least allow her to breathe properly..
Despite Diana’s urging, Akko remained silent. Was she being too pushy? She understood that everyone was entitled to their privacy, but this for Akko’s own health. She was just trying to be a good friend. If Akko fell ill again, Diana would blame herself for not doing all that she could. Diana’s forced confidence was wearing thin, but she decided to make one last push. Perhaps a little more pressure would impress upon Akko the importance of confiding in her friends.
Diana leaned in tantalizingly near. “You need to tell me what the problem is.”
You’re the problem! Akko felt as if every blood vessel in her body was about to burst.
“P-p-p-professor Finnelan! We should start class now!”
One would think that it was impossible to experience in a single day two devastating surprises that shattered one’s worldview, but one would be wrong. “Did Akko just say we need to start class?” Sucy asked Lotte. “She really must be sick,” Lotte answered.
Finnelan was taken aback, then she regained her composure and cleared her throat. “Miss Kagari is… correct. We must begin class now. Please go to your seat, Miss Cavendish.”
Diana frowned — pouted, really — and left to sit between Hannah and Barbara. Class began, but Akko couldn’t focus, a persistent twinge of guilt plaguing her mind. Her eyes were distracted, taking sidelong glances at Diana, who stared numbly at the board, her eyes cold and forlorn. She didn’t mean to hurt Diana’s feelings, but what was she supposed to do? It’s not my fault, Akko told herself — a miraculous 180 turn. It’s all her fault, getting up in my grille, making me all flustered. No need to get butthurt about it.
Her guilt didn’t buy it, pricking her heart. It really wasn’t her fault, though. It’s not as if she could up and say “I’m practically bursting into flames because I’ve got the hots for you.” There’s no way Diana would react well to that. “Please refrain from expressing such vulgarities to me,” she would say. Akko would be lucky if Diana would be willing to stay friends after that. That’s definitely what Diana considered her: a friend, and nothing else. Diana was very fond of referring to their friendship. No doubt the impeccable Diana Cavendish felt no need for a girlfriend. Besides, she could land any girl she wanted now, judging by the drool pooling on the classroom’s floor.
Akko deflated onto her desk, resembling a beached jellyfish. At least she could admire her crush from afar.