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The words, “I love you” don’t come easily to Lena.
And Kara knows that the words easily and most often times, pass by her own lips.
Saying it so frequently seems to come naturally to her, and not so much to Lena.
It only takes just; one, two, three seconds to say it...
However, before Earth, Kara didn’t even know a phrase quite like those three words.
Kara has visited a total of 12 planets, before Earth.
And so far, she has come to the conclusion of two, inconceivable truths; that Eliza’s Pecan Pie is the best dessert in the galaxy, and that love is different for everyone.
On Earth, the word love was universal. It was such a simple word of only four letters, but the word love could be used for anything and everything, anyone and everyone. It was a singular word, used across languages across the world, but it didn’t cross worlds.
On Starhaven, the world that smelt like Earth’s cinnamon, the word was lost. Instead, poems about the stars were honored to one another. How common was it, to hear that the stars that lit up the night to guide someone anywhere and everywhere, but they chose to guide them to their fated one. Nothing else could compare to such combinations of phrases, it would be subpar.
On Thanagar, there was no word, as they were a race of which actions spoke louder. They had mating rituals, like Earth’s dating, but they gifted one another with seemingly non-sensual things, but of the most beautiful of things; they’d find metals and minerals, build homes, offer crafts, find songs to sing, flock toward the sky for a dance. It was a beautiful sight, and to others it may seem like nothing, but to them it was everything because it meant that someone took a chance.
On Krypton, there was no such word… there were words . Sova, a non-familial sense of the word for meant for other living creatures. Nzau, for what humans described as sexual attraction. Ukjem, for family. Noojae, for inanimate objects. Nzruejau, to describe people. There was no word for that of “romance”.
On Kypton, Kara Zor-El was taught that love was respect. Love was honor. Love was dignity. The closest thing to “romantic love”, was admiration.
On Krypton, that word, that feeling was meaningless. It was the House and family first. Rao, second. The planet, third. And as part of the House of El, the House of Star, where her father was part of the Science Guild, where Kara was the youngest member to join… She was told to follow her head over her heart. She was told that there was no room for “love”. There was no room for “self”.
Kara knew otherwise though. She knew otherwise, when she visited Starhaven with her aunt Astra, and they would look at the stars together - whispers of how, no matter the planet Kara was on, the stars would remain in the night to guide her anywhere and everywhere, for years to come. A promise of how her aunt Astra, would remain in Kara’s heart no matter where she was, no matter their distance, no matter their difference.
Kara knew otherwise, when her mom would always return home from another planet like Thanagar, gift of a metal or mineral or writing feather at the ready to present to her daughter. It would seem like nothing to anyone else, but to Kara it was everything.
Kara knew otherwise, when she would sit with her father in his office for hours and hours on end, listening and discussing with him his findings until her eyes would slowly but surely blink into sleep, lulled by the softness of his voice. And he would gently caress her cheek, move a stray strand of hair from her face and whisper the words that could only be translated as “I’m so glad you came into my life, Kara; my daughter, my little sun - my little star.”
Kara knew otherwise… when her parents haphazardly and cautiously rushed her into the escape pod, and stayed standing in the hangar to watch her depart to ensure her safety, instead of heading to possible safety.
She watched her planet Krypton, a planet where there was no room for love and where not enough people had enough room to love, get destroyed.
Kara Zor-El, named after the sun in the house of stars, watched her home die in just one, two, three seconds, as she was sent into the sea of stars.
She landed on Earth, the planet with the yellow sun and saw, so much life. So much love.
On Earth, there was so much room for love.
There was so much for Kara to love.
However, on Earth, the word “love” seems…. inadequate, because she knows it’s so much more.
Jeremiah, who wasn’t even her father, but loved her all the same - gave himself up to protect her, his family, his planet - instead of giving her up.
Eliza, who wasn’t her mother, still loved and welcomed her the same and never once blamed her for Jeremiah’s departure, even when Kara blamed herself.
Alex, who was more that just the word sister, still loved her and sacrificed so much of her life for Kara, and there were no words to which Kara could use to describe her gratitude. To describe her guilt. To describe her admiration. To describe her respect.
It wasn’t just love. They were more than Nzruejau. Their love was more than Ukjem. They were more than “The House”.
And her love for Alex was more than what Earth could portray, it was more than what Ukjem could convey. She would be human for Alex, if it meant to keep her safe. She would become Supergirl for Alex, just to keep her safe.
She would stay Supergirl, to keep her city safe.
She would stay Supergirl, to keep this planet safe...
On Earth, she found a family who welcomed her with open arms, who loved and sheltered her and gave her hope - when she had thought all hope was lost.
On Earth, she found friends who are willing to help her, to provide her with anything she needs to build her up into Supergirl - to be there for her when she needs them
On Earth, she found people who have so much room for love, people who give hope, people who provide help - people with so much, compassion.
On Earth, she finds herself as Kara Danvers and learns that love is… Love is hope. Love is help. Love iscompassion. As Supergirl, she finds herself standing for those three virtues - for anyone and everyone in honor of the love she was shown on this planet.
So she says them to anyone and everyone, for anything and everything. She’ll say them about actions, she’ll say them to strays, to strangers. More often to her friends. Most often to her sister.
She has a need to let anyone and everyone know that she loves them, that she cherishes them. Before they leave her, before anything happens to them. She has to let them know for anything and everything.
Often times, she hears it repeated back to her. Other times, she sees smiles, she hears laughter, she hears a, “you too.”
She meets Lena however, and Kara knows otherwise.
There are no words to describe this love that Kara holds for Lena. She just knows it’s different .
She tells Lena so, but-
Lena merely smiles, sometimes laughs, but never really refers to it.
It doesn’t hurt, of course it doesn’t.
To Kara, what’s more important is that Lena knows.
And Kara can only smile, can only laugh in adoration, as she watches how Lena’s eyes light up, how her dimples come into view.
And Lena -
Lena never says it, but Kara knows otherwise.
She knows when Lena sends her bouquets and bouquets of flowers, filling Kara’s office full of any and every color. It made for a beautiful sight, and to anyone else, it could have meant anything - but for Kara, it meant everything.
She knows when Lena comes by at night, when the stars are high and bright. She could have gone anywhere else, but deigned that she wanted to be with Kara, as though her place were the only destination against every other place in the city.
She knows when Kara rambles about her most recent work, passion buzzing at her fingertips to share her findings, and Lena stares at her with a smile on her face in complete adoration.
Lena’s not the type to say the words, to say any words… Kara knows that.
Kara knows that love is expressed differently for everyone.
And Lena…
Lena has so much of it, and she shows it to anyone and everyone, despite what they all think of her. She shows her love for the planet, despite what the world has thrown at her.
She shows Kara, despite the fact that Kara hasn’t told her everything.
On Kypton, there was no word for romantic love. There was no room for it. There was only respect and admiration. Honor and dignity. And Kara Zor-El was taught that, that was what love was.
There was no honor or dignity in selfishly lying to Lena, when she deserves all the respect that Kara could give and more; when she held all of Kara’s admiration, plus more.
So, Kara unbuttons her shirt, displaying the proud emblem of her house emblazoned on her chest. She tentatively reaches for her her glasses, her mask, perched on her nose.
There are no words that could describe the minute expressions that fleet across Lena’s face.
No words that could describe the racing thoughts through Kara’s mind.
But there’s no need for words, when all that was left in the air, in her mind - was deafening silence, as she saw Lena’s exterior freeze and harden, before she turned and left Kara standing.
No words were spoken, no words that were sent her way even when she flew to Lena’s balcony with all the words she could use to formulate an apology, to portray her guilt.
She leaves without a word, without words.
The world suddenly feels… empty. It feels like less.
… By Rao’s light, she can only hope that Lena could forgive her. Kara can only hope that they could repair what’s left between them.
She wonders, she hopes - if maybe that’s what Lena hoped for as well.
Kara Danvers throws herself into Supergirl. Into helping people anywhere and everywhere at any time, every time help is called for.
She doesn’t stop, even when Alex asks her to stop.
There’s no rest for the wicked however, and there’s always someone who needs help. Supergirl can provide that help. Supergirl can always help.
...Lena helps.
She helps when she notices Supergirl staying in suit for days and nights on end. She notices that Supergirl hasn’t been going home. She notices that Supergirl hasn’t really been sleeping all that often.
She pretends not to - but Kara knows otherwise.
Kara knows otherwise because, to Lena, her actions speak louder than words and when Kara returns back to the DEO after a particularly grueling month of battle after battle, only to see the break room filled with stacks of pizza and potstickers. She can’t help but blurt out, “I love-“ and pause, knowing that Lena can’t stand to hear the usual words spoken, “-whoever did this.”
… And she hears a familiar pulse quicken
It’s not much… but it’s a start.
Kara is reminded, however, that with life…
… Anything and everything can happen.
Silence pierces through her mind when she hears of the nth attack on Lena’s life. Her heart beat drums against on the inside of her head when sees Lena on to the ground, clutching at her chest and desperately gasping for air.
And Kara knows… She knows… She knows otherwise .
But she just can’t help but allow her fear to take over, to wonder what ifs...
Life is too delicate, too short.
Especially human life.
And when she’s surrounded by danger at every and any turn, where anything and everything can possibly happen to her, to her loved ones...
On Krypton, the planet where there was no room to love.. Kara Zor-El never got a chance to tell her family that she loved them, and only heard it once before she was sent into the sea of stars where she watched as everything in her life changed for her, in just a single moment.
On Earth, the planet where there was so much room to love, Kara Danvers and Supergirl tries to tell anyone and everyone at any and every given moment when anything can happen.
On the clinic bed, in the room where Lena was being seen to, Kara remembers that it only takes just one, two, three seconds… for Kara to never be able to say it to her ever again.
She sees to Lena, waiting for her to wake.
One-
Two-
Three-
Hours and hours pass until it’s well into the night, with the moon and stars shining high and dimming the room with light.
When Lena finally wakes, Kara knows…
She has to say it. She needs to say it.
She’ll respect Lena’s space, she’ll respect Lena’s time.
She just… Lena needs to know.
Because Kara knows that there’s no time when anything can happen, when everything can change in just mere moments.
“I love you, Lena Luthor.” Kara breaths out, hand holding onto Lena’s as firmly as she could manage without it hurting, “And you’re worth more than the effort I should be giving you.”
“You say that to everyone.” Lena whispers it so softly, hoarsely; but Kara catches it through the drumming of her heart.
Kara shakes her head with a rueful laugh, “It’s not the same… I love you differently. I-“ She pauses, remembering something that Kal said once… and she remembers….
Kara Zor-El was meant to love with honor and dignity. Respect and admiration.
And when she lost it all, she came to Earth and saw love in hope, help, and compassion.
She took that love and became Supergirl for Alex.
She stayed Supergirl for everyone.
But she should be just Kara for Lena.
Because she feels a different kind of love for Lena.
It just doesn’t exist… There is no word, there is no world; no words, no worlds, that could correctly capture this singular, complex feeling that Kara held for Lena.
“If I had to choose between you and the world I…” She trails off, hesitating - because she knows that her heart would choose Lena without a thought, but that her mind would choose the world as her heart tore itself apart.
“I- Okay…” Lena nods. “I just- I was hurt, Kara, when I found out you were- are, Supergirl. And- I think you were… when I-“ she swallows, “When we... didn’t talk…”
Kara slowly nods. “I was.”
Lena sadly smiles, “I think… we need to go slow. We just need time.”
Kara hesitates, but agrees nonetheless.
It takes one-
Two-
Three-
Weeks. Months until finally-
When they kiss, Kara knows that there are no words that can describe this feeling.
There are no worlds in which can convey this meaning.
All she knows is that, to Kara, love is Lena...
And so she prays to Rao, to allow the stars to capture this feeling, this moment, of her love for Lena Luthor, and to paint it across the night sky so that it can transcend time and distance, to be shown to anyone and everyone.
And when Lena looks at her like that, Kara knows.