Chapter Text
My name is Tobias.
I should be dead.
The last thing I can remember is the taste of ash. I didn’t feel any pain and I didn’t see my life flash before my eyes. Actually, I didn’t see much of anything, really. I could brag about all the years I spent flying head-first into battle against impossible odds, but I wasn’t able to keep my eyes open in the end. I’m not brave, not like Rachel. I just closed my eyes and waited for the inevitable.
There came the shriek of metal against metal; the crunch of our ship collapsing in on itself; the pressure of being flung like a rag doll into an unyielding wall of steal; the deafening explosion; the warm lick of fire. Then the ash, the relentless taste of ash.
Finally, there was nothing.
No heaven, no hell and no spiritual epiphany of any kind. I couldn’t feel my body but it wasn’t frightening, in fact, it didn’t seem unusual at all. I knew who I was but only in the most primitive sense-- I couldn’t wonder, I didn’t question and I never tried to move. The only way I can describe it is like being stuck in that moment between dreaming and waking up. There’s no telling how long I was there in the nothingness, but it wasn’t unpleasant.
The numbness didn’t last forever though. Eventually things started coming back; flashes of emotions and distant memories. I remembered the warm giddiness of flying and the elation of my first kiss. I remembered the pain of a Hork-Bajir’s blade cutting into my flesh, and the overwhelming fear of nearly drowning. I was happy, sad, regretful and a million other things all at once. Then came a distant urgency, like I had forgotten something incredibly important but I had no clue what. I was grasping at straws, frightened and confused. It wasn’t until that last memory, of choking on ash, finally returned that I snapped back to reality.
I burst out of bed coughing; one hand clutched at my throat and the other grabbing at the sheets like a life-preserver. Swallowing down huge lungfuls of air I reacted on instinct-- flinging off the flimsy blanket that twisted around my body and standing up. Bright morning light filtered through half closed curtains, burning my eyes and causing me to stumble over a pile of old books on the floor. My legs felt unused and weak, but I managed to grab hold of a crooked dresser and catch my breath.
Where was I? How did I get here? Something was wrong.
I recognized the room I was in; the narrow mattress and the cluttered shelves were all too familiar. It was my bedroom, the one at my Uncle’s house. Every detail down to the Star Trek calendar and old photographs were perfect. In fact, it looked exactly the same way it did the last time I visited it-- when the Ellimist had sent me back in time so I could acquire my human DNA (it’s a long story). There was only one key difference; the most important difference of all.
The last time I was in this room I was a red-tailed hawk. Not anymore. No, this time I was human.
I was human.
Eyes wide, I eased myself back down onto the bed, staring at my hands in wonder. How could this have happened? One moment ago I was out in space, and now I was miraculously back at home on Earth, the exact same way it looked more then five years ago.
It made no sense.
I might have stayed like that for hours-- shocked into stillness on my hard mattress-- if it wasn’t for the alarm on my bedside table suddenly blaring to life. Jumping at the sudden beeps, I nearly swore before swinging around and pressing the snooze button. The digital alarm read seven ‘o clock. Under normal circumstances I’d start getting ready for school right about now; I’d throw on some clothes, brush my teeth and then sneak into the kitchen before anyone else woke up. (My Uncle was always grumpy in the mornings. Near constant hangovers will do that to a person). I’d try to grab a bowl of cereal, and if everything went as planned I would get out unnoticed just in time to arrive at school before the bell rang.
Wait. No. That’s not right. I should be out in my meadow right now. It was peak hunting time, after all. The mice would be crawling out of their hollows, still drowsy, in search of something to eat. I could ride the warm morning thermals high into the sky and pick out the perfect piece of prey. I’d swoop low, strike fast, and if I was lucky, feast. I wasn’t the boy Tobias that lived in this room. Not anymore, not really. I needed to fix things. Closing my eyes, I concentrated on the hawk I had known for so long and tried to morph.
It didn’t work. I glared down at myself in frustration. I was still human. It felt wrong. I missed my wings, I missed my eyesight. I missed the freedom I was so used to. Before our trip on The Rachel I had spent nearly three years as a hawk, hardly ever morphing. I was more comfortable with feathers then in my own skin and here I was, trapped in a body that was almost entirely foreign to me.
Again.
The irony wasn’t lost on me.
Was this a dream? Possibly... But everything felt so vividly real. Solid. I’d experienced hallucinations before, and this didn’t feel like one. I could only assume someone, or something had a hand this. The Ellimist, maybe, or Crayak. But why here? And why now? What reason would there be for me to be sent back in time, back to before I was even useful? After all, I was only ever important when I had my morphing abilities. Tobias the human boy was just a bully magnet, but Tobias the Animorph? Well, he at least got things done.
There was only one explanation. I glanced at the calendar, confirming my suspicion. It was a Friday. The very Friday that Jake, Rachel, Cassie, Marco and I met as a group for the first time… and decided to take a short cut through the construction site.
I pulled myself up off the bed and began searching the room for some sort of sign-- anything to explain what had happened. I don’t know what exactly, maybe a note, or my cat Dude suddenly being able to talk… anything out of the ordinary, but I found nothing. “Show yourself” I croaked, glaring at the ceiling, “Ellimist… whoever you are. Come out!” Frustrated, I waited for some sort of Godly voice to fill my room and answer all my questions in perfect detail, but of course it never came. That would just be too easy. Whatever force of nature-- alien, God, or Devil-- that had thrown me back in time obviously wasn’t going to be of much help. At least not now.
If it wasn’t The Ellimist’s doing, could our crash have somehow caused a Sario Rip? It was possible. After all, a “simple” (according to Ax) nuclear reaction once shot us back to prehistoric times. In fact, it was a Bug Fighter crash that caused our very first experience with time travel (though, only Jake walked away with any memories of that incident). Then again, every other time we found ourselves hoping through history I’d always had my hawk form and morphing abilities completely intact. Being stuck in a past version of my human body? This was entirely new.
Whatever. I’d been through weirder things, (one of the perks of being an Animorph). Sitting on my bed and coming up with theories wouldn’t do me much good and I wasn’t going to just accept my situation like some sort of mindless idiot. No matter what it took I would figure things out myself… probably the hard way. Standing up I sifted through my dresser and pulled out a pair of pants and a T-Shirt. I couldn’t get much done in my bedroom and I’d prefer not to get caught outside in my ratty old PJ’s. (I had at least a little bit of self-respect left.)
Stumbling into the legs of my jeans, I caught a brief glance of myself in the small mirror by my door. It was surreal. There I was, in all my Middle-School glory: messy blond hair, lanky limbs and all. I quirked an eyebrow at my reflection, then wrinkled my nose in annoyance. Oddly, facial expressions weren’t feeling as unnatural as they used to. Actually, a lot of things felt different. The hawk’s brain that had been nestled alongside mine for so long had suddenly gone silent and left me with my human instincts completely intact.
Finally dressed and ready to go, I took a deep, steadying breath-- attempting to brush off the waves of anxiety building in my chest-- before reaching for the doorknob and hesitantly leaving my room.
The house was silent and I managed to sneak out without an incident. Luckily my Uncle was nowhere to be seen and I didn’t bother to hang around for a reunion. I considered turning on the old television and flicking to one of the news stations (just to fill myself in, in case anything major had changed) but decided against it in the end. After all, it was a school day and I wanted to test a theory. If I was here, did that mean Jake and Marco were as well? They were in the same crash as I was and it would stand to reason that if I was shot back in time they would have been as well. Or so I hoped.
There was another person that I wanted to see, of course, but I tried not to think about that. I didn’t want to get my hopes up. Life has a peculiar way of kicking me in the butt when I’m down and (silly though it might sound) the superstitious part of me didn’t want to jinx anything.
Hands in my pockets, I left the house and speed-walked down the sidewalk. I consciously avoided the construction site and narrowed my eyes at cars as they drove past me. How many of them held Yeerks? Were there even Yeerks in this reality? Things felt normal, but I’d experienced Time Travel before and knew just how out of hand everything could become. For now I’d have to be careful and do my best to blend in.
The walk was a lot longer then I remembered. Maybe it was because I was impatient, or maybe I just was just too used to flying, but either way it felt like an eternity before I finally made it to the school’s crowded front doors.
There were a lot of kids. The entire front lawn was swarming with them; clustered into tight-knit groups, laughing, chatting and otherwise making an incredible amount of noise. I recognized a few former classmates, but no one I was ever on a first-name basis with. Hesitating slightly I inched my way around the perimeter, gazing over the tops of heads in hopes of spotting one of the four people I might actually be able to talk to.
I’ll tell you, it’s a lot easier to find someone when you’re a hawk.
My fingers buzzed with adrenaline. Every flash of blonde hair had me doing a double take. Despite the chaos around me I did my best to remain fixated on my goal; focused on finding the others.
That’s probably why I didn’t notice anyone coming up behind me.
All at once I felt a meaty hand grab my shoulder and spin me around roughly; it took all my self-control to stifle the yelp that worked its way up into my throat. Part of me screamed to fly away, but that wasn’t an option anymore. I was a scrawny thirteen year old kid that couldn’t morph. There was nothing I could do.
“Look who it is! The New-Kid decided to show up on time today.”
Two muscle-bound jocks stood in front of me, grinning like a pair of hyenas. I didn’t remember either of their names, but I’d recognize those rat-like faces anywhere. They were on the basketball team, and had made me their number one target ever since I started coming to this school.
For a split second I felt a sense of relief. This wasn’t some Yeerk commando come to scoop me up and infest me; it was just your average, run of the mill, low-grade, school-yard bullies. I mean, they could still beat me up, but at least I wouldn’t get an alien slug in my brain. That was something.
“I guess he finally managed to afford a watch.” It was the smaller one this time, grinning at his muscly friend.
I didn’t reply. What was I supposed to say? Despite battling against hundreds of aliens, I was still no better at handling myself against a couple under-aged thugs. For a moment I considered just turning around and walking away, but I knew that wouldn’t get me far. Guys like this were persistent with their cruelty. They’d chase me throughout the school if I gave them the chance.
A spark of rage came alive in my chest. It had been so long since I’d had to deal with bullies that I almost forgot how helpless they could make you feel. What could one kid like me do against two guys like that? I couldn’t fight them head on and I couldn’t run. All I could do was suck it up and let them pick on me, beat me up or dunk my head into a toilet. Basically I had to let them win.
I didn’t want to grin and bear it. I wanted to fight back.
Jaws clenched, I got ready to say something that I would definitely regret later, when out of nowhere someone called out:
“Hey, Bird-boy!”
My neck almost snapped in half I whirled around so fast. There, squirming through the crowd nearly a head shorter then everyone else, came a long-haired boy I almost didn’t recognize. “Marco?”
“The one and only,” he grinned, dropping his Star Wars backpack on the ground in front of me, “Long time no see.”
I balked, Marco had used my nickname-- the one he gave me after I got trapped as a hawk. That must mean that he also remembered what happened. All at once I felt a weight lifting off my chest. I wasn’t alone!
“Bird-boy?” The taller jock scoffed behind me, “Is that some fancy way of calling him ‘chicken’ or something?” I had almost forgotten they were there for a second.
“Something like that.” Marco smirked, giving me a tiny nod of recognition before facing the jocks. “See, Tobias here knows quite a bit about birds of prey. So much so, in fact, that Jake and I asked him to come help us out with some early morning homework. Isn’t that right bud?” Marco swung an arm around my shoulder good-naturedly, (though, considering the height difference it mostly felt awkward).
“Uh, yeah.” I managed to stutter out, “We’re, uh, working on a project about red-tailed hawks.”
Marco chuckled slightly beside me. “Yeah. Red-tailed hawks."
“Did you say Jake?” the smaller jock’s eyes narrowed, “You mean Tom’s brother, right?”
“The very same.”
“Isn’t he signed up for the basketball try-outs at lunch today?”
“Yup. He’s been practicing after school all week... Which is why we’re meeting so early to finish our homework.” Marco pulled away from me; picking up his backpack and swinging it over a shoulder. “We should really get going, actually. Don’t want Jake to miss try-outs just so he can finish a stupid science project, right?”
The jocks shared a long, pig-eyed look before the larger one dipped his head in a nod. “Right”
“If Jake’s anything like his brother we could really use him on the team.” The smaller one added before we could turn away. “Tell him I’ll keep an eye out for him.”
“Yeah, yeah, of course. I’ll do that” Marco grabbed my forearm tightly and began inching away from the pair. “After, you know, were done with our bird stuff. Come on Tobias.” With a quick nod and a half-hearted salute to the two jocks, he turned away and began power-walking through the crowd, dragging me along with him. Luckily the pair didn’t bother stopping us.
As we neared the school Marco made a sharp left, cutting behind the hedges and alongside the far wall where we would be out of public view. Normally there might be a few older students trying to claim the spot for a pre-class make out session, but this morning we were in luck-- it was unoccupied. After a quick double check to make sure no one could hear us, he finally stopped, letting go of me. “Nothing ever changes does it Tobias? Still need me around to save your ass”
I tried for a scowl but it wouldn’t come. “I could have handled it myself.”
“Keep telling yourself that buddy.” Marco smirked for a second before turning serious. “So you can’t morph?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“Same here. Can’t acquire anything either.” Marco leaned back against the brick wall, crossing his arms. “I can’t tell if that’s a good or bad thing just yet.”
It seemed bad to me. “Did you call Jake?” I didn’t remember anyone’s numbers, or I would have tried myself. Living alone as a hawk for years on end doesn’t do much for the memory.
“I did, but no one picked up and I gave up after the third try. Figured it was for the best. Asking someone if they remember dying in a kamikaze mission on a spaceship is kind of a ‘face to face’ conversation, you know?” Sarcastic as always. Some things never changed.
It was odd that Jake didn’t pick up though. Even if he wasn’t going through the same weird time-travel thing that Marco and I were, it made no sense that he would ignore a call from his best friend. “Did you try calling Cassie?”
“No point. She’d probably be out helping with the animals anyway.” A half smile crossed Marco’s face. “Plus, I kind of just woke up. I didn’t know if anyone would still be at home. The school was my best shot.”
I glanced away, fidgeting with a bit of lint on my pocket. “So you haven’t talked to anyone other then me?” In trying to look casual I probably came off as rather twitchy, but I couldn’t help it. There was a rather big elephant in the room after all-- one I really didn’t want to talk to Marco about. Anyone but him.
“Just you.” Marco confirmed. “But I only just got here.” he raised a bemused eyebrow.
“So, what now?”
He sighed. “Well, normally I’d say we should go looking for them, but considering we have two cavemen on our trail--” he glared pointedly at me “--it might just be better to wait for class to start. Jake and I had first period together anyway.”
A sudden wave of anxiety spread through my chest. First period. I could remember what my first period class was. Hell, I couldn’t remember any of my classes. I dimly recalled a few fuzzy faces of former teachers, but their classrooms? My schedule? I had no idea.
Was it gym first? Or was that the school before this one…
“Wait, seriously?” I stalled, “We died and got thrown back in time… and you’re just going to… go to class?”
Marco chuckled, “At this point in my life I’ve learned to mostly just roll with all the insanity.” He shrugged, “But, either way we have to meet up with Jake, and this is our best bet.”
“What about the others?” I prodded. We have no idea if this our trip through time affected anyone else. Who knows what could have happened to the other Animorphs? Cassie. Or… “Maybe I should go check up by the barn. You know. Just in case Cassie’s still there.”
Marco’s face betrayed no emotion, but his clipped words grated on me. “She starts class the same time as the rest of us Tobias. She’s probably on her way here already,”
“Yeah, but who knows if she’s even going to show up? It’d be stupid for us to get stuck in class if everyone else skipped.”
I could tell Marcos patience was wearing thin. “You can do whatever you want Tobias, but I’m heading into class when the bell rings. Come with me, or stay out here. I don’t care.”
I was stuck. If I didn’t go with Marco, I wouldn’t just look like a coward, I’d look like an idiot. There really was no reason to wait around outside. I’d just draw attention to myself if someone caught me skipping class. Then again, no one seemed to notice that I dropped off the planet last time around (when I first became a nothlit). Not even my own flesh and blood.
I sighed. “Fine. I’ll come. But I’m going to have to stop by the office first. I don’t know my schedule.”
Marcos lip quirked upward, but he had enough restraint not to make a joke at my expense. Instead, after pulling himself off the wall, he motioned for me to follow him and made his way towards the main entrance. “Alright. Try and meet me by the back-doors after first period. If I find Jake I’ll bring him along.”
“Got it.”
“If you can, look for the others. If we don’t find everyone by lunch, we can figure out what to do then. Sounds good?” Marco pulled open the school doors and ushered me in, leading me towards the office.
“Mhm.”
“Good.” He stopped. “I’m going to go. Remember: back-doors, after first period. And try not to do anything stupid until then.” Marco’s confidence in me had no bounds.
“Got it. Bye.” Marco eyed me one final time before turning away and disappearing down the main hallway. I was alone again.
Despite my intense anxiety, I didn’t face any trouble when I walked into the office and asked for a copy of my schedule. Either the receptionist was too tired, or too uninvolved to care that I had already been attending classes for a month. Or maybe she thought I was just that stupid.
At least I was right in the end: gym was first.