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Jane isn't having the best day.
It's not the worst day of her life. She's made too many calls that have cost people's lives and has had a few close calls of her own over the years, for this day to even come close. No one works in the Middle East for as long as she has without living through some genuinely horrible days.
It's a bad day no more no less, and Jane can do those in her sleep, usually. But today, this day, she feels ill at ease in her own skin. Feels off in a way that makes her unsure of herself.
Cathy is dead, despite Jane's warning and her unwillingness to do her old friend in herself. Jane would be naive not to question the convenient timing. Did Claire ask someone else? She thought they'd started to trust each other, but this makes her question all that.
It's a bad day, and she can't get outside her own head.
The funeral doesn't help. It's full of familiar faces and none friendly. It puts Jane on edge, long before she spots Viktor fucking Petrov. Once she does, she is rooted to the spot, flooded with memories she rather forget. She hates him. She hates everything about him. Hates everything he did to her. He is the reason she hates parties with their dark corners and noise.
Jane hates the memories of that night most of all.
She damns god at the sight of him and avoids him at all cost; avoids the meeting to finalize the deal they need. She makes the necessary calls but lets Mark and Marcy do the heavy lifting. He still manages to run into her, and she loses all semblance of calm. The mask she wears everyday slips. Two minutes with him leaves her exposed, raw, and trembling; her eyes red and has her saying out loud a promise she's been making in the dark for years now. He dismisses her easily, and she wants to stab him with her heel.
The whole day is getting away from her.
Bugavey calls and a migraine starts pounding behind her eyes, and she can barely see for a minute.
She shouldn't say anything to Claire, but she does, because this is all just a bit over the line for her. Just one too many things. Despite her best efforts, she is only human.
Jane knows she should've read Claire into her plans long ago, but she's done that before only to have Claire throw it back at her as "empty promises." She wanted something concrete before bringing it to Claire. Chipping away at the Shepherds isn't the easiest thing, there is a lot of money and influence to contend with. They are spiders with a vast web of influence, and she has to move a hundred pieces to start removing their claws from the oval, from Claire. It'll take an alignment of the planets and calling in every favor she is owed to truly cut them down to size.
Jane is determined to rid Claire of them, but all her careful maneuvering has led them here, to Claire excluding her. Being in someone's corner should bring you closer. Instead, Jane is further out than ever.
Jane almost understands because she looks guilty. She looks like she's working with the Shepherds too closely, looks as bad as Mark. Seems like she's betraying Claire at every turn. Any other day she might understand, today she's too raw, and Claire's words land like blows.
At the memorial service, she sits at the back, away from Claire and Mark. When it's over, she lets the motorcade leave without her, and stares out the cab window on her way back to the White House, wishing she'd lived anywhere else. It was a mistake to take Claire's offer, being that close had stooked her feelings until they burned too brightly.
She wants nothing more than to go to a hotel, but then there would be no closure to this day. She'd just have to reopen the wound tomorrow, better to get it over and done with. She has a simple question, and she wants a simple answer. No more equivocations, no more limbo, either they'll come together or break apart.
Her hands shake as she strides into the residence. The entire day has been emotional, and it's doubly so now. It vibrates inside of her and rings in her ears.
Claire looks up at the click of her heels. "I asked about you, they said you weren't in the motorcade. I want you to ride with me from now on."
It's a non-sequitur and throws Jane even more. Was this not the woman that snapped at her earlier? The one who told her to shove her opinions? The one that pushed her aside and made her irrelevant?
"Here," Claire offers up a glass of something, bourbon probably.
Jane takes it, willing her hand not to shake too much. "Thanks."
"We should talk," Claire says pointing towards a seat.
Jane leans against the back instead, reminds herself of everything she's thought about today, and forces her voice into some semblance of normalcy, "I think I should move out."
She watches the impact of her words play out on Claire's face, a raised eyebrow, a slight recoil, pursed lips. "I think it's best after today, don't you?"
"Now why would you say that Jane."
There is teasing in her voice that would usually offer comic relief, their very own safety valve. Now it only makes Jane angry. "You played us, Claire. Played me, in favor of Petrov." She spits his name out like a curse. She knows his presence, his dealing with Claire, has stooked her anger to a dangerous level. Knows that without him there she would never have been so vulnerable, Claire's words wouldn't have hurt so damn much.
"I made the deal I needed to."
"For what? To screw the Shepherds over? What good is going to come of this? You could be a great president, Claire. You can be better than him, better than this!"
"Not with Bill and Annette deciding my every move. Not with you and Mark, colluding behind my back."
She can feel her eyes watering for the second time that day and feels exhausted. With a sigh, she empties her drink. Smiles a little at having gotten something right today, and puts the empty glass down. "I've never gone behind your back. Thanks for the drink." She says and heads to her bedroom.
Claire follows her in. "Are you alright? You've been off all day." She takes her hand, "Jane you're trembling."
She sounds genuine. Her blue eyes wide and worried, so Jane lets some of the anger dissipate. "Cathy was a good friend, and you."
"What about me?"
"You excluded me, Claire." It's barely above a whisper this time. The exhaustion and anger too much to keep them alive now, so she lets them die.
"I did what I had to do to survive."
Jane closes her eyes and, not for the first time, damns her inconvenient feelings for this woman. She looks back at her and explains. Explains herself to Claire Hale, something she's done only a handful of times in the past decade. "I don't make empty promises. I will rid you of them, but you can't take my legs out from under me. I needed that deal, Claire, to continue to wield influence, to benefit third parties who would be useful to you later. I know it seems as if I have done nothing for you lately as if I,"
"Betrayed me?"
"I have done everything I could to get you what you want, Claire. To give you a chance to be great, but I can't continue this vicious circle. Either you trust me, or you don't, at this point, you just have to know. "
There. She said it, no going back now. Come together or break apart? Her vision is a little blurred, and her voice sounds strangled to her own ears. She's a mess. A hurricane of emotion all centering on the woman in front of her.
She feels Claire hands on her shoulders, squeezing almost reassuringly.
"I do," Claire says.
Her shoulders slump in relief, and she blinks back tears.
"I do, Jane," Claire says again hands playing with her curls. "I trust you."
Jane feels almost numb, and seek reassurance once more. She won't keep doing this unless Claire is sure. "Do you?"
"I trust you," Claire reiterates, "I just don't like being left in the dark about your plans. He used to do that."
"I'm sorry." She says it softly, unwilling to disrupt the peacefulness that's descended on them.
"You're not him, Jane, I know that even if I don't always act like it."
Claire's hands are in her hair now, and she is leaning down, her gaze moving between Jane's eyes and lips and back again a few times, and then they are kissing. Soft but sure movements that lend credence to both of their words and express all their unspoken feelings. A kiss lingers and feels grounding and elating all at once. They're not in limbo anymore.
Jane wraps her arms around Claire still slim waist and holds her close. "I will bring down the Shepherds before you give birth." She promises them both.
"How?" Claire asks surprised.
"I live across the hall from you, Claire, and morning sickness is hard to hide."
She hides a smile as Claire grimaces.
"I didn't realize I was so loud."
"I don't mind." She says leaning in for another kiss unwilling to part just yet, but it's over too soon, and Claire takes a step back.
"It's late, and we've been on our feet all day. We should get some rest."
She doesn't want to let Claire go but does it anyway, and is surprised to see her remove her heels and clothes as she moves towards the bed.
It's been a long hard day Jane thinks as she locks the door and joins Claire.
A long hard fought day, but a good one.