Archive of Our Own

Roses laid in the chair he used to sit in-- The autumn leaves outside flapped against the paper doors, the rapping so annoying that Kuroda would have rather been outside just to avoid it. But being outside...

It reminds me of you.

The days he would hold Tsukishima's hand, days they would run together, like there was no tomorrow, like every second was a time to be alive, were all over. What would he do now, if he was alive?

Would he be able to tell him, "I love you"?



Sometimes people would pass by, just to take a look around, and found themselves astounded. Some came around to look for help, even, but every single thing came at a price. It was as if he'd been taking it out on everyone else who got to live, got to breathe another second, because Tsukishima didn't. 

"Kuroda...?"

Gray eyes opened quickly, his heart pounding.

Sweat? Tears?

He always dreamed of him, of Tsukishima, even after all of these years. Why did it haunt him so?

Why aren't you here when I wake up?

"Kuroda!"

Brown locks, curling at the ends. Emerald eyes. Lips so close, he could almost feel them.

"Kuroda, what's the matter? You're sweating like crazy." 

"Tsuki...shima?" His pale hands began to shake. "Tsukishima?"

The brunette opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again.

Is it really..?

"Answer me!"

"I-!" He paused.

"I'm not here anymore, Kuroda." again. "I'm not here.

Why?

"You have to let me go. Please."

Kuroda interjected, though late. "It's been so hard."

"I know."

"It's been so hard..." 

There was nothing more to say. He couldn't say anything then, and he couldn't now. How could he let him go? Did he even understand what those words meant, how hard it really was to hear something like that all the time? They would always say that it was the right thing to do, that he wouldn't want to see him like this, but what else was he supposed to do, when he loved him this much? 

"Tell me." He cried out. "Tell me!"

But the only one who could respond was not there to answer.