Work Text:
Unremembered
One
"It's Colonel Sheppard's IDC," the gate technician said in Elizabeth's earpiece.
"Lower the shield," she responded, and rose to watch the eruption of the event horizon. Major Lorne stood next to her as John, Teyla, and Ronon strolled across the threshold into the gateroom. They appeared relaxed and pleased. Lorne looked at Elizabeth.
"Colonel Sheppard," she called down to him. "Where is Rodney?"
"I dunno," he said, smiling up at her. "Who's Rodney?"
A couple of Marines standing down and several of the technicians laughed; even Elizabeth smiled. "I don't know who Rodney is, either," she said. "For all his apparent openness, I do believe he has hidden depths. But I wasn't speaking metaphorically. Did he stay on P2X-355?"
"No, what?" John looked at Teyla and Ronon. "Who?" After an awkward pause, John said, "Maybe we should take this to your office."
"Excellent idea," Elizabeth said. "Major?"
"Yes, ma'am." Lorne looked worried, Elizabeth thought, as did the technician who'd notified her. "Colonel?"
They filed into Elizabeth's office, John perching on the side of her desk as he so often did. Teyla sat, her back straighter than any piano teacher's, Elizabeth thought not for the first time, and Ronon stood next to her. After an awkward silence, Elizabeth said, "Rodney?"
John shrugged. "I'm sorry, Elizabeth, but I'm not sure what you mean."
"You're not -- Teyla, Ronon, where is Doctor McKay?"
Teyla raised her eyebrows, Ronon shrugged, and Lorne tapped his earpiece. "Doctor Beckett, to Doctor Weir's office, and hurry." He rested his hand on the butt of his Beretta. Elizabeth saw John's eyes follow the major's hand, and then look into her face.
"Ah, who is this Rodney?" he asked mildly, but Elizabeth wasn't fooled. She saw the subtle change in his posture and the clench of his jaw. "Why do you think we know where he is?"
"John, he's your teammate, and your friend. Your closest friend in Atlantis."
"I think I know who my friends are, and I don't know anyone named Rodney, back on Earth or here in Atlantis." He stood, moving slowly, raising his hands to appease Lorne.
"John," Elizabeth said helplessly. "Wait, wait." She scrabbled through her desk drawers until she found the photo of Rodney that Teyla and Ronon had brought her last year from 177. "You know him, John. You've known him for years. You taught him to fly the puddlejumpers, and to shoot a gun, and to take care of himself in the field."
John took the photo and studied it, frowning, shaking his head, then handing it to Teyla. Ronon leaned over her shoulder, also shaking his head. "I am sorry, Elizabeth, but I do not know this man," Teyla said. "Yet you claim he was a member of our team?"
"Elizabeth, Major, I came as quickly as I could," Carson gasped. "Who's injured. Where's Rodney? Let's go, Colonel."
"Doctor Beckett, you need to check out the colonel, Teyla, and Ronon," Lorne said. "Doctor Weir, I'm going to take a team back to the planet to look for Doctor McKay." He tapped his earpiece again. "Lieutenant Cadman, come to Doctor Weir's office on the double."
"Major," Carson started, but Elizabeth interrupted him.
"Go, Major. Carson and Laura will take care of things here. Bring Rodney home."
"Yes, ma'am." Elizabeth watched as Lorne glared at his CO.
Laura entered the office followed by two marines from the gateroom. Lorne said, "Cadman, Millhouse, Schulman, the colonel and his team are compromised. Keep a close eye on them. Escort them to the infirmary so Doctor Beckett can take care of them."
"Major, we are not compromised," John snapped.
"John, I'm sorry, but you are," Elizabeth said. "Please don't . . . " She trained off, unsure what she was asking him not to do. Not to be compromised, not to be different. Not to forget Rodney.
Lorne stalked out of the room, giving Cadman a look that made her straighten up. "Ma'am, where's Rodney?" she asked.
"Major Lorne is going to get him. His team appears to have forgotten his existence." Laura's mouth fell open and the marines stared at John, gripping their weapons more firmly.
"Kinda hard to forget Rodney," Laura murmured, but she kept her eyes on the colonel.
Elizabeth gazed at them all in turn: her flagship team, their guards, and beyond them the technicians and engineers watching through her windows. She knew she wore the same worried expression on her face that they did. She took a deep breath. "John. Colonel, please accompany Doctor Beckett to the infirmary. Doctor Beckett, I'd like to begin debriefing the team en route."
"Of course, Elizabeth. Laura?"
"Schulman," Laura said standing back. John had trained Elizabeth to use a handgun as well as a semi-automatic, so she knew Laura had the safety off her Glock. Schulman and Millhouse did, too. John studied them for a long moment; Elizabeth discovered she was holding her breath. Then he carefully set his weapons on her desk, moving slowly. Teyla followed suit, and finally Ronon, though Elizabeth knew they'd have to strip search Ronon to find all his weapons. At least he'd made a gesture toward disarmament.
"Well," Carson said, clapping his hands together and startling Elizabeth. "Let's go, then, shall we?"
A ship of fools, Elizabeth thought, trailing after them. She wasn't sure how she felt, seeing John so quiet and blank. Was this what he was like without Rodney? Or was he drugged? What would Carson find? What would Lorne?
She sighed, and hoped for the best.
Nearly three hours later, she still didn't have an answer. Carson's people were running tests on the team's blood and urine, and even sequencing their DNA. He spoke quietly to her in his cramped office. "I can't say for sure," he told her, scrubbing his hands with an alcohol wipe, "but I think it's them. They just don't remember Rodney."
"How is that possible?"
"Well, there are lot of different kinds of amnesia. I can't find any trace of a head injury to any of them, and it seems unlikely that an illness could strike all three of them so quickly and all at once. But this is the Pegasus Galaxy, and we have seen some strange things." He threw the wipe away. "We should --"
"Offworld activation," the gate technician announced. Elizabeth and Carson looked at each other before hurrying to the gateroom. "Major Lorne's IDC."
"Lower the shield," Elizabeth gasped as they reached the bank of consoles. When the vortex subsided, Lorne and three others appeared from the fluctuating puddle.
"No Rodney," Carson murmured.
"What did you learn, Major," Elizabeth called down to them.
"About what?" Lorne said, looking up at her.
"Rodney. Doctor McKay. Did you see him? Hear of him?"
Lorne looked at his teammates. "I'm sorry, ma'am. Who?"
"Oh, crap," Carson said, and Elizabeth agreed.
"Send a MALP through," she told the technicians who'd gathered, staring in bewilderment at her. "No one else goes to P2X-355. Maybe it's something in the atmosphere, or maybe there are inhabitants. Major," she said to Lorne as he approached her. "Did you meet anyone on the planet?"
"Yes, ma'am. There's a small village not far from the gate. We talked to the indigs, but they're pretty badly off. I don't think there's anything to trade for there."
"Major, you need to disarm yourself, you and your team," Laura said firmly from behind Elizabeth. "Doctor Weir, Carson, please get behind us." She turned to find Laura and Lt. Stackhouse staring at Lorne. "Something's wrong," she said. "They can't just forget like that. It's freaking me out."
"Me, too," Elizabeth said, slipping behind Laura. Her head ached, and her stomach twisted uncomfortably. She could hardly catch her breath. "Okay, we'll send the MALP through. We'll talk through it to the villagers. If we have to, we'll send a team through in full hazmat gear." She took a shaky breath. "Carson?"
"We need to take air samples. No one should go through until we've tested it."
"Doctor Weir," Lorne started, but Elizabeth held up her hand. "I don't want to hear it, Major. We sent you there to retrieve our Chief Science Officer, Doctor Rodney McKay. And now you've never heard of him."
"Yes, ma'am," he said faintly, frowning. "I don't think I do know him. Is he new? Did he come on the Daedalus?"
"Come on, Major," Laura said, gesturing with her weapon.
Elizabeth pressed her back against the wall to let them by. "What are we going to do, Carson?"
"I'm going to run more tests. Maybe Biro has some ideas. My Laura's a bright girl. She'll figure something out."
Elizabeth nodded, and watched him hurry away. She tapped her earpiece. "Doctor Zelenka? Please come to my office right away. There's -- there's a problem."
"I am coming," his voice said, and she felt unreasonably comforted. Radek was solid, and smart, and kind. He'd help her figure something out.
Two
Rodney said, "Oh for -- no, that wrench, you moron. I can't believe I'm fixing plumbing for you. I suppose the fact that it's Ancient plumbing should mean something, but really. For this I got a doctorate in physics?"
"We apologize, Doctor McKay," Sh said. He thought it was Sh, at least; it could have been Th, or maybe Ph. "Were we capable of repairing these equipment, we would."
Rodney liked their fractured way of speaking; it reminded him of Siberia, and that reminded him that he was no longer in Siberia, and that made him happy, so he grunted and went back to work. "There," he said, heaving a sigh and wiping his face on his tee-shirt. "That is it. Time to go home."
"Oh, Doctor McKay, we wish you to remain with us!" Sh said, and the others nodded frantically.
Rodney smiled. They did seem to like him, and they fed him well, and admired his work, but he missed Zelenka and Sheppard and Elizabeth and Carson and Teyla and even Ronon, and he really missed jello and fried chicken and the special sauce from M3X-963 for ribs. "Thank you," he said, knowing he was beaming at them in pride and delight at being recognized for the genius he was. "It's been swell, and I'll be back, but right now? I just want to go home."
"Please," they cried, but he ignored them. They were a smallish people, and virtually identical with their pale faces and bald heads bobbing. When he'd packed up his laptop and velcroed it to his backpack, he began working his way through them. They clutched his sleeves and sighed and moaned, and behind him, a wailing rose. "You must stay, you must," Sh cried. "You cannot go back, you cannot leave us!"
Really eerie, he thought, trying not to grimace at the noise. "Thank you, excuse me, sorry, yes, thanks," he said, pushing through them. None came higher than his shoulder, and they all had bare feet; his trainer-clad feet were so much larger than theirs that he was afraid he'd tread on someone.
He took nearly forty minutes to reach the stargate, and his head throbbed when he reached the DHD. The entire city had turned out to see him off, many sobbing and all hindering his progress. "I'm sorry," he repeated, "but really, you don't need me. You've managed this long, and so much is repaired. You'll be fine. Just keep hiding from the Wraith." Their wailing increased in volume until he wanted to put his hands over his ears. He pressed the address of Atlantis and then entered his IDC. "Come on, come on," he muttered. The stargate boiled open and he walked through, not turning to watch the people he was leaving behind.
"Jesus, it's good to be home," he said, and stopped. Everyone in the gateroom stared at him, and he stared up the muzzle of the marine's weapons. "Uh, is there a problem? Why didn't you contact me?"
"Who are you and why are you using Colonel Sheppard's team's IDC?" Elizabeth demanded in a cold voice.
"Who? Oh, ha ha, is it Halloween? April Fools? I forget these holidays." A subtle shift of the guards around him made him take a step backwards. "Ah, Elizabeth, it's me, Rodney. Remember? I save your as-- I save your life on a regular basis?"
She shook her head. Sheppard trotted into the gateroom, slowed, and studied Rodney. "Thank god," Rodney said. "Look, Colonel, what's going on?"
"You know me?" Sheppard asked.
"Uh, that would be yes," Rodney said, trying not to snap. "This isn't funny, Sheppard. Elizabeth, it's not like you to joke about shit like this. Everybody, just put down the guns and let me go to my quarters."
"You think you have quarters here? How did you get our gate address? Do you work for the Genii?"
"No! Fuck, this isn't funny! Look, look," he spread his arms, "for God's sake, it's me. Rodney McKay, doctor of astrophysics, premier expert in wormhole physics, and, by the way, a close friend of yours."
Sheppard glanced up at Elizabeth, who shook her head. Rodney saw she'd been joined by Teyla and Lorne, and behind Sheppard he saw Ronon walking toward them.
"Look, check the database," Rodney said, increasingly frightened. "I'm in it, I was part of the first expedition, I came through the gate with you, I knew Ford, I, I . . ."
"We'll check the database, all right," Sheppard said. "But first? You're going to visit a nice little holding cell."
"Holding cell," Rodney murmured. "Holding cell." He turned to look at the empty gate behind him. "Those little freaks," he said.
Mary Elizabeth
"This is a first," Rodney said, looking around the conference table.
John nodded. Everyone was present and seated, even Rodney and Radek, who were notoriously late to staff meetings, except Elizabeth, who was never late to staff meetings. There was an awkward silence, and then half of them tapped their earpieces simultaneously. John cleared his throat and glared, then said, "Elizabeth? Isn't today Tuesday?"
No answer. He stood up, the sound of scraping chair legs echoing in the conference room. "Carson, Lorne, come with me. We'll be right back."
He led the way through the Operations Center and down the corridor to Elizabeth's quarters. The doors slid open obediently for him. "Elizabeth?" he called, hesitating.
Behind him, Carson said, "Elizabeth, this is Carson. I'm coming in, dear." He pushed past John, who looked at Lorne's worried face. Behind Lorne was Radek, which didn't surprise John; what did surprise him was that none of the others had followed as well.
Carson made a soft sound and knelt suddenly; John hurried to his side. On the far side of the couch Elizabeth had arranged as a divider between her living and sleeping areas, she lay sprawled awkwardly, unconscious. "She struck her head," Carson murmured, showing his bloody fingers to John.
"Medical team to Doctor Weir's quarters," John said into his mic. Lorne handed Carson a damp face cloth; pale pink, so presumably taken from Elizabeth's bathroom and not something he carried with him.
When Elizabeth was settled in the infirmary and Beckett and Biro running tests on her, John re-convened the staff meeting. "Technically, I believe I'm in command," Rodney said, but John just said, "Yeah, probably, but right now let's get through this agenda as quickly as we can," which they did.
Sighing with relief as Radek finished describing the problems his engineers had run into with the desalinization plant, John shuffled the papers in front of him to catch everyone's attention. "Okay," he said. "Rodney's right; he's the highest ranking civilian in Atlantis, which means in Elizabeth's absence, he's in charge. However, precedent has been set that Teyla assumes that responsibility, and since Rodney is, as he likes to remind us, indispensable in the labs, I'm going to ask Teyla to take over again. Would you? Mind?"
"Of course not. I will do whatever I can to help while Elizabeth recovers."
"Thank you, Teyla. Rodney, you okay with this?"
Rodney waved his hand magnanimously. "Yes, yes, especially with Radek so busy right now. But Teyla, I want you to know that I'm there for you, any time, day or night."
John managed not to roll his eyes, but he was impressed with Teyla's grace. "Thank you, Rodney. I will not hesitate to contact you if required."
"Okay," John said again. "This isn't a military situation -- as far as we know. Carson thinks Elizabeth fell, but he doesn't know whether she just slipped or if, if something happened." Stroke, Carson had said quietly to John. Ischemic or hemorrhagic. That's why the medical team was looking inside Elizabeth's head with every tool at their disposal. John saw no need to mention the possibility aloud; this group was sophisticated enough to know the possibilities without being told. Rodney, despite his bluster, was wide eyed and biting his lower lip, and John remembered that he'd known Elizabeth a long time. Radek had stumbled through his presentation, and Lorne looked a bit green. Teyla was her usual imperturbable self, though John thought her mouth was tighter than usual. Ronon obviously wanted to run from the conference room.
Well, John felt a bit like running away, too, he admitted to himself. The SGC and IOA wouldn't officially permit an Athosian to head the expedition, and Rodney couldn't be spared permanently, nor would he be chosen -- he was indispensable in the labs, but he wasn't much loved on Earth. They'd send someone else or, worse, put Caldwell in charge.
He sighed. "That's all, unless . . ." No one spoke. "Teyla, Rodney, Lorne, would you stay behind?" The others took that as the dismissal it was and left quietly, not talking among themselves as they usually did. "Lorne, I'm going to be spending a lot of my time with Carson and Elizabeth, so most of the burden will fall on you, at least for a few days."
"Not a problem, sir."
"I know, but thank you anyway. Rodney, I know you're good friends with Elizabeth --"
"She and Simon used to have me over for the holidays," Rodney interrupted, sounding sad and unlike himself. "I'd like to stay with her, too, but Radek really is overworked right now."
"That's all right. But she'll want familiar faces around her when she wakes up."
Rodney actually reddened at John's words, and John thought again how desperate Rodney could be for approval and acceptance. He ran his fingers through his hair, and then turned to Teyla.
"It is all right, John," she said calmly. "The staff know me and are accustomed to working with me. But we need to make an announcement, and I believe you should. You are not only the ranking military person, but Elizabeth's friend."
He nodded. "I will, right away. Just -- thanks. There's no one else, Teyla." Rodney didn't dispute his statement. "All right. Let's hear what Beckett has to say, and then get back to work."
"Well, there's good news and bad," Carson told them, crammed into his tiny office. Ronon was already there when John arrived with the others. "The good news is there's no sign of a stroke. No embolism, no hemorrhaging, nothing at all. My best guess at the moment is that she slipped and fell, striking her head against the little table next to her sofa. We bandaged her head, and had to shave a bit of her hair, so she'll be cross as two sticks at us, no doubt."
"Bad news, bad news," Rodney said, and John saw him suppress a finger snap.
"Yes, I'm coming to that, Rodney. The bad news is she still hasn't woken up, and the longer she's unconscious . . ." He sighed and scratched his stubbly jaw.
"Is she in a coma?" Rodney asked anxiously.
"Well, technically a coma is just a state of profound unconsciousness, so, yes, but Rodney, no, you mustn't --" Carson took Rodney's arm and tugged him gently. John put his hand on Rodney's shoulder. "It's all right, man. You know I wouldn't lie to you."
Rodney nodded, silent for once.
"Go on," John said.
"There's no sign, and I repeat, no sign of any brain damage. We are monitoring Elizabeth, keeping her hydrated and comfortable. There's absolutely no reason to believe she won't wake up. Maybe in a few minutes, maybe in a few hours. But from the state of the wound, we know she was there for some time, maybe hours.
"Now. It is well-known that many people in an unconscious state are still aware of their surroundings. So I ask you visit with her, hold her hand, chat with her. If you have to cry, please let someone else take your place. And I'd like there to be shifts, so someone is with her at all times."
"I'll work up a spreadsheet, put it on the server, so people can sign up. I know that one gate technician has a crush on her," Rodney said, looking more cheerful. "He'll sign up."
"Probably everyone will, and that's a good idea, Rodney. I'll include it in my announcement." John looked around, studying their faces. Before he could say anything more, Lorne said, "I'll take the first shift, Colonel, if that's all right."
"Uh, yeah," he started, and Lorne squeezed past Rodney, Carson following him. Ronon had already slipped away. John wondered if he needed to worry about him, too.
Rodney looked after them, and said, "I'll get that spreadsheet up," and then only John and Teyla remained.
She rested her hand on his. "Elizabeth will be fine," she promised, her eyes large and sincere, as if she somehow knew.
"Let's go write that announcement," he said. "I'll send it out on email as well."
John signed up for the midnight to oh-two-hundred shift with Elizabeth, replacing Radek, whose eyes were red. "Get some sleep," John told him firmly. "We don't need you here in the infirmary, too."
Radek nodded sadly and left. John settled next to Elizabeth's bed. He opened War and Peace and began on the first page. "Well, Prince, so Genoa and Lucca are now just family estates of the Buonapartes."
Carson was right: Elizabeth didn't remain unconscious, but she was down a lot longer than John was comfortable with. Though everyone in Atlantis wanted to sit with her, so many that Rodney changed the length of the shifts from two hours to thirty minutes, John spent a lot more time than his fair share with her. He made sure her companions remained cheerful and upbeat, and escorted Miko out of the infirmary and to Rodney to comfort when her voice began quavering as she stroked Elizabeth's hand. Rodney glared at him, but he hugged Miko and led her into a crowd of scientists, all murmuring encouraging words.
John was meeting with Lorne when Elizabeth finally woke. Carson called them to the infirmary over a private channel, and the tone in his voice frightened John so much that he and Lorne jogged there, nearly crashing into Carson who was pacing at the doorway. "Teyla's with her, and Laura. Give them a minute."
"Why? What's wrong? Carson?" John asked, and steered him into his office, Lorne at their heels.
"I'm not sure, but she doesn't remember us, she doesn't remember anything," Carson said, wringing his hands, his accent so thick John had trouble following him.
Lorne said, "What does she remember?"
"School. Her family. She wants her mother. Oh," and Carson took a deep breath, calming himself. "It's a form of amnesia, and like the coma, it should pass quickly. But it's very distressing to see Doctor Weir in this state."
Lorne and John looked at each other, and John leaned against the door behind him. Nothing to do but wait for Teyla to fetch them.
Several long tedious minutes passed while Carson fidgeted, finally sitting at his desk and typing into his laptop. Lorne paced. John tried to be still, breathing slowly. Cadman pushed through the privacy curtain around Elizabeth's bed. She hesitated when she saw her superior officers, but went into Carson's office and shut the door behind her. Another moment passed before they emerged.
"Lieutenant?" John said.
"She's awake, and she's calmed down. She keeps asking for her parents, though."
"I'm not sure I understand," Lorne said, and John was grateful because neither did he.
"She seems to think, well, she told us this was 1977. She thinks she's eleven years old, and in the hospital in DC, having her tonsils out."
"Oh my god," Lorne murmured.
Carson tapped his earpiece. "Kate, please come to the infirmary right away. It's urgent, so -- Yes, that's lovely. Thank you."
"She thinks she's eleven," John repeated. "Carson? How often does this happen?"
"Well, it's my first experience, but I have read about such things. My best guess it will pass in a few hours, but I'll feel better if you ask Kate that, since there's no physical reason for this."
Teyla called, "John? Will you come here?"
Lorne started to follow but stopped, watching John sadly. "Next," John murmured to him, and slipped behind the curtain.
Elizabeth actually looked younger to John. Her eyes were wide, and it was obvious she'd been crying. She clung to Teyla's hand. "Don't go," she whispered, and her voice was higher and softer than John was accustomed to hearing from her.
"Of course not," Teyla said, stroking Elizabeth's hair. "This is John. He is a friend, a good friend. He will help take care of you."
"I want my own dad," Elizabeth said, ducking her head.
"I am sorry, but as I told her, he cannot come right now. Right now, we will care for you. I promise you are safe here."
Elizabeth nodded, and sniffled. John realized he didn't know the first thing about little girls. In all honesty, he didn't know much about grown women, but even less about girls. He gave her his best grin, the one he saved for anxious natives. "Hi," he said, and held out his hand. "I'm John."
She studied him through the hair hanging across her eyes. "Hi," she said softly. Teyla nudged her, and she shook John's hand.
"Oh my god, I just heard," Rodney said, flinging back the curtain. "What the hell have you done, Carson? You really do have a mail-order medical degree, don't you."
"Hey," Cadman said, outraged.
John turned to push Rodney back, but he was bending over Elizabeth, not touching her but looking straight into her eyes. "Mary Elizabeth, it's good to see you again."
"Hi," Elizabeth said. "I'm sorry. I don't remember you." She stared at Rodney, her eyes even wider. "Do you know my dad?"
"I do. I've had dinner with him at your house. I know your mum, and I know your sisters. I know all the Marys."
Elizabeth beamed at him. "You look like daddy," she announced. "Kind of."
"Yeah, you've told me that before," Rodney said ruefully. "It's the hair," he said in an aside to John, who knew he was staring open mouthed at Rodney. "What? I told you, she and Simon used to have me to their home for holiday dinners. I met everybody, including Mary Elizabeth's parents and sisters and their husbands and about fifty rugrats."
"Mary Elizabeth?" John said faintly.
"Yeah, they're all Mary Something. Uh, Mary Angela's the oldest, right?" Elizabeth nodded, smiling up at Rodney. She let go of Teyla and took his hand. "Then Mary Bridget, Mary Claire, and then you, Mary Elizabeth?"
"What happened to Mary D?" John asked him.
Rodney frowned at him, leaned over and whispered, "She died in infancy. I always think of her as Mary Death."
"Rodney," John said, but Elizabeth tugged at his hand.
"I had my tonsils out," she said proudly.
"I know, and now you get -- ice cream! But you have to share with me," he added. John watched as Rodney extracted a small cardboard container of ice cream wrapped in saran, and a wooden spoon. "It's just vanilla," he apologized. "Not much of a selection."
"Rodney, could I speak with you in private?" John asked, and pulled him away, Rodney looking longingly at the ice cream. "What the hell?"
"I told you I knew Elizabeth. Her family calls her Mary Elizabeth, and they're all Mary. If they'd had any boys, they'd probably be named Mary, too. Carson, how long's this gonna last?"
"Ah, well, I don't know, Rodney. Probably not long. Will you stay with her, keep her calm? That will help, I think. Oh, Kate, thank God."
"I'm sorry, Carson; it took a bit longer to get away. Everyone is saying that Elizabeth has woken up?"
John sighed, and went back to Elizabeth, leaving Carson explaining things to Kate and Rodney. Elizabeth looked happy now, eating her ice cream, sucking on the wooden spoon with the same enthusiasm he'd seen Rodney apply. "Mary Death," he murmured, shaking his head. Teyla smiled up at him. "Who knew Rodney was an angel of compassion?" he asked her, but she only raised an eyebrow.
"We'll keep her in the infirmary for another day. If she hasn't recovered her memories by then, I think she should move in with one of the women," Carson said behind him.
"I'll re-schedule so I can spend an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening with her," Kate said. "And obviously Rodney should spend a good deal of time with her." They all looked at Rodney.
"Well, of course I will. It'll only be a few hours, right Carson? Or a day at most?"
Carson spread his hands, but Kate answered. "We hope so, but there's no way to know. These things take their own time."
"Well, that's all very good, but I have work, and I remind you that Elizabeth has work, but not Mary Elizabeth. What's going to happen when we get a call from the SGC? Or when the Daedalus returns? They're going to want to ship her back to Earth. I don't think any of us want that, and I know that Elizabeth wouldn't want that."
John nodded. Rodney was right. This had to end soon or they'd lose her, and that he couldn't face. "All right. I'll send out another email and make another announcement. I won't say much, just that she's awake and recovering, and that Teyla remains in charge. No one needs to know about the amnesia."
"Kate says everybody already knows," Rodney pointed out.
"Unfounded rumors," John said firmly. Rodney shrugged.
Rodney was right, of course; everyone already knew. People always knew, even when they didn't know, and if what they knew wasn't true, it didn't much matter. That was the nature of enclosed environments, and John had learned that decades ago. For the first few days, he stonewalled anyone daring enough to ask him outright, but then Carson called another meeting. Again, they left Elizabeth's chair vacant. John sat on one side of it and Rodney on the other.
"She hasn't changed," Rodney said bluntly to Kate as soon as she was seated. "Why not?"
"I don't know," Kate said calmly. "There is no time schedule for this sort of thing --"
"So you've said. I'm spending most of my time with her, more than you are, pretending to be a friend of her father's. Well, not pretending; I like her dad just fine, but she's not Mary Elizabeth anymore, and she hasn't been in a long time."
"I know, Rodney, and you're wonderful with her. Frankly, I'm surprised how secure she feels with you. Your feelings about children are well known."
"Elizabeth is not a child!" he snapped, and looked around the table. "She isn't, and we shouldn't be treating her like one. She's a brave woman, but she's afraid, we're all afraid. We need to tell her."
"I don't think that would be wise," Kate started.
"Frankly, I don't care what you think," Rodney said.
"Rodney, that's enough," John and Carson said at the same time.
Carson continued. "Her health is good. Her blood pressure, her EKG, even her EEG, matches all tests prior to her accident. The only reason I can see for her not, not knowing who she is is psychological."
Rodney snorted and crossed his arms. Ronon looked angry. Radek polished his glasses.
"I think Rodney's given us the reason," Kate said to him. "She's afraid. We're all afraid. I believe she is suffering from hysterical post-traumatic amnesia at this point, a defense mechanism. And I believe she will recover only when she feels safe again."
"You're going to send her to Earth," John said, and crossed his arms, realizing he was mirroring Rodney's posture.
"John, lad, I know you don't want this, but she'll get the best care in two galaxies back in the SGC's hospitals. She'll have her family and friends around her."
"Her family and friends are here," Rodney said, and John nodded.
Ronon said, "She belongs with us." Everyone stared at him. "She does."
"I'm sorry," Carson said. "I really am. But as Chief Medical Officer of this expedition, I am, after consulting with Doctor Heightmeyer, arranging for the return of Elizabeth to Earth."
"Shit," Rodney muttered.
"Please, Carson, Kate," John said. He swallowed, trying to gather his thoughts. "Think what that will mean to the expedition. To the future of Atlantis. You must know there's a good chance that Caldwell will replace Elizabeth and this will become a military operation. I know neither of you wants that.
"I'm military, and Lorne's military, but we know Atlantis is . . . different. We're different. Ronon and Teyla -- what will happen to them? You know they won't let Teyla continue, not matter how good a job she's done. And."
He stopped abruptly. No use sharing his fear that the SGC would send him back to Earth, too, without Elizabeth's pressure to keep him here. Lorne would stay, but John? He stared at the table top under his hands and saw his sweaty fingerprints.
After an uncomfortable pause, Kate said, "John, I understand and share your fears. But my first concern, and I'm sure your first concern, is for Elizabeth's well-being. And for that, we must turn to Earth."
John looked at Carson. "I'm sorry. I don't want to do this. Elizabeth is my friend, too."
Everyone burst out talking at once, arguing with them, John was relieved to hear. Rodney was loudest, but Lorne spoke earnestly and at length. "We all know each other's secrets," he said, not meeting John's eyes. "We know that she has no, uh, no significant other on Earth. She isn't close to her sisters; Rodney can tell you that. Ronon's right. Doctor Weir belongs here, with us."
Radek said, "She has been comfortable here, yes? Even in this state? There is no reason to upset her. Think what the journey to Earth would be like for her."
Even Teyla contributed. "We are her closest friends, and we understand what has happened to her. If she needs to feel safe, let me take her to the encampment. You know Halling loves her, as do many of my people."
"She'd be safer in Atlantis," Radek pointed out.
"Doctor Heightmeyer said she needs to feel safer. On the mainland, she will be away from the tensions of every gate mission. Doctor Zelenka, you will notify us if your long-range sensors find any dangers," Radek nodded vigorously at this, "and as always, we will evacuate to Atlantis."
"I'll spend time there, too," Rodney said. "It's only twenty minutes by jumper. I need flying time anyway, according to the colonel. Major Lorne can take Zelenka, Beckett can take Cadman, and John can take whats-his-face in the gateroom. The other pilots can rotate. We'll have someone on the mainland every day for her. Kate, you can go. We'll just make it part of our schedules."
John tried to hide his grateful smile, but Rodney caught his eye and held it. Carson said, "I'm uncomfortable with this, but I do understand. If Kate has no objection, we'll try it for a limited time. But limited. She must get better soon, or I won't hesitate to contact the SGC myself."
"Thank you, Carson," John said. "Thank you, everyone."
"I'll get back to Elizabeth," Rodney said, standing. "No telling what that demon Cadman has been telling her."
"Rodney, I've asked you not to refer to Laura as that demon," Carson said, but Rodney was already out the door and down the corridor. Carson sighed. "That man will be the death of me, I just know it."
John ignored him. He felt like Rodney, anxious to return to Elizabeth's side, but he saw that Lorne was, too. "Go," he told his 2IC, and Lorne went. "I'll make up a flight schedule," he said to the others.
He wondered how long this would last. How long would Carson and Kate permit Elizabeth to live in peace and quiet, surrounded by people who loved her? If he were Elizabeth, he might not be anxious to remember, either.
Except he would, he knew. He stopped outside the conference room, resting against the railing, and looked down at the gate. Fewer than three years ago, he had no idea such a thing existed, or could exist, and now here he was, the military commander of a civilian expedition in another galaxy. He loved this place, and he knew Elizabeth did, too. She was just on a kind of vacation, he thought. A little respite from so many bad things. But she'd come back to them. She'd come home to them. She just needed a little break.
He patted the railings and strode toward the gate technician with the crush on Elizabeth. He'd take him to the mainland, later this week. Elizabeth would like that.
Forgotten
Ronon helped her up, steadying her, and then stepped back to stand with Teyla. Elizabeth looked around the mess hall at all the familiar faces. Fewer than three hundred people remained; her intro to anthropology class had had more students than there were current inhabitants of Atlantis.
Over their years here in Atlantis, some odd relationships had formed. Not far from the table Elizabeth stood on, Carson had one arm around Laura's waist, and behind them, Lorne stood next to Radek. Others were in groups of three and, in one case she knew of, four.
To her left, arms identically folded across their chests, Rodney and John looked up at her. She nodded at them, and they smiled tightly, giving her courage.
She took a deep breath. "Well, it's done," she announced, and the room fell instantly silent. "We have refused to answer attempts to communicate from the SGC and now from the Daedalus. Radek tells me they are overhead, but Rodney's cloak holds, and we are invisible.
"This decision is irrevocable. We will not permit Earth to import their wars to Atlantis, to taint this galaxy with the Milky Way's woes. We are, once again, on are own.
"We are better off alone," she said, studying each face, looking for fear or indecision. "Better off forgotten."