Chapter Text
"Sir, I have the information you requested."
"Okay, so what's the damage?"
"HYDRA's kill list contained yourself and Ms. Potts, of course, along with hundreds of Stark Industries' employees and contractors, but no one unexpected."
"Great, so we're covered with the stepped up security protocols, then?" Tony interrupted.
"Not entirely, Sir."
"So that's good, wait, what? What'd we miss?"
"A who rather than a what, Sir."
"So don't keep me waiting, who'd we miss? Arlene in the typing pool? Do we even have a typing pool?"
Jarvis waited for his creator to finish blowing off rhetorical steam. "No, Sir. Harley Keener."
"Who?"
"The boy who rendered you assistance in Tennessee, Sir. He was on the list."
Tony nodded absently. It wasn't that he'd forgotten the kid - they'd skyped just a few days earlier. But who takes out kids? How fucked up does a group have to be to target a middle school kid? "Thanks, J. I'll take care of it."
"Will there be anything else, Sir?"
"No, I'm good. Can you tell Pepper that I'll be up with lunch in about forty-five minutes?"
"Very good, Sir."
Tony pulled out his secure Starkphone and found Ms. Keener's number in the contacts list. Even he wasn't socially inept enough to think he could arrange to protect Harley without her knowledge.
"Joan Keener."
"Ms. Keener, hi; this is Tony Stark," he began, only to be met by an abrupt dial tone. He frowned at the phone, checked his signal (even though THAT clearly couldn't be the issue in the building, since it was, in some ways, a super-sized cell tower), and hit redial. "Ms. Keener," he began again when the call connected, "sorry about that. We got cut off."
"No, we didn't. I hung up. Now, I don't know how my son talked you into playing along with his little 'I'm friends with Iron Man' fantasy, but I'm a busy woman, so don't call back."
"Wait! Don't hang up. I can prove it's me, okay?" Tony's words tumbled out, as he hurried to speak before she could hang up again. "Look, call 212-555-0001. That's the direct line to Pepper Potts, the CEO of Stark Industries. When she picks up, ask her who Harley Keener is. Then call me back, okay? I swear, this isn't some sick prank." Tony heard the dial tone again. He sighed. "J, I may need the jet later. Actually, I'll need it either way. Make sure it gets gassed up and find the airport nearest to that tiny town. And a car when I arrive."
"Of course, Sir. Shall I prepare one of the guest suites as well?"
"Better make it one of the apartments. I think they're going to be here awhile."
"Of course, Sir."
*****************************
"This is Potts."
"Ms. Potts, what can you tell me about Harley Keener?"
"To whom am I speaking, please?"
"Look, I got two calls five minutes ago from some creep claiming to be Tony Stark. He gave me this number since I didn't believe it was him. Frankly, if I wasn't sure my son didn't know any adult women except me and his teachers, I wouldn't believe you're you."
Pepper's voice softened. "Mrs. Keener, Harley is the young man who helped Tony save the mark 42 Iron Man suit, thereby enabling Tony to save me, stop the Mandarin, and save President Ellis. He's also the young man who's slowly helping me to convince Tony that he'd be a great dad by skyping regularly with Tony. To be fair, Harley probably doesn't know the whole of the last part."
"So, all those stories about where all the stuff in our garage came from?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Oh." There was a long pause. "Er, do you know why he's calling me?"
"All I can tell you is that since DC, he's been stepping up SI's security protocols and ensuring that all of our people on HYDRA's kill list are protected."
"Why would HYDRA even know who Harley is, much less care?"
"That I can't tell you. Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"No, ma'am. Thank you for your time. I think I have some crow to eat."
"Ask Tony for tips on cooking it. Lord knows he eats enough of it!" Pepper chuckled as she ended the call.
*******************************
By the end of the day, Tony and Happy were on the ground in Tennessee. Happy was driving along seemingly endless country roads, and Tony was staring out the window, trying to figure out how he was going to convince Harley's mom to uproot her family and decamp to New York. Finally, after an hour and a half of driving, they began to see houses more often.
"Man, I didn't realize last Christmas, but this really is the ass end of nowhere. Damn. I have got to get this kid out of here or he's going to shrivel up and become a farmer."
"Have you figured out how you're going to convince the mom?"
"Not yet, and based on our phone conversation, I think if I tried to bribe her with college funds for her kids, she'd assume I molested the kid or something." Tony sighed. "I may have to call in the big guns."
"I thought Iron Man is the big gun, boss?" Happy looked confused.
"Sure, in New York, but this? Ass end of nowhere, remember? They're not big on billionaire, genius, ex-playboy, philanthropists out here. But they do revere our good friend, the Capiscle. Plus, who knows more about HYDRA's ability to survive than Steve?"
Happy nodded, and began to parallel park the car.
********************************
Joan Keener was getting ready for the evening shift at the town's only restaurant, the diner having been destroyed by mysterious explosions at Christmastime. She knew full well that Tony Stark had decided to 'rescue' her son, probably back at Christmastime, and HYDRA's list was just the excuse he was going to use. However, while she may not have gotten the best education, she could put three helicarriers in the Potomac and numerous high-profile arrests together and get HYDRA was no longer a threat. Admittedly, there were opportunities that Stark might be able to provided for Harley that she could never afford, but she did her best by both her kids, and she was not going to let some New York yuppie raise either of them. God only knew what depravity Harley might be exposed to, even if the People and the Us Weekly agreed that Stark was apparently in a stable relationship with the CEO of Stark Industries. In a catty moment she wasn't altogether proud of, she wondered just how Ms. Potts had made the leap from personal assistant to CEO. She looked up as the little bell over the door rang. "We're not open for dinner..." her voice trailed off as she recognized Tony from the TV and magazines. "You're not taking my kid," she ground out.
Tony looked confused for a minute. "What? Oh. Hell, no. I mean," he held up his hands placatingly, "Harley's a great kid, but I think to raise a kid, it's better to be an adult. And while I'm told that I'm beginning to resemble that description, I still wouldn't wish my lack of parenting skills on anyone, much less Harley."
"Then why call? Why are you here?" Joan was still suspicious. "I mean, thanks for the head's up about HYDRA and all, but they're finished, so no more crisis, right?"
"Unfortunately, nothing's that easy with HYDRA, but I kind of figured you wouldn't take my word for it. Hang on a sec." Tony pulled out his Starkphone, opened Skype, and dialed Steve's number. When the call went through, he began talking without looking at the phone. "Hey, Capsicle, got a fav... who the hell are you?"
"Sam Wilson, friend of Steve's. They're changing his bandages right now, but they should be done in another minute or so."
Tony raised an eyebrow. "When you say friend?"
"I mean friend. In the basic sense of the word. Damn, man, can't you just leave it be?"
"Whatever. I need to talk to him. How did he wind up in the hospital anyway? Even after New York, he needed, like, three band aids and an advil."
"Short version: Bucky's not dead; he was a HYDRA assassin after being brainwashed somehow. He shot Steve three times and then pulled him from the river before he would have drowned."
"That's...seriously fucked up. And Steve's going after him, isn't he?"
"Is HYDRA evil? Hold on, the docs are done. Steve, it's Tony Stark; says it's important."
"Hi, Tony."
"You look awful, Cap."
"Eh. I'll be out by tomorrow. What's up?"
"I need you to tell a friend of mine what HYDRA will do now, in a rough sort of way. This is Joan Keener." Tony handed Joan the phone.
"Oh my God, you really are Captain America!" Joan could recognize the icon even with all the bruises and stitches on his face.
"Er, yes, ma'am. What do you need to know about HYDRA?"
"Well, they're gone now, right? Or on the way out? So anyone on that list on the internet..."
"Is still in grave danger, ma'am. HYDRA may be down, but they've been down before, so if you know someone on that list, let Tony help get both of you to safety."
Joan trembled as she nodded. "Okay, okay."
Tony took the phone from her nerveless fingers. "Get some rest, Cap. I'll have JARVIS air out your place. You are stopping by New York before you go off to tilt at windmills, right?"
"Yeah, unless we get a really good lead right off the bat, but Bucky's too good for that. And Stark? He's going to need some serious help when we find him. Sam's a counsellor at the VA, so he's working his contacts, but if you'd work yours, too, it wouldn't hurt."
"You got it, Cap. Thanks for today. Rest." Tony ended the call. "So, Ms. Keener, here's what I propose. You, Harley, and your daughter come to New York, live in Avengers Tower. I'll make sure the kids are in great schools, but you can have veto power on which, if you want."
"And what would the rent be? And how the hell would I pay it on a waitress' pay?"
"Actually, I had a thought on that, too. See, the Avengers are really good at saving the world, but most of us can't cook worth a damn. Can you cook?"
"Well, not 'haute cuisine' or anything, but nobody's ever died or even gotten sick from what's on my table. Why?"
"How'd you like to be the official chef for the Avengers? You would have complete control over menus, within certain parameters like allergies and such, and you could be around when your kids get home from school. Moreover, you wouldn't have to be on your feet all day. We're all pretty good about getting our own breakfasts. Lunch can be buffet-style, so people can grab something and go, if need be. Dinners we try to eat mostly together, but we're almost never all at the Tower at the same time. The only weird thing, scheduling-wise, is that after a big battle, we're generally pretty drained and in need of a real meal, not a snack. And that, of course, can't be predicted very well."
"Seriously? You've never even tried my cooking, and you're just going to offer me a job that half the famous chefs in America would kill for?"
"You need a job in New York. We need a chef. If it doesn't work out, we'll reboot and find something else."
"Okay, Mr. Stark. We'll need some time to pack and sell the house."
"Nonsense. I've got people for that. You and the kids should pack what you need for the next couple of days, and the rest will be at the Tower by the end of the week. My real estate people will get top dollar for your house, if you want to sell it, or you can rent it out, or we can mothball it for you, so if, well, hopefully, when, the HYDRA threat is neutralized, you can come back to Tennessee if you want. I suspect you'll want to stay, though. New York is pretty cool; we have museums, zoos, Broadway, even parks if you miss the trees. Your call."
At that moment, the restaurant's owner came in, carrying a case of beer for the bar. "Joan, what's going on here? Should I call the sheriff?"
"No, Arnie. It's good. The kids and I are moving to New York. I'm sorry to leave you short-handed, but it's kind of an emergency."
"Wait. You're moving this instant?"
"Apparently that group that took down SHIELD in DC wants to kill my kid. So, yeah, we're moving tonight."
Arnie was speechless as Joan, Tony and Happy left the restaurant.