Chapter Text
In the beginning, it was the hardest to understand for Chloe. She had been putting together pieces of the puzzle in her mind for months, only after seeing Lucifer vanish into mid-air to find Pierce had it finally clicked. Even then, it didn’t make sense. She had convinced herself that the metaphors were amusing as she never judged Lucifer for using them, but had no idea that he was entirely honest with her.
She wasn’t honest with herself. If she actually was being true to herself, Chloe could’ve treated him better. She knows that she could’ve easily believed him, thought of him as the Devil from the second she met him. But she didn’t, and she chose to be tough and stubborn with someone who meant so much to her. It’s been seven months since she’s last seen Lucifer, and she missed so many opportunities to reach out. She could’ve called and waited for him to pick up and they would talk for hours about how to move forward, how to live with knowing the truth.
It was a long shot, but Chloe would do anything to make it normal again. As she walked the halls of the precinct by herself, the echos and conversations were loud enough to drown her thoughts about how different it was without Lucifer by her side. She could’ve done so much to show him how much she cared, how she wasn’t scared anymore, but she didn’t know what to say.
She was in love with the Devil, the ruler of Hell, the place she’s always thought didn’t exist. The place where she wouldn’t want any person of her family to end up, and Lucifer had molded to be apart of her life so he was included.
Now, she was lost.
She didn’t know if Lucifer would want her back — knowing exactly how close they were to becoming a couple, how close she was to calling him her’s — or if he returned back home. The home he despised, she remembered from the apparent stories he would tell her, that God had truly banished him to the depths of the world. That’s where he burned his face, where he thought he was a monster meant to punish people for a living, where he didn’t have anybody to love.
She felt horrible, about everything that happened. If only she chose to believe him. Chloe still knew how important she was to Lucifer, and she hid behind her discomfort and anxiety for months. She hated herself for it.
That’s how she managed to put aside her thoughts about the worst possible outcome and left Trixie with her mother for the night and went to Church. She just had to let go of her worries and try to understand her life again. She was never one to attend on Sunday masses as a child; her family never encouraged to go on holidays either, but maybe trying to speak to someone who knew Lucifer for longer, she would get help.
Afterall, it held a lot of memories that she wasn’t fond of. Her father’s funeral and memorial, the case that involved a angry Lucifer who was experiencing grief for the first time in a long time, and miserable kids from a orphanage. It seemed like so long ago, but two years was nothing.
It sounded like a failed plan already but it didnt matter. All that mattered to Chloe was trying to get Lucifer back. She wants to understand her future with Lucifer in it, an active part and by her side. She accepted who he truly was a while ago, she just hasn’t done anything about how and if that changes how they act around eachother. Chloe had no idea on how to answer those questions on her own, both of them have been hesitant to reach out and she’s starting to pine for a man who won’t talk to her.
It was mutual, she decided.
She had to do something.
“You look deep in thought.” A voice says from behind her, “Is everything okay?”
Chloe turns to see a man dressed in a white robe with a green shawl across his shoulders, a gold cross adorned on the front. She lifts her hands from resting on the bench in front of her and drops them to her side, “I’m okay but thank you for asking.”
She pulls herself up from kneeling awkwardly, and folds the cushion back in its place. The priest sits next to her, and Chloe realizes that nobody else was in the church. How long was she here?
“You would feel better if you talked to someone.” He gestured, a soft smile grows on his face when he looks down at his attire. “I understand this must be intimidating for some people, but I promise I’m easy to talk to.”
Chloe glares at him, shifting her body slightly to be a few more inches away from him. He may be a priest, but she didn’t want to be so close to him. He was already so intrigued in her problems, and from what her friend Ella would tell her occasionally, the Church was there for you to let go of any negativity. So she tries to allow herself to relax, “It’s really complicated.”
“I’ll try and help—“ His words drag out as he tries to think of a good way to ask for her name, and Chloe tells him quickly.
“It’s Chloe, my name is Chloe Decker.”
Something in his eyes seem to shine as his mouth twitches to try and keep a smile from forming, but she noticed. She tries to keep a straight face, keeping her assumptions to herself.
“Can I call you Chloe?”
She nods slowly, “Sure, what’s the harm behind that? Right?” She looks up at the older man, “I apologize if I’m being tense, I’ve never talked to a priest before.”
“I’m Father Kinley,” He says, folding his large robe over his legs, “You don’t have to worry about apologizing, I’m just glad you wanted to talk to me because I’m sure God is right here with us.”
Chloe stiffens, “Of course.”
Father Kinley doesn’t let silence take over them for much longer, “It looked like you were praying pretty hard before. What’s on your mind?”
She takes a deep breath, “It’s about someone I used to work with, a partner of mine.”
“Did you get romantically involved with eachother?” He pauses, “At any time?”
Chloe fights herself on saying yes, but it would be on the verge of lying. They kissed a few times, and she still feels the way her heart beats faster with his name being mentioned. It didn’t mean anything if it was still an almost.
“No, we didn’t.” We were so close.
“You care for him a lot it seems, and you’re hurting because of him.” Father Kinley suggests, his head tilting to try and find her gaze when Chloe is hesitant to look up. “My best guess is that you two left off on the wrong foot.”
“You wouldn’t be wrong about that.”
She almost felt the need to laugh, or snicker. They were both left unbalanced without the other, and she’s left wondering if God really did illustrate her own birth to eventually meet with Lucifer.
It’s insane, but at this point, it made so much sense that her head started to spin in circles. Could his father really be that cruel?
“You wanna know something, Chloe?” He questions, a soft tone to his voice. It’s comforting to say the least, and Chloe thinks he’s probably calmed the minds of dozens of people like her. She nods and looks up, “Forgiveness is a powerful thing.”
“It makes sense” Chloe says, letting the words sink in. “It allows you to let someone back into your life, the guilt left in the past.”
“If you’re having trouble letting whoever this is back into your life, you have to think back to the good times you’ve shared together. Think back to the feelings you had, the trust you instilled in them. If you can’t find anything to outweigh the bad things they did to you then you can’t forgive them.” A serious tone to Father Kinley’s voice leaves her speechless, and she’s left in somewhat of a trance of her mistakes. He was right.
“That’s the thing,” Chloe finally responds with a low voice, “I don’t think he knew what he was doing. It’s my fault.”
“How so?”
“He never lied to me, and it was my fault for not believing him. He was honest and caring, and I thought it was fake. It’s been eating me up inside for months and I couldn’t take it anymore. I want to see him so bad, he’s in my dreams and it’s like I’m yearning for him at this point.”
Chloe let’s out a sigh, not realizing the emotional toll on her body. Her shoulders were slumped, looking around the empty church with a priest sat next to her who’s only trying to help fix her problems and she doesn’t want to let herself think of anyone but Lucifer. Her heart was beating fast, waiting for a response from a man who looks like he would know the answer to everything. If anything, she knows that a priest would try their best to channel their empathy into someone else’s situation, and she needs that.
“You told me that you never had a relationship with him?” Father Kinley questions, but he’s smiling. “But you want one with him, I assume.”
“It was always complicated, but I did want something real with him. I do want that still.” She answers.
“Then you try your hardest to get him back.” His hand squeezes one of her’s loosely, and suddenly Chloe can’t think straight. “This is clearly messing with you Chloe, and you care about him too much to let him go.”
She looks away from him, tries to distract herself with any other troubles of her life. Things have been different without him around, and she doesn’t want that anymore. This is the most advice she’d ever gotten, so she takes it all with a heavy heart. She has to listen to someone. Her eyes focus on the darkness shining through the stained glass windows, and she shoots up in her seat as she realizes how dark it had gotten.
“It’s getting late, isn’t it?”
She turns to Father Kinley’s voice and stares, he’s standing outside of her row and glanced across the entirety of his Church. She feels obligated to say, “I’m sorry for keeping you here if you had planned to go home.”
“Don't worry about it.” He says just as she finishes her sentence, and Chloe shuts up because he seemed okay with it. “Even when I’m not preaching to a crowd of people who believe in what he says, it’s still my duty to help someone out...to give them faith.”
“Okay that makes me feel a bit better after all of this.” Chloe nervously laughs as she gets up, she reaches for her coat that’s next to her and slips it on. “Thank you for the conversation, it helped.”
Father Kinley nods, “I’m glad it helped you, and if you ever need to talk to me again. I’m always here.”
Chloe takes a few seconds to think about it. She felt lighter than she had in months and less of a burden on her shoulders from Lucifer being gone, the reality he brought to her life didn’t look like it would change anything. She side steps to get out of the row she was sitting in, and responds. “I’ll come back if I need help or someone to talk to, have a good night Father Kinley.”
He waves as she reaches the double doors to the Church, “You too.”
With the cold air hitting her face at all angles, and a mind full of possible resolutions, Chloe finally felt like she had someone to confide in when she had trouble understanding divinity. The priest didn’t even ask for Lucifer’s name, and he seemed to know exactly what to say.