Work Text:
Kamurocho, 2005 - 3:00AM Christmas Eve
“Boss—”
The words cut off as the battered cellphone snapped shut, the sound of plastic clicking against plastic was almost satisfying. Almost. There was a hole though, one that had been slowly growing over the past week. It was the same hole, the same hole that had grown into a void in the actual hole. It was a burning cold thing, like ice consuming his heart and snuffing out his normal flame.
Majima had no idea what to call it. It came on the heels of memories, the heels of Kiryu returning, the heels of Shimano asking for a meeting and ‘jokingly’ mentioning— He shut that thought down, squeezing his eye shut as he sat on the cold ground. Wedged in an alley, hidden behind a corner, he’d been ready to jump Kiryu and yet Kiryu hadn’t come. Why hadn’t he come? Did he know that—
Another thought squashed into dust as Majima pressed leather clad hands into his face, he could hear his phone ringing again. Nishida. Why the fuck did that kid still care? Why did any of them? Could they not see how broken he was? How fucking useless? Idiots, the lot of them. He wrapped his fingers around the phone, squeezing it hard enough to nearly silence it forever, before pitching it away from his hiding place.
“Ow. Uh… Who throws a phone?” The voice was puzzled, quiet yet firm. Rich, like velvety chocolate for the ears. Familiar, Majima knew that voice. That was—
“Majima! Ah—” Kiryu quickly bounced back from the hiding spot that Majima had chosen, falling down into a posture to defend himself. He wavered when Majima didn’t move from his position, curled with his hands over his face and fingers spread just enough so that he could see the person whom had been hit by his phone. Kiryu had never seen Majima like this, his normal way-too-energetic facade was completely gone and what replaced it was a haunted almost-dead look. One that slowly, painfully, twisted itself into a painful mockery of Majima’s normal grin.
“Yo, Kiryu-chan.” Majima couldn’t twist his voice into a close enough approximation of his normal, not with the hounds from the void licking at his heels. He couldn’t let Kiryu see him like this, he had to— Too quickly Majima surged upward and at Kiryu without another word, face set in lines of desperation. Fighting Kiryu always made him feel better, it always made him feel real, so maybe this time it would work.
Maybe Kiryu-chan could pull him out of the hole.
The movement had clearly surprised Kiryu, but the brawler recovered quickly. What kept catching Kiryu off guard though was the strange way Majima was moving, he was slow and almost sluggish. It was like his heart wasn’t in it one moment and full of rage the next. This wasn’t usual, in fact it worried Kiryu if only because of how surprised Majima had been by his appearance. That wasn’t usual, that wasn’t how these things went—
“Just— fuckin’ do it.” The venom spat from Majima’s lips was enough to bring Kiryu back to the moment in hand, where he had Majima pinned against one of the walls of the alley. He’d never seen Majima look like this, there was a desperation and what appeared to be an extra ten circles under his eye.
“Yer fuckin’ hand is right there,” One leather clad hand lifted and wrapped around Kiryu’s wrist, trying to force the hand connected to it to squeeze. Kiryu’s fucking hand was right there, it was right there on his neck but the grip was so soft. The grip was so weak, it was— Was this pity? Of course Kiryu saw through him, that asshole seemed to at once be dumb as a box of rocks and incredibly sensitive. “If ya don’t do it I’m gonna do you, fuckin’ do it! Do it Kiryu-chan! Just fuckin’ squeeze.”
“I’m not going to do that, Majima-san.” Kiryu’s voice was soft, yet there was no pity there. “I don’t kill people, Majima. Are you alright—”
His words were cut as the blade of a knife slashed over his forearm, blood welling at the surface wound. Steel entered his gaze yet there was panic in Majima’s, a desperate terror tinged with horror. Kiryu was left confused as blood slowly stained the gray suit sleeve. He squeezed by just a fraction, leaning in to close some of the space between himself and Majima.
“Don’t! Fuckin’— Don’t test me Kiryu-chan! Don’t do it! I’ll do it! I told you I’d be the only one killing you and I’ll fuckin’ do it!” With every few words his voice was wavering more and more, hand shaking so hard that he was barely able to hold his knife. He had to— This was the only way, if he could get Kiryu to kill him he would know he’d be dead. That of course meant being a disappointment to—
The clatter of the knife almost wasn’t enough time to warn Kiryu and he barely caught Majima’s weight. Carefully he lowered the other man concern lining every movement Kiryu made, and once he had Majima down he voiced his concern again. “Majima I’ve never seen you like this, i-is there something I can do or?”
“ Fuck you.” Majima let his head hang as he hissed the words out through his teeth, “Kill me already, that’s what you can fuckin’ do. Do the world a fuckin’ favor, yeah? I ain’t even able to do anything right, I can’t believe ya honestly care Kiryu-chan.” When his head snapped up his remaining eye was red, “Why? Why’d’ya gotta do this to me Kiryu-chan? Just fucking do it , ya can’t avoid it forever. Practice on me, it’s either me or you Kiryu.”
“Majima are you…” Kiryu reached out, going to catch the moisture that had escaped Majima’s eye on the knuckle of his finger.
“ Fuck you !” The words were shrieked before Majima lashed out, biting the meat between Kiryu’s finger and thumb. The taste of blood blossomed in Majima’s mouth, brining back memories better left lost. He spat Kiryu’s hand out and jerked his head to the side, gagging and spitting blood.
“ Shit ,” Kiryu hissed the word and shook his hand out, frowning at the blood oozing from the impressions left behind by Majima’s teeth. Quickly he reached into a pocket, using some napkins to staunch the flow from his hand and his arm. It was like trying to befriend a feral dog, but hadn’t it always sort of been that way?
By the time he glanced back at the man slumped onto the ground Majima had shifted his head into his hands again. He wasn’t speaking, however he was occasionally gagging and spitting. The taste of blood had done bad things for him, it had dug up memories that were best left down in the hole. It had left him fragile and utterly empty, the only thing he could feel was the deep-seated terror that he would be dragged into that place once more. The warm coppery taste didn’t want to leave, it drowned out everything as he ran fingers through his hair.
A hand distracted him, and soon another, placed on his shoulders gently. Majima slowly looked up and directly into Kiryu’s face, despite searching he found no pity in Kiryu’s eyes only worry. He’d worried Kiryu, he’d put more stress on a guy that sure as shit didn’t need it. The tingling heat that began behind his eye at that thought was terrifying by its own right.
“Stop it.” Majima’s voice wavered and he forcefully cleared his throat, ready to defend himself.
“Majima, shush. Let’s go back to your place so I can patch my hand up and so we can talk.” Kiryu didn’t move his hands, even though he ached to reach out and touch Majima’s face. He’d learned his lesson, the mad dog would bite if cornered.
“No. Yer place, I don’t want…” He lifted a hand and almost violently pressed the heel of his palm against his good eye, scrubbing at it to try and make the tears go away. “Ya askin’ to go to my place already, didn’t think you liked me that much Kiryu-chan.”
“I— Look,” Kiryu scrambled mentally, he wanted to comment on the joke but he also wondered how much of a joke it really was. “I don’t… I don’t have anywhere, Majima. Not anywhere I can take you.”
“You— You don’t have a— Fuck Kiryu-chan!” A watery laugh bubbled up from Majima’s chest, soon morphing into a cackle as he leaned into the hands on his shoulders. “You’re a fuckin’ travesty, no wonder ya like trash like me.”
Carefully Majima stood, wobbling as he reached his full height. Kiryu was up quickly after, grabbing one of Majima’s leather-clad hands before any objections could even be made. This caused Majima to glance at the hand now forcefully in his grip and the sight brought the sting back to his eye. Swallowing hard he stepped forward, tugging Kiryu along with himself.
“C’mon, guess I’ll let ya stay at my place. I know ya just got outta jail but fuck Kiryu, ya need ta take care’a yourself before ya try bein’ some hero. I told’ya about this shit.” He grumbled the words out, voice still wavering as he struggled to pull the mask up. It was cracked, weak, barely able to cover the void. However, the hand in his own was warm and comforting. Kiryu was here, he was here and seemed to actually care.
What the fuck.
“I’ve been fine, I don’t need a place of my own.” Kiryu grumbled the words, letting himself be dragged along. His hand hurt, but he’d deal with that at Majima’s place. He’d clean it out and then patch it and his arm properly.
Kiryu was dragged by a suddenly determined Majima, a Majima whom now had a goal, through the streets of Kamurocho. They moved quickly, ducking and weaving in and out of view to lose a tail that didn’t exist. Kiryu managed to get lost rather quickly, though thankfully Majima’s hand was in his own and gripping tight. He did care, Kiryu cared so much about Majima and that realization made him squeeze the other man’s hand tighter.
Out of the twisting streets of the city Majima dragged Kiryu up a set of stairs to a lonely apartment. Not even releasing Kiryu’s hand to grab for his own keys, Majima fiddled with the lock before shouldering the door open. It was a bare apartment, a reflection of what Majima saw himself as, with little more than a couch and futon. A small television sat on top of the box it had been sold in, a small table sat between the couch and the television stacked high with cup ramen and beer cans.
“Alright,” The watery tone had left Majima’s voice, replaced with a sober tone that caught Kiryu off-guard. “Sit yer ass on the couch, let me get the first aid kit. Can’t believe ya fell for that trick.”
“Trick?” Kiryu frowned softly as he sat himself down.
“Yeah! As if I’d be all sad’n shit!” The laugh following the words was forced, it almost broke the facade that he fought so hard for. Shaking it off Majima ducked into his tiny bathroom to grab a first aid kit, swinging back out he flopped down beside Kiryu and flapped a hand. “Take yer jacket off, dumbass.”
With a grunt Kiryu obliged, even going so far as to strip his shirt off. The cut, after all, would be easier to treat this way. “Trick. I think you’re good at acting, Majima, but you’re not that good.”
“Yeah I am— Hey, th’fuck does that mean? Ya want another beatin’?” Majima grumbled as he grabbed Kiryu’s arm and began wiping the bite clean. With little warning he poured alcohol into the wound, dragging a hiss from Kiryu. Both men were silent as Kiryu’s wounds were tended to, sober silence tinged with sadness seemed to wrap around both of them.
“I’m— Fuck, I’m sorry.” Majima’s voice broke the silence as tears welled at his eye. He hated this, he hated how his hands shook while he wrapped Kiryu’s arm, he hated that he’d hurt Kiryu like this, he hated that he was so fucking weak.
“For what? Cutting me? Biting me? I should’ve known not to reach close to your face, and the cut wasn’t bad. You’ve done worse.” Kiryu’s voice was soft, comforting, warm, and lacked pity.
Majima hated it.
“Stop bein’ so damn reasonable,” His voice wavered as he pulled his hands away, as he retracted himself away from Kiryu. He couldn’t touch the other man, he was too pure, too good, and Majima was none of that. “Yer gonna get yerself killed doin’ that, ya fuckin’ hero.”
“Yeah, so you’ve said. I’m not mad at you, Majima, not at all. What’s wrong—” His words cut as his cell phone began to ring, frowning Kiryu pulled it from his pocket and flipped it open.
“Hello?” He was momentarily silent before nodding, “Yeah, I’ve got him right here. Nishida, he’s fine, just wanted some alone time I think. Yeah, we’re at his apartment. I’m with him, yes. Yes, he’s fine. Sure, bye.” Kiryu flipped the phone shut before sliding it into his pocket.
“You didn’t tell’em I’m goin’ extra crazy?” Majima looked surprised, eye widened even as tears welled.
“Sure, why would I? That’s your business and I’m not about to make your boys question your authority. So, uh…”
Majima was frozen, staring at Kiryu blankly. It hit him like a train, Kiryu actually cared about him and wasn’t going to sell him out over this. Kiryu could be trusted— No, he could be more than trusted. This propelled the lanky man forward, pushing him to all but crawl into a surprised Kiryu’s lap.
“Uh, hi. This, uh, make you feel better?” Majima watched as color crept its way up Kiryu’s cheeks, he leaned into the arms that slowly found their place around him. Kiryu was confused, that was clear, but he wasn’t shoving Majima away.
“Yep.” Majima spoke softly, head tipped down as he pressed his forehead against Kiryu’s shoulder. “I ain’t felt like this in a long while, Kiryu-chan. I mean, it happens sometimes an’ if I think about shit I shouldn’t—” The memory tried to claw its way to the surface, like some creature summoned simply by its name, but the warmth and smell of Kiryu’s skin pushed it back into the pit.
“Yeah? I’ve seen you serious before, like when you drop the whole crazy thing, but I’ve never uh…” Kiryu trailed and ran a hand down Majima’s back, prompting the other man to quickly shrug out of his snake-skin jacket. Soon Kiryu found his hand resting against bare skin, skin that was warm yet poc-marked with scars.
“Y’know you fuckin’ endlessly surprise me, Kiryu-chan. Seein’ through that shit… I mean, it ain’t all an act…” Majima trailed, trying to tease out how he would attempt to explain this.
“Yeah I can tell when it’s not, like the zombie thing… That was…”
Majima laughed, a watery cackle that faded into a sigh, “Yeah, no, I ain’t gonna say I was makin’ good decisions. I mean, it turned out great but it ain’t somethin’ I’d’ve done if I wasn’t in one’a my crazy modes… Whatever that shit is. Like, Nishida is my self control an’ sometimes I’m even worse about it. I just keep happening, pretty fun when it happens but…”
“But it can be a problem.” Kiryu finished softly, hands trailing over Majima’s back and gently running over every single scar. “So, this then.”
“Yeah. I want to die, I mean I always wanna die. Ain’t that normal?”
“Uh, no.” Kiryu answered quickly, frowning at the man in his lap.
“Huh, well fuck. I thought you wanted t’die with all the shit you do.”
“Stop deflecting.”
“Ugh, fine Kiryu-chan. I ain’t sure what it is, I just… Started after I decided t’drop the coke, got all up in that healthy shit. I ain’t really sure why I did it? I was all convinced I should stop smokin’ an’ doin’ drugs an’ drinkin. Pretty fuckin’ stupid, huh?” Majima lifted his head, frowning softly as his brow furrowed. He honestly could not remember why he’d done that, why he’d thrown out everything. “Fuck, hate that shit. It’s like there’s some fucker livin’ in my head decidin’ that sometimes we’re gonna do stupid fuck.”
“So, you got up on some weird health kick and stopped…?”
“All’a it, I ain’t had a smoke in like five days.”
“Why the hell would you do that to yourself?”
“Don’t fuckin’ ask me! Why the hell did I think convincin’ you that it was a zombie apocalypse was a fuckin’ good idea— Don’t get me wrong I had a blast but still.”
“Alright,” Kiryu snorted and shifted one hand off of Majima’s back, grabbing his cigarettes from his suit jacket. Gently he knocked a cigarette out and offered it, Majima equally carefully took the cigarette between his lips. Kiryu promptly placed a cigarette between his own lips and flipped out a lighter, gently lighting Majima’s before pressing his own to the burning ember. Once his cigarette was lit, Kiryu took a drag from it and let the smoke billow from his nose. Majima followed suit soon, smoke bubbling from the sides of his mouth as he sighed in relief.
“Fuck, that’s better’n sex.”
“Is it?” Kiryu frowned a bit, “Grab the ash tray for me, would you?”
“Sure,” Majima reached backward, grabbing the ashtray. He hesitated before setting it within reach of both of them, “I’m sorry. I fuckin’ ruined your—”
“Shut up, Majima.” Kiryu’s voice was lazy yet firm.
“The fuck?!” Majima leaned back, glaring at Kiryu.
“I don’t want you apologizing to me for this, I’m not mad at you and you didn’t ruin anything. You’re fucking crazy, in more than one way, but I like you. If I didn’t like you I wouldn’t have helped you, I’d have left you in that alley. Whatever in your head is wrong that’s how you are.” Kiryu took a drag, letting smoke billow up from his lips as he stared at the ceiling. “It’d be wrong of me to change my feelings for you over this.”
Majima was frozen, eye wide and cigarette hanging from his lips. In a rush of movement he set the cigarette down in the ashtray before surging forward. His arms wrapped around Kiryu’s neck as his face buried into the other’s chest. The void opened as tears began to well at his eye again, the black hopelessness wrapped around him and tried to strangle him.
“I don’t deserve you.” Majima’s words were soft and followed by a muffled sob, “I ain’t done anything t’deserve a friend like you. I ain’t a good person, Kiryu-chan, I… I’m—”
“Shh,” Kiryu’s voice was a balm, his touch a light that pushed the darkness back. “What are you talking about? You greeted me when no one else did, you’re always you, you’re always there waiting to fight me or whatever, you… You’re the only thing stable in my life right now.”
Majima’s laugh was mixed with a sob, “That’s fuckin’ sad Kiryu-chan! I ain’t stable at all, got that crazy real good. Got that crazy, crazy got fuckin’ worse in the hole! Got even worse—” He cut himself off and clung tighter as Kiryu rubbed circles over his back. “I know you can fuckin’ feel ‘em.”
“The scars? Yeah. Doesn’t change anything, knowing you’ve got scars from being tortured doesn’t make me like you any less.”
“But I— What if—”
“Shh, hey Majima-chan,” His words were soft, soft enough to draw Majima’s face up. Kiryu gently ran a finger over his eye, gently wiping tears away as he did so. “When I say I like you, I mean I like you… I mean—” The realization of what he’d said seemed to hit Kiryu, making him go a bit red. “You can ignore that—”
“Wait, you mean…” Majima narrowed his eye, watching Kiryu carefully. A slow smile crawled across his face, lighting it up and stamping down the depression. “You like me? Like, like like me. Like you want to kiss—”
Instead of answering, Kiryu simply cut Majima off with his lips. The kiss quickly turned desperate as Majima moved his hands up to the back of Kiryu’s head, kissing as if the simple action could reignite the light within. Kiryu’s hands trailed down Majima’s sides as he let himself be pushed back into the couch, he let Majima’s tongue tangle with his own and basked in the warmth between them.
“Fuck,” Majima whispered against Kiryu’s lips, “I love ya’.”
“Yeah,” Kiryu mumbled, “Let’s do that again.”
“Sounds like a plan, Kiryu-chan. Maybe if we do it enough the hole won’t be there no more.”