Chapter Text
Jeonghan lied to him. He lied to Seungkwan with that reassuring smile on his face, and if he didn’t love Jeonghan so much, he’d probably have the desire to fight him for it. “Your senior year is your best year,” Jeonghan had said. “It’ll be a breeze, just try your hardest.”
And because Jeonghan was his big brother, of course he believed him. But he lied. Even if it was just a month into his senior year, Seungkwan decided that he still hated school just as much as he always did.
Alright, maybe senior year was a little better than his previous years. One of his best friends, Wonwoo, had a car now, he had more freedom, and he was just that much closer to leaving the hell hole everyone liked to call high school. But it still sucked for all of the same reasons that Seungkwan really didn’t want to talk about. Just thinking about it made his stomach churn.
The day was already off to a bad start because he woke up ten minutes before his alarm and he really could’ve used those extra ten minutes. But when he had finally drifted back into a decent sleep, the alarm was going off. Seungkwan whimpered.
“I hate my liffee,” Seungkwan sang along softly to the tune of his ringtone as he reached to his side table to stop the music. It was starting to annoy him. Seungkwan loved the Wonder Girls, he really did, but he didn’t appreciate them for waking him up on the daily basis. He’d have to remember later to change his ringtone.
Blinking a few times, Seungkwan managed to drag himself out of bed and maneuver around his room in the dark since there was only the faint light of early dawn lighting the room through the curtains. His feet seemed to automatically take him to his little brother’s room out of habit from doing the same thing every morning.
Get out of bed at 6 in the morning, go to Chan’s room and wake him up, brush teeth, wash face, and the rest was pretty self explanatory.
“Channie?” As soon as Seungkwan called the ten year old’s name, he couldn’t help but roll his eyes at himself. Chan wouldn’t be able to hear him very well, even if he was awake. Not without the boy’s hearing aids on at least. And Jeonghan has yelled at Chan enough times about wearing his hearing aids while sleeping, so hopefully Chan happened to listen this time.
Seungkwan attempted to walk around carefully in the darkness of Chan’s room so he didn’t step on any toys. But even with his cautiousness, Seungkwan still kicked a few of Chan’s toy cars and stepped on one of his dolls since Chan lacked any cleanliness. Hopefully that wasn’t his favorite he'd stepped on either.
Even with Seungkwan’s loud groans of irritation filling the space of the room, Chan didn’t move a bit. Okay, then that meant that Chan actually followed directions last night and didn’t fall asleep with his hearing aids in.
With his toes aching and bottom of his left foot stinging, Seungkwan finally made it to the the boy’s bed and leaned over to shake him. Chan sniffed and reached out a hand to feel Seungkwan’s arm. He couldn’t see in the dark and he couldn’t hear without the aids so the next best thing was to touch.
Seungkwan quickly turned on the bedside lamp and grabbed the hearing aids from their case to secure them on Chan’s ears for him. The hearing aids were customly made and adorned with white flowers all over it. It looked more like one of those decorative earrings that framed the ear than hearing aids, but Chan insisted that there were flowers on them. If he was happy then that was all that mattered.
Still half asleep, Chan gave a small smile of gratitude to his older brother as Seungkwan sat on the edge of the mattress and fiddled with Chan’s ear just to get him to laugh. This was something Seungkwan also did every morning.
“I love you,” Seungkwan uttered when he’d secured one hearing aid in, knowing that Chan could hear his voice now. Shifting to lay on his other side so Seungkwan could put the other aid on, Chan breathed back a response even in his mostly sleeping state. “Love you too, Kwannie.”
With both of his hearing aids in now, Chan was a bit more awake but far from being fully awake.
“Okay, now get up.”
“Mmm. Alright.” Almost zombie-like, Chan moved slowly to sit up and weakly stretch his small limbs. Even for a ten year old, Chan was still pretty small.
“Okay, I’m gonna go take a quick shower. I’ll be out in ten,” Seungkwan told him. Chan only groaned in response. As soon as Seungkwan stepped out of the room, there was the light sound of something falling on Chan’s mattress. He was sure Chan had literally just collapsed back into bed for a few more minutes. And he couldn’t blame him.
***
Stepping out of the shower, Seungkwan tried with all of his might to avoid the mirror. But with the small space of the bathroom, he couldn’t help but catch a glance, even if just a small one. And once he did, it was like he couldn’t take his eyes away from the sorry excuse for a body he had. The mirror was foggy from the steam floating around the enclosed space of the bathroom but it was clear enough to see all of his shortcomings.
Seungkwan always had plump, chubby cheeks. But now, his chubby cheeks weren’t the only plump part about him anymore. His tummy was pudgy and there were patterns of faint stretch marks on his thickening thighs. The logical side of Seungkwan’s mind always reminded him that he wasn’t fat.
His friends always called him fluffy and Seungkwan took pride in that. Or at least tried to.
But the emotional side of Seungkwan-- and he was more of feeling type of guy anyway-- always made him feel like he was fat. If someone slapped any part of Seungkwan, he would jiggle. It was embarrassing that his weight would fluctuate like this. Sometimes, Seungkwan would lose a bit of weight and he’d be skinny enough but then he’d end up like this again. Give it another month or two and his weight would be fluctuating yet again.
Gosh he hated his body.
Not being able to help it, Seungkwan poked at his belly. He grimaced immediately and moved out of the way of the mirror. He didn’t want to see what he was. That day, Seungkwan wore the biggest hoodie he could find in his closet.
***
“Bagels. We have bagels. Right? Where the hell are the bagels?” Jeonghan moaned in exasperation as closed the fridge a bit too hard when he found zero freaking bagels stored there.
“We gave the last one to Chan yesterday,” Seungkwan said as he strolled into the kitchen, feeling a bit better now that he was completely covered and hidden in this hoodie. Even though the feeling of bitterness still lingered in his chest, he didn't have the overwhelming desire to hide. Which was a good thing.
Jeonghan groaned again and shook his head in disbelief before moving to search through the overhead cabinets.
“I really need to go the store,” Jeonghan huffed when he found nothing for them to eat for breakfast in the cabinets either. “I asked Seungcheol to go last night but I guess it slipped his mind or something. I swear he’s so freaking forgetful and it’s just ridiculous.”
Even though Jeonghan was talking to himself, Seungkwan still wrapped his arms around Jeonghan and hugged him tightly. Letting his older brother know that he was listening to him and his worries. Jeonghan buried his face in Seungkwan’s hair, inhaling the scent of fresh citrus from Seungkwan’s shampoo.
Seungkwan and Chan came to live with Jeonghan and his boyfriend, Seungcheol, after their mom had lost custody of the two of them about two years ago.
Seungkwan had noticed all of the signs of her being addicted to morphine but never said anything. Afraid of being teased. Afraid of changed. Afraid of losing everything. Even if all he knew at that point was a drug addict mother, it was still better than having an unknown future.
It wasn’t until Jeonghan visited that he realized and through the biggest tantrum Seungkwan had ever seen from him.
Jeonghan’s voice, no matter how angry he would get, was always incredibly soft. Sometimes, you couldn’t take him seriously because his voice always failed him. But that day, the last day Seungkwan and Chan was with their mother, Jeonghan blew up in anger. It took Seungcheol to literally hold him back from destroying the house.
From what Seungkwan knew now, his mom was in a rehabilitation program but there was no way he could confirm that.
Even though Jeonghan was their legal guardian now, he was also still trying his best to finish his graduate program and get his masters degree in video programming and computer science. To say it was difficult was an understatement but Jeonghan was determined to get through it. For himself and to show his two younger brothers that determination, support, and a lot of hard work can truly pay off.
“There you are, Hannie,” Seungcheol said as he ambled into the kitchen with his button up shirt carelessly unbuttoned. Seungkwan let Jeonghan go, already feeling that there was a fight that was coming. Taking a seat at the island, he watched as Seungcheol moved to press a kiss against Jeonghan’s forehead.
“I thought I asked you to go to the store yesterday?” Jeonghan asked, his tone soft but passive aggressive, completely ignoring the sweet gesture.
Seungcheol stopped before bringing a considerably large hand to palm his face. “I completely forgot, Han. I’m so sorry. I was so busy last night.”
“Doing what?” Jeonghan’s lip was upturned as if he didn’t believe Seungcheol’s excuse of being “busy.”
“There’s a deadline coming up with the video game. I’ve been trying to fix a few bugs in its design before we send it off to the development team.”
Unlike Jeonghan, Seungcheol had already finished his graduate's degree last year and was now working at a video game design company. One of the biggest in Seoul, in fact. From what Seungkwan could tell, Seungcheol loved his job.
“I thought this game was supposed to be released in like a year?” Seungkwan said, absentmindedly speaking his thoughts. Seungcheol shot him a warning look, telling him not to get him into more trouble than he already was in. But Jeonghan seemed pleased by the reminder.
“He’s right, though,” Jeonghan continued.
“The development process for a game takes a long time, sweetheart. Look, I’ll go to the store today as soon as I get off of work and pick up Chan from his dance classes. I promise. Promise, promise, promise, ” Seungcheol reassured. This time, he pressed a kiss to Jeonghan’s lips that Seungkwan faked a gag at. But they ignored Seungkwan, only pulling away from each other when Chan came into the kitchen.
“Eww, Cheollie and Hannie are trying to do the nasty in the kitchen,” Chan whined, dragging his backpack behind him.
“No, we aren’t. Just sharing the love,” Seungcheol said. He rounded the island grabbed Chan from the floor and held him in his arms. “People give kisses to show how much they love each other. Like this.”
Chan already knew it was coming but was too slow to avoid Seungcheol’s kisses that were being pressed all over the skin of his face. Chan pushed and pushed but couldn't escape the kisses. “I give up!” Chan pleaded. “I need no more kisses! The kiss meter is at 100!”
Seungkwan was giggling along with Jeonghan as Seungcheol finally put Chan to his feet and fixed the hearing aid that had shifted around in the struggle.
Chan was diagnosed with Otosclerosis when they were a lot younger. And while he could get surgery to fix it, the surgery was way too expensive for Jeonghan and Seungcheol to afford right now. So for now, Chan was stuck with his custom hearing aids.
“Since I forgot to go to the store last night, here’s some cash. Stop somewhere and grab something quick to eat before school,” Seungcheol said, reaching into his pants pocket to pull out a random bill.
“What about you guys?” Seungkwan asked.
“We’ll be fine. Just take it.”
While Seungkwan was still thinking about it, Chan had already made his decision. He grabbed the bill from Seungcheol’s hand with a proud, “Thanks!” and was running towards the living room. Count on him to be the inconsiderate one. But he was Chan so Seungkwan expected nothing less of the youngest of the house.
“Wonwoo is driving you guys to school, right?” Jeonghan asked.
“Yeah, I think he’s here actually.” Seungkwan looked at the time on his phone. It was 7:14. He was usually here around this time. “We’ll go outside and wait,” Seungkwan said, pulling his backpack onto his shoulder.
“Okay. What’s the rule of the day?” Seungcheol said.
Seungkwan rolled his eyes and stomped his foot. “Don’t do this.”
“Come on, Kwan,” Jeonghan pushed. “Tell us.”
“Ugh. It’s to be confident,” Seungkwan mumbled.
“I didn’t quite hear you,” Jeonghan teased. “Did you hear him, Cheollie?”
“No, I didn’t hear him either, baby.”
“Be confident!” Seungkwan groaned louder.
“Good. Now go. Have a great day,” Jeonghan laughed, curling his arms around Seungcheol’s waist. Almost like parents watching their kids go to school for the first time. “Have a great day, Chan!” Jeonghan yelled so Chan could hear him from the living room.
“You too!” Chan hollered back.
With a smile, Seungkwan left the house.
***
“Hey, Seungkwan. You’re lucky that you had the privilege to miss that gag fest between Wonwoo and Mingyu over the phone just now,” Jihoon groaned from the passenger seat as Chan and Seungkwan climbed into the back seat of the car with Minghao.
“It wasn’t that bad,” Wonwoo muttered, starting the car again. “You both buckled in?”
“Yeah!” Chan shouted before occupying himself with Minghao’s phone that Minghao allowed him to toy with every morning on their way to school.
“Yeah, it was that bad, Woo,” Minghao huffed. “You guys are just so disgustingly in love. Especially Mingyu. He’s so freaking in love with you that he probably believes in fairy tales now.”
“Probably does. He’ll be talking to all the rats and shit like Cinderella in a bit,” Seungkwan chuckled along. Jihoon burst into laughter, slapping at his thigh as he doubled over. Even Chan chuckled but Seungkwan was sure that it was only because he cursed and not because he understood the joke.
“Shut the hell up y’all. He loves me. You should be happy for me.” Despite Wonwoo’s attempt to be serious, his voice was wavering from the desire to laugh too. Looking at the rearview mirror, Seungkwan could see Wonwoo’s eyes creased as he failed to hide his smile.
“I am, WooWoo!” Chan exclaimed. “I’m happy for you. You and Mingyu are so cute! It's a little nasty but still cute.”
“You always had a way with words, Channie,” Wonwoo said, flicking on his blinker to make a turn onto an intersecting street. Chan mumbled his thanks before he returned his attention to the mobile game again.
“Oh!” Seungkwan remembered. “Wonwoo, can you stop at a store really quickly? I need to get Chan a muffin or something for breakfast. We didn’t have much food at the house.”
“I have Jianbing. My mom made it for me but I’m not hungry,” Minghao said. “He can have it. You want a piece, Chan?”
“What’s Jeanbean?” Jihoon scoffed, seemingly mocking the Chinese dish.
“That’s racist, Jihoon,” Wonwoo warned.
“I was seriously asking though.” Jihoon’s voice was instantly defensive as he curled within himself from sudden guilt. Jihoon was someone who could easily be described as blunt and brutally honest. And sometimes it could be seen as him being rude, mean, and purposefully offensive. But once you truly got to know Jihoon, anyone could see that he was none of those things. And he definitely didn’t want to come off that way either.
But when anyone did suspect him of being malicious, Jihoon immediately would curl and make himself seem smaller from the guilt that someone saw him that way. Jihoon was a lot of things-- picky, blunt, indecisive, short tempered, dismissive, and a lot more-- but he was not, by any means, a mean person that enjoyed making others feel bad.
Knowing this about Jihoon, Wonwoo reached a hand over and squeezed Jihoon’s thigh reassuringly. “I know. Just making sure is all,” he mumbled. Jihoon sighed inaudibly.
“Well, it’s kind of like an omelet. It’s a popular breakfast in China,” Minghao explained. Seungkwan watched as Minghao pulled the carefully foil wrapped breakfast wrap from his bag and holding it out to Seungkwan.
“It’s really good. You guys can split it in half,” Minghao smiled.
“You’re so sweet to us,” Seungkwan gasped.
“So do I still have to make a stop at the store?” Wonwoo asked. “Because we don’t want Chan to be late to school, do we?”
“Ugh! I wish I never had to go to school,” Chan whined, taking the half of the Jianbing that Seungkwan had split for him.
“Don’t we all,” the rest of them all said as Wonwoo turned into the parking lot of Chan’s elementary school. Jihoon, Minghao, Wonwoo, and Seungkwan all bid the little boy a goodbye and watched him munch on his Jianbing as he ran to one of his teachers who was standing outside.
***
Seungkwan considered himself pretty lucky to not have calculus as his first period. Not only did he not have the mental capacity in the morning to do calculus, but he also was safe from the cheesy, cliche romance that was Wonwoo and Mingyu’s relationship.
Minghao wasn’t as lucky because he did have class with the two.
It wasn’t like the two of them were that couple. The couple that would make out and fondle each other in class and in the hallways as if no one else was around. Seungkwan hated that.
Matter of fact, Mingyu and Wonwoo weren’t very open about their relationship at all. They walked right past each other in hallways, only shooting each other loving glares that only Seungkwan and the rest of their friend group noticed.
Being that Mingyu was on the basketball team and one of the popular guys in school, it would just ruin the reputation that Mingyu worked so hard to build if everyone found out that he had a boyfriend. The fact that this boyfriend of his was Wonwoo-- the nerdy boy with the deep voice-- wouldn’t really help his case either.
It literally was a cliche romance. The popular basketball player madly in love with the sharp tongued, nerdy bookworm.
But even if Seungkwan acted as if watching them was the equivalent to sitting in the middle of a garbage dump, he genuinely was proud to see Wonwoo happy. They all were happy for him.
“I fucking hate this class,” Jihoon scowled as he collapsed into the seat next to Seungkwan, who was trying his best to shrink within himself.
Seungkwan hated these small desks because his thighs were literally expanding from sitting on these small chairs. He refused to press his back up against the back of the chair, afraid that the students sitting behind him would see the pudginess of his torso.
Luckily, Jihoon’s angry complaint brought him out of his thoughts.
“I thought you loved literature,” Seungkwan said.
“I do. But it’s this classroom. Why does it have to be so cold all the time?” Jihoon growled.
Seungkwan rolled his eyes at the complaining about something so small and insignificant. “Do you need a hug? What’s got you all upset?”
“Nothing,” Jihoon said quickly. “I’m fine. Just don’t wanna be cold. No one wants to be cold so- yeah.” Jihoon cut himself short. Something he usually did when he felt like was starting to ramble.
Just to tease him, Seungkwan reached over and pinched his cheek. Jihoon glared at him in warning, but Seungkwan only giggled.
“Good morning, class,” Mr. Park greeted with a sweet smile on his considerably young face as he rushed into the classroom. Mr. Park was very tall and very… puppy-like, if that made any sense. Simply put, he was such a happy man. It’s no wonder he was such a popular teacher here. “Before we start class, I would like to introduce you to someone.”
Mr. Park placed his suitcase down behind his desk and quickly made his way to the back of the class where there was a cage that was covered with a thin, white sheet. Seungkwan hadn’t even noticed it back there.
“We have a class pet now,” Mr. Park said excitedly as he pulled the sheet from on top of it, revealing a brown and white bunny. A cute, small, fluffy bunny.
“Where did you get it from? It’s so cute,” A girl marveled. Seungkwan was sure that she went by the name Umji.
“My spouse got this little guy from a friend. I thought it would be nice to bring him into class for everyone to give him some love,” Mr. Park said as he opened the cage and carefully scooped the bunny into his arms.
“You’re married?” Umji gasped.
“Yes, I am happily married.”
Ignoring the fews disappointed sighs and curious giggles, Mr. Park introduced the little bunny to the class. “So everyone, say hi to Kwan.”
Seungkwan raised an eyebrow, wondering if the resemblance to his name was just a coincidence. But then, Mr. Park looked up to meet Seungkwan’s surprised stare with a knowing smirk of his own. Was the bunny named after… him? Mr. Park’s grin was the only confirmation he needed.
“I named him Kwan because I couldn’t help but think of Seungkwan, here, when my spouse brought him home. I swear this isn’t an act of favoritism but simply picking a name that fits this little guy the most.”
Seungkwan’s cheeks were burning and most likely tinted the most obvious shade of red, but he couldn’t find it within himself to care. The cute, fluffy bunny was named after him because Mr. Park thought of him . Of all people, he thought of Seungkwan.
He was beyond flattered, his heart swelling delightfully in his chest. Jihoon chuckled at Seungkwan’s giddiness.
“I mean of course, you’d name it after him,” a familiar voice chuckled. Seungkwan’s delight faltered a bit at the sound of it. “Look at the bunny. It’s fat. So of course you’d name a fat bunny after the fat boy of the class.”
Seungkwan’s glee quickly plummeted into the ground. Crashing and burning. The feeling in his chest quickly turned into mortification. Seungkwan’s throat closed as he kept his head low to avoid everyone’s stares that he knew had been redirected to him.
“Yong Sool, that’s unnecessary, and I won’t tolerate-” Mr. Park began but didn’t get to finish before Jihoon butted in.
“I swear you’re asking for a serious beat down,” Jihoon chuckled menacingly, slowly turning around to face the boy who was sitting not far from the two of them.
“What’re you gonna do? You probably wouldn’t even be able to reach me,” Yong Sool scoffed.
“I’m tall enough to kick you in the balls you wish you had. You’re a legit waste of space and an even bigger waste of my time,” Jihoon said. Damn. When Jihoon insulted someone, it seemed like he chose words that pierced straight through the chest.
“That’s enough, you two,” Mr. Park demanded, his voice raising a bit. “Yong Sool, another comment like that and there will be consequences. Jihoon, there are better ways to handle a situation. Understand?”
“Yup.” It was obvious, Yong Sool wasn’t taking this seriously.
“Whatever,” Jihoon huffed under his breath.
Still feeling utterly embarrassed, Seungkwan took a deep breath and raised his head a bit. He was still hiding inside of his hoodie, but he wouldn’t let everyone else know that he was bothered by the stupid joke.
The only one who didn’t fall for Seungkwan’s act was Jihoon, who kept a hand on Seungkwan’s leg the rest of the entire class period.
***
When class ended and Seungkwan and Jihoon were about to head to their next class which was biology, a guy stopped them. Seungkwan hasn’t really spoken to him all that much--maybe one time a year or two ago when they were partnered for a project-- but Seungkwan was sure that his name was Soonyoung. He occasionally saw him at Chan’s dance school, helping the little children learn the routine. From what Seungkwan knew, Soonyoung was Chan’s favorite teacher.
Soonyoung was also friends with Hansol. How lucky was Soonyoung that he got to see Hansol’s face up close on a daily basis, Seungkwan thought.
“Hey, I wanted to ask if you were okay?” Soonyoung’s question was directed at Seungkwan but his gaze was obviously set on Jihoon.
“Y-yeah,” Seungkwan mumbled, wanting to forget about the incident completely.
“Yong Sool is a friend of mine and I know he can be-”
“Of course he’s your friend! How can you be friends with someone like that anyway?” Jihoon snapped. “It’s just so ridiculous that I can’t even- yeah.” Yet again, Jihoon cut himself short with a brief “yeah.”
“He’s not always like that,” Soonyoung chuckled, scratching at the back of his head nervously. “He’s cool… most of the time.”
“We- um… We kind of have a class to get to,” Seungkwan said, wondering why Soonyoung stopped them in the first place.
“Oh! Yeah, yeah. Alright, just wanted to check on you, is all. Well, I’ll see you around, I guess.” Before Seungkwan could thank him for his concern, Soonyoung was rushing off. Jihoon just rolled his eyes and started walking again.
As Seungkwan started walking with Jihoon to the their next class, he pondered on the single thought of Soonyoung looking at Jihoon. So flustered and jittery as he tried to talk to them. He seemed to get even more nervous when Jihoon cut him off with his angry outburst.
When Minghao came running up to join them in their journey to class, Seungkwan decided not to think about it.