Chapter Text
Josuke looked out his friend's window at Morioh's lazy streets. "Do you think I could get Rohan to make me sick? Like, get him to write 'I have a 103 degree fever' in my brain?"
Koichi didn't even turn away from his computer screen. "Oh definitely. The question is whether you could get him to erase it later."
"Is that how Heaven's Door works though? Like, he can just write in 'I diagnose you with dead' and you're just like 'damn okay I guess I've got leukemia'?" Okuyasu stared at Koichi's ceiling, deep in thought. "That shit don't add up. Why would you want Rohan to get you sick, anyway?"
"I really don't wanna go to class tomorrow, but my mom never falls for it when I fake sick."
Koich spun in his chair. "So, you'd rather be actually sick than go to school? Why?"
Josuke groaned dramatically. "This girl won't leave me alone, I just need a day away from her."
Koichi and Okuyasu both fake pouted at him for a moment.
"I'm serious! You don't know how fuckin' annoying it is, she's unstoppable! And even the normal chicks never take no for an answer!"
"Have you ever actually said no to any of them though?" Okuyasu countered with a smirk.
Josuke opened his mouth to defend himself, then turned to glare out the window again. "I tried to once, but she started crying and I just..... I just wish i could get them off my back without making 'em feel bad, you know?"
"Awwww," Koichi cooed sarcastically. "Can't relate, every girl in a thirty mile radius knows that if they try to hit on me, Yukako will teleport directly into their dreams and break their kneecaps."
The other two boys snorted. Okuyasu sat up, grabbing Koichi's GameBoy. "Well, there's an idea for you, bro."
"What?"
"Get yourself a girlfriend so scary that nobody will come near ya, seems to be working for Koichi," Koichi stared daggers at him and he put his hands up innocently. "I mean I love Yuka and all, but I wouldn't wanna cross her, you know?"
Josuke watched two squirrels dart around Koichi's yard, wheels in his head turning. "It's a good idea, Oku. Or at least it would be if I wanted a girlfriend, scary or otherwise."
"You could find a tough chick and pay her to tell people she's your girlfriend," Koichi mused.
"Bold of you to assume I'd ever willingly pay for something."
......
A few days later, Josuke was cornered on his way to his locker.
"Hey, Jojo, I haven't been seeing you around much this week. You aren't hiding from me, are you?" Rei giggled.
Josuke froze. "Uh, no-no! Of course not, heh. I've just been busy, you know how it is."
She nodded, stepping closer and invading his personal space. "So I was wondering, do you maybe wanna go to the movies with me Friday night? I could sneak out and we could go to a midnight showing," She purred, blushing.
Josuke looked around, scanning for an exit. "Uh, that sounds nice and all, Rei but uh...." Nothing. Well, let's try Oku's stupid ass idea. "Well, I'm kinda seein' somebody, you know?"
"I won't tell if you don't," She whispered, leaning close to his face.
"Yeah, I know but uh, I just wouldn't want you to get hurt if word got out. You know, 'hell hath no fury' and all that jazz."
She scoffed. "Please, I could take any girl in this school-"
Just as Josuke was certain that things couldn't get any bleaker, a strong arm was wrapped around his shoulder.
"Hey, Josuke! I was waiting by your locker for like ten minutes, what's up?"
Okuyasu was grinning from ear to ear, clearly excited to be done with school for the day.
"Oh, Oku! I'm sorry, I-"
"Don't be sorry! I was just gonna ask if you wanted me to pick you up tonight or if I should just meet you at Tonio's," He noticed Rei then, smile falling. "Oh, were you guys-"
"I was just leaving!" Rei blurted out, blushing slightly. "S-sorry for bothering you, Josuke, it won't happen again! You and Okuyasu have fun tonight, okay?" She left as quickly as she could, practically leaving a silhouette dust cloud in her place.
"Huh, that was weird. What's her deal?"
Josuke didn't respond. He was too busy staring at Okuyasu's hand, gently squeezing his shoulder. It took a moment for the implications of this misunderstanding to make sense, but once they did, Josuke was grinning wickedly.
Without a word, he looked at Okuyasu with a smirk and grabbed his hand, threading their fingers together, and leading him down the hall.
"Bro, what are you doing? Let go of my hand, gaylord," Okuyasu hissed as they left the building.
"In a minute, let's just get outta everyone's sight first. I want it to look natural."
"I'm startin' to feel like I missed something."
When they turned a corner, Josuke let go of Okuyasu's hand and turned to him, wearing his classic 'scheming' face.
"Be my boyfriend."
Okuyasu's face was priceless, Josuke couldn't resist a snicker.
"Come on, think about it! If I'm just saying I'm dating someone who could kick anybody's ass, no one's gonna care. But you? Everybody in town knows you could snap 'em in half if you really wanted to! And I mean, we already hang out all the time, all you'd have to do is like, hold my hand at school and call me babe where somebody could hear ya'! It's the perfect crime, the con is on, bro!"
"I dunno-"
"Tell you what, if you change your mind, I'll just tell people you dumped me, and you'll be off the hook! Come on, help me out, it'll be easy!"
Okuyasu hesitated. "You promise it won't be....weird?"
Josuke held out a hand. "Why would it be weird, dude?"
Okuyasu sighed, and shook his hand. "Alright, if you say so...."
"Say it......."
He groaned, he hated Josuke's plan catchphrase.
"......The con is on."
"HELL yes!"