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‘So it’s day 2 of you being back in your pod,’ Alex felt tears well in his eyes as he looked at Michael. Seeing him motionless, knowing that he probably couldn’t hear anything Alex said, that he most likely didn’t know Alex was there, that Alex didn’t know how long it would be until they could get him out…
Alex cleared his throat, looked away and continued, ‘and it seems to have worked. You’re still alive and Liz is working on a cure. She doesn’t know yet what my dad shot into you but she and Kyle are confident they can fix it.’
Alex blinked back tears, took a deep breath and tried to ignore the physical ache not being able to hold Michael was causing him. He glanced briefly at Michael’s pod again before looking down at his shoes.
‘So I’ve moved in,’ Alex gestured around the cave at his makeshift campsite. He’d set up a cot and sleeping bag within touching distance of Michael’s pod. Closer to the edge of the cave, he’d set up a table and chair, and a portable electric stove. In one very dark corner of the cave, he’d set up a portable pop-up shower.
When Kyle had delivered the camping equipment and supplies Alex asked for that morning, he’d glanced around and said, ‘You’re really staying here til we get him out?’
Alex had looked him in the eye and responded, ‘I’ve had worse. And I’m never walking away from him again.’
Seeing the unshed tears in Alex’s eyes, Kyle had reached out and gripped his shoulder, ‘Liz and I will figure this out, Manes.’ Alex had nodded and quickly turned away, busying himself with setting things up. Kyle had left not long after.
‘It’s not much, but it’s home for a while,’ Alex continued as he lowered himself to sit on the cot.
‘And then when we get you out, my home is wherever you are.’
Alex smiled sadly at Michael’s unconscious form, ‘God I miss you. I wish I could hold you. I wish I could wrap my arms around you, feel you pressed against me, and bury my face in your curls. And I can just picture the look you’d have on your face right now if you were awake.’ The thought actually made Alex grin.
‘You’d scoff at me and roll your eyes a little and say ‘whatever happened to this isn’t going to work Michael? Are you cooking meth in there Michael? I wanna know all of you but when you tell me the whole truth I’m gonna freak out and dammit I need my space, Michael?’’ The grin faded and Alex shook his head, ‘That’s the first thing we’re going to sort out when you’re back.’
Alex leant forward, resting his elbows on this thighs and clasping his hands together in front of him. He dropped his head and took a few deep breaths.
‘Max and Isabel will be back soon, they’ve just gone to shower and get some food. I let them know they were welcome to use my pop up shower but neither of them seemed overly keen. I’m actually surprised the look Isabel gave me when I suggested it didn’t melt my brain,’ Alex huffed out a laugh remembering the way she’d glared at him.
‘You’re sister is petrifying, by the way,’ Alex said looking at Michael again. ‘It took a lot to convince her that I was going to stay with you until we can take you out of your pod. I think the argument was reaching hour 12 when I gave Isobel free reign of my head. I told her to take as long as she needed because I know there’s nothing inside me that could ever want to hurt you.’ Alex shuddered as he remembered the feeling of Isabel poking around inside his head.
‘In the end it only took her a few minutes to see everything she needed. After she was done, she hugged me so hard she nearly knocked me over,’ Alex smiled sadly. ‘She let go and told Max that I was staying. That I would never let anything happen to you if I could help it,’ Alex leant forward and began gently caressing Michael’s pod with his hand.
‘Max didn’t look happy but I’m sure Isabel’s telling him everything now so hopefully he won’t mind so much when they get back.’
Alex continued to caress the pod right above Michael’s face. He closed his eyes, breathed deeply and tried to imagine touching the real thing. Tried to remember what it was like to touch Michael’s warm, stubble roughened cheek. Alex felt the tears in his eyes again. He breathed deeply and tried to force them away but there was nothing he could do to stop them this time.
‘I don’t know if you can hear me or not. Isobel said she doesn’t remember anything from her time in the pod but your experience could be very different from hers. Some coma patients swear they’ve heard people talking to them while they’ve been out, some say they’ve heard nothing,’ Alex pulled his hand away from the pod and wiped the tears from his cheeks.
‘You know I’m not a believer in a higher power but something inside is telling me to have a little faith. That you might be able to hear me or… I don’t know, feel that I’m here with you?’ Alex shook his head and furrowed his brow.
He took a deep breath and continued, ‘So going on that, I want you to know that I’m not leaving. I’m not walking away. I will be here with you in this cave until Liz comes with an antidote and I know we can safely bring you back.’
Alex once again placed his hand above Michael’s cheek on the pod, ‘I want you to know that I love you. Love, not loved. Present tense. Also past and future tense. You’re my everything and I need you. I promise that when you wake up I will tell you that I love you every day, like I should have been this whole time,’ Alex dropped his head and let his tears flow freely while caressing the pod.
Alex closed his eyes and took one… two… three deep breaths. When he had his emotions under control, he looked back at Michael, ‘But until that time comes, I’ll be here. I’ll protect you. And I promise you won’t be alone.’