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On some level, Nathan had always known that he’d eventually end up on community service or something like it. It was just a matter of time. His mum hadn’t even had the decency to look surprised when she picked him up from the police station. She didn’t say a word as she drove them home and when he’d been sentenced to community service, the look she gave him said that he’d better straighten up or he was out on his arse.
Nathan guessed he was out on his arse.
It wasn’t so bad. The orange jumpsuit complimented his complexion but it definitely needed improving. So the first moment he got, Nathan had pulled out a sharpie and changed the ‘payback’ of ‘community payback’ to ‘blowback’. When he was done, Nathan checked himself out in the mirror. Now it was perfect.
The ragtag group of young offenders lined up beside him were a little more diverse than he’d expected, but the moment they’d opened their mouths things had become clear. The most normal one of the bunch was Curtis who was painfully boring in Nathan’s books and definitely not worth learning anything about. Gary was the most typical and too volatile for Nathan’s liking. The prick was probably one amusing comment from breaking Nathan’s nose and Nathan knew that he didn’t have the impulse control to stop himself, which hadn’t ended up mattering since Gary didn’t show up after the first day. Kelly was basically what you’d find if you looked up the word chav in a dictionary. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail so tight that it was a wonder her scalp wasn’t tearing away from her head, and her tone was as harsh as her hair. Despite that, Nathan quite liked her, there was something about her earnest severity that was endearing. Alisha was the type of girl that dropped her pants for attention and since Nathan was exactly that same kind of girl, he wasn’t too interested in her.
What did interest him was the painfully awkward Simon, not that he’d ever use his name. The guy was such an easy target that Nathan couldn’t help himself. The first time he’d spoken to Simon he’d called him ‘weird kid’ and had gone on to accuse him of being a perverted panty sniffer. Simon had gone rigid and had stiffly explained that he’d tried to burn a house down. Nathan had felt high, people didn’t usually fall into the trap that was showing him even the tiniest scrap of attention especially by answering him honestly. It had continued like that for the first week or so. They went around in circles, Nathan teasing the life out of Simon and Simon rising to the bait.
It was at least a great distraction from the shit state of his life. His mum had done as she’d promised and kicked him out of the house the instant she’d found a dick to suck that’d also pay rent. The guy was such a wet blanket, of course Nathan couldn’t play nice for more than two seconds. He didn’t dare consider that he might be his mum’s soulmate.
He was actually surprised when his mum started to shove his things into a duffle bag she seemingly had prepared. It was so shocking that most of the terrible things he was going to say fell out his mind as he pled with her to let him stay, he stepped on his own foot though when he’d made another crass comment about whoever it was standing out in the hall and she’d smacked him across the face.
The whole world seemed to have stopped then. They stared at each other for a long moment before his mother sighed and asked him quietly to just leave. Nathan swallowed thickly and took the duffle bag from her hands, finishing what she’d started.
He’d gone through everyone in his contacts list, half of them didn’t answer his calls and the other half made excuses that varied in opacity. Fuck ‘em, he thought, he didn’t need them anyway. Eventually he had found his way to the community centre, he had to be there anyway.
The group dynamic was practically set in stone by the first day of the second week. Nathan and Alisha spent their time trying to grab as much attention as possible, Kelly seemed to find it endearing and mostly laughed along with them. Curtis would watch and voice a level of disgust after laughing despite himself. Simon stayed on the sidelines, phone constantly in his hand, his voice only going above a mutter when Nathan goaded him. The goading only got worse when he’d realised that Simon had been filming them.
At first he’d pointed it out to the group to embarrass Simon, but when he didn’t stop after that Nathan decided that if Simon wanted to film them then he’d give him a show. He made it his personal mission to get in front of Simon’s phone whenever it was out. Simon’s reactions were as entertaining as always so he didn’t stop.
None of them had noticed that Nathan was living at the community centre and it was going to stay that way. The way he saw it, he kind of had things set, as far as he was concerned.
Kelly and Nathan were stood on the roof smoking their lungs raw. The sky was its characteristic gray, gray on gray, Milton Keynes had nothing on this place.
“You found your soulmate yet?” Kelly asked.
Nathan nearly bit his cigarette in half. He didn’t think about that sort of stuff, it was a bunch of bullshit as far as he was concerned.
“Nah, I don’t care about all that shit, if I’m fucking a girl and her cunt starts turning green I’ll be running for the hills,” Nathan said, casually tossing his cigarette off the roof.
“That’s dead classy,” Kelly said, sarcastically.
“Hey I’m in control of my destiny, not some skin that changes colour like a mood ring,” Nathan said, waving his hands around flippantly.
“I get what you mean,” Kelly muttered and sucked harshly on her cigarette, “still I think it’s romantic,” she added, staring out at the bleak sky.
“Have you found yours?” Nathan asked.
“Nah,” Kelly shook her head. She threw the cigarette on the ground and stamped it out.
“Well, I hope they’re not a complete cunt,” Nathan offered, it was about as nice as he got.
“N’aww, that’s well sweet,” Kelly said with a smile as she made her way to the door.
The same conversation flitted through the group throughout the week as they somewhat got more relaxed with each other, which bored Nathan half to death. He’d rather be sharing stories of sexual exploits or week long benders. Instead they were talking about shit like fate. It was just so fucking dull and more like conversations that happened in stuffy rooms between guys with tweed elbow patches who definitely had rent boys.
“So none of us have found our soulmates?” Alisha said looking around at them as they hung around the corridor misusing the wheelchairs while Simon got a diet coke from the vending machine.
“I don’t think it’s exactly surprising, I mean look at us,” Nathan said dramatically.
“Speak for yourself,” Curtis muttered.
“So what’s your excuse then?” Nathan said, rounding on Curtis.
“It just hasn’t happened yet, that’s all,” Curtis said with shrug. Eyeing Nathan in that way that said ‘if you don’t stop pushing this I’m going to knock you the fuck out.’ Nathan really hated how uptight Curtis was, but he wasn’t going to risk getting punched.
“Whatever man,” Nathan said and leaned back in the wheelchair, balancing perfectly on the two back wheels.
Since Nathan lived at the community centre, he was pretty much always the first one there. Sometimes he’d walk outside and hang around for a little bit and come in as late as he could. Have a cigarette and pretend that he wasn’t homeless. This morning he was the first one there though, it was too much effort to get up earlier and leave just to come back again.
He was just pulling up his jumpsuit when Kelly and Alisha walked in holding hands. They stepped apart the instant when they saw him but it was too late, Nathan had already seen the pastel blue shining like acrylic paint on their palms and fingers. Both girls sent him baleful glares before heading to their respective lockers.
Nathan zipped up his jumpsuit a little and made his way toward Kelly. He leant against her locker, smiling as he watched Kelly stuff her things inside.
“What?” Kelly asked, finally turning to Nathan.
“So,” Nathan drew out, “does her pussy turn blue when you’re eating her out?”
Kelly clipped him around the head, which had become something of a recurring event between the two.
“Jesus,” Nathan exclaimed, holding his hand to his head, “are your hands made of fucking steel? That’s gotta be rough on poor Alisha’s pussy,” he added, rubbing the sore spot. Kelly raised her hand again and Nathan flinched. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s just a joke okay,” he rambled, “I’m very pleased for ya, really,” he added hands held out in front of himself.
“Thanks,” Kelly said, genuinely smiling.
Girl scouts, brownies, girl guides, whatever they called themselves these days. Nathan didn’t especially like them. He’d never been in the cub scouts or anything, his mum had barred him from that sort of thing but he’d never really been interested in it anyway. It was too much authority, too many rules. Nathan was sure he’d have been kicked out within minutes if he’d have tried to join. Besides, tying knots and circle jerking in the woods wasn’t exactly his scene.
One of the scout leaders was leering at Simon. She probably knew him from school or college or something, that wasn’t of great interest to Nathan. What was interesting was the look of distress on Simon’s face, that and the fact that no one had paid attention to Nathan in more than a minute, which had to be changed immediately.
“Don’t worry about it Barry, I’m sure they’re not onto your paedophile ring just yet,” Nathan said as he slung his hand around Simon’s shoulder and lightly smacked his cheek.
When he pulled his hand away Nathan found his palm was scarlet red as was Simon’s cheek.
Curtis stifled a laugh and turned it into the fakest cough Nathan had ever heard. Kelly just blinked at them, wide eyed.
“Oh my god,” Alisha gawked.
“What?” Simon asked, eyes anxiously darting around the room and over himself, “what are-“ he cut himself off when he saw the fading red on Nathan’s palm.
It was like he’d frozen, eyes glued to Nathan’s hand as it slowly returned to its natural colour. A cherry red blush rushed its way across Simon’s cheeks, sliding under the retreating red. He looked like he was either about to cry or run away and never come back. It was the end of the day and Nathan could just see him not coming in tomorrow.
Nathan didn’t exactly know what he was feeling. He’d never expected to actually find his soulmate, hadn’t really thought that he’d had one, so he was quite honestly surprised. So Nathan did what he always did when he felt something akin to a real emotion, he made a joke out of it.
“I think this where you’re supposed to swoon into my arms,” Nathan said to Simon, arms outstretched to catch him.
“Nathan,” Kelly said sternly, “leave him alone,” she added elbowing him in the side. “I thought you said you didn’t care about that shit anyway,” she said staring up pointedly at him.
Kelly had started acting all mother hen around Simon recently. She’d probably warmed up to his extreme social anxiety thing, girls always warmed up to the socially inept guys. This was the kind of thing that Nathan should have been used to but he’d never had the impulse control to realise when he’d caught himself in his own lie.
“Well, I don’t,” Nathan said brows raised condescendingly at Kelly.
“Whatever,” Curtis said with a huff and made his way toward the locker room. Simon shuffled off after him, looking as though his bones were made of rigid metal.
Alisha and Kelly were both giving Nathan a look. It was like they had a lesbian mind link or something, it pretty creepy.
“What? Is there shit on my face or something?” Nathan said, circling his face with his finger.
“Be nicer to Simon eh? I’d be in shock if I was stuck with you too,” Kelly said firmly.
“Ah, come on I’m only teasing,” Nathan returned.
“Shut up you prick,” Alisha groaned, “it might actually be good for you,” she added, it looked as though saying anything approaching nice to Nathan was painful for her.
“Can you seriously see the two of us together? Me and that pervert? I may not have very high standards but I do have standards,” Nathan said, waving his arms around dramatically.
“You’re like always trying to get his attention, you’re constantly all over him,” Alisha said, staring dead eyed at him.
“Because he’s so easy to pick on, it’s like he’s got bright neon signs around him that are screaming ‘tease me and see what happens’ and who am I to deny the signs?” Nathan explained as though why he teased Simon should be obvious.
“I mean the rest of us manage to leave him alone,” Alisha said with a shrug.
“Well, at least one of us is paying attention to him, shame on you,” Nathan said, faux self-righteous, pointing his finger in Alisha’s face.
“Is everything just a fucking joke to you?” Alisha asked, batting Nathan’s hand away.
“Pretty much, yeah,” Nathan said with a nonchalant shrug.
“What about Simon?” Kelly asked, voice coming like a shot out of the dark.
“What about what about Simon?” Nathan returned petulantly.
“Do you think he thinks this is a joke?” Kelly said. She knew she was on to something, Nathan could see it in her eyes.
“Don’t go getting all motherly on me,” he warned, “I don’t react well to authority figures.”
“Just try to think about it from his point of view yeah?” Kelly said, hands in her pockets.
“As if,” Alisha said with a roll of her eyes, “I’m going to get changed, enjoy trying to make this soulless prick feel anything,” she added, kissing Kelly on cheek before leaving, giving Nathan the finger as she went.
“Well now, that wasn’t very nice was it?” Nathan said mistily as he turned to Kelly, baby blue fading on her cheek.
“She’s got a point,” Kelly said.
They stared at each other for a long moment. There was something about Kelly that made it harder to lie straight to her face, especially when they were alone. Maybe it was that he’d kind of fancied her for a bit when they’d first met or that beneath all the hard as nail exterior she was as sweet as pie, maybe it was the motherly/matronly thing. Nathan didn’t know and he wasn’t about to waste his time examining it. Thinking about stuff like that was for self aware people and Nathan had tried his best to constantly stay and blissfully self oblivious.
Still he couldn’t lie to her.
“So what, I’m just supposed to put myself in the little freak’s shoes and think about how he feels? That sounds disgusting,” Nathan said, sneering.
“Just stop being a twat for two seconds and think about someone besides yourself yeah?” Kelly said, big round eyes staring up at him.
“You’re asking me to do the noble thing, me? You’ve met me right?” Nathan said.
“Nathan,” Kelly sighed, “you’re like the shitty little brother I never had,” she added with endearment. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” she said, patting him on the shoulder as she made her way to the lockers.
“Yeah, thanks sister,” Nathan said to her back as she disappeared down the corridor.
Nathan couldn’t seriously put himself in Simon’s shoes. He couldn’t imagine being so rigid. It was obvious that he’d been mercilessly bullied in school, probably way worse than anything that Nathan had done to him. There was humour behind what Nathan said, everything he did was to entertain himself, it was never about hurting anyone. Sure, sometimes people got hurt by what he did or said but that was collateral. Hurting people wasn’t the point. There was also the anxious and self consciousness that seemed core to Simon, it was obvious in the way Simon would pat his hair down whenever there was too much focus on him. It was impossible for Nathan to imagine what it would be like to be Simon.
They were practically opposites.
Nathan tried his best not to finish the thought with ‘opposites attract’, but the song was too damn catchy.
He would have been lying if he’d said he wasn’t at least a little surprised to see Simon the next day. Obviously, Simon avoided him completely. Nathan wasn’t surprised about that, but it irritated him to no end. Mostly because everything inside him was screaming that he needed to grab Simon’s attention. He knew that Kelly would clip him around the head for it, but it would be worth it because it’d quiet that impulsive itch for a time.
After zipping up is jumpsuit with a swift tug, Nathan made his way over to Simon. He curled his fingers around the top of the locker door and looked down at Simon. The boy was frozen, fingers stuck on the zipper of his jumpsuit, he stared back blankly. And Nathan’s mind stuttered to a stop. His mouth felt stuck with glue, there was something stopping him from being his usual self. Just for a moment though.
“So,” Nathan drew out and Simon blinked slowly at him, “you found any good dogging sights recently because last night I met this girl who saw that David Blaine thing where he lived in a glass box for a few days and wanted to be fucked in one of those, but I thought doing it in a car with a bunch of weirdoes watching would be the next best thing.” It was total bullshit but it didn’t matter.
“Why are you asking me about dogging?” Simon stammered, finally zipping up his jump suit all the way.
“Well, I don’t know what kinky shit you’re into,” Nathan said, leaning over Simon and invading his personal space.
“Nathan,” Kelly warned.
“Hey, I’m not judging,” Nathan assured, sliding into his amateur dramatics, “I don’t care what you’re into, as long as it’s not children.”
Before Simon could stammer out what had quickly become his catch phrase of ‘I’m not a paedophile’, Kelly stormed over and smacked Nathan around the back of the head. She quickly had a hold of his ear and dragged him out of the locker room, ignoring Nathan’s protests.
Kelly let go of him and Nathan stepped back from her, slamming himself against wall as he rubbed his head.
“Seriously, you should compete for world’s strongest woman,” Nathan exclaimed, his head pulsing with pain.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Kelly asked, cutting through Nathan’s bullshit.
“Being normal, it’s just harmless fun,” Nathan said defensively.
Kelly stared hard at him for a long moment and Nathan just blinked back at her feeling as though her gaze was piercing straight through to his soul. She sighed and leaned back a little.
“Alright, but could you be less of a dick though?” Kelly said, staring up at him.
“Well we both know that that’s not going to happen,” Nathan said holding his arms up in an exaggerated shrug and Kelly let it go.
Nathan made it his personal mission to harass Simon as much as possible that day.
“It’s not gay if we’re not touching,” Nathan assured as he reached over Simon’s shoulder with the grabber aiming for his crotch.
Simon didn’t say anything, but he did try to brush Nathan off, albeit unsuccessfully. And that was just the start of it. Nathan stuck to Simon like glue, bothering him all day.
There was an obvious tension in the locker room at the end of the day. Simon was moving in slow motion while Curtis moved like lightning just to get out of there. He’d been sneering at Nathan all day, which wasn’t exactly out of the ordinary, and Kelly and Alisha had watched it all with exasperated concern. Just before she left, Kelly shot Nathan a look that read something like ‘fuck this up and that’s on you but I’ll smack you anyway’.
Then they were alone.
They’d never really been alone together, sometimes Nathan had cornered him or separated him from a little from the rest of the group, which wasn’t exactly hard, but they’d never been properly alone. Things were strangely more charged and intense than Nathan had expected. Really he’d expected Simon to run on home, not to purposefully wait for them to be alone.
Nathan dropped himself against the locker beside Simon’s, making it shudder and rattle beneath him.
“What are you doing later, because I don’t want to take up valuable time where you could be watching ladies in stilettos abuse kittens,” he said, head tilted against the metal. His heart was pounding so fast he could taste his pulse.
Simon didn’t say anything, he just shook his head as he stared up at Nathan. He reached out and smeared his hand across Simon’s face, scarlet trailed behind his touch.
“Stop touching me,” Simon barked, smacking Nathan’s hand away.
“What, you’re not a fan of scarlet?” Nathan asked, crowding Simon, getting into the other’s personal space. He was close enough to taste Simon’s breath. He was close enough to kiss Simon, if he wanted to.
Everything changed so fast that Nathan felt as though he had whiplash. Simon pushed him away, shoving him hard back into the locker.
“Leave me alone,” Simon warned and stormed out of the locker room.
Nathan stood there staring at the empty doorway. It didn’t bother him. It shouldn’t bother him.
It bothered him a lot.
Plenty of people had walked out of rooms to avoid him, his own parents had done it so many Nathan had lost count, and he did it on purpose a lot too. He’d say everything that he could think of just to get people away from him. Nathan had a talent for creative conversation or least that was what he liked to call it.
This was the first time in a really long time that he’d cared when someone walked out of a room to avoid him.
Simon most likely thought that Nathan was playing around with him, since everything was a joke right? Simon was probably thinking that it was a joke played at his expense, but it wasn’t though. Nathan just didn’t know how to do this. He didn’t know how to get close to people, especially people like Simon.
He had to do something, his body thrummed with the need to do something. So he got high. Smoking weed in broad daylight outside the same community centre where he was doing community service was kind of tempting fate but Nathan had never listened to the alarms in his head. Still, he couldn’t stop thinking.
What did it matter anyway? This wasn’t anything, he would get over this, he’d gotten over everything else. He’d gotten over way worse. It didn’t matter.
The weed wasn’t doing anything to mellow him out, but Nathan had never wasted drugs before. He finished off the joint and threw the dying end into the shit heap of a river.
It was getting dark and Nathan was getting hungry. He didn’t really have any money. He was getting sick of vending machine food and whatever garbage was in the cafeteria. Nathan had a sudden urge to go home and have dinner with his mum, he wanted to sit at the dining table and join in as his mum bad mouthed her trashy friends.
Nathan came shuddering back to himself, trying his best to switch his brain off. It was dark and the street lights were on. Nathan couldn’t stop himself then, he jumped to his feet and went back inside the community centre.
Breaking into the office wasn’t hard, he’d done it a million times already. He didn’t bother with the computer. Instead Nathan rifled through the papers and files that filled the unlocked cabinets and draws until he’d found Simon’s address. He stared at the paper in his hand and wondered just what the hell he thought he was doing, but then he reminded himself that he never thought about what he was doing and he wasn’t about to start doing that now.
He shut his brain off and left.
Nathan stood in front of Simon’s house and stared up at the only room with the lights on, it had to be Simon’s. He seemed like the kind of guy that would stay up all night waking to the weirdest porn that Nathan’s brain could come up with. At that moment the weirdest porn Nathan could come up with had something to do with a Shetland pony, a lady and chutney.
There was no way he was going to ring the bell. He knew it’d piss off Simon and he was trying not to do that for once. It would also wake up whoever else was in the house and Nathan wasn’t ready for meeting parents, he’d never been good at meeting people’s parents. He’d been barred from many a birthday party. Instead he picked up a few rocks from the gravel driveway with an idea in mind and walked close to the house, just under what he hoped was Simon’s window. He weighed one of the stones in the palm of his right hand before he tossed it up at the window, which instantly smashed.
The sharp sound echoed horribly through the quiet streets. Nathan swallowed thickly as he stared up at the now shattered window. Simon’s face quickly appeared there, at first he looked pissed off and a little terrified but then he saw Nathan and tired recognition slipped over his face.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Simon hissed.
“Throwing rocks at your window to get your attention, it’s romantic,” Nathan returned, mock stern.
“You broke my window,” Simon stated.
“Romantically,” Nathan countered.
The look Simon gave Nathan then was a mix of sheer exasperation and bewildered confusion.
“Come down here,” Nathan beckoned.
“I’ve got to clean up all this glass,” Simon said.
“Yeah, but after that,” Nathan added, trying his best not to lose the other.
“Go home Nathan,” Simon groaned.
“Sorry you don’t enjoy Shakespearian romance, I thought you were cultured Barry,” Nathan said.
“Romeo didn’t throw a rock through Juliet’s window,” Simon said as he frowned, brow pinched.
“I never liked Shakespeare either, I feel like he was well into getting choked, he just wore that ruff to cover it up the slut,” Nathan said, hands flailing as he spoke.
Nathan heard the sigh that Simon released then, it was a tired and long suffering sigh, Nathan bit his lip hoping that he hadn’t just fucked it all up. The phrase ‘runaway mouth’ was an understatement at this point. Simon moved away from the window and Nathan wanted to kick himself. He pushed both of his hands through his hair. He wasn’t good at this sort of thing, in fact he was absolutely awful at this sort of thing.
People never got close to him and that was how Nathan liked it, things were so much easier that way. Now though it was biting him in the ass. The last time he had really put himself out there like this he’d been instantly shut down, told to shut up and sit down. Nathan had decided to do neither and instead had doubled down, making it a permanent part of his personality.
His abrasiveness was both a defence mechanism and a coping mechanism. If everything was a joke then he never had to take anything serious, never had to examine anything he did or anything that happened to him. As far as Nathan was concerned the whole existence thing was kind of one big joke god or the universe or Steve Jobs was playing on the lot of them.
He started to wonder what he was doing there. This wasn’t something he believed in. He wasn’t going to let some fucking colours appearing on his skin control him. It was so stupid. He didn’t need this. He should just leave.
The sound of the door opening caught Nathan off guard, he looked up to find Simon walking across the lawn toward him.
“You’re lucky no one else is home,” Simon muttered as he stopped in front of Nathan.
“I’m always lucky,” Nathan returned and Simon rolled his eyes. “Why aren’t your windows double glazed, you know I think I’ve done you a favour,” he went on like usual. It wasn’t what he’d wanted to say, it wasn’t what he’d come here to say but it’d fallen out of his mouth anyway.
“Do you ever shut up?” Simon asked, he looked pain, he looked constipated.
“No, not really, you should know that by now,” Nathan replied, which was probably the most honest he’d been with anyone for a very long time.
“I guess I should,” Simon said, the edges of a smile played on his lips.
“Let’s go to McDonalds, talk this out while you buy me a burger,” Nathan said, standing with his hands on his hips. He felt exposed, like a raw nerve.
“My window’s still broken,” Simon said anxiously looking back.
“Right,” Nathan frowned and stroked his chin for a second, “you got any cardboard?”
A few minutes later, Nathan was stood in Simon’s room taping a bin liner and piece of cardboard over where the window had been.
He would have been lying if he’d said that Simon’s room was anything except exactly what he’d expected it to be. It was anally neat, filled with nerd shit and a touch childish innocence in the planetary boarder that wrapped around the whole room. The wallpaper was naff too.
“That should do it,” Nathan said, making a ta-da motion as he stepped away from the window.
“That’s not going to stop someone from breaking in,” Simon said, frowning at the spot where the tape was touching his wallpaper.
“Not to shatter your suburban delusions, but if someone wants to break into your house then they’re going to break in, that’s why your mum should get double glazing. Anyway, this should mean that the only thing making your bed wet will be your jizz from watching all that kiddy porn,” Nathan said, miming masturbating and ejaculating with his hands.
“I’m not a paedophile,” Simon stammered out, sounding as though he was about to bust a blood vessel.
“I,“ Nathan stopped and groaned, “I know you’re not a paedophile, it’s just a joke,” he explained.
“I don’t think it’s funny,” Simon said, affronted.
“Alright, I’ll lay off the paedophile jokes, now will you buy me a burger,” Nathan said, mock pleadingly as he clapped his together, holding them out in front of himself.
Simon shifted on the spot. The apprehension was entirely warranted, Nathan knew that, what he couldn’t figure out was what Simon was apprehensive about exactly. The guy was bundle of neurosis and anxiety.
“I’m not going to jump you in a McDonalds Barry,” Nathan promised, trying for serious.
“Do you even know my real name?” Simon asked looking put out.
“Look, Simon,” Nathan said with special emphasis on Simon’s name, “if we stand around here talking then I’m just going to offend you again and I’d rather have you walk out on me with a full stomach than have you kick me out because I have a reputation to maintain,” he rambled on, unable to stop himself.
The whole thing just seemed to confuse Simon, he looked as though he’d crashed to desktop. Nathan could practically see his eyes blue screening. He looped his arm through Simon’s arm and pulled the other out of the room.
“The world’s not going to end if you come and have a burger with me, you’ve got your wallet right?”
Simon nodded and let Nathan drag him down the stairs and out of the house. He watched Simon lock the door, fingers sure but unsteady.
“Why’s no one home then?” Nathan asked casually, “they all gone dogging or something?”
“My mum’s staying with my aunt, she’s going through a divorce,” Simon explained blandly, ignoring the jab.
“So she’s on the market and messy?” Nathan joked, smiling sharply at Simon.
“Please,” Simon begged, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Okay, okay,” Nathan said, hands raised in surrender.
“My sister’s staying with our dad while my mum’s helping aunt Judy,” Simon went on.
“Home alone eh?” Nathan asked suggestively, which apparently flew straight over Simon’s head.
“It’s not much different from how it usually is,” Simon said, eyes on the concrete.
Nathan bit his tongue then. Sure they were opposites in a lot of ways, but there were a few things they had in common too. Family issues was practically written in sharpie in capital letters on Nathan’s forehead. He hadn’t exactly expected Simon to have family issues but he figured that well adjusted kids didn’t try to burn houses down. There was also the ignored and lonely thing. Nathan was hard to ignore but people tried, it was pretty obvious to him by this point that Kelly was the closest thing he had to a friend, his mum tried to avoid him as much as possible and his dad was practically a ghost. He drove people away from him.
Simon shrunk away from his social ostracisation where Nathan wore it on his sleeve like a badge of honour.
They made their way inside the McDonalds, the florescent lights were so bright that Nathan was sure they were burning his retina. They ordered and Nathan let Simon pay.
“We’re the coolest people in this McDonalds,” Nathan said, dropping down onto the bench seat.
“I don’t think that’s true,” Simon said, eyes darting around the room. He patted his hair down and Nathan tsked at the motion drawing Simon’s eyes back to him.
“You just lack confidence,” Nathan said, waving his hand flippantly. “Don’t make me pay you compliments to stroke your bruised ego,” he added, shifting in his seat.
“I don’t have a bruised ego,” Simon said, affronted.
“No you have a shrivelled ball sack of an ego,” Nathan clarified, pointing a fry in Simon’s direction.
“And what about you?” Simon asked, turning the conversation back on Nathan.
“My ego’s in perfect working order, tip top shape mate,” Nathan said with a shrug.
“And that’s why you do all of that attention seeking stuff?” Simon asked, condescendingly, trying to pry Nathan out of his hypocrisy.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Nathan said, faux oblivious.
“Right,” Simon drew and drank some of his coke. “What did you want to talk about anyway,” he stammered, fiddling with the straw as he refused to meet Nathan’s eyes.
“The whole soulmates situation,” Nathan said, swishing his hand between them, pointing out the obvious.
“Yeah,” Simon breathed.
“I know I might not be who you were imagining, but you’re not exactly the catch of the year either,” Nathan said, slouching over the table and chomping on his fires.
“I wasn’t thinking that,” Simon said, frowning as he slumped into himself.
“Is it ‘cause I’m not a girl?” Nathan said, sneering slightly.
“I mean, it’s not what I expected,” Simon admitted.
“Me either, I was expecting a model who liked drugs and casual sex,” Nathan said, simply letting words fall out of his mouth.
Simon rolled his eyes.
“Can’t you just say something honest to me for once?” He said exasperated.
“Okay, I’m homeless,” Nathan announced straight away, throwing his arms out as though he were throwing his cards on the table, which wasn’t quite true. It was more like he’d flipped over a few cards while still keeping the rest of his deck close to his chest.
“What?” Simon said, looking genuinely concerned.
“My mum kicked me out the first week of community service,” Nathan stated, matter-of-factly.
“Why?” Simon asked, brows pinched as he stared at Nathan.
“I think I suggested that her new boyfriend was a gay porn star,” Nathan tried to think back but he couldn’t for the life of him remember what he’d actually said.
“Of course you did,” Simon returned, smiling softly.
“Your turn, Clarice,” Nathan said and made the same tongue flicking sniffling noise as Anthony Hopkins did in Silence of the Lambs.
“What do you mean?” Simon asked, leaning further away from the table, recoiling slightly.
“Tell me something embarrassing, like why’d you try to burn that guy’s house down?” Nathan said, slurping on his milkshake.
Simon looked instantly uncomfortable. Nathan decided that he needed a little more buttering up.
“Oh and also, I’m living in the community centre, I’ve been stealing food from the cafeteria. My mum still does my washing though,” Nathan said as though it was something to brag about. It was kind of a small miracle that his mum washed his clothes, but he supposed it was payment for leaving her alone for the most part.
“You’re living in the community centre?” Simon’s eyebrows shot up his face, the concern was back and Nathan hated it.
“That’s why I’m always trying to get you to buy me food and stuff, it’s not just because I’m flirting with you,” Nathan said with a wink.
“That’s you flirting with me?” Simon asked, his brows pinched in confusion.
“I mean, in a way,” Nathan said, vaguely flapping his hand in the air.
“What do you mean ‘in a way’?” Simon asked, still confused.
“You know I’m an attention whore, you’re the one always paying attention to me,” Nathan said accusatorily, pointing at Simon.
Simon suddenly couldn’t make eye contact with him and Nathan actually found kind of cute.
“I like it,” Nathan admitted.
“What?” Simon said, blinking obliviously at him.
The little shit really was going to make him say it twice wasn’t he?
“I like it when you pay attention to me,” Nathan reiterated, words spat out quickly. “You’re turn,” he said, gesturing toward Simon.
“Uhm, I kind of like it too,” Simon stammered, flattening his hair again.
“So you’re a masochist then?” Nathan asked with a sharp smile.
Simon shrugged, smiling as he shoved some fries into his mouth. It was a little stripe of confidence that thrilled Nathan.
“Why did you try to burn that house down then?” Nathan asked. “Was it a warning to back off because they’d found out what you like to do when you’re alone,” he added, mouth full of burger.
“I thought you said you’d stop making paedophile jokes?” Simon frowned.
“I didn’t mention paedophiles,” Nathan said, wagging his finger at Simon.
Simon sighed heavily, deciding to let it go. “You’re going to think I’m pathetic,” he said.
“You’re saying that to a man who lives in the community centre and steals food from the vending machine,” Nathan pointed out.
Simon smiled softly, but was still hesitant as he continued. “There was this guy,” he started and Nathan tried not to look too interested, “I thought he was my friend, I mean we used to be friends but things changed,” he went on and pressed down hard on his hair, swallowing thickly. “One night I got this text inviting me out to some club and I went and it turned out that he’d never meant to text me,” Simon struggled out, “it was humiliating, they were all laughing at me, that girl with the girl guides was there I guess she was laughing at me then too,” his lip twisted bitterly.
“So you tried to burn his house down?” Nathan followed the logic.
“I got a little drunk first,” Simon admitted, looking off to the side.
“Of course,” Nathan said, simply trying to move Simon along.
“I knew no one was home, so I figured why not?” Simon said with shrug. “I went over to his house and poured some petrol through the letterbox and set light to it,” Simon’s eyes flicked up to Nathan and Nathan had the decency to not say anything, “but there was a cat.”
“A cat?” Nathan returned.
“I didn’t want to kill the cat, that cat didn’t do anything to me,” Simon explained, he clearly felt very strongly about it and Nathan pressed his lips firmly together trying his best not to laugh. “I didn’t know what to do so I,” Simon stopped and took a deep breath before continuing, “I pissed through the letterbox,” he said after a moment.
Nathan couldn’t help himself then and burst out laughing. “You posted your dick through a letterbox to save a cat’s life?”
“It’s not funny,” Simon said seriously.
“It is, it’s very funny actually,” Nathan replied.
“Yeah, it kind of is,” Simon said smiling softly at Nathan.
Nathan hadn’t realised he was doing it and he was pretty sure that Simon was the same, but he suddenly noticed that they were both leaning against the table. They were so close to each other then. It would have been so easy to just lean a little further in and press his lips to Simon’s, leave that scarlet red all over his face.
“What did you do?” Simon asked.
“Huh?” Nathan murmured, dragging himself away from those thoughts.
“It can’t have really been about pick and mix,” Simon said.
“I did steal some pick and mix, but that was only the start of it, things just sort of escalated from there,” Nathan said, hands gesticulating above the table.
“How?” Simon asked, brows scrunched.
“I was just being my pure self,” Nathan said gesturing to himself with an air of the kind of arrogance that only movie stars are allowed to wear.
“You irritated them into pressing charges?” Simon said with amusement.
“Pretty much,” Nathan said, he leaned back and finished off his burger.
They were smiling at each other again.
“Come back to the community centre with me,” Nathan found himself saying.
“Why?” Simon asked, he looked a little bewildered or confused. Nathan had no idea what had jumped to the front of his mind, but he was pretty sure that none of those things were going to happen.
“Because there’s beer there,” Nathan said, “come on, the night is young and so are we,” he went on trying his best not to lose Simon.
“Uhm, okay,” Simon nodded.
“Okay, so let’s blow this joint,” Nathan said, rising from the table with excitement. He left Simon to deal with the tray and their rubbish as he made his way outside.
The mezzanine was kind of a neat mess, things were spilling out of Nathan’s duffle bag, empty cans and one empty packet of crisps were pushed into the corner. The mat where he slept was scattered with his sheets. Quite frankly it was a pathetic sight. Nathan busied himself with getting the beer and not thinking about the state of his life.
“You sit your arse down and I’ll be back with the beers in a second,” Nathan said, making finger guns at Simon before leaving.
When he returned Simon was leant against the railing, back pressed to the metal. Nathan popped open the cans of beer and dropped down beside Simon, passing a beer to the other.
“Cheers,” Nathan said, tapping the cans together.
They both took big swigs of their respective beers. Nathan could feel Simon staring holes into the side of his face.
“What? What is it?” Nathan asked, turning on Simon.
“A-are you gay?” Simon struggled out.
“Who gives a fuck about labels eh?” Nathan said. It was a practiced reply, something he’d said many times before.
“I guess so,” Simon said, shifting slightly as he held the can of beer against his knees.
“I mean, you just fuck and kiss whoever you want to. Who cares what anyone else thinks?” Nathan said, spurred on by Simon’s unease. “Any hole’s a goal, right?” He smirked and Simon laughed outright.
Their shoulders were pressed together and their knees bumped each other. The laughter suddenly stopped and they leaned into each other. Their mouths came together slow and easy, like waves to the shore. Nathan curled his fingers around the sharp jut of Simon’s jaw and pulled the other close. Simon’s lips were smooth and a little cold, it was probably the beer.
It wasn’t the best kiss he’d ever had, it wasn’t ground breaking, fireworks weren’t going off behind his eyes. When he opened his eyes and pulled away everything was the same. The world hadn’t suddenly changed and Nathan was relieved.
“You looks like you’ve got lipstick on,” Simon noted, smiling as he stared at Nathan’s lips.
“So do you,” Nathan said, smirking down at the fading red on Simon’s lips, “I bet it looks better on me,” he declared.
“Uh,” Simon stammered, apparently he’d broken the boy again.
“Don’t tell me that I wouldn’t look absolutely stunning in drag, I’ve got the features for it and I’m as thin as a model,” Nathan went on, he jumped to his feet and started to pose.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to that,” Simon stammered, watching Nathan.
“You’re supposed to tell me how great I’d look in a dress,” Nathan said.
“I guess so, I mean you always look good,” Simon said looking down at his beer as he lifted it up and took another sip.
Nathan grabbed Simon’s hands and pulled him up onto his feet. He kissed Simon again, something chaste. Simon laughed. The sound was music to Nathan’s ears. Nathan continued to pose and Simon continued to laugh.
“We need to come up with a drag name, does your mum have any decent dresses, how old’s your sister anyways?” Nathan asked, words crashing together in a rush.
“Uh, you’re not wearing my mother’s clothes, my sister’s twelve and you’re not stealing any of her clothes either,” Simon said, frowning but snickering despite himself. Something seemed to dawn on him suddenly though, and Simon retreated into himself a little, much to Nathan’s displeasure. “Is it just the fact that I pay attention to you that makes you like me?”
Nathan stopped still and dropped his arms down to his side. He couldn’t believe that Simon would just come out and say that crumby shit.
“No,” he said, hoping that it would be enough and knowing that it wouldn’t be.
“Is that it?” Simon asked.
“Your creepy intense staring is kind of hot and the whole handsome shark with social anxiety thing is adorable,” Nathan said, wildly gesticulating.
“Can you say something that isn’t backhanded?” Simon said, cutting straight through Nathan’s bullshit, he’d clearly learned some things from Kelly.
“Are you trying to kill me?” Nathan said, he threw head back and arms out dramatically. Simon simply stared back at him, clearly he was having none of it. “Okay, give me a second,” he said, dropping his arms again. Nathan retrieved his beer and downed the rest of the can. “You’re smart,” he said and then burped.
Simon couldn’t contain his laughter and finished off his own beer.
“I’ve got to go home,” Simon said, checking his phone.
“You’re still worried about people breaking into your house?” Nathan sighed.
“Yes,” Simon admitted, shifting on the spot and Nathan figured that it wouldn’t be the best idea to needle him for worrying over something stupid again.
“Alright, well, I’ll see ya tomorrow,” Nathan said, casually leant against the railing as Simon gathered himself.
“See you,” Simon murmured with a small smile and Nathan waved him off as he left the building.
Nathan knew he was doomed the instant he wanted kiss Simon again, which was approximately three seconds after he’d left.
Simon released an ‘oof’ as Nathan shoved him up against the locker. He slipped his fingers into Simon’s neat hair, he’d spent the entire night fantasising about messing it up. He’d wondered what would happen if he’d messed up Simon’s anally neat room. Just that thought pushed him into a rough kiss, suffocating Simon. Unsure fingers curled into the front of Nathan’s jump suit.
“For fuck’s sake,” Curtis spat.
Simon jumped out of Nathan’s grasp, but the scarlet across his mouth and disappearing into his hairline was telling. It was kind of cute really.
“What are you some sort of homophobe?” Nathan yelled in mock outrage.
“Can you just keep it clean in the locker room, Kelly and Alisha manage not to jump each other all the time,” Curtis said, his voice that tone that said he needed Nathan to shut up right now. Of course Nathan didn’t.
“You’re just jealous because you’re the only one without a soulmate,” Nathan said flippantly.
“Yeah, I’m kind of glad I haven’t found my soulmate in community service,” Curtis said dismissively as he made his way over to his locker.
“Your loss mate,” Nathan said and Curtis flipped him off without looking at him.
“Maybe tone it down a little,” Simon murmured, patting his hair down.
“Oh, that’s never going to happen,” Nathan said with a smirk wrapping his arms around Simon’s shoulder pulling him in close as Kelly and Alisha entered the room smiling knowingly at them.