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Evangelos, Angel
Office of Earth Observation
Heaven
30 January, 4000 BC
Aziraphale
Nippur Library, Nippur
Earth
To Whom It May Concern,
It has come to the attention of the Office of Earth Observation that you may have experienced an unreported interaction with a demon in the final days of Eden. Please fill out the attached paperwork regarding this incident so it may be appropriately investigated.
Regards,
Evangelos, Angel
PS. Our current address for you is what the humans call a ‘library’ and is not listed as a suitable residential dwelling. At your earliest convenience, please update your information to include the address you use for your Earth-bound mail.
***
Evangelos, Angel
Office of Earth Observation
Heaven
10 July, 100 AD
Aziraphale
Alexandria Library, Alexandria
Earth
To Whom It May Concern,
In addition to the previous, still unreported, interaction with a demon at the Garden, the Office of Earth Observation has been made aware of at least two additional interactions with the same demon. As a third offense, please make an appointment with the Office (Rm 330, Heaven), at your earliest convenience for an interview and debrief over these encounters.
Regards,
Evangelos, Angel
PS. Our records indicate that you updated your address, but to the address of another library. Please update with a residential address.
PPS. Aziraphale, we aren’t kidding. Don’t take this demon stuff lightly. Let us help. Before he leads you to temptation and makes you fall.
***
Evangelos, Angel
Office of Earth Observation
Heaven
16 March, 400 AD
Aziraphale
Imperial Library, Constantinople
Earth
Principality Aziraphale,
In light of seven (7) unreported interactions with the serpent demon known as Crowley, you have been formally recalled to Heaven. Please report within the day to the Office of Earth Observation (Rm. 330, Heaven). Failure to comply will result in a formal report to the Office of the Archangel.
Regards,
Evangelos
PS. Listing your location as Camelot isn’t helping anything, Aziraphale. Where even is that? I had to look you up on the globe and Gabriel is starting to suspect something.
PPS. If you’re wondering, Kafziel is the one monitoring your case and reporting you to our superiors. I’m just the messenger.
***
Aziraphale
Camelot
Earth
4 April, 400 AD
Kafziel
Office of Earth Observation
Heaven
My Dear Kafziel,
I would like to take this opportunity to assure you that my repeated association with the demon Crowley is neither my choice nor of any particular interest to your superiors. It would do you well to cease informing them of his close proximity to me, as his decision to do so has no bearing on myself or my orders.
Yours,
Aziraphale
***
Kafziel
Office of Earth Observation
Heaven
16 April, 400 AD
Aziraphale
Imperial Library, Constantinople
Earth
Aziraphale,
I’ll stop reporting you if you stop fraternizing with the enemy.
Regards,
Kafziel
PS. I literally spend all day observing you. I know you aren’t in “Camelot.” I don’t know what you’re playing at, but it’s really unnecessary.
Heaven
6 June, 1601 AD
“Uh, Evan? I think you should come see this.” Kafziel, official Angel observer in charge of monitoring the one and only Principality Aziraphale, motioned for his friend and colleague to look through his assigned viewport at what said Principality was doing right that moment.
“Something up Kafziel? I’ve got to finish this paperwork before Aziraphale does something new and ridiculous. I swear, it’s bad enough filling out the forms but when you have to write them first it’s-” As she stepped up and peered over Kafziel’s shoulder, she saw exactly what he was talking about.
Aziraphale and the demon were standing together, talking. Laughing. The look in their eyes was not one of immortal enemies, but one of mirth and friendship.
“This is bad, Kafziel. We report this, and Aziraphale is out.”
“That’s our job.”
“He asked us not to.”
Kafziel shook his head and sighed. The fact was, he’d spent the past 3600 years watching these two dance around each other and he was curious to see where it went. An angel and a demon being friends wasn’t unheard of, but the last one he’d heard about (never by name, just vague whispers by angels older than him) had fallen. If it weren’t for all the miracles and good Aziraphale was spreading, Kafziel might have thought he’d already descended to The Other Side.
Letting this go unreported would let Aziraphale play it out however he thought best. And Kafziel was very interested in seeing what that might look like. He might fall, yes, but he might also start something new. And he looked so… happy. That wasn’t exactly something Kafziel was used to seeing in his day-to-day in Heaven.
So why not give Aziraphale the freedom to explore that?
Mind made up, he looked over at Evangelos, and mischievous grin spreading across his face. “If we don’t mention it, it’ll be our heads when Gabriel finds out.”
Evan returned the grin. “Then let’s hope he doesn’t.”
Through the viewport, Aziraphale and Crowley agreed to what would henceforth be known as The Arrangement, and from that point, it seemed, the future was set. An angel and a demon had both gone rogue.
For each other.
Evangelos
Office of Earth Observation
Heaven
6 June, 1601 AD
Aziraphale
Francis Trigge Chained Library, Grantham, England
Earth
Principality Aziraphale,
It is with great joy and trepidation that I wish to inform you that myself and Kafziel have decided not to report further incidents between yourself and the demon Crowley, so long as you appear in no present danger and continue with your assigned duties. We will monitor the situation to the best of our ability and keep you informed accordingly.
Yours,
Evangelos and Kafziel
***
Evangelos
Office of Earth Observation
Heaven
22 October, 1793 AD
Aziraphale
Chetham’s Library, Manchester
Earth
Aziraphale,
I would just like to remind you that any angel looking at the globe in the main chamber can see that you have, apparently, taken up residence in a public library in Manchester of all places. I would also like to inform you that it is common knowledge Up Here that Your Demon is the one who was responsible for Manchester. Please consider going back to lying about your address. The alternative has been very stressful to cover up from Up Here.
We have the honor to be,
Your Obe. Sts,
K&E
PS. We saw your stint in prison in Paris. There are easier ways to get a demon to go to dinner with you. He’ll say yes. Without a beheading or having to save your life, even.
***
Aziraphale
A.Z. Fell & Co, London
Earth
3 November, 1793 AD
Evangelos
Office of Earth Observation
Heaven
E&K,
I don’t see why I would not take up residence in the library my friend designed for me. A public library! In Britain! The only good thing in this whole horrid town, and he designed it for me. It would be terribly rude and unangelic to refuse such a gift.
I have the honor to be,
Your Obe. St,
Aziraphale
PS. Mind your business. We go to plenty of dinners without me nearly getting beheaded.
***
Evangelos
Office of Earth Observation
Heaven
18 February, 1880 AD
Aziraphale
A.Z. Fell & Co, London
Earth
Aziraphale,
Congratulations on the bookshop! I don’t know what you and your demon did to it, but we can’t see inside. Gabriel is rather unhappy, and has every intention of coming and visiting you often. Expect more obnoxious archangel visits if you decide to make this a regular habit.
Yours respectfully,
E&K
PS. That dance you’ve learned seems quite… curious. Do you enjoy dancing? I have never heard of a dancing angel before. - K
***
Evangelos
Office of Earth Observation
Heaven
19 September, 1941 AD
Aziraphale
A.Z. Fell & Co, London
Earth
Aziraphale,
You cannot tell us that after everything that happened in that church, that demon isn’t yours. Congratulations! It’s taken you long enough. We’re so happy for you, and will continue to not tell our superiors anything about this as long as you keep performing minor miracles and pretending like you care in any way what happens in the Great Plan.
Kindest Regards,
E&K
PS. Nice work with the potholes in Cardiff. An act worthy of a clever, disenchanted demon, just like the one you are now dating. - K
PPS. We aren’t kidding, Aziraphale. You’re in untread territory and if you screw this up, there won’t be anything we can do for you. Be. Careful. - E
A.Z. Fell & Co, London
22 September, 1941 AD
“What’s that you’ve got?” Crowley asked, walking into A.Z. Fell & Co. and seeing Aziraphale reading a letter. “You get mail now?”
Aziraphale’s head shot up, his eyes wide as he scrambled to fold up the letter and stuff it back its envelope. After a moment he seemed to catch himself, face relaxing and a small smile settling on his face.
“Oh, it’s just from Up There. The occasionally strongly worded note to remind me that I’m not supposed to hang around demons. It’s nothing.” Aziraphale said, quickly hiding the note away in a desk that was much bigger inside than it looked from the outside. It fell down into the drawer he’d slid it into, onto a pile of dozens of similar letters. Or, well, a curious pile of carved stone tablets, scrolls, parchment, and various bits of old papers, written in languages spanning Sumerian, Latin, and Greek, as well as English, French, Italian, and German.
For all Aziraphale’s nonchalance, Crowley’s eyes widened. “Didn’t I used to joke about Heaven sending you rude notes about us? But in all seriousness, if Heaven really is taking a notice, Angel…”
“As they have been since Eden. And they’ve done absolutely nothing about it. Which is how things will stay. I’m fine, Crowley. We’re fine. Now come along, we’re late to tea.”
He closed up shop and led Crowley up the street to his favorite local bakery for scones and tea.
Evangelos
Office of Earth Observation
Heaven
30 August, 1985 AD
Aziraphale
A.Z. Fell & Co, London
Earth
Aziraphale,
What fine work regarding the Antichrist. Keep this up and the Archangels might come to agree that Your Demon can be of use to our side, too. Six years until the apocalypse! Can’t wait to see what you have up your sleeve to influence the boy next.
Sincerely,
E&K
Heaven
11 August, 1990 AD
“I want every single file you have on Aziraphale and his boyfriend.” Michael stormed into the room, startling the many angels working in the office with her brusque demeanor and booming voice, spitting out the word “boyfriend” like it hurt her to say.
Kafziel stood, looking down at the smaller angel. He didn’t speak, clenching his jaw and positioning his feet shoulder-width apart.
“You’re helping him, aren’t you? Get out of my way. I’ll find it myself.” She moved to brush past him, only to find another angel in her way.
“Evangelos. Your assistance.” Michael ordered, motioning to the desk and file system.
“No can do, sir. And I’d like to discreetly remind you that yours and Archangel Gabriel’s relationship with the demon Prince Beelzebub will be viewed just as harshly, if not more, than Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship.” Evan spoke under her breath, not wanting to spread around the information she’d come by accidentally, having spotted a meeting between them in London just blocks away from Crowley and Aziraphale some weeks ago.
Michael froze, her eyes widening for just a second before she pushed past both angels, and began digging through the desk.
Where she’d expected to find an entire, overstuffed file of evidence supporting her accusation that Aziraphale was aiding and abetting the enemy, there was a small collection of photographs. From the changing clothes, they appeared to have been taken over centuries, and there could be more than a half dozen in total.
It wasn’t what she expected, but they were still damning. Aziraphale wouldn’t know what hit him.
Evangelos
Office of Earth Observation
Heaven
11 August, 1990 AD
Aziraphale
A.Z. Fell & Co, London
Earth
Aziraphale,
Michael is on a rampage. She has evidence. Get out now. Take your demon with you.
E
Heaven
11 August, 1990 AD
“Evan? I don’t want the End of Days to come.” Kafziel said. Their feed to Aziraphale and Crowley had blinked out when Aziraphale had discorporated, and though the rumor was he’d launched himself back to Earth without a body, the feed hadn’t managed to reconnect yet.
“We have to trust them, Kafziel. Six thousand years we’ve watched Aziraphale and His Demon work wonders unlike any Heaven, Hell, or Earth have ever seen. If anyone can stop this, it’s them.”
In the quiet of the Office of Earth Observation, silent but for the two of them as nearly all other angels had been called to the apocalypse, Evangelos reached out and wrapped an arm around her friend. They’d learned so much from observing Aziraphale over the years, and now they had to trust him to guide them right once again.
Sitting together, waiting for the feed to restart, Evan promised herself that her first posting, post-apocalypse, would be on Earth.
Earth-Heaven Interdivine Mail
11 August, 1990 AD
Evangelos
Office of Earth Observation
Heaven
Subject: Letter returned to sender.
Angel Evangelos,
The address to which you are attempting to send mail has recently burned down, and the angel previously known to have occupied this building has been discorporated. Your letter has been marked undeliverable and as such returned to sender.
Sincerely,
Orfiel
Earth-Heaven Interdivine Mail
A.Z. Fell & Co.
13 August, 1990 AD
On the day after the first day after the aborted apocalypse, Crowley and Aziraphale were enjoying a quiet day alone in the recently rebuilt (courtesy of the Antichrist) A.Z. Fell & Co. There were no customers, just like they liked it, and Aziraphale had made a pot of tea for them both to share while Crowley lounged on a loveseat tucked away in a quiet part of the shop.
“What do you think it’s like, in Heaven right now?” Aziraphale asked suddenly. Crowley had been there last, standing in the hellfire in a body that looked like Aziraphale’s as they proved to Heaven and Hell that they were to be left alone from then on. Surely he had to have some idea of what things were like up there right now.
“Oh, you know. The Archangels are all uptight and angry that the Great Plan failed and you left without falling. Everyone else is grumpy that they got all dressed up for a war that didn’t happen. Probably the usual from everyone involved.”
“Did you… did I ever tell you about the angels that were assigned to me in the Office of Earth Observation?”
“You’ve mentioned you were being monitored.”
“There was a pair. They didn’t report us. Kept me - us - safe. For thousands of years. I wonder how they are. I’m sure after the hellfire mishap, things probably weren’t great for them.”
Just as Aziraphale finished speaking, the front door opened and two people came in. Apparently a young man and woman, looking around with wonder in their eyes. Aziraphale was about to launch into one of his spiels that would almost certainly discourage anyone from sticking around for too long when the man spotted him and his face lit up. “Aziraphale! Look at you! And this must be Your Demon.”
“....Kafziel. And Evangelos.”
Crowley, Aziraphale was sure, was standing behind him with an amused look covered mostly by his sunglasses. He stepped up beside Aziraphale and shook each of the new angels’ hands in turn. “Crowley. You two are friends of Aziraphale’s, then?”
“We’ve been watching you two for six thousand years. And very intentionally not telling anyone about you for about half of that.” Kafziel replied, looking quite proud of their accomplishments.
“Hmm.” Crowley didn’t quite reply, and Aziraphale jumped in instead.
“So what brings you two Earth-bound? Sick of things up in Heaven?”
“Michael wanted to burn us in hellfire, too, but Uriel convinced her to just get us out of the way for a bit,” Evan grinned.“So we’re down here to do some miracles, smite some demons. You know, the usual stuff.”
“And we may have promised them we’d stay away from you two. But word is a big hunk of the Earth Observation system is offline right now, particularly the bit over Europe, so we figured it’d be safe to stop in and say hello. Let you know we’re here if you ever need anything.”
“The same to the both of you. It’s the least Crowley and I can do-” Aziraphale gave Crowley a pointed look and Crowley closed his mouth, rather than commenting. “- except, of course, inviting you to join us for tea. Come along, and enjoy the very Human experience of a lovely cup of tea.”
And so, on the second day after the apocalypse-that-wasn’t, Aziraphale and Crowley discovered that perhaps their own side wasn’t so small after all.