Work Text:
{Year 850}
Trigger warnings: explicit language, major character deaths
To be entirely honest, you were scared shitless right now. You looked over your shoulders and saw that everyone had the same expression on their faces. Anticipation, fear, anxiety and dread. You gripped your reins tighter. It's alright, it'll be okay. This expedition will turn out just like all the other ones. This one is not that special. Everyone will return back into the walls and all be alright.
You took a deep breath as the gates started to lift. Your heart started pounding as blood rushed in your ears. Your body was preparing you for what's to come. You were ready. As ready as you'll ever be for this expedition.
"Move out! Commencing the 57th expedition beyond the walls!" Commander Erwin's voice travelled to you from the front and everyone cheered as they sped out into the open, past the walls that protected humanity.
~~~
Being in the centre rear was the safest place to be in the formation and yet your heart still thundered in your chest. Your head whips up every time you hear or see a flare being shot into the sky. So far, all green. That's good.
You were with Levi squad and your sole purpose was to protect Eren. He was the reason humanity has gained back hope to fight again.
Suddenly, a black flare fired to your left. It seemed too close for comfort.
"Corporal-" Eren started but was cut off.
"Shut it, brat. We're advancing."
"Corporal Levi! Something is wrong, I can feel it!" You yelled over the wind, hoping your voice reached him.
The corporal did not turn. "We head straight. Petra, tell the rest that only centre formation will enter the forest with us, the rest go around. Go!"
"Yes, sir!" Petra pulled on her reins as she sped off in another direction. You admired that of her, her will and her fearless attitude that she wore outside of the walls. You guessed it was necessary for these situations.
You admired that about everyone. Everyone in Levi squad. You helped training the 104 trainees and made a few friends. Eren, of course, was one of them. When you heard about the miracle of Eren being a shifter, you were beyond excited. You couldn't believe that Eren was alive and well and a shifter! It was crazy.
When you first joined the military, you were a naive little girl who thought fighting titans was a piece of cake. It was in training did you realise that not everything was as easy as it seemed. You loved the action, though. You loved how the adrenaline raced in your blood and pumped you up for the fight. Ever since joining Levi squad, you've earned a few solo kills yourself. You were proud of that, and Petra trained with you. You both excelled at fighting since joining Levi squad and you were both extremely thankful.
Of course, you were grateful for Levi. Without a leader like him, it would've been impossible to improve at such speed. Although sometimes he was a real pain up the ass, he was the reason you and Petra became so close and fought so well.
"Eren, look ahead. Stop dilly-dallying!" Oluo yelled at the brunet. Sometimes you felt bad for him. He is so young and yet he has such a heavy burden on his shoulders.
"But sir-"
"Eren, listen to Oluo!" You added. It's best now that he didn't argue with anyone. "Captain Levi has a plan, they have a plan!"
Eren looked at you with uncertainty flashing in his eyes and you don't blame him. Do they really know what they're doing? So many red and black flares have been fired already. Why haven't we stopped or withdrawn? Why has the formation suddenly changed course?
The original plan did not involve giant trees or forests. The goal was clear; establish another trail that leads to Shingashina and we'll be home free. But what's happening now?
"Everyone, swords out. If by chance she is above us, we will only have a second." Levi commanded as he drew his blades.
Huh?! She?! What did that messenger say to Levi?! What is going on?
"Heichou?!" You questioned.
"We will not engage unless we have to." Was his only reply. You pouted at no one in particular and drew your blades.
The sun disappeared behind the leaves of the giant trees as the centre command formation entered the forest. If you weren't riding in titan territory, the scene would've been quite magical.
"Heichou, what's going on?! Shouldn't we switch to 3DMG?!" You were starting to panic. No expedition you've been on have you ever been in a forest, let alone a forest of gigantic trees.
"Look around you, (F/n). Look at all these big ass trees. They're perfect for hiding in and away from titans, away from combat. Our objective is to protect Eren, not engage in combat. We have reinforcements for that. Now quit your whining." Sometimes you wondered why you put up with his attitude. But in times like this, you were glad his voice was hard but calm, it reassured you that he knew what he was doing.
You looked around wearily. Petra returned and was now riding just behind you to your right. She saw your worried expression and smiled warmly. You were so thankful for her, for a best friend fighting by your side. You smiled back and faced the front.
Everything is going to be okay. Everything will be fine, they have a plan-
A tree behind you and the squad fell as a titan appeared from nowhere. You bit back a scream as you watched the titan run- wait. This titan was running like it had an objective. Something was definitely wrong. You should've trusted your instincts.
Eren began screaming as he watched the titan grab soldiers, comrades by their anchors and killing them, swatting them like flies. Something was different about this titan - it was not interested in humans. It was only interested in killing. Killing and chasing you and your squad.
No way- It can't be. Was this the 'she' Captain Levi was talking about?! Could she know something about Eren too?
"Captain Levi! We can still turn around! We can still help them!" Eren screamed. It pained you to hear his words. You hated running from the titan and watching her kill your comrades like flies.
"Corporal!" This time it was Petra. "What do we do?! She's catching up to us!"
"There goes another soldier! Captain! We can still help them!"
You couldn't hold it back anymore. You were panicking. If you all didn't do something soon, she is going to crush you all with her foot!
"Heichou, your orders! Please!" Your hands were shaking so bad you thought you'd drop your blades.
Turning his head ever so slightly, he gave one single command with the calmest tone you've ever heard.
"Block your ears."
Levi held up his flare gun and fired. Instead of a coloured flare, it was an acoustic shell. A sound bomb. Even with your blocked ears, you could hear the high pitched ringing that caused your head to pound. It was effective as you noticed the female titan slow, but it wasn't enough. She was still on your tails.
The horses raced forward and so did your heartbeat. It felt as though it was going to burst through your chest at any second. You were terrified. You looked ahead and found Levi riding as if nothing was happening. Beside you, Eren was having none of it.
"Eren! What are you doing? Stop!" Petra's shrill voice pierced through the air. You watched as Eren brought his hand to his mouth.
"Eren! Don't do it!" You yelled this time. You couldn't let Eren do this.
"Eren, listen. You can trust us, put your faith in us, just like the rest of humanity or you can fight. Make a choice, now. It doesn't matter what you choose but choose wisely, because no one will know the outcome of that choice. Each choice will have a different ending and you need to make one you won't regret."
Your heart leapt. Levi once said this to you too. It was a past expedition, where there was a gap in time, allowing you to sacrifice yourself to save another. Levi put a hand on your shoulder and told you the same thing. A choice with no regrets. That's what you have to think about before making once.
No regrets.
"Eren!" Petra pleaded. "Put your trust in us!"
"Trust us, Eren!" You could hear the strain in your voice. You didn't want him to fight the female titan head-on here, he could die! You didn't want that, Eren is such a sweet boy you can't imagine another life be taken.
"Hurry up, brat! Make your decision!" Captain Levi yelled over his shoulder.
Eren glanced at his hand and back at all of you. "I will go with you!"
Everyone sighed in relief as they rode on, making sure to keep ahead of the female titan. Your heart pounded, adrenaline roared in your blood as you and Levi Squad sped past a small clearing. As you passed, you realised that it was a trap set up for the female titan.
So there was a plan after all.
You watched as the titan stopped and was held in place by hundreds of arrowheads. Everyone in the squad cheered.
"See, Eren?! Don't underestimate us!" Petra laughed as you all rode on.
"Yeah, this is the Survey Corps we're talking about!" You joined in. Eren nodded and smiled.
Levi turned and gave another set of instructions. "Alright, ride on, hide Eren someplace safe, hide the horses too. I'm needed. While I'm gone, Eld, you're in charge! Look after my horse."
"Yes, sir!" Eld nodded.
Levi gave you a look before he took off into the trees. Wait, what? What was that about? You were confused as you watched your corporal disappear into the forest.
~~~
"Levi, I didn't think you'd be able to lure her here." Erwin nodded at the corporal as he appeared from the dense forest.
"Tch, you have the rear reinforcements to thank. They gave their lives to buy us time." Erwin's expression darkened.
"I see."
Levi rolled his shoulders. "So? Are we going to cut this son of a bitch open to see who she is?"
Erwin brought a hand to his chin, as if deep in thought. Even planning this mission took a lot of thinking and strategy, as well as predictions. Planning it was like grabbing in the dark. No one really knew what the outcome would be.
"Her hardened skin will be hard to cut through." Was Erwin's only reply.
"Tch, I can do it."
"I know you can, Levi. But-"
"Give me the fucking order!" Levi already had his blades drawn. He was ready, as ready as he will ever be to cut this bitch open to see who was behind all the killings. Behind all the murders of his comrades, his friends.
Erwin nodded. Levi shot an anchor to the shoulder of the female titan and started his mission. The goal was simple; cut the nape and take the human prisoner. No one has to die.
Just as Levi was about to bring the blades down to slice the flesh, the female titan opened his mouth and let out an ear-piercing roar. Levi grunted as the roar caught him off guard and resulted in him losing his footing.
"Levi!" Erwin's voice reached him just in time. When he turned, he saw titans running towards him from all directions. "Levi! Withdraw! Now!"
Levi reluctantly obeyed as he sliced the nape of a titan as he retreated. He flew back to where the commander was standing but did not sheath his swords.
"What the fuck?"
"We can't let her getaway! Attack! Everyone!" The commander yelled the orders to all the scouts around.
"No!" But it was too late. A wave of soldiers poured down to the scene below. Screams of anger, fear, pain could be heard and Levi couldn't stand it anymore. But before he could do anything, a thought came to him.
"Fuck..." He muttered under his breath. There is no way the female titan will allow herself to be eaten too. This must've been a diversion so she could getaway!
"I'm going to my team," Levi told Erwin and flew off before he could say anything else.
A string of colourful words left Levi's mouth as he flew towards the direction you and the others must've gone. Erwin and Levi reached the same conclusion; the body of the female titan was eaten, but with the human inside eaten? No way, there was no way that was possible. If Hanji's theory was correct, then she would be able to move and she's probably wearing one of our uniforms. And she probably has already equipped herself with the gear...shit
Levi raced towards his squad. He may not show it but he cared deeply for his squad, he cared so much for the people that called him captain and put up with his shit. They were only human, there was only so much they could do.
No, please. Let them be alive.
~~~
You lay on the grass watching the wind as it made the leaves of these big ass trees dance. For a moment you couldn't remember why you were here, or what you were doing. You lifted a hand to reach for the sky and only then did you realise that warm blood covered your hand and your uniform.
The blood was warm. It did not evaporate.
You looked around. Blood was everywhere, smeared on the tree bark, pooled on the ground, on your gear, your uniform, everywhere. You couldn't stand it anymore, you tried to move but something cold and firm held you in place.
You looked down and saw that a sword- your sword was buried deep in your abdomen. A flash of pain waved through your body as you cried out. What happened? You closed your eyes and tried to remember...
"(F/n)?!" Your eyes shot open. It was the corporal's voice. What is he doing here?! They should've retreated by now! What is going on?!
"Cor-" You tried to yell but it was interrupted by a fit of coughs. More blood spluttered out.
"Fuck, (F/n)!" You heard the 3DMG wires whirl as a shadow loomed over you. "What happened? You're alive!" Maybe it was the pain, but you could hear the relief and joy in his voice.
"I'm sorry..." You whispered. All the memories came back, flooding your mind. "I'm sorry-"
Another coughing fit. More blood.
Your corporal knelt down beside you and examined your condition. "What the fuck happened here? Where is Eren- You're shitting me, he shifted didn't he? That's what the roar was. Who did this?"
"I tried- we tried, corporal. We tried to protect him... Gunther, Eld, Oluo...Petra." You choked on her name. It shouldn't have ended this way, Petra would still be alive... your squad, your comrades, friends. People you treated as your family...
Your eyes began to droop. Too much blood.
"No, (F/n), stay with me. Oi, brat, open your eyes!" Levi was sounding desperate now. "Don't do this, oi!"
You heard Levi take out a flare gun and fired a stream of purple.
"(F/n), promise me. Hold on, stay alive!" Your eyes welled with tears. Levi sounded as though he cared.
"Heichou..." You felt your body getting lighter, your vision getting blurrier. "I..."
His figure was starting to fade, the sunlight shone down on you as though the trees gave way. You wanted to tell him a lot of things; you wanted to tell him how sorry you were, how it felt to be the last one of his squad alive enough to apologise to him. You wanted to tell him how much you admired him, how often you imagined the two of you fighting together, dining together, laughing together.
The light was getting brighter, almost blinding you. You turned your head slightly and saw two more soldiers fly past, probably on their way to retrieve Eren. What a mess this turned out to be. Levi was still here, still next to you.
His lips were moving, but you couldn't hear anything he said. You turned your head back to the warm light that beckoned you. The light grew brighter and brighter. You closed your eyes.
And you were swallowed by darkness.
~~~
You dreamed.
You saw Petra, Oluo, Eld and Gunther sitting at a table, laughing and joking around. Levi was nowhere to be seen but you shrugged it off. When they saw you, the beckoned you over. You were about to join them when you ran into an invisible wall, separating you from the rest of your squad.
"Hey...hey!" You yelled, banging your fist on the invisible barrier. "Petra! Petra!"
Petra walked up to the barrier and rested a hand against it. You held up a hand to meet hers. When you looked back up at her, she had tears in her eyes.
"I'm sorry, (F/n)." The rest of them got up as well, they all came towards the barrier. "We're all sorry."
"No... guys, please!" You pleaded, taking a step back.
"We will miss you, tell Captain Levi we're sorry." Eld nodded. They all looked at each other and saluted one last time. You saluted back.
Tears were streaming down your face now. What was happening?!
Your eyes shot open as you caught your breath. You looked around and saw darkness. For a moment you panicked. Were you dead? Did you die then come back? But as your eyes adjusted, you realised you were in a room, in a bed. But wait, you weren't in your room or the infirmary.
You were about to sit up when a wave of pain coursed through your body. You flinched and lifted the covers. You stifled a scream when you saw all the blood.
"Blood! Help...there's too much blood." You groaned and you felt something warm on the other side of the bed shuffle.
"(F/n), you're awake...is this blood- fuck, (F/n)!" You realised it was your corporal who jumped up and scooped you into his arms. "Your stitches must've come undone. Tch, pathetic excuses for nurses. I told them I could've done a better job and now look!"
You were barely able to process anything else but the pain. The pain came in sharp jabs followed by numbing pulsing, it was horrible and you just wanted it to go away.
Levi cleared his desk in one swipe and laid you on top. He removed his white now bloodied shirt and placed it under your head. He disappeared for a moment before returning with a bottle of liquor.
"Drink," He commanded, handing the bottle to you.
"I guess- I guess I know... know where your secret stash... of liquor... is." You attempted to joke as you took the bottle.
"Tch, still in a cheerful mood, are we?" He clicked his tongue and brought out his kit. Who knew the moody and emotionless corporal would care for a first-aid kit in his office.
You nodded and took another gulp of whatever was in the bottle. The alcohol burned as it made its way down your throat and you struggled to keep it down without coughing.
"Drink." It was the only thing he's been saying ever since he laid you on his desk and started examining your wound. Perhaps it was the pain, or maybe the alcohol, but you've been put in a daze. As the moonlight shone through his window, you noticed that Levi's pale skin looked like it was glowing.
It was the first time you've ever seen your corporal without a shirt and you cursed in your mind that it had to be when you were in pain, meaning you couldn't enjoy your view. The most skin you've seen him show would've been the time he removed his cravat after an expedition and you walked in on him. It was an accident, but you couldn't get the image out of your head.
"You done?" He asked. You looked at him, confused. "I need the bottle."
You nodded and handed him the bottle. The corporal took it from you with care and dipped the needle in the liquor. He paused when he noticed the frightened look on your face.
"It will hurt, but only a little. It'll heal faster the faster I finish." He assured you. "You ready?"
You bit your lip and nodded.
You did not expect your corporal to pour the alcohol onto your wound. You let out a blood-curling scream and he slapped a hand over your mouth.
"I need to clean the wound, (F/n)," He growled. "Stop screaming, I don't want anyone thinking I'm murdering someone in my office in the dead of night."
Tears welled in your eyes as you nodded. The pain crashed on the shores of your consciousness. The darkness came in waves like a brush dipped in ink and splattered across a blank canvas. Stars dotted your vision, sparkling under the moonlight.
"Captain... I have to tell you..."
Levi only grunted. "Tell me after you're sober, (F/n)."
"No, I...I won't be able to." You swallowed. You wanted to tell him now. You wanted to tell him everything that happened while he was away, while he was fighting with Erwin. It pained you too much to revisit those memories and you knew that once this night ended, you won't be able to speak of what happened again.
Levi sighed. "Alright."
You swallowed and began. "Everyone was in such high spirits once we thought we had succeeded in catching the female titan. We all cheered as we rode on, we were proud of each other. Eren finally believed in us, he trusted us to protect him but we failed."
A tear slid down your face. "We switched to 3DMG, we first caught sight of another scout, at first everyone thought it was you but Gunther noticed something was off. It was too late, the scout was definitely the female titan. She was quick, she turned around and slashed Gunther. I guess he was lucky to die instantly.
"I was angry, I couldn't believe that she's already killed so many of our comrades and now she's taking out our squad. I went to fight her, I didn't anticipate how prepared she was to kill. We were trained to take down, take them as a prisoner but she was trained to kill. I suppose my skills were a little lacking when it came to fighting a human using our gear. I think I managed to cut her somewhere which probably made her extremely angry.
"She advanced from above, driving into me as we fell from our position to the ground. She was strong, stronger than I imagined and she snapped one of my blades." You flinched as you felt Levi stitch up your wound.
"She- she snapped my blade and just pinned me to the ground. The others tried to advance but it would've been hard to not harm me whilst trying to get to her. They could only watch. She pressed her blades to my neck and I tried to struggle, I tried to get another blade out but it all happened so fast, she used my own blade against me.
"I heard Petra scream my name, I heard everyone else screaming. Maybe I was too. I think I heard Eren too. She turned not long after that and I couldn't see anything apart from the patch of sky, and the clouds. I heard everything, I heard the screams, Petra yelling for Eld, Olou yelling at Petra to move away. i heard their deaths. Sometimes I wish I was just able to see because now all that's in my mind is their screams of pain and their deaths. I can't unhear them, corporal."
More tears slid down your cheeks. "I miss her, I wish I could've seen her one last time. I wish she was still alive, I wish she was still alive! I wish I died instead of her-"
Levi slammed his fist on the table. "Don't say such shit, (F/n)." He truly sounded broken as he pushed the words out.
"I'm so sorry, corporal." You sobbed. "I should've fought her better, I should've done better."
"(F/n), listen to me." Levi's voice was hard. "No one could've predicted this outcome. They all made a choice and they chose to fight, you chose to fight, to protect and you did your best."
That only made you cry harder.
"I came hoping you were all still alive. I came to you because out of all of them, your eyes were closed. I was hoping that was a sign that you were still alive and I was glad. I'm glad you're alive, (F/n)."
Then you suddenly remembered something. Blue eyes, blonde hair.
"Corporal-" You flinched again as he carefully bandaged you up. "Levi-"
He whipped his head around to face you. "(F/n)?"
You guessed it was the first time someone in his squad or someone other than the squad leaders has called him by his first name with adding 'captain' or 'corporal' in front.
"Blond hair...blue eyes. The female titan..." You didn't remember falling asleep, but those were your last words before you sighed and closed your eyes. Levi didn't even have time to ask further questions.
Levi scoffed as he packed up his things. He looked around and sighed. He saved your life, again, but now his floor was covered with bloodstained paperwork and quills and ink. Checking on you and your current state, he decided it was safe to leave you on the table as you slept for now. Moving you would be too dangerous. He needed to wait until the stitches were settled in.
He put on a clean shirt and began to clean.
~~~
You were surprised to wake to no pain. The only pain you felt was the numbness of your body after sleeping on such a hard surface. You carefully sat up and looked out the window. It was a fine day, the sun was shining, the blue sky was decorated with thin white clouds. Just like the sky you were staring at as you lay there dying on the grass-
You choked back a scream. No, you weren't on that grassy forest floor anymore. You were safe inside the walls, in Levi's room- Wait. Where is Levi?
You looked around and found him passed out on his couch. His boots were still on and his shirt was half-buttoned. His arm was draped over his eyes and the other was limp at his side. He looked so peaceful as he slept.
Swinging your legs off the table carefully, you slowly made your way to him. At first, you didn't notice the neat piles of paperwork stacked away in a corner. There was a plie that was soaked with reddish-brown blood. You guessed it was yours.
A sharp pain jabbed your side as you stumbled and your knees hit the ground with a thud. Levi sat up and rubbed his eyes.
"(F/n), what the hell are you doing up?!" His voice was filled with fatigue. He scooped you up and headed to his bedroom.
Laying you into bed, you realised that the sheets and the covers have been changed too. Did he clean everything after he stitched up your wound?! What happened to sleep? Man, this guy is like God.
"Corporal-"
"Sleep." Even when he's tired, he still sounds authoritative. Well, he is still a corporal after all.
"But wait, I- why aren't I in the infirmary? I mean, it's- isn't it less trouble?" You supposed this was the one thing that confused you a lot ever since waking up inside the walls.
Levi gave you a look. "Tch, I don't like having to explain myself but if it'll get you to go to sleep, I'll talk. Look, I hate the infirmary. It's filthy and stinky and gross. You were gravely injured, they wouldn't know how to save you. I can't risk you dying in the infirmary."
You still didn't understand. It was true that Levi looked out for you a lot and even told Petra to look out for you at times. Sometimes it made you frustrated. You weren't a little girl anymore who needs protecting. You couldn't help but think of that time when he prevented you from giving your life to save another. He was always the first there whenever something happened and always checked up on you.
"Sir, I don't understand-"
"I care for you, (F/n). Ever since you chose to join my squad I've been worrying about you. Why would someone like you, someone who had such a bright future risk it and join my squad, join me in fighting the titans head-on? I didn't agree but when I saw the determination and the anticipation in your eyes, I didn't want to deny you that opportunity." Levi sat down beside you.
"You motivated me to fight more, (F/n). When I first saw you I didn't think you'd last through training and yet you finished in the top ten. In the top five, might I add. You weren't a brat that was annoying or anything like that. You did your share, even more than just your share and you stood out. You- you're special."
For a while, you couldn't process what Levi had just told you. You were in a daze. How could someone as amazing as him say you're special? What is going on? Were you hungover? Did you drink too much or did he? What is going on?
"Corporal, have you ever... would you ever consider...dating?" Your cheeks heated. You've always wanted to ask him this question because you couldn't picture him with anyone. You wanted to picture yourself with him. After all, you admired him so much you grew to like him.
He froze as if the question was too difficult for him to understand. But after a moment, he relaxed and put a hand on yours.
"At first, no. But now, after all this, I don't want to die without knowing what is feels like to love someone or be loved. Does that answer your question, brat?"
You smiled. Back to his old, stoic self. You could get used to the different sides of him. Just like you could get used to loving him.
"Yes, sir."
"Good, now sleep." He ordered you. Before he departed, he tucked you in and made sure you were comfortable. Placing a gentle peck on your forehead, he left and shut the door quietly behind him.
Yes, you could get used to this.