Lord Of The Roadtrip

Disclaimer #1: I am not responsible for anything that happens to you should you choose to take this trip. Any Balrogs you encounter or Urk-Hai you face are entirely your problem. Additionally, I have not actually visited these locations, I advise you to do some research on your own before actually visiting. Also don’t be a dick to locals.

Disclaimer #2: This country cannot fit the LOTR narrative without including Native American historical sites. But there is a fine line to walk when using them to mirror a British fantasy adventure. I don’t really have the words for this situation but I ask anyone who thinks a location is disrespectful to let me know and anyone who may attempt this trip to be respectful of the folks this country belongs to (see: don’t be a dick).

Disclaimer #3: The climate/country was mildly more stable when I began this project.

Special Thanks for this go to crystallinecrow, greetingsanddefiance, independence1776, knitmeapony, littleskywatcher, riddlerose, Megaparsec, and songof sunset who all gave me fantastic suggestions. They are rad and I need to apologize to them for misusing the word “soon”. Also thanks to roadsideamerica.com and world-of-waterfalls.com. They are great resources, check ‘em out.

Work Text:

Anyway, Hello Friends! Let me present one of many road trips that I will probably never take: A Lord of the Rings road trip around the continental United States. Following the adventure of the Fellowship, this was an effort to match the landscape of the books using the most direct route around this here nation. That being said, this is probably just the first iteration of this idea because there are so many ways you can approach this. I 100% endorse you telling me how wrong I am (but please be nice about it).

This roadtrip is great because you can integrate picking people up and dropping them off along the way into your story. And you can choose which path of the Fellowship you would like to follow. Just be courteous about it (See: don’t be a dick).

Start/Shire

Frodo starts things off with his birthday so maybe throw a party in your own home. Then head off to Woodstock, Vermont to find The Shire.

The Shire at Woodstock, VT - https://shirewoodstock.com/

Driving Time: Variable

If you are not the heir to the Baggins fortune than finding a nearby camping site is perfectly acceptable for this and any other location.

The Old Forest

After you make it out of the Shire safely, venture into the Old Forest in New Hampshire's White Mountains. Avoid any willows you might see and if you find Tom, tell him I say hi.

White Mountains National Forest, NH - https://www.fs.usda.gov/whitemountain/

Driving Time: 2 hours over 101 miles

Bree

Bree is a pretty flexible option. You can stop at the Amherst Inn in Amherst, MA. Or, if your heart is set on the Prancing Pony, Google says that there is a Glass Studio in Pottstown, PA, a restaurant at the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire in Lancaster, or Prancing Pony Pottery in Richardsville, VA. Google also says that there is an Inn in New York but the street view looks like a normal, maybe creepy, house. Don’t go there.

Amherst Inn in Amherst, MA - https://www.booking.com/hotel/us/amherst-inn-amherst.html

Driving Time: 4 hours over 200 miles

Weathertop

Weathertop starts the adventure in ernest so make your way to the Cahokia Historical Site for what was likely the biggest city in North America. Pack a BLT, be respectful of the location, donate if you can, and don't get stabbed.

Cahokia Mounds Historical Site in Collinsville, IL - https://cahokiamounds.org/visit/

Driving Time: 17 hours over 1116 miles

Rivendell

If you do get stabbed, go to a hospital but if you don't than make your way up to Door County, Wisconsin to collect the rest of the Fellowship in Rivendell.

Door County, WI - https://www.doorcounty.com/

Driving Time: 8 hours over 516 miles

Caradhras

Please don't seriously try to climb across the Rockies unless you know what you are doing but do visit Trail Ridge Road in Rocky Mountain National Park. Research suggests that that will be your best chance of seeing some snow no matter the time of year (global warming permitting).

Trail Ridge Road in Rocky Mountain National Park, CO - https://rockymountainnationalpark.com/trails-maps/trail-ridge-road

Driving Time: 19 hours over 1241 miles

Moria

Speak friend and enter the Phoenix Gold Mine in Idaho Springs, CO. You may even run into some of the mine's ghosts.

Phoenix Gold Mine in Idaho Springs, CO - https://www.phoenixgoldmine.com/

Driving Time: 2.5 hours over 90 miles

Lothlorien

Even though your Gandalf is (hopefully) fine you can still sing for them among the California Redwoods. I am sure they would appreciate it.

Redwood National Park, CA - https://www.nps.gov/redw/index.htm

Driving Time: 22 hours over 1368 miles

Falls of Rauros

There are a number of falls to choose from in Yosemite National Park. Say goodbye to your fellowship and, once again, don't get stabbed.

Verna Falls/Nevada Fall, Chilnualna Falls, and/or Yosemite Falls in Yosemite, CA - https://www.world-of-waterfalls.com/yosemite-waterfalls-guide/

Driving Time: 9 hours over 495 miles

Thus ends the unified section of this trip with an overall driving time of 81 hours covering 5101 miles. - Google Route

The Fellowship's path

Fangorn

We will leave Frodo and Sam for now to go with the others into California's White Mountains to meet the oldest trees in the country/world.

White Mountains, CA - https://www.fs.usda.gov/recarea/inyo/recreation/recarea/?recid=20264

Driving Time: 3 hours over 130 miles

Rohan

While the hobbits hang out with Treebeard, Aragorn and Co. have to get some allies. There are a number of Ranches in the area if you want some Rohirric hospitality (Sylvan Dale has a very appropriate name). But it might be more cost effective to find some wild horses like the ones on the Virginia Range Sanctuary.

Virginia Range, NV - https://returntofreedom.org/

Driving Time: 5 hours over 250 miles

Helms Deep

Muster the Rohirim in Mesa Verde. You won't need to hold the deep but maybe get a guided tour at Ute Mountain Tribal Park and support some of the local businesses.

Mesa Verde in Mancos, CO - https://www.nps.gov/meve/index.htm

Driving Time: 14 hours over 870 miles

Isengard

There are many towers in Vegas that could be Orthanc but Isengard can also represent the hubris of Wizards so check out the Atomic Museum to compare it to the hubris of Man.

Atomic Museum in Las Vegas, NV - https://nationalatomictestingmuseum.org/

Driving Time: 5 hours over 266 miles for the hobbits, 9 hours over 523 miles from Helms Deep

Harrowdale/Dunharrow

Pippin and Gandalf are off to Minas Tirith but everyone else takes a stop at Dunharrow. It's hard to hunt for an American equivalent but Stonehenge II is worth a try.

Stonehenge II in Ingram, TX - https://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/7819

Driving Time: 18 hours over 1211 miles

Path of the dead

You might find more than the Ghost King in the Devil’s Backbone. Hopefully you don’t actually convince anything to leave with you.

Devil’s Backbone, TX - https://texashillcountry.com/devils-backbone-haunted-texas/

Driving Time: 2 hours over 91 miles

Pelargir

You won't need that army of ghosts to make it through St. Louis. But don't stay for too long because they are waiting for you up the Missouri River.

St. Louis, MS

Driving Time: 14 hours over 871 miles

Minas Tirith

I will admit that I have little to support Kansas City as Minas Tirith. But the symmetry of two cities bordering a river like Minas Tirith and Osgiliath just works for me.

Kansas City, KS/MS (The Kansas side is Osgiliath)

Driving Time: 20 hours over 1355 miles for Pippin and Gandalf, 12 hours over 802 miles for Merry, and 4 hours over 248 miles for the King's return

Pippin’s travel time is 25 hours over 1619 miles. - Google Route

Pippins path

Aragorn and Co. travel 3997 miles with 64 hours of driving. - Google Route

Aragorn and Co.'s path

Merry clocks in at 34 hours while driving 2279 miles. - Google Route

Merry's path

Dead Marshes

Now that everyone else has reunited in Minas Tirith we can return to bearing the ring through the not-so-dead marshes of Humboldt State Wildlife Management Area.