Chapter Text
You can't sleep. You know you should and you're laying in your bed ready for sleep. And yet. Nope. No sleep for you, your brain decides.
You turn over for what feels like the millionth time and look at your clock. It reads 3:17. You have school in the morning and you want to sleep but your brain just keeps going.
Random thoughts flit across your brain. You ponder one for a sec. Turn it over. Lose your train of thought, and then think about something else. A couple thoughts keep coming back. Such as why you can't fucking sleep.
Sometimes its like this. Not very often but occasionally. You wish you had something to occupy your mind. You've already tried your phone but none of the games are entertaining enough to hold your attention for long, and your eyes won't focus enough to pull up something to read.
You could pester one of your friends but you know none of them would be awake. Well, Jade might be but you don't want to bug her just because you can't sleep.
What would you even say, "hey jade just wanted to message you at 3 fucking am cause I can't sleep let's sit here in awkward silence cause I'm sleep deprived and have no clue what to fucking say. " Ya, that'd definitely ruin your image.
Yeah, nope. Not gonna happen. You turn over yet again and start thinking about something else. Like what you should eat in the morning. If there's even any food. You're hoping for poptarts but god knows when bro last went shopping. You remember maybe seeing some in the back of the cupboard. Maybe you'll just stop at McDonalds if you wake up early enough. Or maybe not. Maybe you'll just grab a bottle of apple juice and leave? Who knows?
Your tossing and turning has officially gotten old. You swing you legs over the side of the bed snagging an old hoodie off the back of your chair and sliding it on. You grab a shitty sword, 'just in case' you think.
Pushing your door open silently you lean out looking down the hall towards bro's room. Its late but who knows when he's awake. Its not as if you've never been ambushed late at night like this before. You navigate the hall with ease after pausing for a moment. You dodge stray smuppets and the occasional sword finally reaching the entrance to the roof.
Coming up here in the dead of night was probably not one of your best ideas, but laying in your bed staring at the ceiling was getting old real quick. Its cold. Not too cold seeing as you live in the bumfuck middle of Texas, but still there's a slight chill to the air signifying that it's beginning to get closer to the winter months. (Ha as if you ever get snow but it does still get slightly colder.)
You like to come up here sometimes to just think. Usually its in the middle of the night like this. You generally don't come up here in the day unless its for..... You'd rather not think about that.
You walk over to the ledge leaning over slightly to look before pushing up with your arms to stand. As you stand you put your arms out to balance yourself. You look down over the edge again leaning as far as you can without losing your balance. You can see the slight traffic on the road below. There's a couple of people walking under the sreetlamps which is surprising seeing as its the middle of the night and you don't live in the best neighborhood.
A though flits across your head, 'what would it be like to jump?' You jerk back from the edge and lose your balance landing on your ass with a thump. God, where did that come from. You've had thoughts like that before and every time you're shocked at yourself. Bro would be fucking pissed.
Still the thoughts don't leave. You don't particularly want to die even if you don't really love your life. You have your turn tables and your dead animals. You have john and rose and jade! Why would you want to leave them?
'As if they actually care? You're just some kid they know from the Internet why would they actually care?'
You dismiss this thought just as quickly. Of course they care. They've all said so on many occasions, still that edge of doubt creeps up on you. 'what if? What if they don't actually care-'
You stand up suddenly with stinging palms and wipe the gravel off. You shake your head and the slight wind blows your hair up in your face but you don't make any move to brush it out of your eyes. You stand there for at least a couple of minutes before the ache in your back from not moving becomes too much of an annoyance and you sit on the gravel again, except this time your back is to the concrete ledge.
Without noticing your eyes slide shut, before snapping open again. You should probably get up and go back to bed seeing as you're finally tired, fucking finally. You guess coming out here did help after all. Still you sit there for at least another ten minutes before you work up the motivation to go inside.
You move quickly through the hall not wanting to be awake any longer and finally faceplant into your bed. You pull your blanket up over your body and finally shut your eyes