Chapter Text
Joshua woke up with a strangled gasp, beads of sweat sticking his hair to his forehead. He stared into the dim surroundings, breathing frantically, trying to get his bearings. One of the other boys was curled into his side. It took him far too long to recognize that it was Vernon. But that wasn't who he was looking for. Who he needed to check was safe. He sat up carefully, trying not to disturb his dongsaeng.
"Jeonghan?" He whimpered, a dreadful feeling setting his heart racing.
"Shua?"
He jumped. His eyes searched for the source of the voice, heart thumping wildly in his chest. From an upper bunk, the next bed over, he saw Jeonghan blinking sleepily down at him.
Joshua stumbled out of bed, Vernon making a disgruntled whine at the loss of warmth. He stood, staring at Jeonghan with sleepy confusion.
"Are you okay?" Joshua asked him, cautiously, voice cracking at the end. His eyes were shining.
Jeonghan reached forward, brushing his hand against Joshua's forehead, smoothing his bangs back. "What are you talking about, Shua? I'm as good as I can be," he trailed off, glancing around the room. He turned his gaze back to Joshua. "Did you have a bad dream?"
Joshua looked around, sorting through what exactly he remembered. This wasn't their dorm. They'd been kidnapped, and locked in this room. Waiting for the moment when their captors would once again come to taunt and terrify them. That much he knew. Some of them had been hurt… yet Jeonghan was fine, they hadn't signaled him out yet. But when Joshua had awoken, he was so concerned for Jeonghan specifically.
Taking a deep breath, Joshua tried to calm his racing heart. The dream he had awoken from had already faded from his mind, leaving only the anxious clench in his chest. "I can't remember," he admitted, feeling a little foolish.
Jeonghan smiled sleepily down at him. "You should go back to sleep."
"I doubt I could," Joshua admitted with a sigh, his entire body still aching from worry. He turned back to Vernon to adjust the blanket around the sleeping boy. He stood, glancing at the other bunks where each of the other boys slept.
Above Vernon, Jun and Chan were cuddled together, Chan attempting to be a sorry attempt of a big spoon.
He moved his gaze back to Jeonghan, who had Jihoon resting against his side, the younger boy asleep, hand grasping loosely at Jeonghan’s shirt. He would be so embarrassed if he knew he was being so clingy.
The bunk below Jeonghan contained Seungcheol, contorted in the thin cover. His brow was tightly knitted, and Joshua gently pressed his thumb into it to massage it away. After their leader had dozed off, the members let him have the bunk alone, since they knew the oldest had been pushing himself too much. It would do no good if the sleep he did get was ruined by tense nerves. Joshua carefully manipulated Seungcheol's limbs until they were in neutral positions, and fixed the blanket to better cover him.
"Ahh, Joshua, what would we do without you," Jeonghan laughed, breathy and light, as he watched Joshua fuss around like a mother hen.
Joshua smiled and moved onto the bunk next to Seungcheol, which contained Mingyu and Seungkwan. Mingyu, one of the members who had been most hurt thus far, had his arm wrapped around Seungkwan. Earlier had been emotionally taxing on the smaller boy, who felt responsible for Mingyu's injuries. Joshua smiled down at them, tenderly running his fingers through Mingyu's hair, causing him to stir and stare sleepily up at Joshua.
"Oh, sorry," Joshua pulled his hand back, sheepish at being caught.
"Wasn't sleeping," Mingyu mumbled, only half lying, a small smile alighting on his lips.
Joshua carefully sat down at the edge of the bed, resuming his caress of the larger boy's hair. "How are you doing?"
Mingyu hummed in response, eyes heavy. "Tired. But I can't really sleep," he admitted.
"We don't know if you have a concussion," Joshua mused aloud, leaning towards him. "Let me see your eyes."
Mingyu sighed, but widened his eyes for Joshua to observe, "Not much we can do about it if I do."
Echoing his sigh, Joshua thankfully did not notice anything of note. Not that he really knew what to look for. Dilated pupils? At least they'd managed to clean his wounds up, so all they could really do now was keep an eye on him.
Speaking of which... Joshua looked over to the next bed, which contained Minghao. They didn't know if he was concussed either, but he'd already been kept awake for so long. By now they would have known if anything was wrong, right?
Joshua looked back at Mingyu. "Try to get some sleep, ‘kay?"
Mingyu nodded, already dozing off. He squeezed Seungkwan closer to his side.
Joshua moved along to Minghao; now that he was closer he noticed that Seokmin was spooning him from behind, face buried in the crook of Minghao's neck. He smiled fondly down at them, and carefully reached down to gently push back Minghao's hair for a glimpse of the wound on his forehead.
Not seeing anything of concern, Joshua straightened. He noted that the last two upper bunks contained Soonyoung and Wonwoo, facing one another. Joshua wondered if they had been conversing before falling asleep.
With all the members accounted for and safely asleep, Joshua felt his lingering unease finally fade to a manageable level.
Of course, the anxiety was still there. They were locked away, with no word or sign of the outside world. It was starting to get hard to tell how long the thirteen members of Seventeen had even been locked up. There were no windows to the room they were forced into after being kidnapped. All they had to go by were fretful sleeps separated by nervous wakefulness, never sure when their captors would open that door to hurt and terrify them.
Joshua shook the thoughts out of his mind. He was only working himself back up, continuing that way of thinking.
"Joshua," Jeonghan called out to him, "Come back to bed."
With a shake of his head, Joshua headed for the washroom. "I will in a bit," he replied. If Jeonghan had a response to that, Joshua didn't hear it as he clicked the door closed behind him. Immediately as he entered the cramped bathroom he ran into the sink. To the right was the toilet. On the wall to the left was the shower, an extension from the sink mounted about four feet off the floor. There was no lock on the door. Not that it would have provided any privacy, given the camera in the upper corner over the toilet.
The invasion of privacy was the least of his worries, so he paid no mind as he stripped, throwing his clothes outside the door before he grabbed the shower from the wall and turned it on all the way to hot. It didn't help, the temperature not even reaching what could be described as lukewarm. Joshua wished he at least had a western style shower, so he could stand under the stream without having to hold the nozzle over his head. It got the job done though, cleansing Joshua of the sticky feeling of his skin, the claustrophobia of being contained against their will, of being surrounded by walls and boys and clothes and sweat. Right now it was just walls, water, white noise, and he closed his eyes and breathed, focusing on water alone.
When he returned to the room, Jeonghan was asleep. Joshua dressed quietly, and took the opportunity to avoid heading back to bed, instead sitting across the room. From here everything seemed peaceful.
He was vaguely reminded of being on some reality show, enduring a little bit of discomfort for the sake of entertainment. The ever watchful eye of cameras, trying to catch a little bit of the groups’ private lives. But this wasn't One Fine Day.
The anxiety he had worked so hard on ridding himself of was seeping back in.
It was something deep in his chest that felt unclean.
Joshua didn't end up going back to sleep.
—
Joshua knew, felt it deep in the knot in his stomach, that they would see one of their captors again soon.
How long had it been since the last time they'd seen them? He didn't know, but he figured they were overdue, and someone would be here at any time. The apprehension set him on edge.
Jeonghan, when he had awoken, realized instantly that Joshua had not gone back to bed. He stared at Joshua from across the room, criticizing, but didn't say anything, even as Joshua started showing signs that everyone else started picking up on.
Joshua kept wringing his hands together, constantly flicking his eyes between his members and the door. His chest heaved with heavy, strained breaths.
Various members kept coming over to him, sitting by his side, providing reassurance with their companionship (Vernon, Jihoon). Some merely with the bump of their arms together as they slide in beside him (Soonyoung, Wonwoo). An arm thrown around his shoulders (Seungcheol). Some grabbed one of his hands, stilling their movement, squeezing reassurances (Seungkwan, Chan). All but throwing himself into his lap (Jun, Seokmin).
But soon he'd be excusing himself, with "Just gotta stretch my legs" or "My back is getting sore" or "Bathroom," and then he'd begin pacing instead, until he’d wear himself out and find a new wall to sit against, to begin the cycle anew.
It wasn't until both Mingyu and Minghao came to him, together, whining "Hyung, could you come cuddle with us?" did he finally get a chance at sleep again. The two boys smiled knowingly at each other, and secretly gave Jeonghan thumbs up. There was no way their hyung could resist the request of two injured boys.
Not that Joshua was the only one they were all trying to give comfort to. As the hours dragged on, everyone was growing more nervous, apprehensive of what was to come, seeking and giving reassurance. Because what else really could they do?
Despite their anticipation, they were still unprepared when the door suddenly made a loud click, click, click.
Joshua reacted first, instantly jumping up from where he lay with the boys in bed. Throughout the room words died on lips, eyes wide, breath held. Frozen, staring in fear.
Two men entered the room: the brute who had beaten Mingyu, and a man they had not seen before. The new man was foreign, sandy brown hair slicked back, dressed in a suit that matched his hair color. He grinned, spreading his arms wide. "Seventeen!” he greeted in mocking exuberance, “I am such a fan of you boys. I'm your number one carat!" He beamed at them, unphased by the dark scowls his declaration had caused.
"I’m so sorry to have kept you boys waiting, but I only have need for one of you right now.” He scanned the room with his piercing blue eyes. “One of you lucky kids is to come with me," he continued, “And I’m even going to allow you all to choose–"
"I'll go!" Across the room Seungcheol stepped forward, raising a hand as he glared at the man. Seungkwan was at his side, hand clutched in the leader’s sleeve as he flashed his terrified gaze between Seuncheol and the sandy-haired man.
The man shook his head with a chuckle, hands resting on his hips. "Now now, let me finish!" He looked over the group, a dark twinkle in his eyes. "You all may choose who comes with me, but you may not volunteer yourself. Volunteer yourself if you'd like to be excluded." He looked over at Seungcheol, grin widening. "So you may sit down.”
Seungcheol’s eyes burned with fury, his hands clenched into shaking fists at his sides.
“And don’t try to whisper to the person next to you to get them to nominate you.” He looked particularly at Soonyoung, who had tried just that with Vernon at his side. “That’s not how this game is played.”
Everyone was silent, casting glances towards everyone else in the room, unsure of what to do.
It was Minghao who finally spoke up, hesitant, fearful, as he clenched Mingyu’s hand on the bed between them. "What will you do with them?"
The man smiled, "We'll just have a little fun, is all,” he licked his lips, “A romp, if you will."
Joshua felt a cold shiver run down his spine. This couldn't possibly be happening.
The man clicked his tongue. "I'm being so kind by allowing you to choose. But if one of you doesn't make a decision, I will." His eyes scanned over the group, until they fell onto the one he was searching for. "I mean, I have my biases. Who doesn't, right?" He hummed walking into the room a few paces towards his target, "Why not start with the youngest? Huh, Dino?"
Chan was sitting on one of the bunks, between Jihoon and Jun. His eyes widened, and Jihoon immediately reached for his hand, while Jun stood to put himself between the younger boy and the man's gaze.
Joshua panicked, knowing they needed to make a decision. He looked away from the trio, trying to find a way to save the young dancer.
As he scanned the others, he instinctively met the eyes of Jeonghan. The older boy was staring at him. Joshua found himself caught by that gaze.
Ever so subtly, Jeonghan nodded his head.
Breath hitching, Joshua opened his mouth to protest. The words caught in his throat, and he swallowed deeply.
"Jeonghan," Joshua heard himself say, looking over at the man as he heard the others gasp. "I volunteer Jeonghan."
The man grinned, arms widening once again. "Wonderful choice, Joshua!" He spun around, looking to Jeonghan and holding out his hand, "Jeonghan, if you'd come with me."
Jeonghan pressed his lips together and stood, glaring as he walked up to the man without bowing his head in shame or fear. The man grasped him around the waist, hand sliding into the gap between Jeonghan’s shirt and pants. Jeonghan flinched. The man laughed. And as he escorted him from the room, his accomplice following, they heard him purr into Jeonghan’s ear, “Oh, we’re going to have so much fun. You’re going to love it.” The door closed with a heavy thud and the click, click, click of deadbolts.
The room instantly exploded in noise. Chan leapt from the bed and rushed to Joshua, grabbing him by the shoulders with a jolt. "What did you do?!" he screamed, his voice high pitched, on the edge of hysterics. "How could you?!"
Joshua merely stared, mouth open, saying nothing. His eyes were glazed, unfocused, still lingering on the closed door.
Jihoon had followed Chan's leap across the room, gently trying to pull Chan’s hands away. But he didn't say anything at first, avoiding looking at Joshua.
"Chan," he finally said, placing a hand on his back instead, "You need to calm down. It's not Joshua's fault."
With a gasp Chan turned to him, but his grip held on strong. "What the hell are you saying?!" he shrieked. He was shaking, obviously barely holding himself together. "They would've taken me!” He inhaled, shakily, and then screamed, “I don't need to be protected!"
“CHAN!” Soonyoung roared as he stormed over, grabbing his hands more forcefully than Jihoon had to remove them from Joshua. Chan tried to pull his hands from Soonyoung's grip, but the performance leader held fast. Soonyoung looked at him with a steady gaze, a terrifying dissonance from the growl in his voice. "You don’t get to fucking say that. And don't you dare say it when Jeonghan gets back. I will never forgive you if you do."
Chan eyes were shining with unshed tears, but he refused to let him fall, blinking wildly to hold them back. It was a losing battle.
Soonyoung’s expression softened, and he rubbed his thumbs over the backs Chan’s hands. "There was no way in hell we would have let them take you."
The first tear fell, and the rest followed one by one until they were streaming down his cheeks.
"He didn't need to betray Jeonghan hyung," he finally choked out with a strangled sob.
“Rely on your hyungs,” Jihoon spoke once again, softly. "We would never let them hurt you."
At this point Seungcheol came over too, placing a hand on Chan's head. The boy shifted his gaze to their leader, whose expression was grim. He looked like he was about to be sick, but was powering through the nausea. "This was my fault," Seungcheol said, "I was too rash, and they used that to keep me from being the one to go." He ruffled his hand in Chan's hair, then let go, moving on to Joshua.
Joshua had yet to move after being released, and no one had moved forward to be with him, stunned by what had transpired and by Chan's outrage. Minghao had started to reach out to him from his spot on the bed, but had pulled back, his hand frozen in the air by his chest.
Seungcheol placed a hand on Joshua's shoulder. "Jeonghan told you, didn't he? To choose him."
Joshua's gaze had fallen to the floor, and at these words he turned sharply away. Suddenly he was trembling uncontrollably, his face draining of colour. "I-I don't..." He choked out, backing away from Seungcheol as he withdrew into himself. "I didn't– " he slapped a hand over his mouth, dodging his leader's outstretched grasp as he bolted for the washroom, slamming the door behind him as the sound of retching began. The bathroom did not have a lock on the door. But no one followed Joshua in, to comfort or help.
What could they do for him, really?
Seungcheol exhaled a shaky breath, making his way towards a wall and sinking against it, head in his hands.
Chan had watched the exchange in stunned silence, and now that it was over he remained so, his shaking reduced to a less violent shiver. His tears had stopped, leaving his cheeks stained. Jihoon lead Chan back to the bunk, where Jun took him into his arms with Seungkwan, who had already taken refuge there after being left behind by Seungcheol.
Across the room, Seokmin had started crying. He had been with Jeonghan, and was now alone. Vernon went to him, wrapping his arms around Seokmin’s shuddering form. Soonyoung went to Seokmin’s other side, wrapping his own arms around Seokmin from behind.
Minghao had finally unfrozen and now he and Mingyu were crying quietly together.
Wonwoo made his way to Seungcheol, sinking next to him on the floor, shoulder to shoulder. He licked his lips, which were chapped and cracking, dehydrated. "He'll be okay," he whispered.
A short, hollow laugh escaped Seungcheol's lips. "Which one? I'm the leader and the oldest, and yet I haven't protected any of you from this. Jeonghan's with them. Joshua's sick with guilt. And I'm here, doing nothing." He covered his face with his hands. A shudder went through him. "I don't know what to do."
Wonwoo didn't know what to say. So he didn't say anything.
Everyone sat like this for a long while, time standing still. Eventually Joshua exited the bathroom, avoiding the gazes that came his way. He walked to the wall furthest from everyone else, and sunk down against it, resting his head against his knees and clenching his hands together against his chest.
Perhaps someone should have gone to him.
But they didn't.
The minutes dragged on. Someone got up and went to the bathroom. When they exited, Wonwoo entered next, stopping them briefly, but if any words were exchanged they were too quiet to hear. They went their separate ways, the person going to a separate bunk from the others to be alone.
It was hard to tell exactly how much time was passing. They had never been split from one another like this thus far.
It was a long, agonizing wait.
—
Before they separated, he had pulled him close, a low hiss in his ear. “When the time comes, I’m the one you need to volunteer.” Why?
“I’m next oldest, so it has to be me,” the next one whispered, near silent, so the others couldn’t hear. Such a stupid reason.
Later, intercepted. “I… I’m strong enough to handle it.” A liar.
He didn’t reply to any of them, merely kept his mouth set in a thin line, eyes cast to the ground. They each in turn took his silence for confirmation and left it at that. He shuddered, and closed his eyes to it all.