Chapter Text
Buzz isn’t thinking clearly. At least, that’s what Jessie said after trying to get his attention for the third time.
Buzz isn’t paying attention. How could he? How could any of them? He can’t understand how easy it was for all of his friends to let go. To leave Woody behind, standing on top of the carousel smiling at them as they drove away.
Jessie had been the one to say what Buzz could not. She told Woody Bonnie would be okay. That he could stay there, at the Carnival.
Buzz feels hollow for the first time in a long time. Still reeling from the warmth of Woody’s arms, before he was pulled away by their friends. Back to the RV. Back to Bonnie.
He wonders if the others realize how serious this is. Rex and Buttercup are still talking about how funny it would be if Bonnie’s dad was arrested. Mr. and Mrs. Potato head are already back to arguing with Hamm. Slink was talking to Forky. Jessie and Bullseye were standing near him, Jessie still trying to talk to him. The rest of Bonnie’s toys were talking. All smiles and laughter.
Does nobody care? Do they not realize who they’ve lost? Is it that easy for them to forget, just minutes after they said goodbye?
He feels disoriented. Like when he fell over Sid’s staircase years ago, believing he really could fly. The realization he was nothing more than a toy was crushing, but that was nothing compared to how he feels now.
“Buzz?” Jessie asks
Buzz snaps his head up to look at her.
“What?” He asks distantly.
She turns to the other toys. “We were just wondering where you think we’re going next?”
“Going next?” Buzz repeats. He isn’t going anywhere. No. He’ll be stuck in this moment for some time. Kidding himself into believing Woody will be back. That he’ll climb in through one of the windows later and join them. Whispering so not to wake Bonnie that he missed them. That he’ll turn up and join them like he always does.
“On the Road Trip genius.” Mr. Potato head comments.
Oh. The Road Trip. That’s right.
“I don’t know. I don’t care.” Buzz says.
Some of the toys look over to him in surprise. They’ve never seen Buzz so dismissive, so harsh.
Jessie falters, and Dolly comes forward, with a concerned look.
“Listen Buzz. I know you were close with Woody, but you can’t just act this way.”
“Do you know?” Buzz spits out venomously, making several of the toys gasp.
Buzz stands up rigidly from his place on the ground.
“Tell me what you know, please. I want to hear it.” Buzz states angrily.
Dolly backs away and Jessie steps forward, frown on her face.
“Cool it Buzz. We’re your friends.” Jessie says.
“You cool it!” Buzz throws back at her, feeling a twinge of regret at her hurt expression. His anger wins out though.
“How can you all act this way?” Buzz asks in disbelief. “How can you be so happy, so carefree? Don’t you see who’s gone! Don’t you get it?!” He yells.
“Buzz stop it!” Jessie yells firmly, the sound echoing through the RV.
“Woody is gone Buzz. He’s gone. Missing him will only make it harder on us. We need to be here for Bonnie. We need to be focused on what’s happening now Buzz, not living in the past.”
Buzz turns to his friends, shocked to see them all nodding in agreement. His mind is moving so slowly right now, he can’t breathe in here. It’s too cramped, too warm, there are too many toys looking at him.
“I...I need some air.” Buzz whispers, climbing up to the window of the RV and jumping out of it.
He hears Jessie telling everyone to leave him alone and give him some time.
Buzz doesn’t need time. All the time in the world couldn’t change how he feels.
He doesn’t know how long he sits up on the roof of the RV for. He only knows when he leaves it. Climbing down the ladder and hopping onto the gravel below.
The cover of night gives him somewhere to hide as he walks down the street. The other toys are all sleeping. He knows they won’t come after him.
Buzz walks faster, refusing to let this be it. He doesn’t want things to end like this. He can’t stand letting that be the last time he sees Woody. The sad look in his eyes as he waved goodbye to them. The warmth in his chest as he hugged Buzz in a final goodbye.
No. He refuses to let that be the end.
Buzz continues walking, the darkness and foliage of the trees blurring together as he passes them. Buzz is distantly aware of how far he’s walking, but he doesn’t stop. Not until he sees the silhouette of the Carnival in the distance, lights shut off in the dark.
It must have been hours. His steps as a toy are small, but he didn’t notice. He moves faster then, searching for a familiar figure in the distance. He spots him sooner than he expected. His lanky silhouette standing out atop the Carousel tent where they had left him.
“Hey, Sheriff!” Buzz calls out before he can stop himself. A wave of happiness washes over him as he sees Woody, proving that their goodbye would not be the last he saw of him.
“Buzz?!” He hears Woody asks in disbelief, turning towards him. He barely is able to stop Buzz’s tackle hug, nearly sending them both over the roof.
“What are you doing here?!” Woody asks in disbelief, pulling away from the hug with his hands on Buzz’s shoulders.
“I’m staying.” Buzz decides then, rather impulsively.
Woody laughs. “That’s a good one Buzz.”
Buzz frowns. “I’m not kidding.” Buzz knows he made the choice quickly, but he also knows it’s the right choice. He wants to stay here.
Then it’s Woody’s turn to frown. “What do you mean Buzz?”
“I mean I’m staying here with you. I’m not going back.”
Woody sighs.
“Bonnie needs you Buzz. Our friends need you. You have to go back.”
“I don’t want to go back.” Buzz states bitterly.
Woody’s eyes widen, surprised at Buzz’s tone. He’s never heard him sound so bitter before. With Buzz there was always that confident optimism, the belief that things would work out. He doesn’t look like that now though.
“I’m tired of it Woody. I’m tired of making everyone else happy. Why does it have to be us? Why do you have to stay here and help the toys? Why do I have to go back to Bonnie? Why do we always end up being the ones that need to sacrifice everything for others?”
Woody gives him a sad laugh, turning away from him to sit down back on top of the Carousel, eyes focused on the distance.
“We’re toys Buzz. It’s what we were made for.”
Buzz falters. The unfairness of it all making him lash out in anger. How can Woody be so dismissive? How can he just accept that this is how their lives are supposed to be?
“Well maybe I don’t want to be a toy anymore!” Buzz shouts, turning to walk away. He feels stupid for lashing out. It’s not Woody’s fault, but Buzz yelled at him anyway.
“That’s wishful thinking.” He hears Woody echo sadly.
Buzz leaps down from the Carousel, putting distance between himself, and Woody’s lanky figure sadly looking out into the distance. It makes him so angry. So angry that Woody always puts everyone else before himself. So angry that Buzz has to go back simply because he’s Bonnie’s toy.
He shouldn’t be thinking that Buzz knows. He knows he’s supposed to love and cherish Bonnie. She’s their kid, she chose them. It occurs to Buzz though, that they didn’t choose her. They had been Andy’s toys first, and it was Andy who brought them together. Why now, should they be split apart?
Buzz thinks as he walks. He thinks of ways that they can fix this, ways where everyone could be happy. Buzz knows deep down that even if he could convince Woody to come back with him he couldn’t bear to see him in Bonnie’s closet, alone in the dark. Woody won’t let him stay here either so that rules out that option.
Buzz kicks a rock in frustration, hearing the clink of glass when it hits something. He looks up to see the Antique Store in front of him. Second Hand Antiques.
Buzz looks up at the cluttered shelves through the glass, before something catches his eye.
No. It can’t be.
Buzz climbs up the side of the building and sneaks in through the window. Thankfully unlocked.
He falls down to the carpeted floor, landing as quietly as possible. He doesn’t want the toys in here to hear him, or the cat.
Buzz sneaks quietly to the back of the store, staring up at the gold object that caught his eye. It’s a peculiar shape, but it looks just like Buzz expected it to.
A surge of foolish, naive hope rushes through him as he climbs the shelf. If this worked, it could be the solution to all of their problems. It could make everyone happy.
He makes it to the top of the shelf and stares at the golden item.
A magic lamp.
Buzz heard Bonnie’s parents telling her magic lamps grant three wishes if you rub them. That’s what Buzz needs. A wish to make everything better. To make them happy.
He reaches his hand out and rests in on the lamp. It feels cold to the touch. Dead. It instantly plants a seed of doubt in his mind that there’s no way this will work.
He rubs his hand back and forth on the lamp for almost a minute.
It feels just as cold as it did before. Nothing magical about it.
“Come on!” He whispers, trying again.
He wills it to work. He needs it to work.
He keeps trying despite himself, wanting the stupid lamp to wish all his problems away. The lamp remains cold, and Buzz falters.
He moves away from it. Now that he looks closer, he can see spots on the lamp that look gray. Was the gold...just gold paint?
Buzz lifts the lamp up and it feels like a punch to the gut when he sees “Made in China” written on the bottom.
His heart sinks. It’s just a toy.
Just like him.
He laughs bitterly and sinks down against the shelf. He was a fool for thinking it would work.
He sits there feeling sorry for himself wondering what he’ll do next when he hears someone speak.
“Unfortunate it doesn’t work like it’s supposed to isn’t it?”
Buzz’s eyes widen and he shifts around rapidly looking for the source of the sound. He didn’t see any other toys on the shelves before.
Then Buzz freezes, careful not to move a muscle as he sees who’s looking at him.
It’s the old woman. The one who owns the antique store. Buzz remains as still as possible, though the old woman isn’t facing him. Maybe there was another person in the store somewhere? Or maybe she was talking to herself? Old people go senile sometimes, Buzz reassures himself.
“It’s rude not to answer when someone talks to you.” He hears come from the woman’s mouth, echoing through the empty store.
Buzz swallows down the panic he feels. Maybe she was sleepwalking? And talking?
He remains still, though he can see the woman turn ever so slightly, just so she’s staring right at him.
If Buzz could sweat he’s sure he’d be drenched by now. He forces himself to be still though. That’s what Woody would have done, he’s sure.
The old woman sighs.
“You toys. Always trying to keep up the charade.”
Buzz feels a whole new surge of fear hit him. There’s no denying it. She’s talking to him.
She sighs again, turning away getting ready to leave. Buzz watches. He can’t help but feel like he’s losing some kind of chance by staying silent. He wants to know why she knows.
“Were you...talking to me?” Buzz asks before he can help himself.
The old woman whips around, piercing gaze landing on him.
God, how stupid could he be?! If Woody were here he would kill him! Toys weren’t supposed to reveal themselves!
The old woman’s eyes crinkle, and her smile curves up on one side.
“You don’t see anyone else around do you?” She asks.
Buzz looks around the store. There’s no other toys or humans around so far as he can see.
He shakes his head.
The woman laughs, a deep cackling sound resonating from her throat.
“Oh, you’re a funny one! I am a bit surprised though, normally toys are better at hiding. Like that cowboy today. He moved around left and right through my store, but by the way he stood frozen you never would have guessed he could move.”
Woody.
“You mean Woody?” He finds himself asking.
The woman narrows her eyes. “Was that his name? He was a lively one. I was sure he’d make it out with his voice box. He did you know, but he came back and gave it up anyway. What a pure little heart he had, giving it up for the doll.”
Buzz feels a stab of anger. Woody wasn’t supposed to give up his voice box. That was his. For Gabby Gabby to rip it out of him, pluck it from Woody’s lanky body like plucking an apple from a tree makes Buzz seethe with anger.
“I’m guessing you didn’t like that very much Mr. Space toy.” She says, noting his expression.
“How do you...know all this?” Buzz asks.
He had never known another human that knew toys could talk, well other than Sid. But this woman seems very much different from Sid. Clever, Buzz thinks. Just like Woody.
The woman shrugs, moving quicker than Buzz would anticipate based on her age.
“I know lots of things. Come with me and I’ll tell you more, away from any listeners.”
The woman adds, peering around the store.
Buzz realizes then that she’s right. Other toys might hear if they aren’t careful, and he doesn’t want anyone to hear what they talk about.
He climbs down from the shelf, following the woman as she walks back through a hallway further into the store.
If Woody were here he would be panicking. She had seen him, there’s no denying that now. Buzz couldn’t turn back even if he wanted to.
He follows the old lady down the hall to what looks like an office, though it’s so full of clutter he doubts its usable. He sees things lining the shelves he can’t quite identify.
There are jars full of different plants and herbs. There are smaller things in some of the jars too. Bones, he thinks. And feels a shiver run through him. Of course, Buzz doesn’t have any bones. It’s not like he should be worried about losing those.
The woman sits across from him, motioning for him to join her.
Buzz climbs up the side of the desk and sits on it, facing the old woman.
She waits for him, a slight curve of a smile hinting she knows Buzz will want to talk first. He does, and his mind is so full of questions that it’s hard to believe he settles on one.
“Who are you?”
She laughs then, and again Buzz is surprised by the cackling sound she makes.
“My name is Margaret if you must know, but I don’t believe that’s the answer you were seeking.”
Buzz nods.
“I guess what comes closest to what I am is a witch.”
“A witch?”
Buzz frowns. The only witch he’s ever seen is the green one with a straw broom Bonnie’s parents set out for Halloween.
“That’s the problem with you toys. Never have enough worldly knowledge about these things. Though the same could be said for people, There are so many things in this world that nobody sees.”
Buzz frowns. He wants to understand. He wants to know things beyond the realm of a kids bedroom. He wants that freedom.
Margaret pauses. “Tell me little Space toy. What’s got you so worked up you tried to get a toy magic lamp to work? If you’re that desperate for a kid you could go with my granddaughter. She’d be happy to have a new toy to play with.”
Buzz shakes his head.
“I don’t want a kid.”
He states, words tasting bitter on his mouth. It’s the truth, he doesn’t want another kid. He doesn’t want Bonnie. Deep down he knows, even if by some miracle Andy were to take them back, he wouldn’t want to be with him either.
Margaret laughs again.
“What’s funny?” Buzz demands.
“No. I’m not laughing at you dear. I’m laughing at the world, It can be so cruel.”
She adds, looking thoughtfully at him.
Buzz thinks of his disorientation when he first arrived in Andy’s bedroom. When he was so convinced he wasn’t a toy. He thinks of Sid, tormenting toys in his backyard. He thinks of Andy, packing them all away in a box to collect dust in the attic forever. He thinks of Lotso trapping them in Sunnyside and resetting him. How he would have been stuck like that if not for Woody.
Then he thinks of Woody. Slumped over in Bonnie’s closet.
Cruelty of the world doesn’t even begin to describe it.
“What’s your name little toy?” Margaret asks him.
“Buzz.” He whispers.
“Wait here for a minute Buzz.” She says, leaving the room.
She returns after a short time, holding the toy lamp in her hands.
“Why did you get that? It’s only a toy” he mutters.
She nods. “You’re right of course. It is only a toy.”
Margaret says, staring at it intensely.
“But it doesn’t have to be.”
Buzz whips his head up in surprise.
He waits then, holding his breath as seconds pass.
He watches Margaret’s hand sweep over the lamp, and her murmur something to it.
Buzz’s eyes are glued to the lamp, fixated on what he’s seeing. A soft golden glow appears from the lamp, and it gives off a thrum of energy that makes it seem alive. No longer the cold mold of metal Buzz touched earlier.
“I don’t understand.” Buzz whispers staring at it.
Margaret moves the lamp closer until it is right in front of him. Gold gleaming in his eyes.
“It’s quite simple really. 3 wishes, rub the lamp to get each one.”
Buzz stares at it. He reaches out with one hand resting on the lamp. He can feel the energy of it thrumming around. The lamp feeling very much alive in his hand right now.
“Be careful what you wish for Buzz.”
Buzz keeps his hand frozen on the lamp. If he does this, there might be no turning back. There might not be a chance to see his friends again, to see Bonnie again.
His hand moves across the lamp.
“I wish we were human.”